The indecent proposal has never stop. That's for sure. God is always testing people like me especially. Somehow its depends on individual. Can only smile and let it be.
They may say anything, assume anything...
Sometime its good just to play with it a bit and let it pausedddddddddd for a long time and then tickle it again. It does not do harm to anyone. Neither me or the other party.
Days past by without looking back what have we left and the unpredictable tomorrow still coming as it should. Takings things as it is making it easier for me to handle everything now.
No more predicament, no more hassle and no more sad feeling i hope...
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Ripe, Mature and Irresistible
My trip was successfully ventured. Was it my birthday treat? Its merely a gateaway for me just like what i did last year to Singapore. I had fun. Pleasing myself luxuriosly on things i love to do.
TRAVEL - i visit one place at a time beside some shopping. Im yet to discover the place for portraiting myself or rather "the riched of our nature". This time it was pleasant because i shop more for my children besides friends and a bit for my pocket money. Being a company to him was the best i guess so far.
Understanding a person do take a long time. I don't have much time talking to him either. Its either he is busy bargaining with the shop while im busying myself discovering lots of new things around the places. I found it so amusing going with a man who loves to shop. I feel bored and tired easily just like those typical men do. Erkkkk...
The moment i reach hotel, i showered not even bothered to make coffee to pleased myself after the treat of shopping i doze of to heavily sleep till i hear snores beside me. The familiar sound again came to mind where i shared my bed with my ex husband.
They snored while sleeping. LOUDLY!! If only it was him (i mean my ex) im sure i will be slapping his mouth just to shut him out for a while. Sigh... Something that i've not shared for a very long time.
He told me i did not lie on my back while sleeping, i hide my face on the bed instead. So he is not sleeping but watching me. Anyway i was too tired to share what we did during the day time. As early as 630AM our time i was awake by the alarm and remembered my kids.
From time to time my past being digged and i just changed the subject as and when i think it should or shut his mouth by tiny little kiss. Caught by surprised of my behaviour and i was warned in due course.
I told him that was me the unpredictable, the and adventurous & thrill, and spontaneous. I can be so emotional, i can be rational but then its alway depending on the situation. People dont poke me I wont jump out of the blue of course. I think deep ahead, which to some people i am very emotional. Whatever it is i know what im doing, expecting and going through. Yes i may be get hurt but i am prepared of it now.
Lets see how the flow is taking me. I have cried enough before my birthday listening to her about him. Yes, you know based on what you hear from me, him and others and i am based to what i am experiencing. I dont have to tell all. You have every rights to get angry over a situation merely because you are very lucky. Very very lucky but then its my part that i have to take and carry along the way of love i am building.
I can for sure build it and kills the love and desire i have had.
I dont sound enthusiastic at time when i speak to certain people. Why??? Let them find it out. I have explained enough throughout. If you don't see me through, just like i see you that means i have to wait patiences till you understand it yourself. If you don't then im sorry i cant help you further.
Our last day together has bring his sad mood. He was being quiet in the car which brings us separate homes.
While i am looking forward to see my children that i misses so much and he is keeping his sadness.
I cant help you on that im sorry. You have to go back to whom you belongs to. I belongs to no one. And im happy to be back home where love envelopes us together.
And the number has made me ripe, mature and irresistible i noted...
On the other hand i feel jealous over the other friend who wake up in the wee hours seeking for his love and finding solace to get HIS attention, love and reward. I am yes feeling very very very jealous when i hear those. She has gotten all the reward even on the other hand she is in a battle of loosing the husband to another woman.
Kasih yang amat sejati dan kekal adalah dengan menjadi kekasih allah... Bilakah waktunya aku akan menyerahkan seluruh hidup, jiwa dan hatiku padanya sedangkan dalam kehidupan ku seharian terisi kasih darinnya yang tiada berbelah bagi dari 2 jari tapakku hinggalah kesaat ini.
Aku harus berjuang untuk itu... Harus..
TRAVEL - i visit one place at a time beside some shopping. Im yet to discover the place for portraiting myself or rather "the riched of our nature". This time it was pleasant because i shop more for my children besides friends and a bit for my pocket money. Being a company to him was the best i guess so far.
Understanding a person do take a long time. I don't have much time talking to him either. Its either he is busy bargaining with the shop while im busying myself discovering lots of new things around the places. I found it so amusing going with a man who loves to shop. I feel bored and tired easily just like those typical men do. Erkkkk...
The moment i reach hotel, i showered not even bothered to make coffee to pleased myself after the treat of shopping i doze of to heavily sleep till i hear snores beside me. The familiar sound again came to mind where i shared my bed with my ex husband.
They snored while sleeping. LOUDLY!! If only it was him (i mean my ex) im sure i will be slapping his mouth just to shut him out for a while. Sigh... Something that i've not shared for a very long time.
He told me i did not lie on my back while sleeping, i hide my face on the bed instead. So he is not sleeping but watching me. Anyway i was too tired to share what we did during the day time. As early as 630AM our time i was awake by the alarm and remembered my kids.
From time to time my past being digged and i just changed the subject as and when i think it should or shut his mouth by tiny little kiss. Caught by surprised of my behaviour and i was warned in due course.
I told him that was me the unpredictable, the and adventurous & thrill, and spontaneous. I can be so emotional, i can be rational but then its alway depending on the situation. People dont poke me I wont jump out of the blue of course. I think deep ahead, which to some people i am very emotional. Whatever it is i know what im doing, expecting and going through. Yes i may be get hurt but i am prepared of it now.
Lets see how the flow is taking me. I have cried enough before my birthday listening to her about him. Yes, you know based on what you hear from me, him and others and i am based to what i am experiencing. I dont have to tell all. You have every rights to get angry over a situation merely because you are very lucky. Very very lucky but then its my part that i have to take and carry along the way of love i am building.
I can for sure build it and kills the love and desire i have had.
I dont sound enthusiastic at time when i speak to certain people. Why??? Let them find it out. I have explained enough throughout. If you don't see me through, just like i see you that means i have to wait patiences till you understand it yourself. If you don't then im sorry i cant help you further.
Our last day together has bring his sad mood. He was being quiet in the car which brings us separate homes.
While i am looking forward to see my children that i misses so much and he is keeping his sadness.
I cant help you on that im sorry. You have to go back to whom you belongs to. I belongs to no one. And im happy to be back home where love envelopes us together.
And the number has made me ripe, mature and irresistible i noted...
On the other hand i feel jealous over the other friend who wake up in the wee hours seeking for his love and finding solace to get HIS attention, love and reward. I am yes feeling very very very jealous when i hear those. She has gotten all the reward even on the other hand she is in a battle of loosing the husband to another woman.
Kasih yang amat sejati dan kekal adalah dengan menjadi kekasih allah... Bilakah waktunya aku akan menyerahkan seluruh hidup, jiwa dan hatiku padanya sedangkan dalam kehidupan ku seharian terisi kasih darinnya yang tiada berbelah bagi dari 2 jari tapakku hinggalah kesaat ini.
Aku harus berjuang untuk itu... Harus..
Poem for Mom
A mother, a father, this woman’s job is never done. A cooker, a cleaner, trying and trying, tired and tired, waiting til this day is done.
A flower in the light, and a tear in the dark trying, trying and doing the best that she can do.
What this day will bring, she wish she had the key, only no one knows, cause a skirt she wears in the morning light and as the evening nears, a pair of trousers with a loving smile that layers and peels into a grim stern face holding on, trying, trying to do the best that she can do.
A mother, a father, a mother playing a father’s role, caught up in rising and raising her pride and her joy, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be while she struggles to do the best that she can do.
Traded-in for a better life without them, fathers who left no pride or joy behind because they could not do and be the best that they could be.
But, still this mother allows herself to rise so that she can raise her children the best she can. A mother and a father that’s all she can be, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be so that her children can be the best that they can be.
Trying and trying, rising and rising and raising her children to be the best that they can be.
A flower in the light, and a tear in the dark trying, trying and doing the best that she can do.
What this day will bring, she wish she had the key, only no one knows, cause a skirt she wears in the morning light and as the evening nears, a pair of trousers with a loving smile that layers and peels into a grim stern face holding on, trying, trying to do the best that she can do.
A mother, a father, a mother playing a father’s role, caught up in rising and raising her pride and her joy, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be while she struggles to do the best that she can do.
Traded-in for a better life without them, fathers who left no pride or joy behind because they could not do and be the best that they could be.
But, still this mother allows herself to rise so that she can raise her children the best she can. A mother and a father that’s all she can be, trying, and trying to be the best that she can be so that her children can be the best that they can be.
Trying and trying, rising and rising and raising her children to be the best that they can be.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Gajah dan Semut
Kemusnahan umat terlihat nyata sekarang. Tak ramai yang melihat itu dengan hati tapi yang nyata ianya tidak merunsingkan mereka sedikitpun. Ramai yang tidak ambil peduli apa yang berlaku disekeliling kita. Tetapi hanya menumpukan kepada apa yang mereka hadapi. Jelasnya tidak mudah untuk kita mengakui apakah kesilapan kita yang membawa kepada kejadian hari esok.
Kita saling menuduh antara satu sama lain jika berlaku pertelingkahan. Hakikatnya adalah perlu jika kita merenung apa kah sebabnya pertelingkahan itu. Zahirnya kita payah ingin mengalah tetapi renungan yang dalam akan membawa pada jawapan bahawa setiap perlakuan mesti ada sebab, bila, mengapa ia harus terjadi.
Kita saling menuduh antara satu sama lain jika berlaku pertelingkahan. Hakikatnya adalah perlu jika kita merenung apa kah sebabnya pertelingkahan itu. Zahirnya kita payah ingin mengalah tetapi renungan yang dalam akan membawa pada jawapan bahawa setiap perlakuan mesti ada sebab, bila, mengapa ia harus terjadi.
And the line draws nearer
Current mood: fabulous
Category: Blogging
A day before reaching 40...
Its a number indeed but its take long time to reach to that number. Path, ways, experience and also significance achievement conquered along the journey left so many memories.
I have come to a stage being ripe and mature. Even sometimes i feel im on the edge of life but mostly at times still at lost. I want but im scared, I need but i dont want to fight for it... why bcause i think if it is not meant for me it wont be mine anyway.
I have been receiving so many wishes throughout the last 10 days. Thank you friends. Ill be leaving on Wednesday nite and be back on Friday but im out again on Sat and Sun. My kids will be having their own camping program leaving me with my classmate to reunite again.
Till next update
Category: Blogging
A day before reaching 40...
Its a number indeed but its take long time to reach to that number. Path, ways, experience and also significance achievement conquered along the journey left so many memories.
I have come to a stage being ripe and mature. Even sometimes i feel im on the edge of life but mostly at times still at lost. I want but im scared, I need but i dont want to fight for it... why bcause i think if it is not meant for me it wont be mine anyway.
I have been receiving so many wishes throughout the last 10 days. Thank you friends. Ill be leaving on Wednesday nite and be back on Friday but im out again on Sat and Sun. My kids will be having their own camping program leaving me with my classmate to reunite again.
Till next update
Friday, July 04, 2008
Love and Honour
It was an honour to love and be loved by someone. But most importantly is to love HIM most and wholeheartedly. Only then you will know and understand what love is all about. The tenderness, the caring part, the passion, the calmness, the peace that you will carry in you within daily life.
The beautiful part is to accept things as it is although there is a plenty question to ask around you. Things happen because it has to according to HIM. It comes from yourself, within you.
Sometime we tend to be ignorance to certain issue towards people but the fact is some people around us couldn’t stand it. Do people really knows and understand you the way HE does?
Last nite I was sitting in my car for long listening to something factual and reality. Slowly the feelings changed into deep sadness of how some people see from their side. Yes, everyone has their own right towards everything. Reason why I don’t want to open up to anyone about my story was because I don’t want to change their perceptions. If that’s what you think about some people I let you think the way you want it.
Because of all people who knows whoever they are in your own life was only you to know them indepth. The social circle was to make us learn about individual. If certain people only learning how to live at the age of 30 or 20 or may 40. I’ve learn it all the way through. If people can’t stand my way I can’t make them understand certain things underlaying the reason gave.
But when she said I always justify, accommodate, adapting, accepting every reason one gave to me doesn’t that give her a signal. Am I not doing the same to her too? But who am I to question that? I just eat it up.
Do I complaint about one behaviour towards me sometimes. The most I could do was hibernate myself alone. I will only entertain who ever can. She was the longest friend I have but couldn’t see me in the true eyes but then again I told myself “that’s her”. I don’t complaint but I evaluate what she said my way.
When a married man goes out of the house to find love what does comes to mind? He’s not logical, he is stupid, he is insane, he is just testing waters, he is just pure lay, he is just bastard who never gets enough. No matter how good the woman are to them its still not enough.
Hunters they are, if they don’t eat it they would just smells it. Remembering what she says about Yusfi, reminds me to Halimi, who has to say this “you purposely arrange your swimming class or outing when you’re having your periods?”. I just smile and walks away from him looking at my children happily playing in the water.
There is always a purpose people asking, inviting and reason to be there. Why do I need a man when I have full complete life even its hard. Companion, understanding, share my reason why I still work here though I feel being penalize all the time but im happy of what im learning and do what I can.
I don’t want to go further. I had cried enough all night because of that conversation and its affected other people too. But then if she is capable to do that with me what more to others hence again I told myself “its just her”.
And I wake up taking my bath in wee hours seeking solace presenting my thoughts and soul to HIM. Only him will understand, and knows why I do that to everyone. I dare not ask HIM whether have I not being fair to everyone and why everyone is not being fair to me.
Was it not enough to be accommodating, adapting and understanding people around. I leave it to HIM to answer me in point of time. I don’t look forward to my birthday because its only brings me sadness of that I have done to people around me can never satisfy them enough.
Now is a time to satisfy and pleased my self alone.
The beautiful part is to accept things as it is although there is a plenty question to ask around you. Things happen because it has to according to HIM. It comes from yourself, within you.
Sometime we tend to be ignorance to certain issue towards people but the fact is some people around us couldn’t stand it. Do people really knows and understand you the way HE does?
Last nite I was sitting in my car for long listening to something factual and reality. Slowly the feelings changed into deep sadness of how some people see from their side. Yes, everyone has their own right towards everything. Reason why I don’t want to open up to anyone about my story was because I don’t want to change their perceptions. If that’s what you think about some people I let you think the way you want it.
Because of all people who knows whoever they are in your own life was only you to know them indepth. The social circle was to make us learn about individual. If certain people only learning how to live at the age of 30 or 20 or may 40. I’ve learn it all the way through. If people can’t stand my way I can’t make them understand certain things underlaying the reason gave.
But when she said I always justify, accommodate, adapting, accepting every reason one gave to me doesn’t that give her a signal. Am I not doing the same to her too? But who am I to question that? I just eat it up.
Do I complaint about one behaviour towards me sometimes. The most I could do was hibernate myself alone. I will only entertain who ever can. She was the longest friend I have but couldn’t see me in the true eyes but then again I told myself “that’s her”. I don’t complaint but I evaluate what she said my way.
When a married man goes out of the house to find love what does comes to mind? He’s not logical, he is stupid, he is insane, he is just testing waters, he is just pure lay, he is just bastard who never gets enough. No matter how good the woman are to them its still not enough.
Hunters they are, if they don’t eat it they would just smells it. Remembering what she says about Yusfi, reminds me to Halimi, who has to say this “you purposely arrange your swimming class or outing when you’re having your periods?”. I just smile and walks away from him looking at my children happily playing in the water.
There is always a purpose people asking, inviting and reason to be there. Why do I need a man when I have full complete life even its hard. Companion, understanding, share my reason why I still work here though I feel being penalize all the time but im happy of what im learning and do what I can.
I don’t want to go further. I had cried enough all night because of that conversation and its affected other people too. But then if she is capable to do that with me what more to others hence again I told myself “its just her”.
And I wake up taking my bath in wee hours seeking solace presenting my thoughts and soul to HIM. Only him will understand, and knows why I do that to everyone. I dare not ask HIM whether have I not being fair to everyone and why everyone is not being fair to me.
Was it not enough to be accommodating, adapting and understanding people around. I leave it to HIM to answer me in point of time. I don’t look forward to my birthday because its only brings me sadness of that I have done to people around me can never satisfy them enough.
Now is a time to satisfy and pleased my self alone.
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