It was an honour to love and be loved by someone. But most importantly is to love HIM most and wholeheartedly. Only then you will know and understand what love is all about. The tenderness, the caring part, the passion, the calmness, the peace that you will carry in you within daily life.
The beautiful part is to accept things as it is although there is a plenty question to ask around you. Things happen because it has to according to HIM. It comes from yourself, within you.
Sometime we tend to be ignorance to certain issue towards people but the fact is some people around us couldn’t stand it. Do people really knows and understand you the way HE does?
Last nite I was sitting in my car for long listening to something factual and reality. Slowly the feelings changed into deep sadness of how some people see from their side. Yes, everyone has their own right towards everything. Reason why I don’t want to open up to anyone about my story was because I don’t want to change their perceptions. If that’s what you think about some people I let you think the way you want it.
Because of all people who knows whoever they are in your own life was only you to know them indepth. The social circle was to make us learn about individual. If certain people only learning how to live at the age of 30 or 20 or may 40. I’ve learn it all the way through. If people can’t stand my way I can’t make them understand certain things underlaying the reason gave.
But when she said I always justify, accommodate, adapting, accepting every reason one gave to me doesn’t that give her a signal. Am I not doing the same to her too? But who am I to question that? I just eat it up.
Do I complaint about one behaviour towards me sometimes. The most I could do was hibernate myself alone. I will only entertain who ever can. She was the longest friend I have but couldn’t see me in the true eyes but then again I told myself “that’s her”. I don’t complaint but I evaluate what she said my way.
When a married man goes out of the house to find love what does comes to mind? He’s not logical, he is stupid, he is insane, he is just testing waters, he is just pure lay, he is just bastard who never gets enough. No matter how good the woman are to them its still not enough.
Hunters they are, if they don’t eat it they would just smells it. Remembering what she says about Yusfi, reminds me to Halimi, who has to say this “you purposely arrange your swimming class or outing when you’re having your periods?”. I just smile and walks away from him looking at my children happily playing in the water.
There is always a purpose people asking, inviting and reason to be there. Why do I need a man when I have full complete life even its hard. Companion, understanding, share my reason why I still work here though I feel being penalize all the time but im happy of what im learning and do what I can.
I don’t want to go further. I had cried enough all night because of that conversation and its affected other people too. But then if she is capable to do that with me what more to others hence again I told myself “its just her”.
And I wake up taking my bath in wee hours seeking solace presenting my thoughts and soul to HIM. Only him will understand, and knows why I do that to everyone. I dare not ask HIM whether have I not being fair to everyone and why everyone is not being fair to me.
Was it not enough to be accommodating, adapting and understanding people around. I leave it to HIM to answer me in point of time. I don’t look forward to my birthday because its only brings me sadness of that I have done to people around me can never satisfy them enough.
Now is a time to satisfy and pleased my self alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment