Aku ingin menanggis sepuas-sepuasnya.
Bila begini aku suka mencari kebisuan. Dingin malam, cahaya lampu, deruan angin menjadi teman yang paling akrab. Tiada teman yang akan mengerti kepedihan dan aku tidak juga suka membiarkan mereka tertanya apa yang membelenggu jika aku berada disisi mereka bersama kebisuanku.
Pena yang bergerak menari mencurahkan isi hati yang sangat rapuh, gering dan gusar. Ia hanya mengikut tarian jari yang keluar dari nurani yang menakung sekolam airmata kepedihan
Sakitnya hanya tuhan yang tahu. Dikala ini aku amat merindukan tangan yang sasa memelukku tanpa bicara. Hanya merasakan hangat aliran darah, hangatnya kasih yang terlerai melalui pelukan itu. Dan aku akan pulang dengan penuh kepuasan.
Benar sukar mencari pengertian melalui pelepasan perasaan. Tiba-tiba aku jadi rindu pada sebuah kerlingan matanya. Tiba-tiba aku terdengar "come here farm". Dengan teragak-agak aku mendekatkan diri membiarkan pelukannya menyejukan runtunan hati yang gusar.
Dan jika butiran mataku jatuh jari jemarinya akan menyeka dan membelai lembut rambutku sehingga aku tersenyum semula.
Teman, kau telah pergi jauh dariku. Amat jauh demi kerana menjaga hati dua insan yang kau sayang. Sehingga kini aku masih mengenangmu sebagai teman yang amat gentle dan passionate. Benar aku belum lagi menemui penggantimu kerana aku tidak pernah lagi membuka laluan untuk mana-mana lelaki untuk singgah bertamu dihati maupun dimata.
Cukup hanya dimata, lerek senyum ku untuk persahabatan. Tidak ada lagi seterusnya dari itu. Aku tidak mampu untuk melawan arus perasaan walau aku amat memerlukan seseorang sekarang.
Aku takut pada diriku sendiri... Aku insan yang lemah yang mendambakan kasih sayang sejati seorang insan walaupun bukan untuk sehidup semati...
Hanya tuhan yang punya jawapan itu...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Forgive me for I am wrong again...
Apakah usia mengajar insan?
The pain is crawling now. I'm feeling sombre but i should not because i know it will be coming sooner or later. And finally it seeping back enveloping deep into me.
No matter how I tried to hide or shove it away it still there. Its just that i took no notice to it and make myself busy.
Trying to tell myself to be calm all the time.
Indeed the word hurts so much and I accepted it because it was my fault. It cant never be anyone else. Because i am the one who accepted it in the first place and tried my level best to complement, try to patch in between holes.
Whatever it is the best word to say is "Ive tried the best of me to make it happen".
I accept this testament again my lord with pride and dignity because im wrong.
I am sorry for myself....
The pain is crawling now. I'm feeling sombre but i should not because i know it will be coming sooner or later. And finally it seeping back enveloping deep into me.
No matter how I tried to hide or shove it away it still there. Its just that i took no notice to it and make myself busy.
Trying to tell myself to be calm all the time.
Indeed the word hurts so much and I accepted it because it was my fault. It cant never be anyone else. Because i am the one who accepted it in the first place and tried my level best to complement, try to patch in between holes.
Whatever it is the best word to say is "Ive tried the best of me to make it happen".
I accept this testament again my lord with pride and dignity because im wrong.
I am sorry for myself....
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
You light up My life
Women and emotions memang sukar dipisahkan. Dalam hati memang masih ada cinta yang mekar, gebu dan bergelora. Untuk anak-anak, ibu, ayah, teman seperjuangan dan mungkinkah untuk seorang lelaki? Cintakah itu?
Tetapi yang kutahu pada ketika aku hampir tersungkur tiada kekasih, ibu atau ayah yang membangunkan aku dari kesedihan dan kejatuhan. Hanya ada anak-anak dan teman yang sungguh-sungguh membuat ku membaca mata yang ingin memberi dan mengharap aku menerima huluran tangan mereka untuk memimpinku berdiri semula.
Dan yang paling indah disaatku menadah tangan dimalam yang sunyi dan hening, allah memberinya dihari esok tanpa ada syarat, tanpa ada paksaan mahupun nilai yang bisa ditukar ganti. DIA sentiasa memberi bila ku minta, cuma aku jarang meminta kerana aku ingin merasakan manisnya dugaan yang diberi walau aku tahu ia amat menyakiti pada waktu-waktu tertentu. Namun aku tetap bersyukur aku masih berdiri, tersenyum, bahagia melihat perubahan demi perubahan berlaku bila aku inginkan ianya berlaku.
Alhamdullillah aku berjaya meneruskan 2009 dan meninggalkan 2008. Banyak pahit manis yang dijadikan satu memori yang tak akan terlupakan. Banyak yang kugapai dan tidak juga kukutip kenangan yang pahit telah ku tinggalkan semalam. Walau banyak berbekas namun semangat tak akan patah kerana dugaan itu adalah kemanisan yang patut dikupas dari kepahitan kerana ia adalah pelajara yang paling baik untuk dipelajari.
Hanya sabar dan tawakkal yang dapat mengutuhkan jatidiri. 7 tahun sendirian bukanlah waktu yang singkat dan tidak jua terlalu panjang untuk diukur. Namun bukan semua insan dapat kemanisan kupasan kepahitan dan dugaan.
Aku akur, bahgia dengan kesedihan dan kepahitan namun ia mengukuhkan hati dan imanku. Ya tuhan syukur alhamdullillah.
Amin...
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Eluding, Eloping or Scandalising
My heart is heavy again. Women and emotion cant be separated. Half of her thinking involved emotions.
Friday, November 28, 2008
The Beauties in Me, Myself and I
Who, where, when, why, what?
The 5 W's i apply in daily lives make me beautiful. And they here make my day beautifullest!!!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Pleasure Seeker
There are so many individuals that I came across through real life, virtual life who has this characteristic. I have been thinking about it a lot since I was being single again.
Between the pro and cons, it gives a lot of benefits to seekers of course depending on what they want in life.
I have all the male and female version of this value added purpose. 90% of male gender here would rather have a relationship which can give them a return in whichever way and 70% or rather 80% of the female version too would prefer something out of it.
The rest would remain in the status quo of what they want through net friends. It depends on what are the mission, aim and goals from each and everyone.
Even in reality i've found people would have their set of friendship on certain basis. They are happy to lead their life and way they are. Although some people like me would not be happy of doing those as if that using a friend for a certain issue.
Around me for e.g their are certain friends who love to just go for breakfast, shop around, travel, hangouts, movie, or be around at all time (this one i cant stand it at all but sometime it serve a purpose for a reason she/ he creates)
Yes, certain time i am one of this pleasure seeker. Coffee time partner is my favourite. It fills my boredoom sometime and they can share any topic.
But particularly im always seeking for someone who dont want to have a permanent relation, whom can come as a mirror image or some one whom i can seek for some advice, personal ideas/ views on certain things in life.
The rest remain private in me.
Between the pro and cons, it gives a lot of benefits to seekers of course depending on what they want in life.
I have all the male and female version of this value added purpose. 90% of male gender here would rather have a relationship which can give them a return in whichever way and 70% or rather 80% of the female version too would prefer something out of it.
The rest would remain in the status quo of what they want through net friends. It depends on what are the mission, aim and goals from each and everyone.
Even in reality i've found people would have their set of friendship on certain basis. They are happy to lead their life and way they are. Although some people like me would not be happy of doing those as if that using a friend for a certain issue.
Around me for e.g their are certain friends who love to just go for breakfast, shop around, travel, hangouts, movie, or be around at all time (this one i cant stand it at all but sometime it serve a purpose for a reason she/ he creates)
Yes, certain time i am one of this pleasure seeker. Coffee time partner is my favourite. It fills my boredoom sometime and they can share any topic.
But particularly im always seeking for someone who dont want to have a permanent relation, whom can come as a mirror image or some one whom i can seek for some advice, personal ideas/ views on certain things in life.
The rest remain private in me.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Money Can Buy Happiness
She called me early morning grumbling of the old man are late to the airport. All the words came from her mouth. She was angry absolutely. She was a PA, so she was well organised with timing and plan. He is a businessman, who grab things pronto or there and there basis. So two different people with two different mind as i observed over the few months of their relationship.
While mouth says something but the action says another. Obviously money can buy attention, grabbing diversifying one minds out from current problems. I smile while watching all the episodes and hoping whatever im imagining next will never happen.
But unfortunately all those do happens without you wanting it sometimes. I pray hard, and hoping it will not go far to worst as i am sensing bigger and challenging problems will happen soon.
She is gallivanting her way, and he is just gripping the moment given while at the same time hoping opportunity will come his way. Dear god, help her please, put her back in her track.
Should i say it was wrong. It doesnt take her long to be in trouble and she want an easy escapade. "I just want to get out of this place for a while". And she took the offer from him to take her to Chieng Mai. An offer for a price that will be regreted later. I hope not.
Lets hear her out after her return. Will it totally give her permanent happiness or temporary peace of mind.
I rest my case. Yes, sometime women can be so fricle minded but im sure with self discipline it helps one individual a lot...Everything is just in your mind. Who you are, what you want to be, who you becoming and why are you being you.
I like to hear your idea... Do leave me a note!
While mouth says something but the action says another. Obviously money can buy attention, grabbing diversifying one minds out from current problems. I smile while watching all the episodes and hoping whatever im imagining next will never happen.
But unfortunately all those do happens without you wanting it sometimes. I pray hard, and hoping it will not go far to worst as i am sensing bigger and challenging problems will happen soon.
She is gallivanting her way, and he is just gripping the moment given while at the same time hoping opportunity will come his way. Dear god, help her please, put her back in her track.
Should i say it was wrong. It doesnt take her long to be in trouble and she want an easy escapade. "I just want to get out of this place for a while". And she took the offer from him to take her to Chieng Mai. An offer for a price that will be regreted later. I hope not.
Lets hear her out after her return. Will it totally give her permanent happiness or temporary peace of mind.
I rest my case. Yes, sometime women can be so fricle minded but im sure with self discipline it helps one individual a lot...Everything is just in your mind. Who you are, what you want to be, who you becoming and why are you being you.
I like to hear your idea... Do leave me a note!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Scents of a Woman
When i was away for my company trip to Kosamui 19th to 23rd October many things happen at home. I was blocking my mind n soul not to think of the domestic problems while i was away.
Successfully it works and once i step my foot to Subang and all the thinking cap are put back in place again.
Drainage system are bad it cause my kitchen flooded on the second day. Opps no, it was somebody who forgot to put off the tap that cause the whole kitchen flooded from bathroom flowing to the door.
It was partly because the drainage was poorly manage by the maintenance. So eversince its raining daily in Kuala Lumpur and some other places during those days it has cause flooded in few place. My uncle in TTJ Seremban also facing a small Tsunami at his housing areas. Waters climbed up to 2 feet and it has caused a lot to residents. Sigh...
I managed to clear the clooged drain and everything was back to normal. I even washed my front drainage area clearing everything in sight and later it smells good again with a help of clorox and breeze.
My twins room and back door lock cant open and nobody cant help me while im away. Apparently my second daughter manage to open the middle room but not the kitchen room. So they were depending only on the front door to go in and out.
I tried calling someone to mend it and promise to come the next day but till the weekend no one is seen to be able to help. I went to the hardware shop and get a lock n ask the people on how to fix it.
This is how it was done. It was my first attempt doing this and testing my ability to be independent on almost everything in my life. Changing the bulbs, become a plumber, fixing DIY name it. Insyaallah i will try till i am successful
And its done finally!!!
I am proud and i am happy that i am able to solve all the problems in no time.
Thats what i called "Scent of a Woman". She fulfilled every desire of men wants, she fulfilled the needs in a friend, she fulfilled a criteria of a mother, daugther, bitch and she can do what man can too.
God give me the strengths and the power of mind to think, to be able to put things in place even its hard but capability and trust make me the owner of myself with his guidance.
Now with or without a man, I can live...
I know i hurt myself by saying this but what when you have someone but u cant depends on him for certain things. When we are alone, we are able to think, to handle and to beat the situation, the problem with a courage.
Thank you god. Amin
Successfully it works and once i step my foot to Subang and all the thinking cap are put back in place again.
Drainage system are bad it cause my kitchen flooded on the second day. Opps no, it was somebody who forgot to put off the tap that cause the whole kitchen flooded from bathroom flowing to the door.
It was partly because the drainage was poorly manage by the maintenance. So eversince its raining daily in Kuala Lumpur and some other places during those days it has cause flooded in few place. My uncle in TTJ Seremban also facing a small Tsunami at his housing areas. Waters climbed up to 2 feet and it has caused a lot to residents. Sigh...
I managed to clear the clooged drain and everything was back to normal. I even washed my front drainage area clearing everything in sight and later it smells good again with a help of clorox and breeze.
My twins room and back door lock cant open and nobody cant help me while im away. Apparently my second daughter manage to open the middle room but not the kitchen room. So they were depending only on the front door to go in and out.
I tried calling someone to mend it and promise to come the next day but till the weekend no one is seen to be able to help. I went to the hardware shop and get a lock n ask the people on how to fix it.
This is how it was done. It was my first attempt doing this and testing my ability to be independent on almost everything in my life. Changing the bulbs, become a plumber, fixing DIY name it. Insyaallah i will try till i am successful
And its done finally!!!
I am proud and i am happy that i am able to solve all the problems in no time.
Thats what i called "Scent of a Woman". She fulfilled every desire of men wants, she fulfilled the needs in a friend, she fulfilled a criteria of a mother, daugther, bitch and she can do what man can too.
God give me the strengths and the power of mind to think, to be able to put things in place even its hard but capability and trust make me the owner of myself with his guidance.
Now with or without a man, I can live...
I know i hurt myself by saying this but what when you have someone but u cant depends on him for certain things. When we are alone, we are able to think, to handle and to beat the situation, the problem with a courage.
Thank you god. Amin
Have you watched them sleep
This one really touch me early morning reading it.
I was awaken by him calling me this morning at 4am when I heard him calling me for help. He cant breathe he said.
“My head is painful, can you get me a panadol”. Can you make me a milo and balsam to rub my chest?
I nodded making my way to the kitchen to make hot Milo and grab the Balsem and rub it on to his chest.
How I could feel its only skin and bones now instead of a decade ago was a very strong handsome man who always tried to get whatever we want.
He is my dad who now just lying in the room due his diabetic problem.
Thank you for always reminding around us for what we are and whom we should be.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
KO SA MUI
Here i am, typing from one of the internet cafe to kill my boredoom over this so called hotel KANDABURI RESORT AND SPA.
The hotel room was fabulous big, spacious and authentic. For honeymooners it will be nice and cozy. The bathroom was so huge divided into three section. Bathtub corner, wc, and showering all in different corner and big mirror in the middle. Its so beautiful but its in the opposite of the road not just overlooking the ocean. Frustrating enough..... Food not so satisfying as my boss claimed!! My day was filled with just relaxing and nothing more than that.
Shopping??? Nothing to shop about. This place is more of paradise to men and also honeymooners....
Yes, i have enough rest, sleep and at least i dont get tensed up with work, with daily chores, responsibilities... but im used to it. Every morning i woke up thinking i had to send my dotters to school...
I have to more days to go... i am seriously BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDD to death. Im going to deep myself in the ocean today to have the feel of SAMUI waves.
Will write back n update with pictures.
All in all my China and Vietnam trip is the most fulfilling that i ever had
The hotel room was fabulous big, spacious and authentic. For honeymooners it will be nice and cozy. The bathroom was so huge divided into three section. Bathtub corner, wc, and showering all in different corner and big mirror in the middle. Its so beautiful but its in the opposite of the road not just overlooking the ocean. Frustrating enough..... Food not so satisfying as my boss claimed!! My day was filled with just relaxing and nothing more than that.
Shopping??? Nothing to shop about. This place is more of paradise to men and also honeymooners....
Yes, i have enough rest, sleep and at least i dont get tensed up with work, with daily chores, responsibilities... but im used to it. Every morning i woke up thinking i had to send my dotters to school...
I have to more days to go... i am seriously BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDD to death. Im going to deep myself in the ocean today to have the feel of SAMUI waves.
Will write back n update with pictures.
All in all my China and Vietnam trip is the most fulfilling that i ever had
Friday, September 26, 2008
Layu sebelum Berkembang
It happen for a reason in this season in a lifetime.
When you love it is better to let it go and let it comeback if it is meant for you.
When you love it is better to let it go and let it comeback if it is meant for you.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Hijrah
Aku dipinta untuk berhijrah segalanya hari ini.
Bukan hanya hijrah tempat malah berhijrah tentang hati juga.
Noktah itukah jawapan?
Bukan hanya hijrah tempat malah berhijrah tentang hati juga.
Noktah itukah jawapan?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Jujur
Sukar untuk dimengertikan definisi KEJUJURAN.
Jujur terhadap diri, jujur terhadap kehidupan, teman dan juga sekeliling. Tak mungkin aku dapat jujur pada diriku sendiri hanya kerana aku ingin menjaga hati mereka yang berada di sekelilingku.
Banyak yang tersungkam jauh dilubuk hati, walau meronta untuk dilepaskan. Sayang aku tak mungkin dapat melepaskannya walau hatiku amat ingin memberitahu apa sebenarnya yang ingin ku inginkan. Walaupun kuberitahu mungkinkah ia menjadi milikku?
Ramadhan semakin jauh berlalu, sayu meninggalkan aku.
Sepi itu tetap akan kumilikki.
AMIN
Jujur terhadap diri, jujur terhadap kehidupan, teman dan juga sekeliling. Tak mungkin aku dapat jujur pada diriku sendiri hanya kerana aku ingin menjaga hati mereka yang berada di sekelilingku.
Banyak yang tersungkam jauh dilubuk hati, walau meronta untuk dilepaskan. Sayang aku tak mungkin dapat melepaskannya walau hatiku amat ingin memberitahu apa sebenarnya yang ingin ku inginkan. Walaupun kuberitahu mungkinkah ia menjadi milikku?
Ramadhan semakin jauh berlalu, sayu meninggalkan aku.
Sepi itu tetap akan kumilikki.
AMIN
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Hanya Kau Yang Mampu
object width="425" height="344">
It has been long since i hibernate. I dont write, i hardly goes out meeting all my friends as well as calling. Life is so calm and peaceful now. Not really actually but im taking it slowly one at a time.
If im really tensed out, i take time off with my kids out of town, outskirts or just hiding in some place that no one know except me n the kids. Not even him sometime. I dont want to include others as much as i wanted to.
So nowadays i become the private me as i always wanted to be. Keeping my smile intact, standing tall, my spirit are lift high on top. Im not sure for any reason those things happen but since i learn to forgive i think things are much easier. Much much much easier.
There is lots stage of changes that are made. Along that i learn lots of thing and issued are solved accordingly.
Knowing there is still people who thinks of me, love me from afar really amusing but too far. I cant afford to have long distance relationship anymore. Althogh he is single, capable, loving, presentable but the distance wont tame me the way i am. I learnt from my past mistake, i will never be able to hold my feelings.
In need of caring and loving nurture, i have to have someone who really devote into me. The unlikely me who I was before.
But that is what i want all this year. Cringing for my mothers love, cringing for someone that i can depend of.
He yelled at me yesterday because he cant stand my behaviour, my action, my tantrum, and i become calm, i become softer and i relent in his arm. The moment i was envelope in his love i dissolve into pieces and there i was deserted in nowhere looking for my shinning star
It has been long since i hibernate. I dont write, i hardly goes out meeting all my friends as well as calling. Life is so calm and peaceful now. Not really actually but im taking it slowly one at a time.
If im really tensed out, i take time off with my kids out of town, outskirts or just hiding in some place that no one know except me n the kids. Not even him sometime. I dont want to include others as much as i wanted to.
So nowadays i become the private me as i always wanted to be. Keeping my smile intact, standing tall, my spirit are lift high on top. Im not sure for any reason those things happen but since i learn to forgive i think things are much easier. Much much much easier.
There is lots stage of changes that are made. Along that i learn lots of thing and issued are solved accordingly.
Knowing there is still people who thinks of me, love me from afar really amusing but too far. I cant afford to have long distance relationship anymore. Althogh he is single, capable, loving, presentable but the distance wont tame me the way i am. I learnt from my past mistake, i will never be able to hold my feelings.
In need of caring and loving nurture, i have to have someone who really devote into me. The unlikely me who I was before.
But that is what i want all this year. Cringing for my mothers love, cringing for someone that i can depend of.
He yelled at me yesterday because he cant stand my behaviour, my action, my tantrum, and i become calm, i become softer and i relent in his arm. The moment i was envelope in his love i dissolve into pieces and there i was deserted in nowhere looking for my shinning star
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Maturity takes its place
The indecent proposal has never stop. That's for sure. God is always testing people like me especially. Somehow its depends on individual. Can only smile and let it be.
They may say anything, assume anything...
Sometime its good just to play with it a bit and let it pausedddddddddd for a long time and then tickle it again. It does not do harm to anyone. Neither me or the other party.
Days past by without looking back what have we left and the unpredictable tomorrow still coming as it should. Takings things as it is making it easier for me to handle everything now.
No more predicament, no more hassle and no more sad feeling i hope...
They may say anything, assume anything...
Sometime its good just to play with it a bit and let it pausedddddddddd for a long time and then tickle it again. It does not do harm to anyone. Neither me or the other party.
Days past by without looking back what have we left and the unpredictable tomorrow still coming as it should. Takings things as it is making it easier for me to handle everything now.
No more predicament, no more hassle and no more sad feeling i hope...
Monday, July 21, 2008
Ripe, Mature and Irresistible
My trip was successfully ventured. Was it my birthday treat? Its merely a gateaway for me just like what i did last year to Singapore. I had fun. Pleasing myself luxuriosly on things i love to do.
TRAVEL - i visit one place at a time beside some shopping. Im yet to discover the place for portraiting myself or rather "the riched of our nature". This time it was pleasant because i shop more for my children besides friends and a bit for my pocket money. Being a company to him was the best i guess so far.
Understanding a person do take a long time. I don't have much time talking to him either. Its either he is busy bargaining with the shop while im busying myself discovering lots of new things around the places. I found it so amusing going with a man who loves to shop. I feel bored and tired easily just like those typical men do. Erkkkk...
The moment i reach hotel, i showered not even bothered to make coffee to pleased myself after the treat of shopping i doze of to heavily sleep till i hear snores beside me. The familiar sound again came to mind where i shared my bed with my ex husband.
They snored while sleeping. LOUDLY!! If only it was him (i mean my ex) im sure i will be slapping his mouth just to shut him out for a while. Sigh... Something that i've not shared for a very long time.
He told me i did not lie on my back while sleeping, i hide my face on the bed instead. So he is not sleeping but watching me. Anyway i was too tired to share what we did during the day time. As early as 630AM our time i was awake by the alarm and remembered my kids.
From time to time my past being digged and i just changed the subject as and when i think it should or shut his mouth by tiny little kiss. Caught by surprised of my behaviour and i was warned in due course.
I told him that was me the unpredictable, the and adventurous & thrill, and spontaneous. I can be so emotional, i can be rational but then its alway depending on the situation. People dont poke me I wont jump out of the blue of course. I think deep ahead, which to some people i am very emotional. Whatever it is i know what im doing, expecting and going through. Yes i may be get hurt but i am prepared of it now.
Lets see how the flow is taking me. I have cried enough before my birthday listening to her about him. Yes, you know based on what you hear from me, him and others and i am based to what i am experiencing. I dont have to tell all. You have every rights to get angry over a situation merely because you are very lucky. Very very lucky but then its my part that i have to take and carry along the way of love i am building.
I can for sure build it and kills the love and desire i have had.
I dont sound enthusiastic at time when i speak to certain people. Why??? Let them find it out. I have explained enough throughout. If you don't see me through, just like i see you that means i have to wait patiences till you understand it yourself. If you don't then im sorry i cant help you further.
Our last day together has bring his sad mood. He was being quiet in the car which brings us separate homes.
While i am looking forward to see my children that i misses so much and he is keeping his sadness.
I cant help you on that im sorry. You have to go back to whom you belongs to. I belongs to no one. And im happy to be back home where love envelopes us together.
And the number has made me ripe, mature and irresistible i noted...
On the other hand i feel jealous over the other friend who wake up in the wee hours seeking for his love and finding solace to get HIS attention, love and reward. I am yes feeling very very very jealous when i hear those. She has gotten all the reward even on the other hand she is in a battle of loosing the husband to another woman.
Kasih yang amat sejati dan kekal adalah dengan menjadi kekasih allah... Bilakah waktunya aku akan menyerahkan seluruh hidup, jiwa dan hatiku padanya sedangkan dalam kehidupan ku seharian terisi kasih darinnya yang tiada berbelah bagi dari 2 jari tapakku hinggalah kesaat ini.
Aku harus berjuang untuk itu... Harus..
TRAVEL - i visit one place at a time beside some shopping. Im yet to discover the place for portraiting myself or rather "the riched of our nature". This time it was pleasant because i shop more for my children besides friends and a bit for my pocket money. Being a company to him was the best i guess so far.
Understanding a person do take a long time. I don't have much time talking to him either. Its either he is busy bargaining with the shop while im busying myself discovering lots of new things around the places. I found it so amusing going with a man who loves to shop. I feel bored and tired easily just like those typical men do. Erkkkk...
The moment i reach hotel, i showered not even bothered to make coffee to pleased myself after the treat of shopping i doze of to heavily sleep till i hear snores beside me. The familiar sound again came to mind where i shared my bed with my ex husband.
They snored while sleeping. LOUDLY!! If only it was him (i mean my ex) im sure i will be slapping his mouth just to shut him out for a while. Sigh... Something that i've not shared for a very long time.
He told me i did not lie on my back while sleeping, i hide my face on the bed instead. So he is not sleeping but watching me. Anyway i was too tired to share what we did during the day time. As early as 630AM our time i was awake by the alarm and remembered my kids.
From time to time my past being digged and i just changed the subject as and when i think it should or shut his mouth by tiny little kiss. Caught by surprised of my behaviour and i was warned in due course.
I told him that was me the unpredictable, the and adventurous & thrill, and spontaneous. I can be so emotional, i can be rational but then its alway depending on the situation. People dont poke me I wont jump out of the blue of course. I think deep ahead, which to some people i am very emotional. Whatever it is i know what im doing, expecting and going through. Yes i may be get hurt but i am prepared of it now.
Lets see how the flow is taking me. I have cried enough before my birthday listening to her about him. Yes, you know based on what you hear from me, him and others and i am based to what i am experiencing. I dont have to tell all. You have every rights to get angry over a situation merely because you are very lucky. Very very lucky but then its my part that i have to take and carry along the way of love i am building.
I can for sure build it and kills the love and desire i have had.
I dont sound enthusiastic at time when i speak to certain people. Why??? Let them find it out. I have explained enough throughout. If you don't see me through, just like i see you that means i have to wait patiences till you understand it yourself. If you don't then im sorry i cant help you further.
Our last day together has bring his sad mood. He was being quiet in the car which brings us separate homes.
While i am looking forward to see my children that i misses so much and he is keeping his sadness.
I cant help you on that im sorry. You have to go back to whom you belongs to. I belongs to no one. And im happy to be back home where love envelopes us together.
And the number has made me ripe, mature and irresistible i noted...
On the other hand i feel jealous over the other friend who wake up in the wee hours seeking for his love and finding solace to get HIS attention, love and reward. I am yes feeling very very very jealous when i hear those. She has gotten all the reward even on the other hand she is in a battle of loosing the husband to another woman.
Kasih yang amat sejati dan kekal adalah dengan menjadi kekasih allah... Bilakah waktunya aku akan menyerahkan seluruh hidup, jiwa dan hatiku padanya sedangkan dalam kehidupan ku seharian terisi kasih darinnya yang tiada berbelah bagi dari 2 jari tapakku hinggalah kesaat ini.
Aku harus berjuang untuk itu... Harus..
Poem for Mom
A mother, a father, this woman’s job is never done. A cooker, a cleaner, trying and trying, tired and tired, waiting til this day is done.
A flower in the light, and a tear in the dark trying, trying and doing the best that she can do.
What this day will bring, she wish she had the key, only no one knows, cause a skirt she wears in the morning light and as the evening nears, a pair of trousers with a loving smile that layers and peels into a grim stern face holding on, trying, trying to do the best that she can do.
A mother, a father, a mother playing a father’s role, caught up in rising and raising her pride and her joy, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be while she struggles to do the best that she can do.
Traded-in for a better life without them, fathers who left no pride or joy behind because they could not do and be the best that they could be.
But, still this mother allows herself to rise so that she can raise her children the best she can. A mother and a father that’s all she can be, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be so that her children can be the best that they can be.
Trying and trying, rising and rising and raising her children to be the best that they can be.
A flower in the light, and a tear in the dark trying, trying and doing the best that she can do.
What this day will bring, she wish she had the key, only no one knows, cause a skirt she wears in the morning light and as the evening nears, a pair of trousers with a loving smile that layers and peels into a grim stern face holding on, trying, trying to do the best that she can do.
A mother, a father, a mother playing a father’s role, caught up in rising and raising her pride and her joy, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be while she struggles to do the best that she can do.
Traded-in for a better life without them, fathers who left no pride or joy behind because they could not do and be the best that they could be.
But, still this mother allows herself to rise so that she can raise her children the best she can. A mother and a father that’s all she can be, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be so that her children can be the best that they can be.
Trying and trying, rising and rising and raising her children to be the best that they can be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)