I find it crued to be 'ME' sometime... I was given this book by Rome for my birthday present. Over the weekend I have time for myself to rest, to sleep, to laze to be alone solely to myself. No one knows what am i up to. What kind of action im taking and what's been taken
I took the opportunity to think, to ponder to defeat my rationale, my normalities over things i have not done.
Be an unorthodox is one of the subtitle from the book... Strange but thats reality. People love to go with the flow and leading to the exit where the norms are but think otherwise. Of course there will be consequences but surely you know where it leads you.
My conclusion is "No one is perfect". Except them as what they are beautifully! Now im heading to my best path of life journey. Destination is not the key important issue to get best thing in life. It is what you captured along the journey as an experience and share it amongst who you are with. Jetsetting your life the way you want it to be is the best choice for now.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sealing
Im back to hiatus. There is so many things in my head. I take it one at the time.
Yes, i complicate it, yes im trying to complement and finally to complete my conclusion. Perhaps few more month. I need time, i need a light from HIM. Every question has answers. I dont have time to portray the question, yet analyse it and conclude.
Roughly i have the skeleton but then i dont know where to start it.
Yes, i complicate it, yes im trying to complement and finally to complete my conclusion. Perhaps few more month. I need time, i need a light from HIM. Every question has answers. I dont have time to portray the question, yet analyse it and conclude.
Roughly i have the skeleton but then i dont know where to start it.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Man vs. Woman Ego
Everyone of has ego... How do we manage and tame our own? Have anyone ever think of it? I do most of the time whenever i have conversation with anyone. We will then have a clear picture on what we have just communicated. Each one of us have our own way of saying, giving own views and so on...
From there evaluating what we say over what we've discussed... Not everything will come our way of course but we learn about each other. What are sensitive or not. Lately i become ME.. i triggered lots of mans ego, also boosting mine. At the end of the day i take charge of what i said. If it is good i used it if not i wont repeat the same to other people. Its not nice.
Now i learn to silent myself when im challenged but i resist in action. No words can tame me but i learn to be better each day.
You dont like that way, i use this way, u aint change i will be...
Wake up lynna
From there evaluating what we say over what we've discussed... Not everything will come our way of course but we learn about each other. What are sensitive or not. Lately i become ME.. i triggered lots of mans ego, also boosting mine. At the end of the day i take charge of what i said. If it is good i used it if not i wont repeat the same to other people. Its not nice.
Now i learn to silent myself when im challenged but i resist in action. No words can tame me but i learn to be better each day.
You dont like that way, i use this way, u aint change i will be...
Wake up lynna
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Medan 10-13th July
Early morning we are off to Medan. Upon arriving we are welcomed by Rian. We were taken to warung soto ayam for breakfast since everyone had not have a chance to have it afterall its so early.
It was a very good and delicious soto ayam for the day for everyone of us. Then we move on to Parapat in a journey of 3 hours. We stop at one place where they snacks are sold n for refreshment. And continue to our destination for lunch. The food was sumptios but its soo hot but all of them enjoying it very much after the long drive and also the zig zag road.
After lunch it was raining and the place is so cold. So we settled to our room and have coffee while taking pictures and start gossipings. I leave them with their individuality and i reach for the bed to cover my sleep last nite. It was a long day for me at work and i am settled only at 3am.
The coldness add the coziness and i dozed in deep sleep. Waking up fresh and bathe then we ready for dinner. Dinner was so so and then too tired maybe they decided to go to rooms and chit chatting while few went out to scrutinize the place.
We the market researchers will sample the food, ciggie, places of interest and things we should add into our colourful research world.
The next day after bfast we checked out and off we are to Berastagi. Another long journey to uphill and zig zagger road again. We reach certain point to have lunch, of course the hot lunch again and then for Teh Bandrek (teh halia + gula merah + pepper and goreng pisang) in a highland restaurant where the breeze and the coldness envelope us. The TEh Bandrek do warm us actually. But another long journey and trapped in the jam with darkness is not really me to capture.
My body start aching, my head start spinning n roller coasting. By the time we reach Grand Mutiara i am almost like kangkung goreng. We had dinner, bathe and they decided to go for Karaoke.
With the golden girls Karaoke was really fun and laughter was part of the lyrics. We parted at 2.30am their time and wake early to check out to Medan. There is so much of protest about having good Hotel but less time to spent on the cosy bed.
Next destination was the Sipisopiso Waterfall. Its 2 hours journey from the hotel and then another hour to Medan town before we reach our next hotel.
We were taken to Batik place and lunch was nice after all the hot minangkabau food the Chinese cuisine was really good for all of us. We reach JW Marriot at about 3pm. Some of them opted for massage but for me n my roomate staying comfy in the luxury room was heaven after a long day of journey.
My head is really bursting that even soaking in the hot bathtub dont really help much. We had dinner in another hotel and discussing plans for the last day in Medan.
We woke up late the next day and enjoy our very first decent breakfast in the just 5 months old 5 star hotel in Medan. The spread was good from the continental to western and Japanese was amongst the famous to researchers.
When comes to luxury holidays n fine dinings they who have tasted from the normal to the best will opt for the best as always but nonetheless we will still do sampling when necessary arise.
Ill upload some pictures when its ready
5.55pm 14/07/09
It was a very good and delicious soto ayam for the day for everyone of us. Then we move on to Parapat in a journey of 3 hours. We stop at one place where they snacks are sold n for refreshment. And continue to our destination for lunch. The food was sumptios but its soo hot but all of them enjoying it very much after the long drive and also the zig zag road.
After lunch it was raining and the place is so cold. So we settled to our room and have coffee while taking pictures and start gossipings. I leave them with their individuality and i reach for the bed to cover my sleep last nite. It was a long day for me at work and i am settled only at 3am.
The coldness add the coziness and i dozed in deep sleep. Waking up fresh and bathe then we ready for dinner. Dinner was so so and then too tired maybe they decided to go to rooms and chit chatting while few went out to scrutinize the place.
We the market researchers will sample the food, ciggie, places of interest and things we should add into our colourful research world.
The next day after bfast we checked out and off we are to Berastagi. Another long journey to uphill and zig zagger road again. We reach certain point to have lunch, of course the hot lunch again and then for Teh Bandrek (teh halia + gula merah + pepper and goreng pisang) in a highland restaurant where the breeze and the coldness envelope us. The TEh Bandrek do warm us actually. But another long journey and trapped in the jam with darkness is not really me to capture.
My body start aching, my head start spinning n roller coasting. By the time we reach Grand Mutiara i am almost like kangkung goreng. We had dinner, bathe and they decided to go for Karaoke.
With the golden girls Karaoke was really fun and laughter was part of the lyrics. We parted at 2.30am their time and wake early to check out to Medan. There is so much of protest about having good Hotel but less time to spent on the cosy bed.
Next destination was the Sipisopiso Waterfall. Its 2 hours journey from the hotel and then another hour to Medan town before we reach our next hotel.
We were taken to Batik place and lunch was nice after all the hot minangkabau food the Chinese cuisine was really good for all of us. We reach JW Marriot at about 3pm. Some of them opted for massage but for me n my roomate staying comfy in the luxury room was heaven after a long day of journey.
My head is really bursting that even soaking in the hot bathtub dont really help much. We had dinner in another hotel and discussing plans for the last day in Medan.
We woke up late the next day and enjoy our very first decent breakfast in the just 5 months old 5 star hotel in Medan. The spread was good from the continental to western and Japanese was amongst the famous to researchers.
When comes to luxury holidays n fine dinings they who have tasted from the normal to the best will opt for the best as always but nonetheless we will still do sampling when necessary arise.
Ill upload some pictures when its ready
5.55pm 14/07/09
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Lingering Eyes
I had him in my dreams yesterday. Trying to explain what had happen. Before everything could end off it was cut short by awakening to reality.
Sign of letting go. I have found the sincerity and the new humility of life. He will remains in the precious moment profile.
He may come to my dreams again but no need to explains as its not needed. Let the manipulations works on everywhere but not me. Let alone who i want to be, what i am going to do.
You have been a good fren, listener, advisor. I'll keep em in the box of memories now
Sign of letting go. I have found the sincerity and the new humility of life. He will remains in the precious moment profile.
He may come to my dreams again but no need to explains as its not needed. Let the manipulations works on everywhere but not me. Let alone who i want to be, what i am going to do.
You have been a good fren, listener, advisor. I'll keep em in the box of memories now
Melody of Life Drama
I feel lost and numb ever since it hit me. I never want to do this but at force I am taking an action of what I wanted. Now I have a junction of what some people love and hate. I am taking a risk, yes, undeniably.
If once I had just refused myself but then now I am not willing to. Perhaps, I will fall, perhaps I will get the peace of mind, or perhaps I will be left alone again.
But then I have the chance, the opportunity to be love, desired and crave for. Was it wrong? I don’t want to think about it.
Triangle love?? No, it was not. Its many and I keep it flowing. How do I manage it? I don’t know. Let it be as it is. I am not going to rush anyone but if they take the bait and act on it that will be a bonus.
From what I see it wont be in the near future. It may take years again. But then I am the one who initiate it, the consequences will be mine then.
I can see how frustrated one can be when shelter are shared but they are like not knowing each other, not addressing each other neither being appreciated. Somehow the fierce me had made him talked and shared what had happened.
Finally the hearts are not made of stone. Time will tell and time will tame the symphony according to the melody of life drama.
Would I be getting what I want? Answers that could only be answered by me…
16th June 2009
12.09
The other half
There’ s three but none at least come with expectation.
Expectation would make one look highly on others but can we come up to it if we are there. Do not ask for anyone to change but look at yourself.
If the change is needed then start it with yourself first. What I am doing now is changing the lane and the path that I had once upon a time.
Being loyal as friend, as lover and the obliging partner was never doing good to me. I was taken a ride and advantage for sort of it. I was just listening, hardly taking any point and also just pass if there is something not right.
I never dealt with it the way I want it. I was just merely following suits. Now I am slowly taking the courage of speaking whom I want to be and I know I would loose certain people somehow. But then if its worth it shouldn't matters any longer.
Do as I may, follow if I should. I am better now...
19th June 2009
12.20
Complicate, Complement and Complete
Indeed what I am thru now is difficult but if I don't so it I will not have the answer why it should be that way.
At the same time on changing lane , I am trying the whole new experience of being in a junction. As much as I know I don't answer to any of them as they can’t make their own decision. Why should i???
In order to get an answer I have to drift into another path which leads me to honesty, sincerity and a gentleman. Yes, he cant fulfill, yes he wants me but its better to tell me rather to give me a hope in which he can’t grant it.
Yes, perhaps being in denial always make us make a wrong choice. We take the flow but alerting each other that direction was not a destination to where we suppose to be. We in short enjoying the companion but hate to accept whats next.
I am not going to loose another friend again. I will be putting the feelings aside not wanting to loose what I have experienced once before. Even this time without a second or third party.
In short I will be separating my mental needs and my feeling to total separation of needing a best companion for a very very long time. I know I complicate to complement in order to complete the imperfections of life needs.
No one will dictate what you want in life except you. So life is always about a choice in order to achieve your own destinations.
28th June 2009
1.11am
Friday, June 05, 2009
Life Goes On
Shame on you if you fooled me once,
Shame on me if you fooled me twice
Youve been a pretty hard case to crack
I shouldve known better but I didnt and I cant go back
Oooh, life goes on, and its only gonna make me strong
Its a fact, once you get on board say goodbye cuz you cant go back
Oooh, its a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where Im at, is my life before me, got this feeling that I cant go back
Shame on me if you fooled me twice
Youve been a pretty hard case to crack
I shouldve known better but I didnt and I cant go back
Oooh, life goes on, and its only gonna make me strong
Its a fact, once you get on board say goodbye cuz you cant go back
Oooh, its a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where Im at, is my life before me, got this feeling that I cant go back
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Reunion 2 -30th May 2009
Finally reunion 2 successfully done on Saturday 30th May.
Participants consisting Nona, Teh, Aniza, Suraya, Azlita, Radiah, Noorin, Azura, Azlinda, Lili Norsharira, Noranita, Zaililah, Azah, Roslina, Azizah and me.
Later, after i left Nani, Lin, Suria and the rest come till nite.
I have to leave by 5.30pm as i had 730pm flite to catch to Singapore.
All in all every one was happy. It was a pickup point centre in Petronas, Tesco Ampang where 5 cars following to 36, Jalan Wangsa Murni 3,Wangsa Melawati.
I am glad that i had make this event a yearly event for myself to keep up.
Im sure loads to come. Im enthralled by it.
See you again soon.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Surprise Party
10th May was Shahira's birthday. Shes back after 2 weeks in camp. I visited her last weekend in UPM. She has turn so darm due to the sunburn. ERm i can imagine i am when i was there that time.
While i was discovering the long lost friend now i met a friend who still keeps my picture in her box of past memories. One of the pix shows how exactly i look like with my second dotter when i was in secondary school.
We celebrated her birhtday last Saturday, 16th, May. I got him to pick her up for Cochrance and we prepared her fav food, inclusive spaghetti, sandwich, salad, gaijor, donuts, pau's and etc. Best things is her cakes was a mini cupcakes design with the track field and sports shoes.
She was stunned to see home was quite and dark. But theres people in white sitting quitely and motionless till the song sing by us. She was startled and cant believe that what she has in mind was what is happening to her at the very moment.
We had a good time with every one around minus my niece.
It was good celebration after 3 months my dad passaway.
While i was discovering the long lost friend now i met a friend who still keeps my picture in her box of past memories. One of the pix shows how exactly i look like with my second dotter when i was in secondary school.
We celebrated her birhtday last Saturday, 16th, May. I got him to pick her up for Cochrance and we prepared her fav food, inclusive spaghetti, sandwich, salad, gaijor, donuts, pau's and etc. Best things is her cakes was a mini cupcakes design with the track field and sports shoes.
She was stunned to see home was quite and dark. But theres people in white sitting quitely and motionless till the song sing by us. She was startled and cant believe that what she has in mind was what is happening to her at the very moment.
We had a good time with every one around minus my niece.
It was good celebration after 3 months my dad passaway.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Excitement
Cant hold it any longer for the reason that i will be seeing 20 years old schoolmates again after these years....
I hold a gathering to about 20 frens from CPR last year this year i hope more to join. Calling and setting up is not easy but i have the first hand call to all of them. Thats cool enuf for me...
I hold a gathering to about 20 frens from CPR last year this year i hope more to join. Calling and setting up is not easy but i have the first hand call to all of them. Thats cool enuf for me...
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Threesome???
I just had lunch with R. She was so excited to introduce Hashim to me. The way she talked abt him doesnt sound shes excited to be with n hence calling me along as a lampost or merely to kill the boredom.
Understood why she behave so. My faint smile tells the whole story how i feel and she understood that perfectly.
He walked slowly towards the pay counter but both of us was already there standing waiting for our turn. She said "i want to see whether he is going to pay"... I just take the money out n extend it to the cashier and walked away while she throw back the money to me.
Threesome anyone????
Particularly not me. If i think he is not right in the first place he wont get a chance to meet me, secondly will not even had a chance how i look like. Why giving a space while u are not willing to be there at all.
Selective, standard or be it anything u called. I have my way and style. I go along with whom I think i will get along with and will not be there if i choose not to be there at all.
Salamsss....
Understood why she behave so. My faint smile tells the whole story how i feel and she understood that perfectly.
He walked slowly towards the pay counter but both of us was already there standing waiting for our turn. She said "i want to see whether he is going to pay"... I just take the money out n extend it to the cashier and walked away while she throw back the money to me.
Threesome anyone????
Particularly not me. If i think he is not right in the first place he wont get a chance to meet me, secondly will not even had a chance how i look like. Why giving a space while u are not willing to be there at all.
Selective, standard or be it anything u called. I have my way and style. I go along with whom I think i will get along with and will not be there if i choose not to be there at all.
Salamsss....
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Flashback
Things happen in due course and its depend sometimes on why its happen. I have so many thing due as if i dont have time to settle all of it. Keeping myself calm all the time and making sure i deal with it one at the time so i would be jumpy and cranky as usual.
But now i am trying hard to manage my emotion with more zikir more rational caps on. So i wont be the usual me anymore.
Yes im in the process of changing lane. Big change i hope. Hopefully one day i am able to put everything up in piece n be a new me. Leaving all behind me, only capturing the good, the best and natural along with the new ME..
I will still be the colourful ME, the adventurous ME, the giglish ME, the truthful and honest ME (this trait u need to nail her perfectly or else she will just be the ME ;))
Insyaallah...
But now i am trying hard to manage my emotion with more zikir more rational caps on. So i wont be the usual me anymore.
Yes im in the process of changing lane. Big change i hope. Hopefully one day i am able to put everything up in piece n be a new me. Leaving all behind me, only capturing the good, the best and natural along with the new ME..
I will still be the colourful ME, the adventurous ME, the giglish ME, the truthful and honest ME (this trait u need to nail her perfectly or else she will just be the ME ;))
Insyaallah...
Friday, March 20, 2009
Im Back
hehehehe....
Ramai yang tercari2 blog ini rupanya. Sebab aku bercuti, sebab aku berfikir, sebab aku suka tukar ini tukar itu hingga aku lupa apa dia yang aku tukar walaupun aku boleh akses tetapi orang kat luar tu tak leh maka aku check dan dengan pertolongan kawan yang tau IT dia mengindentifykan...
patutlah setting tak telly. Part IT ni aku memang mengong sikit tapi tak pe laaa setakat untuk pakai sendiri buleh laaa.
nah untuk mereka yang tercari blog ni nah amiklaaa. untuk mereka yang masih mencari jawapan tanyalah diri sebelum soalan ditanya dan dipersoalkan.
the real answer is within me and dia mengikut situasi dan juga tempat dan saat ia terjadi. tiada kene mengena dengan dulu atau sekarang. ia tetap berada dikotak memori dan telah dipateri.
yang terasa, merasa dan alpa aku, kau dan dia adalah insan biasa.
semuga aku dirahmati sentiasa.
amin
Ramai yang tercari2 blog ini rupanya. Sebab aku bercuti, sebab aku berfikir, sebab aku suka tukar ini tukar itu hingga aku lupa apa dia yang aku tukar walaupun aku boleh akses tetapi orang kat luar tu tak leh maka aku check dan dengan pertolongan kawan yang tau IT dia mengindentifykan...
patutlah setting tak telly. Part IT ni aku memang mengong sikit tapi tak pe laaa setakat untuk pakai sendiri buleh laaa.
nah untuk mereka yang tercari blog ni nah amiklaaa. untuk mereka yang masih mencari jawapan tanyalah diri sebelum soalan ditanya dan dipersoalkan.
the real answer is within me and dia mengikut situasi dan juga tempat dan saat ia terjadi. tiada kene mengena dengan dulu atau sekarang. ia tetap berada dikotak memori dan telah dipateri.
yang terasa, merasa dan alpa aku, kau dan dia adalah insan biasa.
semuga aku dirahmati sentiasa.
amin
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Mom experience...
This best and beautiful feelings one mom should be experiencing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3K87l9hNOE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3K87l9hNOE&feature=related
Trust & Faith...
Something to ponder my mind around... People and their attitude & behaviour are not the same... This to remind me always that every creature has their own beauty created by HIM...
Dear ______,
I am touched with ... ur... message, actually i feel down at the moment , to be frank its been a year now, but i am keeping my sadness within myself. I try to divert things away from my life and feelings. At times i blame my husband , at times i wish i never whats happening around. Cos i remember my friend told me, wht u dont know will not hurt u. But when u found out about certain things, it hurts like hell, cuts u and leave u bleeding. Heart broken into pieces.
U know i never really had a friend i can really call best friend , be it in real or at work place. I keep most things to myself, cos i dare not trust anyone.
Sometime along the way i found a few friends whom i liked , though they had their bad points , but hey thats what friends are for, accept their good and bad points, no one is perfect but one day, this person called a friend was hurting u and my family.
Had lots of problem in marriage till i hated to see my hubby, never felt that hate b4 so much, to the extend i wanted him out of the house. Shouts quarrel is a daily routine and he seem to drift far from me.
Until my hub consulted a guy who could see things what u call that , ermm kind of like dukun,, it seemed that,, we had been put in a spell. This person whom i thought was my friend , whom i confided in, for my problems was the one who did this to me. She wanted to see me suffer, jeolousy is the reason .
I couldnt take it, nor belive it, until i went to see the man himself. Until now i couldnt bare to see her face or be close to anyone. I stay away from ppl or relatives. I didnt talk to her ever since, i couldnt !! I tried to be nice to her again but my heart couldnt bare to be hurt again and pretend nothing happened.
No body knows why i avoided her. Why i am not talking to her even though i am in the same room as her. Each time i see her, my heart hurts again. She has taken away my peace. I dont blame her but myself. i told myself that i would never trust any one ever again.
I know i need to regain back my feelings , my honour, my peace and my strength, i wont let her take away all that . What ever spell she wants to put on me, god is there to guide me and i can be strong.
I keep reminding myself so thats why i am online reading blogs , taking examples, collecting courage from readers , thinking if they can make it,, i can too.
Thank you _____, for offering ....ur.... time for me . A _______whom u dont really know. Some how i am telling u this , cos i need to get things out of my chest. Time will heal the hurt , the pain, but it will never be forgotten for the wound will leave a scar.
Dear ______,
I am touched with ... ur... message, actually i feel down at the moment , to be frank its been a year now, but i am keeping my sadness within myself. I try to divert things away from my life and feelings. At times i blame my husband , at times i wish i never whats happening around. Cos i remember my friend told me, wht u dont know will not hurt u. But when u found out about certain things, it hurts like hell, cuts u and leave u bleeding. Heart broken into pieces.
U know i never really had a friend i can really call best friend , be it in real or at work place. I keep most things to myself, cos i dare not trust anyone.
Sometime along the way i found a few friends whom i liked , though they had their bad points , but hey thats what friends are for, accept their good and bad points, no one is perfect but one day, this person called a friend was hurting u and my family.
Had lots of problem in marriage till i hated to see my hubby, never felt that hate b4 so much, to the extend i wanted him out of the house. Shouts quarrel is a daily routine and he seem to drift far from me.
Until my hub consulted a guy who could see things what u call that , ermm kind of like dukun,, it seemed that,, we had been put in a spell. This person whom i thought was my friend , whom i confided in, for my problems was the one who did this to me. She wanted to see me suffer, jeolousy is the reason .
I couldnt take it, nor belive it, until i went to see the man himself. Until now i couldnt bare to see her face or be close to anyone. I stay away from ppl or relatives. I didnt talk to her ever since, i couldnt !! I tried to be nice to her again but my heart couldnt bare to be hurt again and pretend nothing happened.
No body knows why i avoided her. Why i am not talking to her even though i am in the same room as her. Each time i see her, my heart hurts again. She has taken away my peace. I dont blame her but myself. i told myself that i would never trust any one ever again.
I know i need to regain back my feelings , my honour, my peace and my strength, i wont let her take away all that . What ever spell she wants to put on me, god is there to guide me and i can be strong.
I keep reminding myself so thats why i am online reading blogs , taking examples, collecting courage from readers , thinking if they can make it,, i can too.
Thank you _____, for offering ....ur.... time for me . A _______whom u dont really know. Some how i am telling u this , cos i need to get things out of my chest. Time will heal the hurt , the pain, but it will never be forgotten for the wound will leave a scar.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Warna-warna hidup ku...
Genit... Itu aku...
Kadangkala garang, kadangkala ceria, kadangkala, moody,kadangkala gedik, kadangkala membuli, ... Semua tu aku. Aku dan warna-warna hidupku...
Aku tak lagi takut untuk sendiri, tak lagi takut untuk menghadapi dunia luar, kesukaran, kepayahan atau apa jua keperihan.. Semuanya dah ku lalui dengan nikmat tersendiri.
Hari ini aku tersenyum lebar, kerana kebenaran terbongkar,tersinar dengan sendirinya. Betapa hidupku penuh warna menceriakan walau setiap detik aku diduga.
Alhamdullillah ... aku redha
Kadangkala garang, kadangkala ceria, kadangkala, moody,kadangkala gedik, kadangkala membuli, ... Semua tu aku. Aku dan warna-warna hidupku...
Aku tak lagi takut untuk sendiri, tak lagi takut untuk menghadapi dunia luar, kesukaran, kepayahan atau apa jua keperihan.. Semuanya dah ku lalui dengan nikmat tersendiri.
Hari ini aku tersenyum lebar, kerana kebenaran terbongkar,tersinar dengan sendirinya. Betapa hidupku penuh warna menceriakan walau setiap detik aku diduga.
Alhamdullillah ... aku redha
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Wishing
Nosy?
I am???
Frankly i have no time and room for that anymore. Im full of life and structured.
I was already in basement talking to my daughter when next call come asking me to come with him for dinner.
When i wanted to to get away of something someone carried me away lifting it from my shoulder... I feel relief and thankful for him who waited by the lobby with his smile. After quite sometimes of not seing each other, i was feeling ackward besides him, avoiding his eyes, talking to my own feelings.
Yes, i was feeling uneasy, having mood instability as i was tired for the whole of past week. I was driving to and fro PutraJaya every morning to send my niece to work. The only best thing i could to describe is the greens along the journey which lifted my bounciful mood swing towards everyone.
He was so happy yesterday having a meal opposite each other. He was telling me all the reason why he has to say something that can make me move on. Anyway to whatever reason said it does not change me just as yet.
I am fine now with or without you. With or without him. But i am not fine if i am not having HIM all the time, thinking of HIM all the time. And for sure he has never leave me even so many 'HE' is around me.
I was ligthen up by many him yesterday just coincidently to boost me up. But none really affects me the way i wanted to be. But HIM really gives me the full of love that i want by sending the so many 'him' who was trying hard to get a place.
You are welcome 'he' but i dont have a space anywhere if you want something special. You can just be here as you wish n go when you wish too. Im not going to stop nor letting you go. You stay wherever you like.
I will enjoy your attention, your affection, your love. To return it back?? i have no way to do so as for now. Not You, not Him, not He...
I just want to be me... Appreciating the time i have, loving the people i want, giving attention or time i wish to be with ... Wthout being told or without having to return what i am told to...
Wishing that the perfectness i inhale with HIM every moment would last to the last day of my existent. Amin...
I am???
Frankly i have no time and room for that anymore. Im full of life and structured.
I was already in basement talking to my daughter when next call come asking me to come with him for dinner.
When i wanted to to get away of something someone carried me away lifting it from my shoulder... I feel relief and thankful for him who waited by the lobby with his smile. After quite sometimes of not seing each other, i was feeling ackward besides him, avoiding his eyes, talking to my own feelings.
Yes, i was feeling uneasy, having mood instability as i was tired for the whole of past week. I was driving to and fro PutraJaya every morning to send my niece to work. The only best thing i could to describe is the greens along the journey which lifted my bounciful mood swing towards everyone.
He was so happy yesterday having a meal opposite each other. He was telling me all the reason why he has to say something that can make me move on. Anyway to whatever reason said it does not change me just as yet.
I am fine now with or without you. With or without him. But i am not fine if i am not having HIM all the time, thinking of HIM all the time. And for sure he has never leave me even so many 'HE' is around me.
I was ligthen up by many him yesterday just coincidently to boost me up. But none really affects me the way i wanted to be. But HIM really gives me the full of love that i want by sending the so many 'him' who was trying hard to get a place.
You are welcome 'he' but i dont have a space anywhere if you want something special. You can just be here as you wish n go when you wish too. Im not going to stop nor letting you go. You stay wherever you like.
I will enjoy your attention, your affection, your love. To return it back?? i have no way to do so as for now. Not You, not Him, not He...
I just want to be me... Appreciating the time i have, loving the people i want, giving attention or time i wish to be with ... Wthout being told or without having to return what i am told to...
Wishing that the perfectness i inhale with HIM every moment would last to the last day of my existent. Amin...
Friday, February 27, 2009
Honesty and Love Anyone???
People love and hates honesty at the same time. Why because they cant find where they belongs too. Love and destiny cant get along while love acquires lots of pain but destiny acquires lots of passion. In life we can't have all at once. Its either one. I learn to accept what comes and don't ask much but always be thankful for what im given and granted. HE knows best for me, you and each and everyone....
Love is to give, to let go, to let it flow. Not just for you. You dont own anyone in life. They come, they go as and when HE wish that to happen. To love err human, bear the consequence and trouble you might loose him someday, somehow to another person or to tragedy or it could be anything. But to love HIM i would not fear HIM leaving me, HIM having scandalous affair, HIM betraying me because i know in everything i inhale i have HIM heart and soul.
I love HIM more than i love what i have in life...
Love is to give, to let go, to let it flow. Not just for you. You dont own anyone in life. They come, they go as and when HE wish that to happen. To love err human, bear the consequence and trouble you might loose him someday, somehow to another person or to tragedy or it could be anything. But to love HIM i would not fear HIM leaving me, HIM having scandalous affair, HIM betraying me because i know in everything i inhale i have HIM heart and soul.
I love HIM more than i love what i have in life...
Me
Just lost my phone few days ago.
After loosing a father loosing small-small things in life is nothing inclusive loosing a friend. The best i could do is pray that god always forgive all this people so that they will earn and learn more in life.
Do i feel sick about loosing? Nope except keep on missing my hero. In between my sleep i could still hear him walking, snoozing, calling me.
Life still going... the rest of the world doesnt matter to me no more. I have love thrown to me, people loving me, passionate hand dancing around me, lingering eyes still lingers around. I just want HIM to bless me always...
Amin!
After loosing a father loosing small-small things in life is nothing inclusive loosing a friend. The best i could do is pray that god always forgive all this people so that they will earn and learn more in life.
Do i feel sick about loosing? Nope except keep on missing my hero. In between my sleep i could still hear him walking, snoozing, calling me.
Life still going... the rest of the world doesnt matter to me no more. I have love thrown to me, people loving me, passionate hand dancing around me, lingering eyes still lingers around. I just want HIM to bless me always...
Amin!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Final Goodbye from My Hero
Pagi Sabtu yang hening kira-kira 3.45pg dia pergi menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir....
Ina redhakan pemergian abah, semuga abah ditempatkan dikalangan mereka yang soleh
Amin...
There gone my hero, who has been spending his last bit of life with me since just before Ramadhan when he called to be transferred to Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. Spend a week in my house, 3 weeks in HUKM, few months in my house with me and kids, he bids his final farewell after fighting his next painful ear infection which affects his head badly.
Ron, Erna, mom and me was around him when he says his final shahadah and now my house is empty without man again. My brother and sisters from Sandakan managed to see him on the very last minute before he was taken to Cheras cemetary. Stayed with me few days and few memories was shared amongst us...
Al-fatihah...
Ina redhakan pemergian abah, semuga abah ditempatkan dikalangan mereka yang soleh
Amin...
There gone my hero, who has been spending his last bit of life with me since just before Ramadhan when he called to be transferred to Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. Spend a week in my house, 3 weeks in HUKM, few months in my house with me and kids, he bids his final farewell after fighting his next painful ear infection which affects his head badly.
Ron, Erna, mom and me was around him when he says his final shahadah and now my house is empty without man again. My brother and sisters from Sandakan managed to see him on the very last minute before he was taken to Cheras cemetary. Stayed with me few days and few memories was shared amongst us...
Al-fatihah...
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Bisunya hati...
Aku ingin menanggis sepuas-sepuasnya.
Bila begini aku suka mencari kebisuan. Dingin malam, cahaya lampu, deruan angin menjadi teman yang paling akrab. Tiada teman yang akan mengerti kepedihan dan aku tidak juga suka membiarkan mereka tertanya apa yang membelenggu jika aku berada disisi mereka bersama kebisuanku.
Pena yang bergerak menari mencurahkan isi hati yang sangat rapuh, gering dan gusar. Ia hanya mengikut tarian jari yang keluar dari nurani yang menakung sekolam airmata kepedihan
Sakitnya hanya tuhan yang tahu. Dikala ini aku amat merindukan tangan yang sasa memelukku tanpa bicara. Hanya merasakan hangat aliran darah, hangatnya kasih yang terlerai melalui pelukan itu. Dan aku akan pulang dengan penuh kepuasan.
Benar sukar mencari pengertian melalui pelepasan perasaan. Tiba-tiba aku jadi rindu pada sebuah kerlingan matanya. Tiba-tiba aku terdengar "come here farm". Dengan teragak-agak aku mendekatkan diri membiarkan pelukannya menyejukan runtunan hati yang gusar.
Dan jika butiran mataku jatuh jari jemarinya akan menyeka dan membelai lembut rambutku sehingga aku tersenyum semula.
Teman, kau telah pergi jauh dariku. Amat jauh demi kerana menjaga hati dua insan yang kau sayang. Sehingga kini aku masih mengenangmu sebagai teman yang amat gentle dan passionate. Benar aku belum lagi menemui penggantimu kerana aku tidak pernah lagi membuka laluan untuk mana-mana lelaki untuk singgah bertamu dihati maupun dimata.
Cukup hanya dimata, lerek senyum ku untuk persahabatan. Tidak ada lagi seterusnya dari itu. Aku tidak mampu untuk melawan arus perasaan walau aku amat memerlukan seseorang sekarang.
Aku takut pada diriku sendiri... Aku insan yang lemah yang mendambakan kasih sayang sejati seorang insan walaupun bukan untuk sehidup semati...
Hanya tuhan yang punya jawapan itu...
Bila begini aku suka mencari kebisuan. Dingin malam, cahaya lampu, deruan angin menjadi teman yang paling akrab. Tiada teman yang akan mengerti kepedihan dan aku tidak juga suka membiarkan mereka tertanya apa yang membelenggu jika aku berada disisi mereka bersama kebisuanku.
Pena yang bergerak menari mencurahkan isi hati yang sangat rapuh, gering dan gusar. Ia hanya mengikut tarian jari yang keluar dari nurani yang menakung sekolam airmata kepedihan
Sakitnya hanya tuhan yang tahu. Dikala ini aku amat merindukan tangan yang sasa memelukku tanpa bicara. Hanya merasakan hangat aliran darah, hangatnya kasih yang terlerai melalui pelukan itu. Dan aku akan pulang dengan penuh kepuasan.
Benar sukar mencari pengertian melalui pelepasan perasaan. Tiba-tiba aku jadi rindu pada sebuah kerlingan matanya. Tiba-tiba aku terdengar "come here farm". Dengan teragak-agak aku mendekatkan diri membiarkan pelukannya menyejukan runtunan hati yang gusar.
Dan jika butiran mataku jatuh jari jemarinya akan menyeka dan membelai lembut rambutku sehingga aku tersenyum semula.
Teman, kau telah pergi jauh dariku. Amat jauh demi kerana menjaga hati dua insan yang kau sayang. Sehingga kini aku masih mengenangmu sebagai teman yang amat gentle dan passionate. Benar aku belum lagi menemui penggantimu kerana aku tidak pernah lagi membuka laluan untuk mana-mana lelaki untuk singgah bertamu dihati maupun dimata.
Cukup hanya dimata, lerek senyum ku untuk persahabatan. Tidak ada lagi seterusnya dari itu. Aku tidak mampu untuk melawan arus perasaan walau aku amat memerlukan seseorang sekarang.
Aku takut pada diriku sendiri... Aku insan yang lemah yang mendambakan kasih sayang sejati seorang insan walaupun bukan untuk sehidup semati...
Hanya tuhan yang punya jawapan itu...
Forgive me for I am wrong again...
Apakah usia mengajar insan?
The pain is crawling now. I'm feeling sombre but i should not because i know it will be coming sooner or later. And finally it seeping back enveloping deep into me.
No matter how I tried to hide or shove it away it still there. Its just that i took no notice to it and make myself busy.
Trying to tell myself to be calm all the time.
Indeed the word hurts so much and I accepted it because it was my fault. It cant never be anyone else. Because i am the one who accepted it in the first place and tried my level best to complement, try to patch in between holes.
Whatever it is the best word to say is "Ive tried the best of me to make it happen".
I accept this testament again my lord with pride and dignity because im wrong.
I am sorry for myself....
The pain is crawling now. I'm feeling sombre but i should not because i know it will be coming sooner or later. And finally it seeping back enveloping deep into me.
No matter how I tried to hide or shove it away it still there. Its just that i took no notice to it and make myself busy.
Trying to tell myself to be calm all the time.
Indeed the word hurts so much and I accepted it because it was my fault. It cant never be anyone else. Because i am the one who accepted it in the first place and tried my level best to complement, try to patch in between holes.
Whatever it is the best word to say is "Ive tried the best of me to make it happen".
I accept this testament again my lord with pride and dignity because im wrong.
I am sorry for myself....
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
You light up My life
Women and emotions memang sukar dipisahkan. Dalam hati memang masih ada cinta yang mekar, gebu dan bergelora. Untuk anak-anak, ibu, ayah, teman seperjuangan dan mungkinkah untuk seorang lelaki? Cintakah itu?
Tetapi yang kutahu pada ketika aku hampir tersungkur tiada kekasih, ibu atau ayah yang membangunkan aku dari kesedihan dan kejatuhan. Hanya ada anak-anak dan teman yang sungguh-sungguh membuat ku membaca mata yang ingin memberi dan mengharap aku menerima huluran tangan mereka untuk memimpinku berdiri semula.
Dan yang paling indah disaatku menadah tangan dimalam yang sunyi dan hening, allah memberinya dihari esok tanpa ada syarat, tanpa ada paksaan mahupun nilai yang bisa ditukar ganti. DIA sentiasa memberi bila ku minta, cuma aku jarang meminta kerana aku ingin merasakan manisnya dugaan yang diberi walau aku tahu ia amat menyakiti pada waktu-waktu tertentu. Namun aku tetap bersyukur aku masih berdiri, tersenyum, bahagia melihat perubahan demi perubahan berlaku bila aku inginkan ianya berlaku.
Alhamdullillah aku berjaya meneruskan 2009 dan meninggalkan 2008. Banyak pahit manis yang dijadikan satu memori yang tak akan terlupakan. Banyak yang kugapai dan tidak juga kukutip kenangan yang pahit telah ku tinggalkan semalam. Walau banyak berbekas namun semangat tak akan patah kerana dugaan itu adalah kemanisan yang patut dikupas dari kepahitan kerana ia adalah pelajara yang paling baik untuk dipelajari.
Hanya sabar dan tawakkal yang dapat mengutuhkan jatidiri. 7 tahun sendirian bukanlah waktu yang singkat dan tidak jua terlalu panjang untuk diukur. Namun bukan semua insan dapat kemanisan kupasan kepahitan dan dugaan.
Aku akur, bahgia dengan kesedihan dan kepahitan namun ia mengukuhkan hati dan imanku. Ya tuhan syukur alhamdullillah.
Amin...
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