Thursday, December 11, 2008
Eluding, Eloping or Scandalising
My heart is heavy again. Women and emotion cant be separated. Half of her thinking involved emotions.
Friday, November 28, 2008
The Beauties in Me, Myself and I
Who, where, when, why, what?
The 5 W's i apply in daily lives make me beautiful. And they here make my day beautifullest!!!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Pleasure Seeker
There are so many individuals that I came across through real life, virtual life who has this characteristic. I have been thinking about it a lot since I was being single again.
Between the pro and cons, it gives a lot of benefits to seekers of course depending on what they want in life.
I have all the male and female version of this value added purpose. 90% of male gender here would rather have a relationship which can give them a return in whichever way and 70% or rather 80% of the female version too would prefer something out of it.
The rest would remain in the status quo of what they want through net friends. It depends on what are the mission, aim and goals from each and everyone.
Even in reality i've found people would have their set of friendship on certain basis. They are happy to lead their life and way they are. Although some people like me would not be happy of doing those as if that using a friend for a certain issue.
Around me for e.g their are certain friends who love to just go for breakfast, shop around, travel, hangouts, movie, or be around at all time (this one i cant stand it at all but sometime it serve a purpose for a reason she/ he creates)
Yes, certain time i am one of this pleasure seeker. Coffee time partner is my favourite. It fills my boredoom sometime and they can share any topic.
But particularly im always seeking for someone who dont want to have a permanent relation, whom can come as a mirror image or some one whom i can seek for some advice, personal ideas/ views on certain things in life.
The rest remain private in me.
Between the pro and cons, it gives a lot of benefits to seekers of course depending on what they want in life.
I have all the male and female version of this value added purpose. 90% of male gender here would rather have a relationship which can give them a return in whichever way and 70% or rather 80% of the female version too would prefer something out of it.
The rest would remain in the status quo of what they want through net friends. It depends on what are the mission, aim and goals from each and everyone.
Even in reality i've found people would have their set of friendship on certain basis. They are happy to lead their life and way they are. Although some people like me would not be happy of doing those as if that using a friend for a certain issue.
Around me for e.g their are certain friends who love to just go for breakfast, shop around, travel, hangouts, movie, or be around at all time (this one i cant stand it at all but sometime it serve a purpose for a reason she/ he creates)
Yes, certain time i am one of this pleasure seeker. Coffee time partner is my favourite. It fills my boredoom sometime and they can share any topic.
But particularly im always seeking for someone who dont want to have a permanent relation, whom can come as a mirror image or some one whom i can seek for some advice, personal ideas/ views on certain things in life.
The rest remain private in me.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Money Can Buy Happiness
She called me early morning grumbling of the old man are late to the airport. All the words came from her mouth. She was angry absolutely. She was a PA, so she was well organised with timing and plan. He is a businessman, who grab things pronto or there and there basis. So two different people with two different mind as i observed over the few months of their relationship.
While mouth says something but the action says another. Obviously money can buy attention, grabbing diversifying one minds out from current problems. I smile while watching all the episodes and hoping whatever im imagining next will never happen.
But unfortunately all those do happens without you wanting it sometimes. I pray hard, and hoping it will not go far to worst as i am sensing bigger and challenging problems will happen soon.
She is gallivanting her way, and he is just gripping the moment given while at the same time hoping opportunity will come his way. Dear god, help her please, put her back in her track.
Should i say it was wrong. It doesnt take her long to be in trouble and she want an easy escapade. "I just want to get out of this place for a while". And she took the offer from him to take her to Chieng Mai. An offer for a price that will be regreted later. I hope not.
Lets hear her out after her return. Will it totally give her permanent happiness or temporary peace of mind.
I rest my case. Yes, sometime women can be so fricle minded but im sure with self discipline it helps one individual a lot...Everything is just in your mind. Who you are, what you want to be, who you becoming and why are you being you.
I like to hear your idea... Do leave me a note!
While mouth says something but the action says another. Obviously money can buy attention, grabbing diversifying one minds out from current problems. I smile while watching all the episodes and hoping whatever im imagining next will never happen.
But unfortunately all those do happens without you wanting it sometimes. I pray hard, and hoping it will not go far to worst as i am sensing bigger and challenging problems will happen soon.
She is gallivanting her way, and he is just gripping the moment given while at the same time hoping opportunity will come his way. Dear god, help her please, put her back in her track.
Should i say it was wrong. It doesnt take her long to be in trouble and she want an easy escapade. "I just want to get out of this place for a while". And she took the offer from him to take her to Chieng Mai. An offer for a price that will be regreted later. I hope not.
Lets hear her out after her return. Will it totally give her permanent happiness or temporary peace of mind.
I rest my case. Yes, sometime women can be so fricle minded but im sure with self discipline it helps one individual a lot...Everything is just in your mind. Who you are, what you want to be, who you becoming and why are you being you.
I like to hear your idea... Do leave me a note!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Scents of a Woman
When i was away for my company trip to Kosamui 19th to 23rd October many things happen at home. I was blocking my mind n soul not to think of the domestic problems while i was away.
Successfully it works and once i step my foot to Subang and all the thinking cap are put back in place again.
Drainage system are bad it cause my kitchen flooded on the second day. Opps no, it was somebody who forgot to put off the tap that cause the whole kitchen flooded from bathroom flowing to the door.
It was partly because the drainage was poorly manage by the maintenance. So eversince its raining daily in Kuala Lumpur and some other places during those days it has cause flooded in few place. My uncle in TTJ Seremban also facing a small Tsunami at his housing areas. Waters climbed up to 2 feet and it has caused a lot to residents. Sigh...
I managed to clear the clooged drain and everything was back to normal. I even washed my front drainage area clearing everything in sight and later it smells good again with a help of clorox and breeze.
My twins room and back door lock cant open and nobody cant help me while im away. Apparently my second daughter manage to open the middle room but not the kitchen room. So they were depending only on the front door to go in and out.
I tried calling someone to mend it and promise to come the next day but till the weekend no one is seen to be able to help. I went to the hardware shop and get a lock n ask the people on how to fix it.
This is how it was done. It was my first attempt doing this and testing my ability to be independent on almost everything in my life. Changing the bulbs, become a plumber, fixing DIY name it. Insyaallah i will try till i am successful
And its done finally!!!
I am proud and i am happy that i am able to solve all the problems in no time.
Thats what i called "Scent of a Woman". She fulfilled every desire of men wants, she fulfilled the needs in a friend, she fulfilled a criteria of a mother, daugther, bitch and she can do what man can too.
God give me the strengths and the power of mind to think, to be able to put things in place even its hard but capability and trust make me the owner of myself with his guidance.
Now with or without a man, I can live...
I know i hurt myself by saying this but what when you have someone but u cant depends on him for certain things. When we are alone, we are able to think, to handle and to beat the situation, the problem with a courage.
Thank you god. Amin
Successfully it works and once i step my foot to Subang and all the thinking cap are put back in place again.
Drainage system are bad it cause my kitchen flooded on the second day. Opps no, it was somebody who forgot to put off the tap that cause the whole kitchen flooded from bathroom flowing to the door.
It was partly because the drainage was poorly manage by the maintenance. So eversince its raining daily in Kuala Lumpur and some other places during those days it has cause flooded in few place. My uncle in TTJ Seremban also facing a small Tsunami at his housing areas. Waters climbed up to 2 feet and it has caused a lot to residents. Sigh...
I managed to clear the clooged drain and everything was back to normal. I even washed my front drainage area clearing everything in sight and later it smells good again with a help of clorox and breeze.
My twins room and back door lock cant open and nobody cant help me while im away. Apparently my second daughter manage to open the middle room but not the kitchen room. So they were depending only on the front door to go in and out.
I tried calling someone to mend it and promise to come the next day but till the weekend no one is seen to be able to help. I went to the hardware shop and get a lock n ask the people on how to fix it.
This is how it was done. It was my first attempt doing this and testing my ability to be independent on almost everything in my life. Changing the bulbs, become a plumber, fixing DIY name it. Insyaallah i will try till i am successful
And its done finally!!!
I am proud and i am happy that i am able to solve all the problems in no time.
Thats what i called "Scent of a Woman". She fulfilled every desire of men wants, she fulfilled the needs in a friend, she fulfilled a criteria of a mother, daugther, bitch and she can do what man can too.
God give me the strengths and the power of mind to think, to be able to put things in place even its hard but capability and trust make me the owner of myself with his guidance.
Now with or without a man, I can live...
I know i hurt myself by saying this but what when you have someone but u cant depends on him for certain things. When we are alone, we are able to think, to handle and to beat the situation, the problem with a courage.
Thank you god. Amin
Have you watched them sleep
This one really touch me early morning reading it.
I was awaken by him calling me this morning at 4am when I heard him calling me for help. He cant breathe he said.
“My head is painful, can you get me a panadol”. Can you make me a milo and balsam to rub my chest?
I nodded making my way to the kitchen to make hot Milo and grab the Balsem and rub it on to his chest.
How I could feel its only skin and bones now instead of a decade ago was a very strong handsome man who always tried to get whatever we want.
He is my dad who now just lying in the room due his diabetic problem.
Thank you for always reminding around us for what we are and whom we should be.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
KO SA MUI
Here i am, typing from one of the internet cafe to kill my boredoom over this so called hotel KANDABURI RESORT AND SPA.
The hotel room was fabulous big, spacious and authentic. For honeymooners it will be nice and cozy. The bathroom was so huge divided into three section. Bathtub corner, wc, and showering all in different corner and big mirror in the middle. Its so beautiful but its in the opposite of the road not just overlooking the ocean. Frustrating enough..... Food not so satisfying as my boss claimed!! My day was filled with just relaxing and nothing more than that.
Shopping??? Nothing to shop about. This place is more of paradise to men and also honeymooners....
Yes, i have enough rest, sleep and at least i dont get tensed up with work, with daily chores, responsibilities... but im used to it. Every morning i woke up thinking i had to send my dotters to school...
I have to more days to go... i am seriously BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDD to death. Im going to deep myself in the ocean today to have the feel of SAMUI waves.
Will write back n update with pictures.
All in all my China and Vietnam trip is the most fulfilling that i ever had
The hotel room was fabulous big, spacious and authentic. For honeymooners it will be nice and cozy. The bathroom was so huge divided into three section. Bathtub corner, wc, and showering all in different corner and big mirror in the middle. Its so beautiful but its in the opposite of the road not just overlooking the ocean. Frustrating enough..... Food not so satisfying as my boss claimed!! My day was filled with just relaxing and nothing more than that.
Shopping??? Nothing to shop about. This place is more of paradise to men and also honeymooners....
Yes, i have enough rest, sleep and at least i dont get tensed up with work, with daily chores, responsibilities... but im used to it. Every morning i woke up thinking i had to send my dotters to school...
I have to more days to go... i am seriously BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDD to death. Im going to deep myself in the ocean today to have the feel of SAMUI waves.
Will write back n update with pictures.
All in all my China and Vietnam trip is the most fulfilling that i ever had
Friday, September 26, 2008
Layu sebelum Berkembang
It happen for a reason in this season in a lifetime.
When you love it is better to let it go and let it comeback if it is meant for you.
When you love it is better to let it go and let it comeback if it is meant for you.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Hijrah
Aku dipinta untuk berhijrah segalanya hari ini.
Bukan hanya hijrah tempat malah berhijrah tentang hati juga.
Noktah itukah jawapan?
Bukan hanya hijrah tempat malah berhijrah tentang hati juga.
Noktah itukah jawapan?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Jujur
Sukar untuk dimengertikan definisi KEJUJURAN.
Jujur terhadap diri, jujur terhadap kehidupan, teman dan juga sekeliling. Tak mungkin aku dapat jujur pada diriku sendiri hanya kerana aku ingin menjaga hati mereka yang berada di sekelilingku.
Banyak yang tersungkam jauh dilubuk hati, walau meronta untuk dilepaskan. Sayang aku tak mungkin dapat melepaskannya walau hatiku amat ingin memberitahu apa sebenarnya yang ingin ku inginkan. Walaupun kuberitahu mungkinkah ia menjadi milikku?
Ramadhan semakin jauh berlalu, sayu meninggalkan aku.
Sepi itu tetap akan kumilikki.
AMIN
Jujur terhadap diri, jujur terhadap kehidupan, teman dan juga sekeliling. Tak mungkin aku dapat jujur pada diriku sendiri hanya kerana aku ingin menjaga hati mereka yang berada di sekelilingku.
Banyak yang tersungkam jauh dilubuk hati, walau meronta untuk dilepaskan. Sayang aku tak mungkin dapat melepaskannya walau hatiku amat ingin memberitahu apa sebenarnya yang ingin ku inginkan. Walaupun kuberitahu mungkinkah ia menjadi milikku?
Ramadhan semakin jauh berlalu, sayu meninggalkan aku.
Sepi itu tetap akan kumilikki.
AMIN
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Maturity takes its place
The indecent proposal has never stop. That's for sure. God is always testing people like me especially. Somehow its depends on individual. Can only smile and let it be.
They may say anything, assume anything...
Sometime its good just to play with it a bit and let it pausedddddddddd for a long time and then tickle it again. It does not do harm to anyone. Neither me or the other party.
Days past by without looking back what have we left and the unpredictable tomorrow still coming as it should. Takings things as it is making it easier for me to handle everything now.
No more predicament, no more hassle and no more sad feeling i hope...
They may say anything, assume anything...
Sometime its good just to play with it a bit and let it pausedddddddddd for a long time and then tickle it again. It does not do harm to anyone. Neither me or the other party.
Days past by without looking back what have we left and the unpredictable tomorrow still coming as it should. Takings things as it is making it easier for me to handle everything now.
No more predicament, no more hassle and no more sad feeling i hope...
Monday, July 21, 2008
Ripe, Mature and Irresistible
My trip was successfully ventured. Was it my birthday treat? Its merely a gateaway for me just like what i did last year to Singapore. I had fun. Pleasing myself luxuriosly on things i love to do.
TRAVEL - i visit one place at a time beside some shopping. Im yet to discover the place for portraiting myself or rather "the riched of our nature". This time it was pleasant because i shop more for my children besides friends and a bit for my pocket money. Being a company to him was the best i guess so far.
Understanding a person do take a long time. I don't have much time talking to him either. Its either he is busy bargaining with the shop while im busying myself discovering lots of new things around the places. I found it so amusing going with a man who loves to shop. I feel bored and tired easily just like those typical men do. Erkkkk...
The moment i reach hotel, i showered not even bothered to make coffee to pleased myself after the treat of shopping i doze of to heavily sleep till i hear snores beside me. The familiar sound again came to mind where i shared my bed with my ex husband.
They snored while sleeping. LOUDLY!! If only it was him (i mean my ex) im sure i will be slapping his mouth just to shut him out for a while. Sigh... Something that i've not shared for a very long time.
He told me i did not lie on my back while sleeping, i hide my face on the bed instead. So he is not sleeping but watching me. Anyway i was too tired to share what we did during the day time. As early as 630AM our time i was awake by the alarm and remembered my kids.
From time to time my past being digged and i just changed the subject as and when i think it should or shut his mouth by tiny little kiss. Caught by surprised of my behaviour and i was warned in due course.
I told him that was me the unpredictable, the and adventurous & thrill, and spontaneous. I can be so emotional, i can be rational but then its alway depending on the situation. People dont poke me I wont jump out of the blue of course. I think deep ahead, which to some people i am very emotional. Whatever it is i know what im doing, expecting and going through. Yes i may be get hurt but i am prepared of it now.
Lets see how the flow is taking me. I have cried enough before my birthday listening to her about him. Yes, you know based on what you hear from me, him and others and i am based to what i am experiencing. I dont have to tell all. You have every rights to get angry over a situation merely because you are very lucky. Very very lucky but then its my part that i have to take and carry along the way of love i am building.
I can for sure build it and kills the love and desire i have had.
I dont sound enthusiastic at time when i speak to certain people. Why??? Let them find it out. I have explained enough throughout. If you don't see me through, just like i see you that means i have to wait patiences till you understand it yourself. If you don't then im sorry i cant help you further.
Our last day together has bring his sad mood. He was being quiet in the car which brings us separate homes.
While i am looking forward to see my children that i misses so much and he is keeping his sadness.
I cant help you on that im sorry. You have to go back to whom you belongs to. I belongs to no one. And im happy to be back home where love envelopes us together.
And the number has made me ripe, mature and irresistible i noted...
On the other hand i feel jealous over the other friend who wake up in the wee hours seeking for his love and finding solace to get HIS attention, love and reward. I am yes feeling very very very jealous when i hear those. She has gotten all the reward even on the other hand she is in a battle of loosing the husband to another woman.
Kasih yang amat sejati dan kekal adalah dengan menjadi kekasih allah... Bilakah waktunya aku akan menyerahkan seluruh hidup, jiwa dan hatiku padanya sedangkan dalam kehidupan ku seharian terisi kasih darinnya yang tiada berbelah bagi dari 2 jari tapakku hinggalah kesaat ini.
Aku harus berjuang untuk itu... Harus..
TRAVEL - i visit one place at a time beside some shopping. Im yet to discover the place for portraiting myself or rather "the riched of our nature". This time it was pleasant because i shop more for my children besides friends and a bit for my pocket money. Being a company to him was the best i guess so far.
Understanding a person do take a long time. I don't have much time talking to him either. Its either he is busy bargaining with the shop while im busying myself discovering lots of new things around the places. I found it so amusing going with a man who loves to shop. I feel bored and tired easily just like those typical men do. Erkkkk...
The moment i reach hotel, i showered not even bothered to make coffee to pleased myself after the treat of shopping i doze of to heavily sleep till i hear snores beside me. The familiar sound again came to mind where i shared my bed with my ex husband.
They snored while sleeping. LOUDLY!! If only it was him (i mean my ex) im sure i will be slapping his mouth just to shut him out for a while. Sigh... Something that i've not shared for a very long time.
He told me i did not lie on my back while sleeping, i hide my face on the bed instead. So he is not sleeping but watching me. Anyway i was too tired to share what we did during the day time. As early as 630AM our time i was awake by the alarm and remembered my kids.
From time to time my past being digged and i just changed the subject as and when i think it should or shut his mouth by tiny little kiss. Caught by surprised of my behaviour and i was warned in due course.
I told him that was me the unpredictable, the and adventurous & thrill, and spontaneous. I can be so emotional, i can be rational but then its alway depending on the situation. People dont poke me I wont jump out of the blue of course. I think deep ahead, which to some people i am very emotional. Whatever it is i know what im doing, expecting and going through. Yes i may be get hurt but i am prepared of it now.
Lets see how the flow is taking me. I have cried enough before my birthday listening to her about him. Yes, you know based on what you hear from me, him and others and i am based to what i am experiencing. I dont have to tell all. You have every rights to get angry over a situation merely because you are very lucky. Very very lucky but then its my part that i have to take and carry along the way of love i am building.
I can for sure build it and kills the love and desire i have had.
I dont sound enthusiastic at time when i speak to certain people. Why??? Let them find it out. I have explained enough throughout. If you don't see me through, just like i see you that means i have to wait patiences till you understand it yourself. If you don't then im sorry i cant help you further.
Our last day together has bring his sad mood. He was being quiet in the car which brings us separate homes.
While i am looking forward to see my children that i misses so much and he is keeping his sadness.
I cant help you on that im sorry. You have to go back to whom you belongs to. I belongs to no one. And im happy to be back home where love envelopes us together.
And the number has made me ripe, mature and irresistible i noted...
On the other hand i feel jealous over the other friend who wake up in the wee hours seeking for his love and finding solace to get HIS attention, love and reward. I am yes feeling very very very jealous when i hear those. She has gotten all the reward even on the other hand she is in a battle of loosing the husband to another woman.
Kasih yang amat sejati dan kekal adalah dengan menjadi kekasih allah... Bilakah waktunya aku akan menyerahkan seluruh hidup, jiwa dan hatiku padanya sedangkan dalam kehidupan ku seharian terisi kasih darinnya yang tiada berbelah bagi dari 2 jari tapakku hinggalah kesaat ini.
Aku harus berjuang untuk itu... Harus..
Poem for Mom
A mother, a father, this woman’s job is never done. A cooker, a cleaner, trying and trying, tired and tired, waiting til this day is done.
A flower in the light, and a tear in the dark trying, trying and doing the best that she can do.
What this day will bring, she wish she had the key, only no one knows, cause a skirt she wears in the morning light and as the evening nears, a pair of trousers with a loving smile that layers and peels into a grim stern face holding on, trying, trying to do the best that she can do.
A mother, a father, a mother playing a father’s role, caught up in rising and raising her pride and her joy, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be while she struggles to do the best that she can do.
Traded-in for a better life without them, fathers who left no pride or joy behind because they could not do and be the best that they could be.
But, still this mother allows herself to rise so that she can raise her children the best she can. A mother and a father that’s all she can be, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be so that her children can be the best that they can be.
Trying and trying, rising and rising and raising her children to be the best that they can be.
A flower in the light, and a tear in the dark trying, trying and doing the best that she can do.
What this day will bring, she wish she had the key, only no one knows, cause a skirt she wears in the morning light and as the evening nears, a pair of trousers with a loving smile that layers and peels into a grim stern face holding on, trying, trying to do the best that she can do.
A mother, a father, a mother playing a father’s role, caught up in rising and raising her pride and her joy, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be while she struggles to do the best that she can do.
Traded-in for a better life without them, fathers who left no pride or joy behind because they could not do and be the best that they could be.
But, still this mother allows herself to rise so that she can raise her children the best she can. A mother and a father that’s all she can be, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be so that her children can be the best that they can be.
Trying and trying, rising and rising and raising her children to be the best that they can be.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Gajah dan Semut
Kemusnahan umat terlihat nyata sekarang. Tak ramai yang melihat itu dengan hati tapi yang nyata ianya tidak merunsingkan mereka sedikitpun. Ramai yang tidak ambil peduli apa yang berlaku disekeliling kita. Tetapi hanya menumpukan kepada apa yang mereka hadapi. Jelasnya tidak mudah untuk kita mengakui apakah kesilapan kita yang membawa kepada kejadian hari esok.
Kita saling menuduh antara satu sama lain jika berlaku pertelingkahan. Hakikatnya adalah perlu jika kita merenung apa kah sebabnya pertelingkahan itu. Zahirnya kita payah ingin mengalah tetapi renungan yang dalam akan membawa pada jawapan bahawa setiap perlakuan mesti ada sebab, bila, mengapa ia harus terjadi.
Kita saling menuduh antara satu sama lain jika berlaku pertelingkahan. Hakikatnya adalah perlu jika kita merenung apa kah sebabnya pertelingkahan itu. Zahirnya kita payah ingin mengalah tetapi renungan yang dalam akan membawa pada jawapan bahawa setiap perlakuan mesti ada sebab, bila, mengapa ia harus terjadi.
And the line draws nearer
Current mood: fabulous
Category: Blogging
A day before reaching 40...
Its a number indeed but its take long time to reach to that number. Path, ways, experience and also significance achievement conquered along the journey left so many memories.
I have come to a stage being ripe and mature. Even sometimes i feel im on the edge of life but mostly at times still at lost. I want but im scared, I need but i dont want to fight for it... why bcause i think if it is not meant for me it wont be mine anyway.
I have been receiving so many wishes throughout the last 10 days. Thank you friends. Ill be leaving on Wednesday nite and be back on Friday but im out again on Sat and Sun. My kids will be having their own camping program leaving me with my classmate to reunite again.
Till next update
Category: Blogging
A day before reaching 40...
Its a number indeed but its take long time to reach to that number. Path, ways, experience and also significance achievement conquered along the journey left so many memories.
I have come to a stage being ripe and mature. Even sometimes i feel im on the edge of life but mostly at times still at lost. I want but im scared, I need but i dont want to fight for it... why bcause i think if it is not meant for me it wont be mine anyway.
I have been receiving so many wishes throughout the last 10 days. Thank you friends. Ill be leaving on Wednesday nite and be back on Friday but im out again on Sat and Sun. My kids will be having their own camping program leaving me with my classmate to reunite again.
Till next update
Friday, July 04, 2008
Love and Honour
It was an honour to love and be loved by someone. But most importantly is to love HIM most and wholeheartedly. Only then you will know and understand what love is all about. The tenderness, the caring part, the passion, the calmness, the peace that you will carry in you within daily life.
The beautiful part is to accept things as it is although there is a plenty question to ask around you. Things happen because it has to according to HIM. It comes from yourself, within you.
Sometime we tend to be ignorance to certain issue towards people but the fact is some people around us couldn’t stand it. Do people really knows and understand you the way HE does?
Last nite I was sitting in my car for long listening to something factual and reality. Slowly the feelings changed into deep sadness of how some people see from their side. Yes, everyone has their own right towards everything. Reason why I don’t want to open up to anyone about my story was because I don’t want to change their perceptions. If that’s what you think about some people I let you think the way you want it.
Because of all people who knows whoever they are in your own life was only you to know them indepth. The social circle was to make us learn about individual. If certain people only learning how to live at the age of 30 or 20 or may 40. I’ve learn it all the way through. If people can’t stand my way I can’t make them understand certain things underlaying the reason gave.
But when she said I always justify, accommodate, adapting, accepting every reason one gave to me doesn’t that give her a signal. Am I not doing the same to her too? But who am I to question that? I just eat it up.
Do I complaint about one behaviour towards me sometimes. The most I could do was hibernate myself alone. I will only entertain who ever can. She was the longest friend I have but couldn’t see me in the true eyes but then again I told myself “that’s her”. I don’t complaint but I evaluate what she said my way.
When a married man goes out of the house to find love what does comes to mind? He’s not logical, he is stupid, he is insane, he is just testing waters, he is just pure lay, he is just bastard who never gets enough. No matter how good the woman are to them its still not enough.
Hunters they are, if they don’t eat it they would just smells it. Remembering what she says about Yusfi, reminds me to Halimi, who has to say this “you purposely arrange your swimming class or outing when you’re having your periods?”. I just smile and walks away from him looking at my children happily playing in the water.
There is always a purpose people asking, inviting and reason to be there. Why do I need a man when I have full complete life even its hard. Companion, understanding, share my reason why I still work here though I feel being penalize all the time but im happy of what im learning and do what I can.
I don’t want to go further. I had cried enough all night because of that conversation and its affected other people too. But then if she is capable to do that with me what more to others hence again I told myself “its just her”.
And I wake up taking my bath in wee hours seeking solace presenting my thoughts and soul to HIM. Only him will understand, and knows why I do that to everyone. I dare not ask HIM whether have I not being fair to everyone and why everyone is not being fair to me.
Was it not enough to be accommodating, adapting and understanding people around. I leave it to HIM to answer me in point of time. I don’t look forward to my birthday because its only brings me sadness of that I have done to people around me can never satisfy them enough.
Now is a time to satisfy and pleased my self alone.
The beautiful part is to accept things as it is although there is a plenty question to ask around you. Things happen because it has to according to HIM. It comes from yourself, within you.
Sometime we tend to be ignorance to certain issue towards people but the fact is some people around us couldn’t stand it. Do people really knows and understand you the way HE does?
Last nite I was sitting in my car for long listening to something factual and reality. Slowly the feelings changed into deep sadness of how some people see from their side. Yes, everyone has their own right towards everything. Reason why I don’t want to open up to anyone about my story was because I don’t want to change their perceptions. If that’s what you think about some people I let you think the way you want it.
Because of all people who knows whoever they are in your own life was only you to know them indepth. The social circle was to make us learn about individual. If certain people only learning how to live at the age of 30 or 20 or may 40. I’ve learn it all the way through. If people can’t stand my way I can’t make them understand certain things underlaying the reason gave.
But when she said I always justify, accommodate, adapting, accepting every reason one gave to me doesn’t that give her a signal. Am I not doing the same to her too? But who am I to question that? I just eat it up.
Do I complaint about one behaviour towards me sometimes. The most I could do was hibernate myself alone. I will only entertain who ever can. She was the longest friend I have but couldn’t see me in the true eyes but then again I told myself “that’s her”. I don’t complaint but I evaluate what she said my way.
When a married man goes out of the house to find love what does comes to mind? He’s not logical, he is stupid, he is insane, he is just testing waters, he is just pure lay, he is just bastard who never gets enough. No matter how good the woman are to them its still not enough.
Hunters they are, if they don’t eat it they would just smells it. Remembering what she says about Yusfi, reminds me to Halimi, who has to say this “you purposely arrange your swimming class or outing when you’re having your periods?”. I just smile and walks away from him looking at my children happily playing in the water.
There is always a purpose people asking, inviting and reason to be there. Why do I need a man when I have full complete life even its hard. Companion, understanding, share my reason why I still work here though I feel being penalize all the time but im happy of what im learning and do what I can.
I don’t want to go further. I had cried enough all night because of that conversation and its affected other people too. But then if she is capable to do that with me what more to others hence again I told myself “its just her”.
And I wake up taking my bath in wee hours seeking solace presenting my thoughts and soul to HIM. Only him will understand, and knows why I do that to everyone. I dare not ask HIM whether have I not being fair to everyone and why everyone is not being fair to me.
Was it not enough to be accommodating, adapting and understanding people around. I leave it to HIM to answer me in point of time. I don’t look forward to my birthday because its only brings me sadness of that I have done to people around me can never satisfy them enough.
Now is a time to satisfy and pleased my self alone.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Catching my page again
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Blogging
Blog ini semakin sepi...
Kerana aku tak punya waktu untuk meninjau maupun menulis. Waktuku tertebus dengan kehidupan seharian yang penuh. Ruang yang kosong cuma untuk tidur dan yang sedikit untuk dikongsi dengan mereka yang paling dekat.
Dad is back till after my birthday. Will be celebrating parents birthday by the end of this month hopefully since dad in the beginning and mom end of June. Perfect... n soon it will be then my brother and next mine.
So much to write so little space to spare. But life goes just like what i wanted to be. On certain circumstances I dont have much to comments nor to complaint. Im tight but im still leaving town on a regular basis.
Im going to visit Jakarta again for my birthday since Singapore is not likely to be seen anywhere. But who says i cant spare that moment. I will have to try. Its a must. Singapore sale is almost done but the memoirs of the celebration on few occasions never leaves my mind.
Wonderful is still waiting, amoi is still checking which bus im gonna hop in. More likely this time im going to Chitos or rather, Plaza Anggerik or Senayan or maybe Pasar Baru n get my potrait done.
Bali is schedule somewhere in August. This year im full with travel plans and self indulgence. Problems, yes there are but if men can put it aside so do me...
Till then I'll write again.
Category: Blogging
Blog ini semakin sepi...
Kerana aku tak punya waktu untuk meninjau maupun menulis. Waktuku tertebus dengan kehidupan seharian yang penuh. Ruang yang kosong cuma untuk tidur dan yang sedikit untuk dikongsi dengan mereka yang paling dekat.
Dad is back till after my birthday. Will be celebrating parents birthday by the end of this month hopefully since dad in the beginning and mom end of June. Perfect... n soon it will be then my brother and next mine.
So much to write so little space to spare. But life goes just like what i wanted to be. On certain circumstances I dont have much to comments nor to complaint. Im tight but im still leaving town on a regular basis.
Im going to visit Jakarta again for my birthday since Singapore is not likely to be seen anywhere. But who says i cant spare that moment. I will have to try. Its a must. Singapore sale is almost done but the memoirs of the celebration on few occasions never leaves my mind.
Wonderful is still waiting, amoi is still checking which bus im gonna hop in. More likely this time im going to Chitos or rather, Plaza Anggerik or Senayan or maybe Pasar Baru n get my potrait done.
Bali is schedule somewhere in August. This year im full with travel plans and self indulgence. Problems, yes there are but if men can put it aside so do me...
Till then I'll write again.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Jakarta Revisit
It was visited again after 2 months. This time only two of us with clear intentions and minds. He came along after an option given either him or her? ;-) Yes he doesn't know if Rome will be meeting me there. He was shocked when i told him we will meet my besties on the second nite.
Again the revisit was total successful and a blast as I am going with intentions and fully alert of what i want. Only problems when he made wrong calculations and it spoill the entire journey but arghhh thank god besties is there to save me. Yeah alhamdullillah in anyways she is always there to save me.
Again the revisit was total successful and a blast as I am going with intentions and fully alert of what i want. Only problems when he made wrong calculations and it spoill the entire journey but arghhh thank god besties is there to save me. Yeah alhamdullillah in anyways she is always there to save me.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Friendship
Why i choose this subject?
It has very deep meaning to me. How do i classify my friend, in what degree, category? Every one has their on set and segments. Very much of them are only on the top level. There is very few selected ones who earn my trust.
And those are very rare and hard to find. Why did i say that? I dont easily choose a fren amongst those ppl i meet, i saw, or pick from anywhere. I am a very choosy and selective person in terms of matching a person to jive with my personality.
Observation are first thing i do when i go out and meet people. I dont talk to just anyone if i dont want to and dont be nice if im not nice to you because i wont at all entertain you.
Some will commented I am hard person from the first look they see, some will easily label me a happy go lucky, some would just label me hard to please. I can be anything you want so long i wanted to play along with you. I suit and cater mine according to you.
How do i gain the trust and how do i trust my friends is very hard to explain. Im not a particularly easily commenting on people but i take critics and your recommendations base on subject, factual and situation. But how do i gain that trust really take long time to own it.
The pain which was carried along was hard to forget even its long forgiven. It leave me a very bad impact as i never ever easily trusting a person again until last nite when i post a question "can you be my friend".
This question has a very deep meaning. Nobody in my life had ever had this question if i have given them the priviledge. Why do I asked those question? While to be a friend some thinks we don’t need to ask but we just need to feel the click the chemistry. Out of many you find out there, I may be one who asked you this question. Why?
I have so many things to share but I scared that not many people would understand why I do it, I execute it, I keep it, I use it, whatever it is. I have so many issues kept in my box of trust having not revealed to anyone. And I am tired to keep it longer. I want a fren who understand this and share his or her idea.
I have one female version which I shared some and I want to have one male version where I can just pick up my fon and bombard with some questions and when I put the receiver I will be able to smile and tell myself ‘done! Your box is empty now’.
Again trust is the issue. No I don’t fully trust anyone. Although my best friend has some degree achieved but not fully. I reserved that 40% for me. I know they should not also trust me fully but its all up to them. I would not pushed them to do as i say. You are a free bird. Feel free to be who you are, what you are.
What makes I think you would? Good question to you and to me. Instinct I guess or merely on my super first observation. Perhaps and hopefully im not wrong this time.
3 infact that I used to call always somehow have gone. One with bz life, two because he asked me to stop that friendship. Why? Only and n him would know and understand why. And three I don’t have that standard to reveal to him. I want fresh anew.
Let me take the risk since I am not always confidence with myself and others let him take this chance to help me, to make me understand more n fully about each and individuals are unique, beautiful and individual.
It has very deep meaning to me. How do i classify my friend, in what degree, category? Every one has their on set and segments. Very much of them are only on the top level. There is very few selected ones who earn my trust.
And those are very rare and hard to find. Why did i say that? I dont easily choose a fren amongst those ppl i meet, i saw, or pick from anywhere. I am a very choosy and selective person in terms of matching a person to jive with my personality.
Observation are first thing i do when i go out and meet people. I dont talk to just anyone if i dont want to and dont be nice if im not nice to you because i wont at all entertain you.
Some will commented I am hard person from the first look they see, some will easily label me a happy go lucky, some would just label me hard to please. I can be anything you want so long i wanted to play along with you. I suit and cater mine according to you.
How do i gain the trust and how do i trust my friends is very hard to explain. Im not a particularly easily commenting on people but i take critics and your recommendations base on subject, factual and situation. But how do i gain that trust really take long time to own it.
The pain which was carried along was hard to forget even its long forgiven. It leave me a very bad impact as i never ever easily trusting a person again until last nite when i post a question "can you be my friend".
This question has a very deep meaning. Nobody in my life had ever had this question if i have given them the priviledge. Why do I asked those question? While to be a friend some thinks we don’t need to ask but we just need to feel the click the chemistry. Out of many you find out there, I may be one who asked you this question. Why?
I have so many things to share but I scared that not many people would understand why I do it, I execute it, I keep it, I use it, whatever it is. I have so many issues kept in my box of trust having not revealed to anyone. And I am tired to keep it longer. I want a fren who understand this and share his or her idea.
I have one female version which I shared some and I want to have one male version where I can just pick up my fon and bombard with some questions and when I put the receiver I will be able to smile and tell myself ‘done! Your box is empty now’.
Again trust is the issue. No I don’t fully trust anyone. Although my best friend has some degree achieved but not fully. I reserved that 40% for me. I know they should not also trust me fully but its all up to them. I would not pushed them to do as i say. You are a free bird. Feel free to be who you are, what you are.
What makes I think you would? Good question to you and to me. Instinct I guess or merely on my super first observation. Perhaps and hopefully im not wrong this time.
3 infact that I used to call always somehow have gone. One with bz life, two because he asked me to stop that friendship. Why? Only and n him would know and understand why. And three I don’t have that standard to reveal to him. I want fresh anew.
Let me take the risk since I am not always confidence with myself and others let him take this chance to help me, to make me understand more n fully about each and individuals are unique, beautiful and individual.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Successfull Reunion!!!
Finally it happens. At 2pm Fuzila came to my place hoping she can help on anything. Everything was planned and done except to my horror when roti jala arrive up only we realize its without the curry. Immediate i change my uniform again to be in the kitchen and chicken curry was on the stove in the next minute.
Sazuna was the first to appear on time and later came Nani, Zurimah, Zanzirah, Nojie, Nona, Anita, Jijah, Suraya, Teh, Ajie, Miza, Nafsiah (class monitor with lots of short circuit)
Spagethi, roti jala, currypuff, serimuka and carrot cake all laid nicely but then again catching the times was more precious then having those delicacies. Tired of laughing and when thirst starting to hurts the throats n stomach they continue with eating and talking again.
Most of them never change in terms of look, appearance and character. Some do, yes size varies, outlook, and way of behaviour. Thinking again way back when we were just teens what was potray on our face was just fun, happy without anything else. But now some show tremendously on how they potray themselves.
Some of us still single and available, some are married with my god 'meriahnya rumah mak kalau sekeluarga dijemput' (with Nafsiah accent), and some are single again with kids whom shortly will be married and we will be the Aunt Nenek's tuanya aku).
But all in all it was a success and it was the jolly good feeling we have after the reunion. We are trying to get as money number so to make more to join us and capture this in our memory again
Here are some pictures for us to remember.
Sazuna was the first to appear on time and later came Nani, Zurimah, Zanzirah, Nojie, Nona, Anita, Jijah, Suraya, Teh, Ajie, Miza, Nafsiah (class monitor with lots of short circuit)
Spagethi, roti jala, currypuff, serimuka and carrot cake all laid nicely but then again catching the times was more precious then having those delicacies. Tired of laughing and when thirst starting to hurts the throats n stomach they continue with eating and talking again.
Most of them never change in terms of look, appearance and character. Some do, yes size varies, outlook, and way of behaviour. Thinking again way back when we were just teens what was potray on our face was just fun, happy without anything else. But now some show tremendously on how they potray themselves.
Some of us still single and available, some are married with my god 'meriahnya rumah mak kalau sekeluarga dijemput' (with Nafsiah accent), and some are single again with kids whom shortly will be married and we will be the Aunt Nenek's tuanya aku).
But all in all it was a success and it was the jolly good feeling we have after the reunion. We are trying to get as money number so to make more to join us and capture this in our memory again
Here are some pictures for us to remember.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Catching Old Time Friends
Current mood: amused
Category: Friends
So many years we did not meet since the last we left school. So many information that i gathers along with the chat and laugh that caught over the phones. One gatherings is not enough and next is coming soon this weekend.
Hoping that i could get as many of them to come to the not so first meeting again after almost 20 years not meeting them.
I'm supposing its good to meet again but the story told before the meeting took place already feels like a heavyweight materials carried in my heart.
Argghh I am very emotional but then again its my classmate that im talking about whom i shared all the laughter, all the playful act during the class all the gossips about Chocranes Boys and so on.
Anyway i am very much looking forward to meet them again without any hesitation despite their status. Single and available, married but avaialble or even was married and available. Whatever they are, they are very much invited for the events.
Im hoping that all will turn well and will get as many to come and share the joyous event after almost a decade.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Thoughts of the Day - How important to Share in Marriage views from A Wife
- "A simple gesture, coming from my back, holding my waist, kissing my neck and whisper "good morning, sayang", is enough to make me smile the whole day. that gesture doesnt have to end with love making. but that was just that. (of course, if it carries to another level...oppss.. that's a different story la kan). those little gestures that hubby did and those little thoughts that he had, are those that spark the love back to our life. and that made me love him more. thank you sayang.
i feel like a small girl. learning, unlearning and relearning things. feeling the lost feelings. recovering the smiles. i guess, hubby is doing his extra best and working extra hard this time in this marriage. i too am working hard. we both have our shares. well, this is marriage kan? it takes two to tango. one cant be holding the weight too much as it will surely collapse. we both are now leading our life back together positively and insya allah, all is well".
Penned by - guile -
i feel like a small girl. learning, unlearning and relearning things. feeling the lost feelings. recovering the smiles. i guess, hubby is doing his extra best and working extra hard this time in this marriage. i too am working hard. we both have our shares. well, this is marriage kan? it takes two to tango. one cant be holding the weight too much as it will surely collapse. we both are now leading our life back together positively and insya allah, all is well".
Penned by - guile -
Monday, June 02, 2008
Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough
Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.
(Chorus)
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.
Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
(Chorus)
And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Kegetiranku...
While indulging dark chocolates with Almond and Mint Chocs, here i am writing my heart out to the mute screen and ever always available to receive any downpour or jolly good stuff.
The chocolate taste is good. Its a theraphy for emotional attack. For those whose dieting or watching the weight would not indulge in having this sinful therapy. Since my car are not allowing me to drive far away from here hence i have to just make do with whatever i can.
"Tidak bersyukurkah aku kerana tidak mahu menerima atau memahami?" Besties is pouring what ever she felt since last Friday. Now i hear only good things about her and him. Im glad when she is happy. Not wanting her to go back to her past and keep on telling her not to compare but enjoy whatever she has now while she can.
If for me i will have the benchmark of the odd numbers of months and then years and so on. Skeptical aye??? Yeah, i am. I wont deny me...
Its good to have some one who understands you very much on work, life and future. Although very much you have to be alarmed at all time as all we have are temporary.
Mine are very much stagnant as I always said. "If you don't change, I will!" And so i would not wait so much for him to call, to ask or rather to concern of my daily behaviour. Hey, for the past 6 years i am a survivor cant i not be still?
Hearing my conversation again with my new confidante.
"Orang akan rimas dengan emotional tantrum you or if you dont let people know, how would people understand you?"
Sebagai kawan atau kekasih,perlukah kita menyusahkan mereka. Ketika aku susah hati atau terlalu terdesak, segalanya akan tersungkam didalam dada sehingga terasa amat berat sekali. Namun untuk meluahkan ketika itu amat payah.
Yes, last week i managed to detach my mind from all of my friends who used to look after me. For once i tried and i am successful in doing it so much to know my ability to have them with me along with the situation.
Yes, i was so broken hearted with my family, my love ones but i did not even told anyone there n then. My children saw my eyes was glistening with tears. "Akak sygkan ibu"
She caught me pouring when she call almost midnite, i ask her why she took so long to reach me when i forgot that i have detach that emotional and mind bondage earlier. She always hear my heart out whenever i need her she would always be on the other end asking "are you ok"
Not just her few other girlfriends, yes thats the one thing i can do. Just call them from my end in the mind and they will come to line in few seconds. But never i took that opportunity to use my fren to my advantage. Never... Ill do it for the best of them to have the specialities of connecting with people.
Another question is "perlukah aku berteman?"
"Perlukah aku mempunyai lelaki didalam hidupku hanya kerana ingin memenuhi kekurangannya dan juga keperluan dirinya"
Benarkah kekurangan diriku itu akan menghimpit dan menyusahkan orang lain. Kerana itu aku tidak pernah berkejar kerumah mak kalau aku susah hati atau dihimpit masalah kewangan. Anak2 akan faham bila kalanya aku tidak ada. Aku pastikan anak2 aku cukup makan walau hanya dengan telur goreng dan kicap. Tidak juga berada di sekeliling teman2 yang lain.
Aku akan mengelak diri dari sebarang kegiatan luar rumah pada masa2 aku getir. Tahap2 kritikal amat hampir tetapi aku tetap tersenyum dan bersyukur. Semuga allah sentiasa mendengar kata hati aku walau aku bukan hambanya yang soleh namun aku akan sentiasa ingat akan DIRINYA.
Namun selagi ingatan terhadapnya tak putus selagi itu tidak akan putus pertolongan DARINYA. Cuma aku ada masalah dengan sesama insan untuk meminta kerana harga diri! Sedangkan aku tahu aku masih kuat lagi dan mampu untuk menanggung dan bekerja mengapa aku harus menyusahkan mereka sedangkan aku tak tahu sejauh mana kesusahan mereka pula.
SALAH KAH AKU?
The chocolate taste is good. Its a theraphy for emotional attack. For those whose dieting or watching the weight would not indulge in having this sinful therapy. Since my car are not allowing me to drive far away from here hence i have to just make do with whatever i can.
"Tidak bersyukurkah aku kerana tidak mahu menerima atau memahami?" Besties is pouring what ever she felt since last Friday. Now i hear only good things about her and him. Im glad when she is happy. Not wanting her to go back to her past and keep on telling her not to compare but enjoy whatever she has now while she can.
If for me i will have the benchmark of the odd numbers of months and then years and so on. Skeptical aye??? Yeah, i am. I wont deny me...
Its good to have some one who understands you very much on work, life and future. Although very much you have to be alarmed at all time as all we have are temporary.
Mine are very much stagnant as I always said. "If you don't change, I will!" And so i would not wait so much for him to call, to ask or rather to concern of my daily behaviour. Hey, for the past 6 years i am a survivor cant i not be still?
Hearing my conversation again with my new confidante.
"Orang akan rimas dengan emotional tantrum you or if you dont let people know, how would people understand you?"
Sebagai kawan atau kekasih,perlukah kita menyusahkan mereka. Ketika aku susah hati atau terlalu terdesak, segalanya akan tersungkam didalam dada sehingga terasa amat berat sekali. Namun untuk meluahkan ketika itu amat payah.
Yes, last week i managed to detach my mind from all of my friends who used to look after me. For once i tried and i am successful in doing it so much to know my ability to have them with me along with the situation.
Yes, i was so broken hearted with my family, my love ones but i did not even told anyone there n then. My children saw my eyes was glistening with tears. "Akak sygkan ibu"
She caught me pouring when she call almost midnite, i ask her why she took so long to reach me when i forgot that i have detach that emotional and mind bondage earlier. She always hear my heart out whenever i need her she would always be on the other end asking "are you ok"
Not just her few other girlfriends, yes thats the one thing i can do. Just call them from my end in the mind and they will come to line in few seconds. But never i took that opportunity to use my fren to my advantage. Never... Ill do it for the best of them to have the specialities of connecting with people.
Another question is "perlukah aku berteman?"
"Perlukah aku mempunyai lelaki didalam hidupku hanya kerana ingin memenuhi kekurangannya dan juga keperluan dirinya"
Benarkah kekurangan diriku itu akan menghimpit dan menyusahkan orang lain. Kerana itu aku tidak pernah berkejar kerumah mak kalau aku susah hati atau dihimpit masalah kewangan. Anak2 akan faham bila kalanya aku tidak ada. Aku pastikan anak2 aku cukup makan walau hanya dengan telur goreng dan kicap. Tidak juga berada di sekeliling teman2 yang lain.
Aku akan mengelak diri dari sebarang kegiatan luar rumah pada masa2 aku getir. Tahap2 kritikal amat hampir tetapi aku tetap tersenyum dan bersyukur. Semuga allah sentiasa mendengar kata hati aku walau aku bukan hambanya yang soleh namun aku akan sentiasa ingat akan DIRINYA.
Namun selagi ingatan terhadapnya tak putus selagi itu tidak akan putus pertolongan DARINYA. Cuma aku ada masalah dengan sesama insan untuk meminta kerana harga diri! Sedangkan aku tahu aku masih kuat lagi dan mampu untuk menanggung dan bekerja mengapa aku harus menyusahkan mereka sedangkan aku tak tahu sejauh mana kesusahan mereka pula.
SALAH KAH AKU?
Three things in Life...
Three things in life once gone never come back........
1. Words. 2. Opportunity.
3. Time.
Three things in life are never sure.
1. Dreams.
2. Success.
3. Fortune.
Three things in life that make you a great person.
1. Hard Work.
2. Sincerity.
3. Success.
Three things in life are most valuable..
1. Love.
2. Self respect.
3. Friends.
Three things in life must not be lost....
1. Peace
2. Hope
3. Honesty.
Three things in life that destroy a person...
1. Greed.
2. Pride.
3. Anger.
1. Words. 2. Opportunity.
3. Time.
Three things in life are never sure.
1. Dreams.
2. Success.
3. Fortune.
Three things in life that make you a great person.
1. Hard Work.
2. Sincerity.
3. Success.
Three things in life are most valuable..
1. Love.
2. Self respect.
3. Friends.
Three things in life must not be lost....
1. Peace
2. Hope
3. Honesty.
Three things in life that destroy a person...
1. Greed.
2. Pride.
3. Anger.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Bila Rasa Sudah Tiada
It was a very bz day yesterday. I was having good chat with some friends over chat and sms but not on the phone. The inner layer was soft but the outer was hard. Real cancerian with the mood swings.
Now i dont care much if he dont call or sms. Not needing to know whether i am needed or not. My last sms last night was "kekecilan hatiku adalah sangat kecil jika dibandingkan dengan kesedihan seorang isteri yang perlukan perhatian"
Siapalah aku, hanya orang ketiga yang tidak seharusnya berada disitu. Aku terlalu penat melayan karenah ingin yang mahu dilayani dan diladeni. Aku telah penat untuk memahami. Sekarang aku tak perlu sesiapa untuk memahami ku maupun aku untuk menyenangkan hati sesiapa.
I save so much in guarding my feelings and self. There is many around who trying to get their space their chances. Only thing i am keeping the space and queue accordingly. Now its open to everyone. As i always said "best man wins"
I remember someone saying "let ur openess of ur heart find it's destiny". And i know i have never been looking and i just make it open. The door to my heart is by making me see the action speaks than the words.
Progress are only number or time consumed to get the journey gets its destiny. I love a quote from Mike this morning "i think u r a friend with comandable character. I like u"
I was smiling all the way to my lunch. Having it not said also i know that my bitterness pull them away from me. I dont blame them and please dont blame me. Nothting that you do to glued me to you. No inspiration to have you tight beside me. Yes im craving for love n attention but im not a cheap bitch who will beg for love.
My place, my zone and my den are so cozy that i dont need anyone anymore till further notice. The adorable faces i always wanted to be with was my kids who always awaits for my home coming daily... God dont shove the love away from me just yet... let me have June to decide then may be you can give me
Now i dont care much if he dont call or sms. Not needing to know whether i am needed or not. My last sms last night was "kekecilan hatiku adalah sangat kecil jika dibandingkan dengan kesedihan seorang isteri yang perlukan perhatian"
Siapalah aku, hanya orang ketiga yang tidak seharusnya berada disitu. Aku terlalu penat melayan karenah ingin yang mahu dilayani dan diladeni. Aku telah penat untuk memahami. Sekarang aku tak perlu sesiapa untuk memahami ku maupun aku untuk menyenangkan hati sesiapa.
I save so much in guarding my feelings and self. There is many around who trying to get their space their chances. Only thing i am keeping the space and queue accordingly. Now its open to everyone. As i always said "best man wins"
I remember someone saying "let ur openess of ur heart find it's destiny". And i know i have never been looking and i just make it open. The door to my heart is by making me see the action speaks than the words.
Progress are only number or time consumed to get the journey gets its destiny. I love a quote from Mike this morning "i think u r a friend with comandable character. I like u"
I was smiling all the way to my lunch. Having it not said also i know that my bitterness pull them away from me. I dont blame them and please dont blame me. Nothting that you do to glued me to you. No inspiration to have you tight beside me. Yes im craving for love n attention but im not a cheap bitch who will beg for love.
My place, my zone and my den are so cozy that i dont need anyone anymore till further notice. The adorable faces i always wanted to be with was my kids who always awaits for my home coming daily... God dont shove the love away from me just yet... let me have June to decide then may be you can give me
Capricorns
Capricorn, the tenth Sign of the Zodiac, is all about hard work. Those born under this Sign are more than happy to put in a full day at the office, realizing that it will likely take a lot of those days to get to the top. That's no problem, since Capricorns are both ambitious and determined: they will get there. Life is one big project for these folks, and they adapt to this by adopting a businesslike approach to most everything they do. Capricorns are practical as well, taking things one step at a time and being as realistic and pragmatic as possible. The Capricorn-born are extremely dedicated to their goals, almost to the point of stubbornness. Boy, those victories sure smell sweet, though, and that thought alone will keep Capricorns going.
The Goat symbolizes Capricorns, and an apt mascot it is. Goats love to climb to the top of the mountain, where the air is clear and fresh. In much the same way, Capricorns want to get to the top of their chosen field so that they can reap the benefits of success; namely fame, prestige and money. Getting to the top isn't always a walk in the park, however, so it's likely that Goats will ruffle a few feathers along the way. These folks can indeed be domineering, even egotistical, on their route to the top. They'll tell you it's part of being a leader with bright new ideas (in keeping with the Cardinal Quality assigned to this Sign).
Capricorns are industrious, efficient, organized and won't make a lot of waves. They are scrupulous with details and adopt a rather conventional posture in business and in life. These folks feel best playing it safe, since this is a fail-safe way to get to the top -- eventually.
Thankfully, Capricorns are patient, too, and are happy to wait for their ship to come in. The flip side to this staid behavior is that Goats can become quite unforgiving of those who aren't as diligent or ambitious as they are. Capricorns need to remember that they do need allies along the way, ambitious or otherwise. In any case, once Capricorns receive the recognition and social status they so fervently crave, it's likely that all will be forgiven.
The Goat symbolizes Capricorns, and an apt mascot it is. Goats love to climb to the top of the mountain, where the air is clear and fresh. In much the same way, Capricorns want to get to the top of their chosen field so that they can reap the benefits of success; namely fame, prestige and money. Getting to the top isn't always a walk in the park, however, so it's likely that Goats will ruffle a few feathers along the way. These folks can indeed be domineering, even egotistical, on their route to the top. They'll tell you it's part of being a leader with bright new ideas (in keeping with the Cardinal Quality assigned to this Sign).
Capricorns are industrious, efficient, organized and won't make a lot of waves. They are scrupulous with details and adopt a rather conventional posture in business and in life. These folks feel best playing it safe, since this is a fail-safe way to get to the top -- eventually.
Thankfully, Capricorns are patient, too, and are happy to wait for their ship to come in. The flip side to this staid behavior is that Goats can become quite unforgiving of those who aren't as diligent or ambitious as they are. Capricorns need to remember that they do need allies along the way, ambitious or otherwise. In any case, once Capricorns receive the recognition and social status they so fervently crave, it's likely that all will be forgiven.
Cancerian
Cancer, the fourth Sign of the Zodiac, is all about home. Those born under this Sign are 'roots' kinds of people and take great pleasure in the comforts of home and family. Cancers are maternal, domestic and love to nurture others. More than likely, their family will be large, too -- the more, the merrier! Cancers will certainly be merry if their home life is serene and harmonious. Traditions are upheld with great zest in a Cancer's household, since these folks prize family history and love communal activities. They also tend to be patriotic, waving the flag whenever possible. A Cancer's good memory is the basis for stories told around the dinner table, and don't be surprised if these folks get emotional about things. Those born under this Sign wear their heart on their sleeve, which is just fine by them.
The mascot of Cancerians is the Crab, and much like this shelled little critter, Cancerians are quick to retreat into their shells if it suits their mood. No wonder these folks are called crabby! For Cancer, it's not that big of a deal, though, since they consider this 'shell' a second home (and they do love home). The flip side of this hiding is that shell-bound Crabs are often quite moody. Further, in keeping with their difficulty in sharing their innermost feelings, it can become a Herculean task to pry a Crab out of its secret hiding place. What to do? Give the Crab time -- eventually these folks will come out to play again. When they do, they'll be the first to say so, in keeping with the Cardinal Quality attached to this Sign. It's said that Crabs are first to laugh and first to cry, so you can bet they'll fill you in.
That shell, by the way, isn't the only tough thing about Crabs. These folks are tenacious and strong-willed and like to get their way. If their well-documented kindness and gentleness doesn't do the trick, however, they're not above using emotional manipulation to make things happen. If that still doesn't work, they'll just go back to their shell and sulk, or find a way to get back at the source of their pain, since Crabs can be rather vindictive. That said, any self-respecting Crab would tell you that they are ultimately motivated by protecting their home and loved ones, a most noble goal.
Emotional and loving
Intuitive and imaginative
Shrewd and cautious
Protective and sympathetic
On the dark side
Changeable and moody
Overemotional and touchy
Clinging and unable to let go
The mascot of Cancerians is the Crab, and much like this shelled little critter, Cancerians are quick to retreat into their shells if it suits their mood. No wonder these folks are called crabby! For Cancer, it's not that big of a deal, though, since they consider this 'shell' a second home (and they do love home). The flip side of this hiding is that shell-bound Crabs are often quite moody. Further, in keeping with their difficulty in sharing their innermost feelings, it can become a Herculean task to pry a Crab out of its secret hiding place. What to do? Give the Crab time -- eventually these folks will come out to play again. When they do, they'll be the first to say so, in keeping with the Cardinal Quality attached to this Sign. It's said that Crabs are first to laugh and first to cry, so you can bet they'll fill you in.
That shell, by the way, isn't the only tough thing about Crabs. These folks are tenacious and strong-willed and like to get their way. If their well-documented kindness and gentleness doesn't do the trick, however, they're not above using emotional manipulation to make things happen. If that still doesn't work, they'll just go back to their shell and sulk, or find a way to get back at the source of their pain, since Crabs can be rather vindictive. That said, any self-respecting Crab would tell you that they are ultimately motivated by protecting their home and loved ones, a most noble goal.
Emotional and loving
Intuitive and imaginative
Shrewd and cautious
Protective and sympathetic
On the dark side
Changeable and moody
Overemotional and touchy
Clinging and unable to let go
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Hunters
Male are hunters!!!!
The indecent proposal never stop. What do they look at a mother of 4. I remember when Din cant get back to me he come up with this "Who wants you? You are old!!! You are a women with 4 kids!!! Do you think man will like you"
I smile and walk away... Alhamdullillah... A challenge that i took that day are really sweet. It reminds me of him when the indecent proposer did not give up.
They know i never entertain those proposal, they know i will not turn up but they dont give up. What if i turn up, what if i accept it?
That will continue to be an "if" in my vocabs for now ...
Since I freed myself from a capsule of being little nice sweet me, since i dare my image in the mirror to be me, since i know what i am really looking at, that was the day i set myself free to be who I am. To have all the bad and weaknesses beaten and sliced. Although once a while i still have the old me but at least the fear is not as huge as before. What i am still lacking was confidence sometimes.
In terms of winning a man, i dont think i have to. I will only create problems as i know i wont be able to free myself so i may as well dont start.
Finally he gave up and send me a message to give my priority to my kids. Yes, and of course their my number one behind me. First of all when i address why he really wanted to see me yesterday was because he was lonely.
You have a wife, you have childrens who will make you lonely no more. Craze for attention i guess is more of the answer. If you dont ask for it, will you get it. Why do they find source instead of addressing matters. He almost married second time but when things dont work out his way he split.
Say for example i come to his way, enjoying every attention, care n pampering he gave, would my life be better? Would his be merrier?? More wives, more childrens... Hey wake up!!! More problems!!!
Because you come to me for an escapism. Running away from your loneliness, your attention crave and so on. I cant tolerate that. I want pure and simple love where you know what you want, accepting and appreciating what you do, what you want and so on...
Am i being emotional or being rationale here???? No one have the answer except me. One can judge me, read me, observe me but one dont know what am i really looking forward to. Because what i say and what i do may varies at certain time n occasion.
Be wise...
The indecent proposal never stop. What do they look at a mother of 4. I remember when Din cant get back to me he come up with this "Who wants you? You are old!!! You are a women with 4 kids!!! Do you think man will like you"
I smile and walk away... Alhamdullillah... A challenge that i took that day are really sweet. It reminds me of him when the indecent proposer did not give up.
They know i never entertain those proposal, they know i will not turn up but they dont give up. What if i turn up, what if i accept it?
That will continue to be an "if" in my vocabs for now ...
Since I freed myself from a capsule of being little nice sweet me, since i dare my image in the mirror to be me, since i know what i am really looking at, that was the day i set myself free to be who I am. To have all the bad and weaknesses beaten and sliced. Although once a while i still have the old me but at least the fear is not as huge as before. What i am still lacking was confidence sometimes.
In terms of winning a man, i dont think i have to. I will only create problems as i know i wont be able to free myself so i may as well dont start.
Finally he gave up and send me a message to give my priority to my kids. Yes, and of course their my number one behind me. First of all when i address why he really wanted to see me yesterday was because he was lonely.
You have a wife, you have childrens who will make you lonely no more. Craze for attention i guess is more of the answer. If you dont ask for it, will you get it. Why do they find source instead of addressing matters. He almost married second time but when things dont work out his way he split.
Say for example i come to his way, enjoying every attention, care n pampering he gave, would my life be better? Would his be merrier?? More wives, more childrens... Hey wake up!!! More problems!!!
Because you come to me for an escapism. Running away from your loneliness, your attention crave and so on. I cant tolerate that. I want pure and simple love where you know what you want, accepting and appreciating what you do, what you want and so on...
Am i being emotional or being rationale here???? No one have the answer except me. One can judge me, read me, observe me but one dont know what am i really looking forward to. Because what i say and what i do may varies at certain time n occasion.
Be wise...
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Life Path & Destiny....
A week ago i saw her heart fills of blossom but last sunday she told me she cant take it. Too nice, too complementing, too good to be true and too good to hurt her at the same time loving every minute of his attention.
Whatever strucks her affecting myself too. Looking at myself who has been in the same shoe for almost 3 years without looking any difference since the relation took place. What can we 'other woman' do to make them expedite the decision.
Nothing!!! and because of that slowly my trust and believability resides back to a corner of my heart. The hurt are almost have the same effect although you do it in the beginning. She is trying not to cry. She is trying not to fall and stumble because it was just started. But she is very brave to have taken that step to be rationale on the whole episode of life before it become worst.
As worst as mine...
Whatever strucks her affecting myself too. Looking at myself who has been in the same shoe for almost 3 years without looking any difference since the relation took place. What can we 'other woman' do to make them expedite the decision.
Nothing!!! and because of that slowly my trust and believability resides back to a corner of my heart. The hurt are almost have the same effect although you do it in the beginning. She is trying not to cry. She is trying not to fall and stumble because it was just started. But she is very brave to have taken that step to be rationale on the whole episode of life before it become worst.
As worst as mine...
Gem of the eyes, Jewel of the heart
Why do we get affected sometimes. Love strucks if we allow it travel from the eyes right through the heart. When the journey start, brain wont be functioning well. Mind and emotion dont speaks same language.
While we want to be rational it often end to be emotional. And most of the time we let emotions decide than the brain. While the brain is saying no and emotions doesn't let go, it hurts as much as someone just leave you abruptly without saying anything.
While reasoning sometimes takes place but emotions failed to address the matter correctly. It took a courage and willpower to address what loves got to do with it.
Ive been building my trust, comppasion and love towards men again since the fall. But i hardly found believability in finding the reasons where i need to love. What loves are all about?
Love is about giving without expecting any from the other. With that loves are sweeter than expected. How do we achieve in relationship? Indeed very subjective. We tend to love and yet get it in return to make sure what we give are in order felt.
Looking back of what had given to HIM 16 years back. 2 years being in love, 10 years living together loving him unconditionally, and 6 years leaving my live empty without a man doesnt means im out of love.
Fulfillment came from THE ALMIGHTHY giving all sorts of love i needed except man. Yes, he sent me one after another to love but in return i know i can only love but cant be loved the same way i did. When i put it a stop, when i let myself go, flowing with all the love given from family, friends, acquantaince n etc i am more happier. Why because im not expecting. When i expect the same im hurt.
Now a replacement which was build from a friendship is running on a stagnant mode. Im not wanting to have anything else now. Not even assurance that i one day will be married again. 6 years past with lots of consequences and sweetness, i am now a person who knows what i want most in life.
I can travell anytime i like, i can be with whom i like, i can read anything that catch my eyes, i can go out n listen to Shakira fast pace and sway along with the music i love to hear n relief my loneliness when it comes knocking. Yes, community are not happy the way i live my way but what the heck.
Although at time im hungry for attention and need someone just to pamper me but deep in me always alarming that attention might lead me to further kind of shit. And so i grab my car key driving alone in the midst of night finding my soul, my love and eternity. I know HE knows what i want, what i crave badly but perhaps the time has not arrived for me just yet. Patience that i build n keep has made me stronger and being survivor all this while.
Grasping my soul alone with the moonlight and starry nights always heals me, although i dont achieve anything but at least im counting the stars instead of sin. Im a human being, the craving needs hurting me day by day but at least HE hears me well. He drive me into an excellence escapade rather than being a zombie. If i cant find that in a man, at least i found that in my ownself. So i know that IM NOT ALWAYS ALONE...
He is always there for me when i need him. And to him who claimed to love me, you know words aint enuogh... I can say i love you million times but to affects you with my passion and compassion are hard. Bitterness thought me to be carefull always but vulnerability always bring me back to reality that im only human who will not runaway from mistakes.
While we want to be rational it often end to be emotional. And most of the time we let emotions decide than the brain. While the brain is saying no and emotions doesn't let go, it hurts as much as someone just leave you abruptly without saying anything.
While reasoning sometimes takes place but emotions failed to address the matter correctly. It took a courage and willpower to address what loves got to do with it.
Ive been building my trust, comppasion and love towards men again since the fall. But i hardly found believability in finding the reasons where i need to love. What loves are all about?
Love is about giving without expecting any from the other. With that loves are sweeter than expected. How do we achieve in relationship? Indeed very subjective. We tend to love and yet get it in return to make sure what we give are in order felt.
Looking back of what had given to HIM 16 years back. 2 years being in love, 10 years living together loving him unconditionally, and 6 years leaving my live empty without a man doesnt means im out of love.
Fulfillment came from THE ALMIGHTHY giving all sorts of love i needed except man. Yes, he sent me one after another to love but in return i know i can only love but cant be loved the same way i did. When i put it a stop, when i let myself go, flowing with all the love given from family, friends, acquantaince n etc i am more happier. Why because im not expecting. When i expect the same im hurt.
Now a replacement which was build from a friendship is running on a stagnant mode. Im not wanting to have anything else now. Not even assurance that i one day will be married again. 6 years past with lots of consequences and sweetness, i am now a person who knows what i want most in life.
I can travell anytime i like, i can be with whom i like, i can read anything that catch my eyes, i can go out n listen to Shakira fast pace and sway along with the music i love to hear n relief my loneliness when it comes knocking. Yes, community are not happy the way i live my way but what the heck.
Although at time im hungry for attention and need someone just to pamper me but deep in me always alarming that attention might lead me to further kind of shit. And so i grab my car key driving alone in the midst of night finding my soul, my love and eternity. I know HE knows what i want, what i crave badly but perhaps the time has not arrived for me just yet. Patience that i build n keep has made me stronger and being survivor all this while.
Grasping my soul alone with the moonlight and starry nights always heals me, although i dont achieve anything but at least im counting the stars instead of sin. Im a human being, the craving needs hurting me day by day but at least HE hears me well. He drive me into an excellence escapade rather than being a zombie. If i cant find that in a man, at least i found that in my ownself. So i know that IM NOT ALWAYS ALONE...
He is always there for me when i need him. And to him who claimed to love me, you know words aint enuogh... I can say i love you million times but to affects you with my passion and compassion are hard. Bitterness thought me to be carefull always but vulnerability always bring me back to reality that im only human who will not runaway from mistakes.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Passion
I had made myself escape to Zeta Bar last weekend while Noelle was around in KL. 3 days on the go running around town and outskirts with her and the kids was fun and tiring. Despite building muscle on my thighs and legs i still can steal time to take a nap. Was too tired. Back wee hours and then chit chating non stop, next day drooling again.
Cant explain the kind of fun i had. It only reminds me few years back when it comes to Friday all of us was already pack n planned. Once i reached home, bathed then we start the journey. Its either a night in Melaka, PD, Seremban or whichever i feel like it. Kids has no objection to it. Infact they just enjoy the journey.
I have not been visiting clubs for quite sometime. I mean good one. Zeta has really offered me peace of mind when the singer was beautiful and energetic with the kind of music i love to hear and sway with. Friday night was just spend an hour when i was only offered limited time to show my face off there.
Saturday nite was where i am, with whom i am, and what i want to be. Music ease my heart away to the top. i dont care who the clubbers are. Although i found few eyes lurking around. While having good company as well as HIM around.
Musics of the ears ease the pain of the heart.
One thing i learn was Gem of the eyes and Jewel of the heart found. Ill will elaborate more on my next blog. I have to pack home. Lazy to go for Sheraton Subang as i need to be with my kids today. Need to addressed certain things.
My next Jakarta trip in the next two weeks and still comtemplating to accept the offer of GREAT SINGAPORE Sale in June. Lets just see after my Jakarta trip.
To you readers, read with open mind and window of the heart will decide should it still through and achieved while delivering.
;-)
Cant explain the kind of fun i had. It only reminds me few years back when it comes to Friday all of us was already pack n planned. Once i reached home, bathed then we start the journey. Its either a night in Melaka, PD, Seremban or whichever i feel like it. Kids has no objection to it. Infact they just enjoy the journey.
I have not been visiting clubs for quite sometime. I mean good one. Zeta has really offered me peace of mind when the singer was beautiful and energetic with the kind of music i love to hear and sway with. Friday night was just spend an hour when i was only offered limited time to show my face off there.
Saturday nite was where i am, with whom i am, and what i want to be. Music ease my heart away to the top. i dont care who the clubbers are. Although i found few eyes lurking around. While having good company as well as HIM around.
Musics of the ears ease the pain of the heart.
One thing i learn was Gem of the eyes and Jewel of the heart found. Ill will elaborate more on my next blog. I have to pack home. Lazy to go for Sheraton Subang as i need to be with my kids today. Need to addressed certain things.
My next Jakarta trip in the next two weeks and still comtemplating to accept the offer of GREAT SINGAPORE Sale in June. Lets just see after my Jakarta trip.
To you readers, read with open mind and window of the heart will decide should it still through and achieved while delivering.
;-)
JANGAN MENIKAH KERANA....
1. Jangan menikah karena harta :
Tidak ada gunanya hidup bergelimangan harta tanpa cinta. Harta dapat datang dan pergi setiap saat. "Cinta" yang sesat dan sesaat dapat diperoleh setiap saat, tapi cinta yang sejati tidak dapat dibeli dengan harta.
2. Jangan menikah karena perasaan asmara :
Rasa tertarik, simpati, naksir, yang merupakan asmara yang sering disalah artikan sebagai cinta. Asmara itu bukan cinta. Asmara dapat cepat berubah oleh rupa, harta, tempat dan keadaan. Asmara itu buta, tidak tahan lama dan tidak tahan uji. Cinta perlu diuji dalam suka dan duka dengan mata terbuka.
3. Jangan menikah karena rupa saja :
Kecantikan yang diluar memang indah, tapi dapat luntur termakan umur. Utamakanlah kecantikan yang di dalam.
4. Jangan menikah karena iba :
lba (rasa kasihan) memang baik dan harus ada dalam hidup kita, tapi tidak boleh menjadi dasar pemikahan. Kasihan dapat habis, tapi kasih tidak berkesudahan.Dasar pernikahan adalah kasih, bukan kasihan
5. Jangan menikah untuk kepuasan sex saja :
Memang sex suci dan penting dalam hubungan suami-istri, namun tidak boleh menjadi tujuan utama dari pemikahan. Sex hanyalah salah satu bagian dari pernikahan. Orang yang hanya mengejar kenikmatan sex akan kecewa dan terjerat oleh kesusahan yang diciptakannya sendiri.
6. Jangan menikah karena paksaan keluarga :
Seorang anak harus berbakti kepada keluarga, namun tidak boleh menyerah dalam hal nikah, kalau mereka memang salah dan anda benar. Berdoalah dan berikanlah penjelasan kepada mereka, jangan dengan kekerasan.
7. Jangan menikah karena desakan usia :
Bila usia sudah menjelang senja dan rekan-rekan sudah berpasangan, orang akan mulai gelisah (terutama pada wanita). Banyak orang akhimya "asal tabrak dan sikat." Hindarilah tindakan tersebut.Sabadah dan yakinilah bahwa Tuhan sudah menyediakan yang terbaik untuk anda. Jangan takut kehabisan jatah dan kadaluarsa.
8. Jangan menikah untuk membalas jasa :
Orang yang telah berbuat baik perlu dibalas, tapi jangan dengan pernikahan. Salah satu hal lain yang tidak boleh dilupakan, dan merupakan yang terpenting adalah jangan menikah tanpa pengertian dan persiapan dengan tindakan yang nyata.
Menikahlah menurut pola rencana Tuhan
Daripada salah dan mengundang derita, lebih baik tidak menikah.
Jika tidak diteguhkan oleh Tuhan. Karena Tuhanlah yang menciptakan manusia sepasang-sepasang.
Tanpa persetujuan Tuhan, tidak mungkin manusia dapat bersatu !
Tidak ada gunanya hidup bergelimangan harta tanpa cinta. Harta dapat datang dan pergi setiap saat. "Cinta" yang sesat dan sesaat dapat diperoleh setiap saat, tapi cinta yang sejati tidak dapat dibeli dengan harta.
2. Jangan menikah karena perasaan asmara :
Rasa tertarik, simpati, naksir, yang merupakan asmara yang sering disalah artikan sebagai cinta. Asmara itu bukan cinta. Asmara dapat cepat berubah oleh rupa, harta, tempat dan keadaan. Asmara itu buta, tidak tahan lama dan tidak tahan uji. Cinta perlu diuji dalam suka dan duka dengan mata terbuka.
3. Jangan menikah karena rupa saja :
Kecantikan yang diluar memang indah, tapi dapat luntur termakan umur. Utamakanlah kecantikan yang di dalam.
4. Jangan menikah karena iba :
lba (rasa kasihan) memang baik dan harus ada dalam hidup kita, tapi tidak boleh menjadi dasar pemikahan. Kasihan dapat habis, tapi kasih tidak berkesudahan.Dasar pernikahan adalah kasih, bukan kasihan
5. Jangan menikah untuk kepuasan sex saja :
Memang sex suci dan penting dalam hubungan suami-istri, namun tidak boleh menjadi tujuan utama dari pemikahan. Sex hanyalah salah satu bagian dari pernikahan. Orang yang hanya mengejar kenikmatan sex akan kecewa dan terjerat oleh kesusahan yang diciptakannya sendiri.
6. Jangan menikah karena paksaan keluarga :
Seorang anak harus berbakti kepada keluarga, namun tidak boleh menyerah dalam hal nikah, kalau mereka memang salah dan anda benar. Berdoalah dan berikanlah penjelasan kepada mereka, jangan dengan kekerasan.
7. Jangan menikah karena desakan usia :
Bila usia sudah menjelang senja dan rekan-rekan sudah berpasangan, orang akan mulai gelisah (terutama pada wanita). Banyak orang akhimya "asal tabrak dan sikat." Hindarilah tindakan tersebut.Sabadah dan yakinilah bahwa Tuhan sudah menyediakan yang terbaik untuk anda. Jangan takut kehabisan jatah dan kadaluarsa.
8. Jangan menikah untuk membalas jasa :
Orang yang telah berbuat baik perlu dibalas, tapi jangan dengan pernikahan. Salah satu hal lain yang tidak boleh dilupakan, dan merupakan yang terpenting adalah jangan menikah tanpa pengertian dan persiapan dengan tindakan yang nyata.
Menikahlah menurut pola rencana Tuhan
Daripada salah dan mengundang derita, lebih baik tidak menikah.
Jika tidak diteguhkan oleh Tuhan. Karena Tuhanlah yang menciptakan manusia sepasang-sepasang.
Tanpa persetujuan Tuhan, tidak mungkin manusia dapat bersatu !
Friday, May 16, 2008
Self Values
How do we value ourself?? In accordance to what people think, in accordance to what our parents set for us or be it in accordance what you want in the first place.
Many of us forgets where to start first. Human tends to pleased others more in the first place than ownself. I did that before. It give me kind of satisfaction in me. What drives me in doing that? I don't know, perhaps when someone appreciate and feel happy of what we did that gives us sense of belonging and happiness.
But how long would we satisfied doing that and not having it the same way in return? Its like have a one way street, clapping with one hand and so on.
The secret of giving is never expecting a return. When expectation does not achieved it hurts ourself. At the end of the day we are being sulky.
I tried most of things i scare to do last time. Testing my strengths, patience, hatred and anger are not easy. Especially when you dont have anyone to turn to. I mean u can't shoot your friend with certain question. Like you cant ask ur husband about another man attitude, you cant ask your wife why her hands is so rough while the other lady you saw in the goldsmith shop is so smooth when you shop for her anniversary ring, and you cant ask your mom why cant she cook yummilicious like your indian neighbour.
Gathering few people thoughts about certain issue and reasoning why they think differently on the same issue makes me wonder sometimes. Why i can refuse many invitations but accepting one without objection. Why i can continue being friends or i can just ignored if they forgets. I will make few attempts to make them remember me. Once, twice, thrice and finally if theres no answer let them find me instead.
Life is more beautiful if you make it simpler. True at times i only look at it bitterly. Because i dont want to be in that shoe again. If im labelled without being analysed before further get to know session, i would just accept it.
At the end of the day people know how to make their own judgement.
Many of us forgets where to start first. Human tends to pleased others more in the first place than ownself. I did that before. It give me kind of satisfaction in me. What drives me in doing that? I don't know, perhaps when someone appreciate and feel happy of what we did that gives us sense of belonging and happiness.
But how long would we satisfied doing that and not having it the same way in return? Its like have a one way street, clapping with one hand and so on.
The secret of giving is never expecting a return. When expectation does not achieved it hurts ourself. At the end of the day we are being sulky.
I tried most of things i scare to do last time. Testing my strengths, patience, hatred and anger are not easy. Especially when you dont have anyone to turn to. I mean u can't shoot your friend with certain question. Like you cant ask ur husband about another man attitude, you cant ask your wife why her hands is so rough while the other lady you saw in the goldsmith shop is so smooth when you shop for her anniversary ring, and you cant ask your mom why cant she cook yummilicious like your indian neighbour.
Gathering few people thoughts about certain issue and reasoning why they think differently on the same issue makes me wonder sometimes. Why i can refuse many invitations but accepting one without objection. Why i can continue being friends or i can just ignored if they forgets. I will make few attempts to make them remember me. Once, twice, thrice and finally if theres no answer let them find me instead.
Life is more beautiful if you make it simpler. True at times i only look at it bitterly. Because i dont want to be in that shoe again. If im labelled without being analysed before further get to know session, i would just accept it.
At the end of the day people know how to make their own judgement.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Besties
I have a chance to go for a short trip to Jakarta last month. I was trying to get her to come with me for many times but it seems she is not interested to come. It was told to the other friends who always goes there on a good deal of fares. 4 of us went from 19th to 21st when she has something on. I was on a runnaway basis i guess when i took the offer.
Before that she send me a long email which invite my tears again of what she feels towards me, towards my action and towards the whole situation taken now. Ive been muting myself, ive been making a distance, ive been making an effort to heal myself without her noticing it.
But i know she is smart enough bcos we have been frens for more than 10 years. I know she feels me when im sobbing on my own. she always caught me crying when she is not suppose to call me that time. I believe god must have been nice to connect me with her in that way to make me smile and cheerful again.
I never want to question what i have done to her. Its very minimal to me The distant i made was to make her stronger n have more varieties of friend. With her i have grown my social networks, acquaintance, and good personal skills basically on self confidence.
She without fails always want me to look up myself high even we have differences in so many ways. Agree i cant find that quality in other friends. I cant elaborate more on that.
What makes me wanted to talk about this was because of my question last night. My last week conversation with her was highlighted in my centre of attention. Some one asked her that we have been friends for very long. Is there any chances of us liking the same person at the same time????
With that question i post her sms of her well being and when is her coming back from Swiss. Her answer continue after one another and the peak was "yes i like him bcause " "please refer next sms". From there i see her eyes glittering with joy, her heart jingling with music, flowers is blooming everywhere.
We were talking during the whole journey to KLIA about the same person. About her dinner, about the things they talked about. About how different he could be from some of them.
Perhaps when it comes to men subject we are very much sceptical about it. Why?????
From the sms ive gathered many things. After alarming my thoughts and view the danger of liking a same person. I told myself to back off. I myself dont understand why i am eargerly interested to know about the same person. When she told me that they are taking her to an occasion n taking me along, i straight away says yes. While she stil cant believe why i said yes n keep on repeating that i would back off last minute n etc.
I explained her some short n simple thoughts i have "nak keluar dengan org pun must kena dgn insticnt" Yeah, i dont simply accepted anyone invitation. Yes, im not choosy but the person must have some criteria and attention that create my temptation and i allow myself to know off. Personal trait i should say.
Now changing the interest to be more of a friend would be the best action i could do. By letting him know yesterday what makes me accepted the invitation was the first bold move ive ever done.
Yes, im known to be a bitter sweet person with thousand and one character. When other people are down n wanting others to help, I would rather be alone driving in a long drive, be on the beach letting the breeze slapping my face and blasting loud music to heal the pain im going through.
Why am i sceptical towards men, why am i bitter to any invitation of coffee tea or me issue. All the pain that i have are answerable to her. While no man can understand what woman want, there she is to sooth n calm one heart that shattered into pieces.
Now im hoping he can make her smile again while she is guarding her heart and he will make her mellow on the terms of accepting one man as and individual with their own specialities.
Yes, i do believe in that.
He has a blurry kind face that you cant predict what he is thinking but in writing a long message I already know that this person is passionate in what he is doing. (perhaps im wrong yeah) But its too early to comment further. I just want him to know he does catch my attention to know more of him, to understand his kind of manly behaviour and to be of his friend if i may have the chance.
But to my dearest friend i cant forgo more than i should have. I am thankful for the opportunity of this test and im thankful for i can accept it openly from the bottom of my heart. Yes, i want her to feel the happiness of having someone to understand her attitude, thinking and respecting her for who she is as a person.
Of all the girlfriends i have, no matter how hurt sometime her words slicing me, but she is still the nicest person i ever have in life. No, she does not know how much i appreciated her although she feels i neglected her when i was quiet in my space zone.
I never does that, she was never far away from my thoughts, its just that i want to heal the hurt i have towards her. No one understood what i have for her although i talked abt her sometime. Its hurting to know im not a good friend who doesnt know how to look after a nicest friend.
====================================================================
On the personal self of mine, the walls n barrier that i created in my heart before are hacken down for awhile but suddenly it grows up again all of a sudden after the recent commotion at home. Yes i was down, yes i was hurt but one thing i am happy although it hurted so much that ive seen mother love finally flowing.
How much can a single parent hold on to community social issue. Knowing me going early morning and come back at night, how much time would i have for my children, friends, family and others? What about myself??? Yes, malays are very sceptical but why dont they think first before they talked about it, think about and act on itt?
Anyway, i still lead my life as usual. Yes, i managed to hide all the feelings deep inside me. I managed to burried every hurts ive carry for the sake of my children. i want them to know, i want mom to know, the reason i lived today was my kids, was her, was my dad as long as i can still walk with pride and dignity.
Yes, ive done mistake in life, yes, ive neglected myself, yes, ive neglected my feeling and now i want to live being happy on only what i think after i thought of it, after i share it with certain people that i want to and people that i value.
Love please dont leave me just as yet. I still need you love to love my kids, my family, my friends and my passion...
God help me
Amin
Before that she send me a long email which invite my tears again of what she feels towards me, towards my action and towards the whole situation taken now. Ive been muting myself, ive been making a distance, ive been making an effort to heal myself without her noticing it.
But i know she is smart enough bcos we have been frens for more than 10 years. I know she feels me when im sobbing on my own. she always caught me crying when she is not suppose to call me that time. I believe god must have been nice to connect me with her in that way to make me smile and cheerful again.
I never want to question what i have done to her. Its very minimal to me The distant i made was to make her stronger n have more varieties of friend. With her i have grown my social networks, acquaintance, and good personal skills basically on self confidence.
She without fails always want me to look up myself high even we have differences in so many ways. Agree i cant find that quality in other friends. I cant elaborate more on that.
What makes me wanted to talk about this was because of my question last night. My last week conversation with her was highlighted in my centre of attention. Some one asked her that we have been friends for very long. Is there any chances of us liking the same person at the same time????
With that question i post her sms of her well being and when is her coming back from Swiss. Her answer continue after one another and the peak was "yes i like him bcause " "please refer next sms". From there i see her eyes glittering with joy, her heart jingling with music, flowers is blooming everywhere.
We were talking during the whole journey to KLIA about the same person. About her dinner, about the things they talked about. About how different he could be from some of them.
Perhaps when it comes to men subject we are very much sceptical about it. Why?????
From the sms ive gathered many things. After alarming my thoughts and view the danger of liking a same person. I told myself to back off. I myself dont understand why i am eargerly interested to know about the same person. When she told me that they are taking her to an occasion n taking me along, i straight away says yes. While she stil cant believe why i said yes n keep on repeating that i would back off last minute n etc.
I explained her some short n simple thoughts i have "nak keluar dengan org pun must kena dgn insticnt" Yeah, i dont simply accepted anyone invitation. Yes, im not choosy but the person must have some criteria and attention that create my temptation and i allow myself to know off. Personal trait i should say.
Now changing the interest to be more of a friend would be the best action i could do. By letting him know yesterday what makes me accepted the invitation was the first bold move ive ever done.
Yes, im known to be a bitter sweet person with thousand and one character. When other people are down n wanting others to help, I would rather be alone driving in a long drive, be on the beach letting the breeze slapping my face and blasting loud music to heal the pain im going through.
Why am i sceptical towards men, why am i bitter to any invitation of coffee tea or me issue. All the pain that i have are answerable to her. While no man can understand what woman want, there she is to sooth n calm one heart that shattered into pieces.
Now im hoping he can make her smile again while she is guarding her heart and he will make her mellow on the terms of accepting one man as and individual with their own specialities.
Yes, i do believe in that.
He has a blurry kind face that you cant predict what he is thinking but in writing a long message I already know that this person is passionate in what he is doing. (perhaps im wrong yeah) But its too early to comment further. I just want him to know he does catch my attention to know more of him, to understand his kind of manly behaviour and to be of his friend if i may have the chance.
But to my dearest friend i cant forgo more than i should have. I am thankful for the opportunity of this test and im thankful for i can accept it openly from the bottom of my heart. Yes, i want her to feel the happiness of having someone to understand her attitude, thinking and respecting her for who she is as a person.
Of all the girlfriends i have, no matter how hurt sometime her words slicing me, but she is still the nicest person i ever have in life. No, she does not know how much i appreciated her although she feels i neglected her when i was quiet in my space zone.
I never does that, she was never far away from my thoughts, its just that i want to heal the hurt i have towards her. No one understood what i have for her although i talked abt her sometime. Its hurting to know im not a good friend who doesnt know how to look after a nicest friend.
====================================================================
On the personal self of mine, the walls n barrier that i created in my heart before are hacken down for awhile but suddenly it grows up again all of a sudden after the recent commotion at home. Yes i was down, yes i was hurt but one thing i am happy although it hurted so much that ive seen mother love finally flowing.
How much can a single parent hold on to community social issue. Knowing me going early morning and come back at night, how much time would i have for my children, friends, family and others? What about myself??? Yes, malays are very sceptical but why dont they think first before they talked about it, think about and act on itt?
Anyway, i still lead my life as usual. Yes, i managed to hide all the feelings deep inside me. I managed to burried every hurts ive carry for the sake of my children. i want them to know, i want mom to know, the reason i lived today was my kids, was her, was my dad as long as i can still walk with pride and dignity.
Yes, ive done mistake in life, yes, ive neglected myself, yes, ive neglected my feeling and now i want to live being happy on only what i think after i thought of it, after i share it with certain people that i want to and people that i value.
Love please dont leave me just as yet. I still need you love to love my kids, my family, my friends and my passion...
God help me
Amin
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
No String
I was posed with a question "what do u think of no strings attached relationship?"
So far my answer is always no. i dont believe in relations without feelings and emotions. That's not relationship. That is only way of an escapism to have someone to attend to you without understanding her feelings.
They want their needs and wants to be heard but they arent hearing what you want.
Why do they think women are cheap? Because some women shows that trait.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Repost from MySpace :Young, Single and Bachelor
Mood:Freaking Raunchy
“Daripada I beri you duit beli telefon, lebih baik I beri you duit beli cincin. Kita kawin lagi bagus luv”. I just laugh and stifle at the screen. He is still trying. He gave up once. When theres many outings in groups for drinks, snooker and music over pub. When one day I came with Zahar to one of our frens stalls in gombak, he kind of slowed down chatting with me and become quiet after that.
Well I told everyone very clear, im not looking for a mate, boyfriend or husband in net. I was just looking for friend and extending my networking. I don’t have hidden agenda. Im not an opportunist nor a seeker of one attention. You came knocking, I’ll welcome you. You have reason to be here? So do I, but my clear reason is stated. Besides that im an open book, and as clear as crystal. I have nothing to hide, nor looking for something to fill in the gap. Basically I have you as friend just to fill in the blanks, to tone down the stress due to my bz job and exchange views and opinion. Besides questioning to prove the survey we did is right on track. Which was always successful.
There will be many reason why I avoid young and bachelor male. Its not going to be fair to him, his parents or his future. I will age, I am a mother and I have commitment. I wont have all the time in the world to breed his children is one big reason. At this age considering about my health is more important. I know god knows better but its not wrong to consider his age and my age at this moment. He is at the peak of his sex life and im going to be menopause soon. When he is back like an adult to enjoy life and being successful, im already at the edge of waiting for time to perform my haj and waiting for my creator to invite me back in his den.
Next reason, being a mother of four will always taking all my time to fulfill their wants and needs. I would love to give them the best and will not consider to add another cluster to be divided amongst them. That fair enough or perhaps not now while they need the best attention of me. It’s a no no fullstop!! That’s my wish as for now.
My commitment to my children as I made the vow when I accepted my first marriage was to take care of the zuriat that given by HIM in my hand. That was carried by me for 9 months and 9 days. To be taken care of till the day they can manage themselves one day, insyaallah.
Many men came. Some are pure seeking for companion, some are just seeking for bed partner and some was just pure looking for friendship. I accept them as it is. But to be accepted in my life like Zahar was far away from my thoughts. How did I fall? How I take that in my box of life? I don’t know. I don’t wish to take the headache again of manipulating myself, life and mind to create a space, place and piece of heart for any at the moment.
Cant say anything much because god knows better for me tomorrow. HE granted one but he take it back. HE lend me one but just for a test he said and then HE decided its not suitable for me and HE send another woman for him. Now im glad that my ex has gotten himself a girlfriend which now means I can be his friend who listen or even talk to him like old days. As for the sake of our children we come to a mutual term that we talk should the subject need to be shared. Ive seen him smiling more sweeter while talking to me. That’s what I want. Not someone yelling, accusing or harassing. He has become the most handsome person I know 13 years ago again with his smile. I have run away from the first topic.
Back to my story, I am thinking fairly as his mother would rather have single female to be the partner of her son. Which can be shared of with them when they are old. To grant them many grandchildren if possible. Every mom would want the best for their children which I respect them. It same goes to my mom too. She has been different lately. More sensitive to what I feel and need. Im glad patience is always the key to succeed and god always listen if you ask HIM passionately. Im glad HE did. Alhamdullillah.
Or I have this in my raunchy mind since I was married. Why don’t my husband find another woman and marry her so that I have a space for myself sometime. He can spend his time with another woman of his choice and its legal. I did ask him to find one. But he refused. “I have you, why should I need another one”. I fulfill every needs that he want. I cater time, space and everything in between my bz time as a mother, daughter, friend, niece, employee and importantly as a wife.
In my tired day, I never failed to smile, laughed, giggled with my colleagues, friends, relative, childrens and him. Was I missing those days? Practically im still the same. Its just the lack of a husband. Other than that? None.
Widi make me laugh yesterday out of my sleepy mood. He was telling his experience in the hospital. Besides taking the pain he has live entertainment and we shared that last nite over tea and nasi lemak.
Nina was laughing non stop, but arip was so cool, perhaps he was tired. Chelli pulak giggling je. Hmmm missed out some one there. She is in penang for an assignment. I receive beautiful photos earlier from rose and reposted the “GIRLS DAY OUTING”. The colours of ME was really nice n turns out well.
Why aren’t us taking picture when the adventure explored. It will be next. Mind was raging with ideas of stomping my feet to Orchard road soon. Rom is tempting me to go with her. Besides those beautiful ladies is waiting to have me there. Would I then see many people on the street still. Would I be pissed to see them romping on the road? Im still thinking, I would just hop a bus from Melaka and get straight to Lion City. I missed Merlion on my first visit. I want to make sure Im gonna take pics from there. I have about S$800 still in hand which I hardly used on my first visit. 4 tshirts, 2 fridge magnet n some other few items. Not even S$200 finish.
Boss please grant me a leave. I want to please myself this time. Walking, rambling, wondering, taking pictures, meeting people and have hell out of fun. It would be fun for me. Rom cant wait for the answer. So do I. God please let me have this wish. Grant me another mercy please.
But deep in there an itch question, will I meet roslinah on the street. Shit! Whenever heart is saying something, im sure somehow it will be happening.
Im gonna ask boss again. I will have to go, and I want to make it happen. Suddenly the visual of the lingering eyes popping. With the smile of course. Argh go away mister sexy smile, I aint needing you here. But the memories are welcome. *sigh*.
The lingering eyes wont go. I have to go, so that the eyes will reside my bedside.
Tomorrow I will ramble about the married man decent proposal. Will I consider that? I will have to seek for an answer with Istikharah again. Insyaallah, will meet again friends. Till then, sweet dreams.
“Daripada I beri you duit beli telefon, lebih baik I beri you duit beli cincin. Kita kawin lagi bagus luv”. I just laugh and stifle at the screen. He is still trying. He gave up once. When theres many outings in groups for drinks, snooker and music over pub. When one day I came with Zahar to one of our frens stalls in gombak, he kind of slowed down chatting with me and become quiet after that.
Well I told everyone very clear, im not looking for a mate, boyfriend or husband in net. I was just looking for friend and extending my networking. I don’t have hidden agenda. Im not an opportunist nor a seeker of one attention. You came knocking, I’ll welcome you. You have reason to be here? So do I, but my clear reason is stated. Besides that im an open book, and as clear as crystal. I have nothing to hide, nor looking for something to fill in the gap. Basically I have you as friend just to fill in the blanks, to tone down the stress due to my bz job and exchange views and opinion. Besides questioning to prove the survey we did is right on track. Which was always successful.
There will be many reason why I avoid young and bachelor male. Its not going to be fair to him, his parents or his future. I will age, I am a mother and I have commitment. I wont have all the time in the world to breed his children is one big reason. At this age considering about my health is more important. I know god knows better but its not wrong to consider his age and my age at this moment. He is at the peak of his sex life and im going to be menopause soon. When he is back like an adult to enjoy life and being successful, im already at the edge of waiting for time to perform my haj and waiting for my creator to invite me back in his den.
Next reason, being a mother of four will always taking all my time to fulfill their wants and needs. I would love to give them the best and will not consider to add another cluster to be divided amongst them. That fair enough or perhaps not now while they need the best attention of me. It’s a no no fullstop!! That’s my wish as for now.
My commitment to my children as I made the vow when I accepted my first marriage was to take care of the zuriat that given by HIM in my hand. That was carried by me for 9 months and 9 days. To be taken care of till the day they can manage themselves one day, insyaallah.
Many men came. Some are pure seeking for companion, some are just seeking for bed partner and some was just pure looking for friendship. I accept them as it is. But to be accepted in my life like Zahar was far away from my thoughts. How did I fall? How I take that in my box of life? I don’t know. I don’t wish to take the headache again of manipulating myself, life and mind to create a space, place and piece of heart for any at the moment.
Cant say anything much because god knows better for me tomorrow. HE granted one but he take it back. HE lend me one but just for a test he said and then HE decided its not suitable for me and HE send another woman for him. Now im glad that my ex has gotten himself a girlfriend which now means I can be his friend who listen or even talk to him like old days. As for the sake of our children we come to a mutual term that we talk should the subject need to be shared. Ive seen him smiling more sweeter while talking to me. That’s what I want. Not someone yelling, accusing or harassing. He has become the most handsome person I know 13 years ago again with his smile. I have run away from the first topic.
Back to my story, I am thinking fairly as his mother would rather have single female to be the partner of her son. Which can be shared of with them when they are old. To grant them many grandchildren if possible. Every mom would want the best for their children which I respect them. It same goes to my mom too. She has been different lately. More sensitive to what I feel and need. Im glad patience is always the key to succeed and god always listen if you ask HIM passionately. Im glad HE did. Alhamdullillah.
Or I have this in my raunchy mind since I was married. Why don’t my husband find another woman and marry her so that I have a space for myself sometime. He can spend his time with another woman of his choice and its legal. I did ask him to find one. But he refused. “I have you, why should I need another one”. I fulfill every needs that he want. I cater time, space and everything in between my bz time as a mother, daughter, friend, niece, employee and importantly as a wife.
In my tired day, I never failed to smile, laughed, giggled with my colleagues, friends, relative, childrens and him. Was I missing those days? Practically im still the same. Its just the lack of a husband. Other than that? None.
Widi make me laugh yesterday out of my sleepy mood. He was telling his experience in the hospital. Besides taking the pain he has live entertainment and we shared that last nite over tea and nasi lemak.
Nina was laughing non stop, but arip was so cool, perhaps he was tired. Chelli pulak giggling je. Hmmm missed out some one there. She is in penang for an assignment. I receive beautiful photos earlier from rose and reposted the “GIRLS DAY OUTING”. The colours of ME was really nice n turns out well.
Why aren’t us taking picture when the adventure explored. It will be next. Mind was raging with ideas of stomping my feet to Orchard road soon. Rom is tempting me to go with her. Besides those beautiful ladies is waiting to have me there. Would I then see many people on the street still. Would I be pissed to see them romping on the road? Im still thinking, I would just hop a bus from Melaka and get straight to Lion City. I missed Merlion on my first visit. I want to make sure Im gonna take pics from there. I have about S$800 still in hand which I hardly used on my first visit. 4 tshirts, 2 fridge magnet n some other few items. Not even S$200 finish.
Boss please grant me a leave. I want to please myself this time. Walking, rambling, wondering, taking pictures, meeting people and have hell out of fun. It would be fun for me. Rom cant wait for the answer. So do I. God please let me have this wish. Grant me another mercy please.
But deep in there an itch question, will I meet roslinah on the street. Shit! Whenever heart is saying something, im sure somehow it will be happening.
Im gonna ask boss again. I will have to go, and I want to make it happen. Suddenly the visual of the lingering eyes popping. With the smile of course. Argh go away mister sexy smile, I aint needing you here. But the memories are welcome. *sigh*.
The lingering eyes wont go. I have to go, so that the eyes will reside my bedside.
Tomorrow I will ramble about the married man decent proposal. Will I consider that? I will have to seek for an answer with Istikharah again. Insyaallah, will meet again friends. Till then, sweet dreams.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Mind Boggling
Sukarnya untuk menjadi diri sendirikan... kadang2 kita terpaksa menipu walaupun kita tak mahu demi menjaga hati orang keliling. Dah lama aku tak menanggis...
Aku tidak lagi merasa sedih. Aku sebenarnya bahagia. Ada insan yang melayan jiwaku dengan sabar. Dulu lawanku yang selalu buat kerenah tetapi sekarang aku... aku yang ingin merasakan kelainan... merasakan diri dilayan, disayang dan segala yang ku perlukan.
Cuma yang satu aku masih tetap disitu.......
Aku tidak lagi merasa sedih. Aku sebenarnya bahagia. Ada insan yang melayan jiwaku dengan sabar. Dulu lawanku yang selalu buat kerenah tetapi sekarang aku... aku yang ingin merasakan kelainan... merasakan diri dilayan, disayang dan segala yang ku perlukan.
Cuma yang satu aku masih tetap disitu.......
Thursday, March 13, 2008
School Holiday
Mood: Fresh
I was away since Sunday to the beach. The place i always long to be. I was feeling good to be back to the place that soothe and calm me emotionally and physically. I feel fresh, beautiful and radiant.
Simply because I got to cook for my children before we take off and take few things with us to eat during the outings.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Respect
Mood: Bitchy
How deep is your understanding when you say you know your best friend, girl friend or boy friend.
Some people claim they are a good friend to their friend but they can't give their advice and opinions. Respectful friends will listen and hear out the pro and cons but will decide according to what they feel and think. And as a good friend or someone close to her/ him would respect what ever her/ his decision taken by her/him.
"You are attracted to me Lyenna?" I was asked...
"I like you, attracted ermm... nope!"
"you dont have to be nice, just say it" he replied
"i just said what i feel, nothing more nor less"
and the conversation continues and make me feel cornered to the point i have to tell him.
"you know what, Ive been nice to you all this while becoz i care abt people feelings but now i have to tell you this.... "
"i hate being pushed and you are one of them, so with that excused given to you all this while was the answer of why i never agree to any date, appoinment or saying yes when R asked me to come for dinner with you"
"you want me to be blunt? There you go. I'll go or say yes to anyone i like or feel comfortable with and it depends on when and how my moods are"
They dont have to be handsome or pretty to be with me, they can enjoy all night long sharing tales and story if i feel i want to grant my precious time. But since you want me to follow and suit you i guess i have problems with that. Not just you! Its anyone.
I have my own priority and its my prerogative on how i should manage it. I know i've been running away. I dont mind making friends but i mind when that friends have something beyond. Im sorry i cant entertain that.
Relationship put me in a lots of difficulties and emotional swing. I just want the shortcuts or the highway which is long but smooth, meaning be friend but not emotion bondage. Scared, yes i am. Fall? Yes, i can easily because of my vulnerability. Hence, i avoid being in one. I just want what i want now. Nothing more, nothing less.
I am in a middle of something. I would just give myself few more months and then ill decide which path suits me best...
I know i want something to hold on but if that person cant open the umbrella wide then i cant force anything into his nor mine. I let the flow brings me where i should be. I wont be stressing myself again to hurt me. No more!
I just enjoy the attention, enjoy they pampering me, enjoy them being around me, but please dont come near, ill fly again like a bird. Once i get myself bored at certain place i'll fly again further or back to the same place i 've been. I like it, I stay longer, I dont, i'll move on again.
What stays?? Treasure of a friendship, you can be there for it then be there. You can't, you have a choice. Dont waste it. Yes life is short. I do it my way...
How deep is your understanding when you say you know your best friend, girl friend or boy friend.
Some people claim they are a good friend to their friend but they can't give their advice and opinions. Respectful friends will listen and hear out the pro and cons but will decide according to what they feel and think. And as a good friend or someone close to her/ him would respect what ever her/ his decision taken by her/him.
"You are attracted to me Lyenna?" I was asked...
"I like you, attracted ermm... nope!"
"you dont have to be nice, just say it" he replied
"i just said what i feel, nothing more nor less"
and the conversation continues and make me feel cornered to the point i have to tell him.
"you know what, Ive been nice to you all this while becoz i care abt people feelings but now i have to tell you this.... "
"i hate being pushed and you are one of them, so with that excused given to you all this while was the answer of why i never agree to any date, appoinment or saying yes when R asked me to come for dinner with you"
"you want me to be blunt? There you go. I'll go or say yes to anyone i like or feel comfortable with and it depends on when and how my moods are"
They dont have to be handsome or pretty to be with me, they can enjoy all night long sharing tales and story if i feel i want to grant my precious time. But since you want me to follow and suit you i guess i have problems with that. Not just you! Its anyone.
I have my own priority and its my prerogative on how i should manage it. I know i've been running away. I dont mind making friends but i mind when that friends have something beyond. Im sorry i cant entertain that.
Relationship put me in a lots of difficulties and emotional swing. I just want the shortcuts or the highway which is long but smooth, meaning be friend but not emotion bondage. Scared, yes i am. Fall? Yes, i can easily because of my vulnerability. Hence, i avoid being in one. I just want what i want now. Nothing more, nothing less.
I am in a middle of something. I would just give myself few more months and then ill decide which path suits me best...
I know i want something to hold on but if that person cant open the umbrella wide then i cant force anything into his nor mine. I let the flow brings me where i should be. I wont be stressing myself again to hurt me. No more!
I just enjoy the attention, enjoy they pampering me, enjoy them being around me, but please dont come near, ill fly again like a bird. Once i get myself bored at certain place i'll fly again further or back to the same place i 've been. I like it, I stay longer, I dont, i'll move on again.
What stays?? Treasure of a friendship, you can be there for it then be there. You can't, you have a choice. Dont waste it. Yes life is short. I do it my way...
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Reasons to love a Woman
Category: Life
You can feel her CARE in a form of a Sister
You can feel her WARMTH in a form of a Friend
You can feel her PASSION in a form of a Beloved
You can feel her DEDICATION in a form of a Wife
You can feel her DIVINITY in a form of a Mother
You can feel her BLESSINGS in a form of a Grandmother
Yet she is so Tough too...
Her heart is so Tender...
So Naughty...
So Charming...
So Sharing...
So Melodious...
She is a Woman...
She is Life...
RESPECT HER
You can feel her CARE in a form of a Sister
You can feel her WARMTH in a form of a Friend
You can feel her PASSION in a form of a Beloved
You can feel her DEDICATION in a form of a Wife
You can feel her DIVINITY in a form of a Mother
You can feel her BLESSINGS in a form of a Grandmother
Yet she is so Tough too...
Her heart is so Tender...
So Naughty...
So Charming...
So Sharing...
So Melodious...
She is a Woman...
She is Life...
RESPECT HER
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
DESA PANDAN APARTMENT UNTUK DIJUAL
Desa Pandan apartment untuk dijual. Block G
Convenient location 5 mins to town, 5 mins to Ampang, 5 mins to Cheras, etc
Front and back extension.
Ground Floor, 3 rooms, 2 bathrooms, renovated.
Selling Price RM185k neg.
Please call lina 019-2436875
Friday, February 22, 2008
Senggal Sungguh
Pagi ni aku hangin seperti biasa bila janji tak ditepati. Tensen sungguh aku. Bila marah muka aku cemberut!!! Tak manis langsung. Dah jalan sikit baru aku ok. Dia seperti biasa nak gurau2.
aku ni kalau dah lambat jgn kata gurau, cakap pun tak nak. HANGIIIIIIINNNN satu badan. Bila perasaaan marah meluap, tuhan nak tunjukkan angin tu padaku pada dia, bedebuk aku jatuh atas jalan sebab brek mengejut dan minyak licin.
Kaki dia terseliuh, kulit tangan rabak and aku tangan dan pinggang sakit. Yang teruk dia laa.
Adoi sakitnya.HAMPEH tul. Kete yg brek mengejut didepan terus belah tak pandang belakang. mamat yg naik estima belakang kami ni keluar tolong angkat kami pembonceng dan penunggang ke tepi. siap tanya ok ke tak, nak i hantar u pg spital ke tak. dah yg bestnya dia ni bukan melayu yg keje eksekutif kat Philips. pada yang pandang memandang sambil lalu tu i memang respect dia anak melayu yg tinggi adat budi bahasa dari belakang mati kot.
Sungguh menyedihkan kerana aku tak boleh di belenggu amarah yang ekstrim. Jadi cacat tangan ku. Jam favourite aku calar. Tapi yang tak tahan tgk muka dia yg berkeriut tahan sakit.
Sapa suruh buat aku marah. Baru dua hari lepas buat hal, pagi ni buat lagi. Bukan aku tak pemaaf tapi mengulanggi perbuatan yg aku benci sungguh SENGGAL tau!!!
aku ni kalau dah lambat jgn kata gurau, cakap pun tak nak. HANGIIIIIIINNNN satu badan. Bila perasaaan marah meluap, tuhan nak tunjukkan angin tu padaku pada dia, bedebuk aku jatuh atas jalan sebab brek mengejut dan minyak licin.
Kaki dia terseliuh, kulit tangan rabak and aku tangan dan pinggang sakit. Yang teruk dia laa.
Adoi sakitnya.HAMPEH tul. Kete yg brek mengejut didepan terus belah tak pandang belakang. mamat yg naik estima belakang kami ni keluar tolong angkat kami pembonceng dan penunggang ke tepi. siap tanya ok ke tak, nak i hantar u pg spital ke tak. dah yg bestnya dia ni bukan melayu yg keje eksekutif kat Philips. pada yang pandang memandang sambil lalu tu i memang respect dia anak melayu yg tinggi adat budi bahasa dari belakang mati kot.
Sungguh menyedihkan kerana aku tak boleh di belenggu amarah yang ekstrim. Jadi cacat tangan ku. Jam favourite aku calar. Tapi yang tak tahan tgk muka dia yg berkeriut tahan sakit.
Sapa suruh buat aku marah. Baru dua hari lepas buat hal, pagi ni buat lagi. Bukan aku tak pemaaf tapi mengulanggi perbuatan yg aku benci sungguh SENGGAL tau!!!
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