Why do we get affected sometimes. Love strucks if we allow it travel from the eyes right through the heart. When the journey start, brain wont be functioning well. Mind and emotion dont speaks same language.
While we want to be rational it often end to be emotional. And most of the time we let emotions decide than the brain. While the brain is saying no and emotions doesn't let go, it hurts as much as someone just leave you abruptly without saying anything.
While reasoning sometimes takes place but emotions failed to address the matter correctly. It took a courage and willpower to address what loves got to do with it.
Ive been building my trust, comppasion and love towards men again since the fall. But i hardly found believability in finding the reasons where i need to love. What loves are all about?
Love is about giving without expecting any from the other. With that loves are sweeter than expected. How do we achieve in relationship? Indeed very subjective. We tend to love and yet get it in return to make sure what we give are in order felt.
Looking back of what had given to HIM 16 years back. 2 years being in love, 10 years living together loving him unconditionally, and 6 years leaving my live empty without a man doesnt means im out of love.
Fulfillment came from THE ALMIGHTHY giving all sorts of love i needed except man. Yes, he sent me one after another to love but in return i know i can only love but cant be loved the same way i did. When i put it a stop, when i let myself go, flowing with all the love given from family, friends, acquantaince n etc i am more happier. Why because im not expecting. When i expect the same im hurt.
Now a replacement which was build from a friendship is running on a stagnant mode. Im not wanting to have anything else now. Not even assurance that i one day will be married again. 6 years past with lots of consequences and sweetness, i am now a person who knows what i want most in life.
I can travell anytime i like, i can be with whom i like, i can read anything that catch my eyes, i can go out n listen to Shakira fast pace and sway along with the music i love to hear n relief my loneliness when it comes knocking. Yes, community are not happy the way i live my way but what the heck.
Although at time im hungry for attention and need someone just to pamper me but deep in me always alarming that attention might lead me to further kind of shit. And so i grab my car key driving alone in the midst of night finding my soul, my love and eternity. I know HE knows what i want, what i crave badly but perhaps the time has not arrived for me just yet. Patience that i build n keep has made me stronger and being survivor all this while.
Grasping my soul alone with the moonlight and starry nights always heals me, although i dont achieve anything but at least im counting the stars instead of sin. Im a human being, the craving needs hurting me day by day but at least HE hears me well. He drive me into an excellence escapade rather than being a zombie. If i cant find that in a man, at least i found that in my ownself. So i know that IM NOT ALWAYS ALONE...
He is always there for me when i need him. And to him who claimed to love me, you know words aint enuogh... I can say i love you million times but to affects you with my passion and compassion are hard. Bitterness thought me to be carefull always but vulnerability always bring me back to reality that im only human who will not runaway from mistakes.
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