Achievement Lama tak bercakap tentang diri....terasa rindu pula untuk menulis...
On my children side that something I love to pen down.
Shira has been released from her sport camp 2 weeks ago. Achieving one gold medal for 4x100 and bronze for 4x200 representing for WP in MSSM held from 9 -12th May. In conjunction with her birthday that was the biggest prize for her beside being 3 years in a row holding best athletes title in S.R.J.KC. Lai Meng.
And the biggest even will be end of this month for her third time Khatam Quran. There will be a small ceromony held to celebrate the event. She and her older sister will be having the same occassion on 2nd June and hopefully the twins will follow by end of this year. God willing.
My father in law passed away last Saturday at 5.45pm pm leaving 7 childrens, 26 grand childrens and 6 great grand childrens. His extensive big families really brings the joy in his life and throughout his journey on board. He was left alone by dear wife 10 years ago keeping himself surviving and having the fond memories of her in his chest and mind.
The last I saw him was about a month ago before I left to Bandung. I was lucky to have met him and still remember who am I when I last visited him. Semuga rohnya dirahmati dan ditempatkan disisi mereka yang beriman dan taqwa. Amin.
On the otherside this morning upon entering his car, his eyes lingered from top to toe, touching my skirt, gazing and looking again and again. Complimenting the attire I'm wearing today. That was not just that. The strange acting was from yesterday when I asked him many time what is it in his mind. Running away from questions was his specialities and jumping to next topics one to another. Out of sudden while driving he hugged me and that was really a surprise. And there after he sealed his mouth not talking anymore till I tickled him with killer questions. Today I think that I can summed up some of the stories into line after his court case. That will jeorpadise his time, his planning and next vision. The only thing he says before putting down the phone just now "please pray for me". God hears you and everyone.
So have faith....
Friday, May 25, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Eternity
Priority is always yourself. Dont put anyone first except HIM the one who thinks of you all the time. Waiting for you to praise HIM, seek solace in HIM, find peace in HIM.
Never explain, who ever can understand you will take you as it is
"Dont deny your own needs and wants.
The only one who able to love and understand what you want is ONLY YOU"
"You choose to decide the best for you, be it yesterday, now or tomorrow.
Best choice leading the wiser you"
"We often make wrong judgement over people we love.
Let them love you more than you love them"
"Emotions leads to failure"
"Time wait for no one, enjoy life as it is, be thankful because what ever you've tasted makes you eager to have more"
Never explain, who ever can understand you will take you as it is
"Dont deny your own needs and wants.
The only one who able to love and understand what you want is ONLY YOU"
"You choose to decide the best for you, be it yesterday, now or tomorrow.
Best choice leading the wiser you"
"We often make wrong judgement over people we love.
Let them love you more than you love them"
"Emotions leads to failure"
"Time wait for no one, enjoy life as it is, be thankful because what ever you've tasted makes you eager to have more"
Friday, May 18, 2007
Ibu
ketika ibu saya berkunjung, ibu mengajak saya
untuk shopping bersamanya kerana dia
menginginkan sepasang kurung yg baru. Saya
sebenarnya tidak suka pergi membeli belah
bersama dengan orang lain, dan saya bukanlah
orang yang sabar, tetapi walaupun demikian
kami pergi juga ke pusat membeli belah tersebut.
Kami mengunjungi setiap butik yang
menyediakan pakaian wanita, dan ibu saya
mencuba sehelai demi sehelai pakaian dan
mengembalikan semuanya. Seiring hari yang
berlalu, saya mulai penat dan kelihatan jelas
riak2 kecewa di wajah ibu.
Akhirnya pada butik terakhir yang kami
kunjungi,
ibu saya mencuba satu baju kurung yang
cantik .
Dan kerana ketidaksabaran saya, maka untuk
kali ini saya ikut masuk dan berdiri bersama ibu
saya dalam fitting room, saya melihat bagaimana ibu
mencuba pakaian tersebut, dan dengan susah
mencuba untuk mengenakannya. Ternyata
tangan-tangannya sudah mulai dilumpuhkan oleh
penyakit radang sendi dan sebab itu dia tidak dapat
melakukannya, seketika ketidaksabaran saya
digantikan oleh suatu rasa kasihan yang dalam
kepadanya. Saya berbalik pergi dan cuba
menyembunyikan air mata yang keluar tanpa
saya sedari. Setelah saya mendapatkan ketenangan
lagi, saya kembali masuk ke fitting room untuk
membantu ibu mengenakan pakaiannya.
Pakaian ini begitu indah, dan ibu membelinya.
Shopping kami telah berakhir, tetapi kejadian
tersebut terukir dan tidak dapat dilupakan dari
ingatan . Sepanjang sisa hari itu, fikiran saya
tetap saja kembali pada saat berada di dalam
fitting room tersebut dan terbayang tangan ibu
saya yang sedang berusaha mengenakan
pakaiannya. Kedua tangan yang penuh dengan
kasih, yang pernah menyuapi, memandikan
saya, memakaikan baju, membelai dan memeluk
saya, dan terlebih dari semuanya, berdoa untuk saya,
sekarang tangan itu telah menyentuh hati saya
dengan cara yang paling berbekas dalam hati
saya. Kemudian pada malam harinya saya
pergi ke kamar ibu saya mengambil tangannya,
lantas menciumnya ... dan yang membuatnya terkejut,
saya memberitahunya bahwa bagi saya kedua
tangan tersebut adalah tangan yang paling
indah di dunia ini. Saya sangat bersyukur bahwa
Tuhan telah membuat saya dapat melihat dengan
sejelasnya, betapa bernilai dan berrharganya
kasih sayang yang penuh pengorbanan dari
seorang ibu.
Saya hanya dapat berdoa bahwa suatu hari
kelak tangan saya dan hati saya akan memiliki
keindahannya tersendiri. Dunia ini memiliki
banyak keajaiban, segala ciptaan Tuhan yang
begitu agung, tetapi tak satu pun yang dapat
menandingi keindahan tangan Ibu...
untuk shopping bersamanya kerana dia
menginginkan sepasang kurung yg baru. Saya
sebenarnya tidak suka pergi membeli belah
bersama dengan orang lain, dan saya bukanlah
orang yang sabar, tetapi walaupun demikian
kami pergi juga ke pusat membeli belah tersebut.
Kami mengunjungi setiap butik yang
menyediakan pakaian wanita, dan ibu saya
mencuba sehelai demi sehelai pakaian dan
mengembalikan semuanya. Seiring hari yang
berlalu, saya mulai penat dan kelihatan jelas
riak2 kecewa di wajah ibu.
Akhirnya pada butik terakhir yang kami
kunjungi,
ibu saya mencuba satu baju kurung yang
cantik .
Dan kerana ketidaksabaran saya, maka untuk
kali ini saya ikut masuk dan berdiri bersama ibu
saya dalam fitting room, saya melihat bagaimana ibu
mencuba pakaian tersebut, dan dengan susah
mencuba untuk mengenakannya. Ternyata
tangan-tangannya sudah mulai dilumpuhkan oleh
penyakit radang sendi dan sebab itu dia tidak dapat
melakukannya, seketika ketidaksabaran saya
digantikan oleh suatu rasa kasihan yang dalam
kepadanya. Saya berbalik pergi dan cuba
menyembunyikan air mata yang keluar tanpa
saya sedari. Setelah saya mendapatkan ketenangan
lagi, saya kembali masuk ke fitting room untuk
membantu ibu mengenakan pakaiannya.
Pakaian ini begitu indah, dan ibu membelinya.
Shopping kami telah berakhir, tetapi kejadian
tersebut terukir dan tidak dapat dilupakan dari
ingatan . Sepanjang sisa hari itu, fikiran saya
tetap saja kembali pada saat berada di dalam
fitting room tersebut dan terbayang tangan ibu
saya yang sedang berusaha mengenakan
pakaiannya. Kedua tangan yang penuh dengan
kasih, yang pernah menyuapi, memandikan
saya, memakaikan baju, membelai dan memeluk
saya, dan terlebih dari semuanya, berdoa untuk saya,
sekarang tangan itu telah menyentuh hati saya
dengan cara yang paling berbekas dalam hati
saya. Kemudian pada malam harinya saya
pergi ke kamar ibu saya mengambil tangannya,
lantas menciumnya ... dan yang membuatnya terkejut,
saya memberitahunya bahwa bagi saya kedua
tangan tersebut adalah tangan yang paling
indah di dunia ini. Saya sangat bersyukur bahwa
Tuhan telah membuat saya dapat melihat dengan
sejelasnya, betapa bernilai dan berrharganya
kasih sayang yang penuh pengorbanan dari
seorang ibu.
Saya hanya dapat berdoa bahwa suatu hari
kelak tangan saya dan hati saya akan memiliki
keindahannya tersendiri. Dunia ini memiliki
banyak keajaiban, segala ciptaan Tuhan yang
begitu agung, tetapi tak satu pun yang dapat
menandingi keindahan tangan Ibu...
Friday, April 13, 2007
Lelaki & Wanita
Ternyata sangat sukar menjadi wanita istimewa dimataNYA dan dimata insan biasa. Tiada yang lebih baik dari menjadi makhluk ciptaannya.
Wanita diletakkan ditahap paling tinggi darjatnya disisi allah selain malaikat dan para nabi. Dan wanita juga dikurniakan dengan 1 akal dan 9 nafsu serta sifat kesabaran yang paling tinggi.
Taraf yang diletakkannya itu tidak dapat dinilai oleh sesiapa saja dibumi ini. Setiap saat didatangkan dugaan dan cabaran untuk menguji keimanan dan taqwa.
Sangat mudah tersungkur namun ada juga yang sangat cekal menghadapi apa jua rintangan.
Yang menjadikan wanita itu berbeza dari lelaki adalah sifat dan sikap jua keimanan dan ketabahan yang tak mungkin dipunyai oleh semua individu. Ianya tertakluk hanya kepada seseorang.
Cantiknya ia bukan pada paras rupa juga pada bentuknya. Ia terletak pada hati, jiwa dan rohani yang bersih dan jasmani yang sihat.
Amat sukar mencari wanita yang mengenali dirinya sendiri, mengetahui apa yang dimahukannya dan juga inginnya untuk hari yang mendatang.
Kebanyakkannya terbuai oleh arus kehidupan. Kesukaran membuatkan mereka belajar ataupun membutakan mata untuk mengikuti jalan yang seharusnya.
Wanita sekarang sangat lantang berbicara, mengendalikan haq dan juga bijak membuat pemilihan tentang hidup. Ramai yang hilang arah bilamana berada diatas.
Pada mereka yang tahu asal kejadian akan berpaling kebawah walaupun berada ditahap kerjaya mereka yang teratas tetapi dipangkuan lelaki atau suami mereka adalah pasangan yang seharusnya akur kepada kehendak kejadian bahawa mereka perlu menghormati, mengakui dan bisa dilentur bahawa mereka adalah sebahagian dari tulang rusuk seorang lelaki.
Jika terlalu keras pengendaliannya iakan patah, jika terlalu lembut iakan hancur, jika dibiarkan iakan hanyut.
Fenomena yang melanda milenium/ zaman sekarang adalah wanita yang sentiasa memperjuangkan haq sendiri yang sentiasa meletakkan kehendak dan kemampuan mereka sebagai keinginan yang perlu dipenuhi oleh lelaki pada apa jua keadaan tanpa mempertimbangkan situasi dan asal kehidupan.
Ada yang benar tapi ramai yang tersasar kerana lupa bila berada diatas puncak kejayaan yang diraih. Bukankah mereka harus berpaling kebelalakang siapakah yang menyokong atau punca mereka melakukan dan meraih itu semua.
Sesungguhnya aku jua adalah insan yang terkhilaf. Maka dengan itu nukilan dan jua luahan hati ini tersingkap. Dialah yang menjadi penyokong, penyandar walaupun pada kadar waktu ia lupa tanggungjawabnya adalah untuk berada diatas sana untuk dia merona warna kehidupanku.
Namun DIA telah membuka mataku, mindaku juga rohaniku untuk kembali kepada asalku. Mengerti apa erti kejadian seorang lelaki dan wanita. Dimana letaknya ia, kearah mana tujuan ia dan apa yang pasti untuk seorang yang bernama WANITA.
Aku hanya diutus untuk menjalankan tugas sebagai hambanya berada sangat hampir kepada hatinya, sangat dekat pada jantungnya dan menyokong hembusan nafasnya hingga kesaat akhir.
Jika ia datang lagi, haruslah aku menerima seadanya kerana adanya aku adalah untuk meneruskan perjalanan seorang insan yang bernama LELAKI.
Wassalam wb.
Friday, April 06, 2007
If this is me...
Mostly people that I know or even admirers, stalkers usually look for me for the appeal that I have. They always associates me with sex, imagination, wild fantasies and ideas.
Raunchy, wild, agressive, are so opposite of me. Farmgirl always associated with that tag on. How does that comes to mind, im not sure.
All those are an immediate turn off to befriend with them. To me they are not sincere. They are there for me for a mission.
Sometime i wonder whats wrong with the way i dressed up. I know somehow i have all the features that all woman wants. Not that i dont like it but sometime i thinks its too bold on me where it fall perfectly in place . I thank HIM for all that i have.
For the personality i have, I dont have to wait for long to make friends. Pushing away my shyness once upon a time developed in me and transformed myself into a whole new person. One question will lead to another and a smile will turn to laughter. Was that wrong?.
Insecure? I do feel it sometimes. For it will make me feel i will be in trouble at anytime. But then it has helps me a lot by changing to be a friendly person and getting helps and also associates immediately and fast. I have many acquiantance, friends, family become closer and it warmth the situation all the time.
It doesnt fit to many people around. Especially on women itself. I care less about the details talks about people. I hate places which is so doomed and gloomy, slow, hazy and etc. I like fast, bubbly, colourful and wonderful.
Was I wrong in changing to be a whole new person with an image and personality liked by mostly male encounters only?
*sigh.......*
5.23pm
Monday, March 19, 2007
Private Dance
The rythm, the melody swayz herbody left and right. Following the tempo and music to her ease. The mixture of the instruments blends in her magical move. Enticing her from within making the move flowing like a wind.
It has to blend in together with her emotions, her feel, her right situation and her timing. Well developed into her lyrics and blasted outright to everyone surrounding her. Its either they just look, they claps together or even hold on to her waist to fit in the rythm together.
The tempo which fails to trail every inch of her slender body will slowly left giving more rooms to whom can take her hand in the new melody. Fast, slow, tango, salsa, mambo, limbo, rock, soul, jazzy anything that catch her glittering eyes and her soul and crack a smile on her lips.
3.07pm
Monday, January 29, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Ikhlas
Current mood: 
Category: Blogging
6.07pm
Definisi berbeza-beza dari setiap orang. Cara perlakuan, penerimaan dan penyampaian tidak sama. Dihati nawaitu ada tapi apabila dilaksanakan ia kadangkala tidak sampai ketahap yang dikatakan ikhlas.
Apakah ikhlas itu? Dimanakah terletaknya keikhlasan? Bagaimanakah caranya ikhlas itu dilaksanakan? Tidak dinafikan ianya sukar untuk ditentukan dan bagaimana ia dinilaikan.
Mendalami ilmu ikhlas bermakna mencabar kewibawaan diri, iman, taqwa dan minda. Namun jika benar ia datang dari hati yang luhur ianya pasti dilaksanakan. Dan hanya DIA yang dapat mentafsirkan keikhlasan sesuatu perbuatan, niat ataupun keinginan.
Bagaimana mencabar diri dengan ikhlas? Seperti menghulur tangan kanan dan menyorok tangan kiri. Memberi tetapi tak mengaku ianya dari kamu. Sukar untuk dipercayai masih ada insan yang melakukan ini semua tetapi sewajarnya kita tak tahu kerana hanya yang benar-benar ikhlas tidak akan menampakkan diri maupun menyebut apa yang dilakukan, diperbuat hanya untuk mendapatkan keredhaan.
Jelas dimata apa yang terpampang dikehidupan sekarang ini, keikhlasan semakin pupus. Mungkin dari cara penulisan ini anda juga bisa menilai. Tetapi bagiku dari sinilah aku belajar sambil mengingatkan diri kembali dari apa yang sepatutnya kulakukan.
Yang baik dari dia, yang buruk dari kita.
Nawaitu adalah milik kita, penghakiman adalah miliknya.
Wallahuallambissawab....
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Boundaries in Relationship
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
 |
Released: 090107 Mood: fine I.'ve been meaning to write about serious topics since i come back to work but nothing come to place and mind go bonkers when there is so many things comes popping. Early in the morning I was startled by a caller in myspace list who doesn't really knows my name and called for farm. Fine, it was me who picks up but it was not fine when I am given such surprise and was not give a respect in terms of setting or starting a frienship. Yes i called him from the office not wanting to give him my handphone number, and the purpose of calling just wanting to say hi and obliged to his invitation of being a friend. Connection or rather networking I should say and that makes me dialling his number. Upon that he called me hoping that I will give my number and my name to continue or prolong the relations. A set of boundaries was created in mylife to look after my interest in any circumstances. Be it in relationship, frenship, networking or rather personal wise. Why? Knowing what I want, where am heading, what to expect and so on makes me not to reveal some info at the very early stage of relation. Yeah the opening is there but time is always the measure of my relationship with anyone. Why because I dont want to cross a border of my own needs and want. Some people dont agree with me but I couldn't agree to what I dont want and not relevant to me. Too bad if they cant wait they have to move on. Back to him, in order knowing a person I do a background check nowadays. No longer touching the acceptance button immediately. I want to know more where would I be, when I let it happen and where its leading. I restricted everything now only on friendship not more nor less. Im in a third stage of rebuilding my life and I dont want to ruin everything that I've done almost 5 years ago. Tough and hard as steel I am now although mellowing with some emotions but sticking to the principal would do good to me insyaallah. I just need one thing this year as new year resolution. I want to be able to have trust and confidence in man again should I can and I should be able to convince myself. Otherwise the stability will make me comfortable of the status, position and be blessed of what I have now for me and my kids. It is all shown clearly by end of 2006. The action and reaction of what I have left 5 years ago with him which is not working and not convincing enough to make me able to respect and adore him still as a man who live with me for 10 years building a life as family. The answer is no no to him, I can be friend but to be back ermmmm..... Love which left as quote only can't build strong relation and now stagnant according to current situation. KIV, Naz said! No, it was not strong encouragement for me. Enforcement and working on the situation will do better for me to convinced that you are worth to be walking the path together but then again its in HIS hand. Im thankfull for that. Blessed that I can see it earlier before I go further indepths in my emotions. I shall leave till the right moment comes. No it never kills my love for him. It still grow but I cant live with love only. D has been consistently showing and proving despite of the rollercoaster life tantrum spells but he is still standing strong beside me, holding my hand but that I dont know for how long. Best man wins and I guess I have the answer as for now. Nope, its never enough and its hard pleasing me of all Ive gone through. I know its hard for em' to pace with my tune. Its all in their hand to prove my hypothesis is wrong and my analysis has to be revised. Im only human. The boundaries set within me to protect what I want and need. Im enjoying what I have now. To understand, to feel, to launch, to tickle, to linger, to crawl, to rant etc. It can go on and on and it will never end. But I love what I have, love whom loving me so much, admire some who has courage to set and go, salute who has courage to knock my door for an opening. All in all I am blessed to have you around me to set the colour of my life.  Trying to put and play with the colours accordingly to suit current situation.  Sipping sweetness of the taste being patience and passionate about whatever consequences I have to take.  And perhaps or rather lastly to find the pair that suits the colours, situation and the bloody emotional me.  I love you all. Farmie. 10.46am |
awake 
Monday, December 18, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Treasuring a statement, word,sentence or advice
Current mood: 
Category: Friends
Released 11th Dec 06
Mood:
Mood:
In action taken, theres always a risk
In every move we take, theres always a memory
Forward is never same as the past
If you are looking for the wandering ghost, it is lost in the soul
Keep searching!!!
When you are on the top, the ground usually and always at the bottom
Whatever you do, the results is always an experience and challenge that you can treasure...
Beside this piece written in someone page as a comments im thinking of a statement given by my fren this morning which bugging me till now. Anyway as I always thought everyone is free to say, judge or even making conclusion based on what they see but again its always held within of a person why certain decision or measure taken on each action.
I am still searching and also researching of some analysis and hyphotesis. God has reason why he send things his way for us to think, reflect and be objective on everything happen or done. The question should be ask within ourselves and not him because HE has got all the answers since we born but Us was the reason why we should think and rethink why ALL this happen to us.
Farmies work desk
11.45am
Have a nice day...
Treasuring a statement, word,sentence or advice
Current mood:
Category: Friends
Released 11th Dec 06
Mood:
Mood:
In action taken, theres always a risk
In every move we take, theres always a memory
Forward is never same as the past
If you are looking for the wandering ghost, it is lost in the soul
Keep searching!!!
When you are on the top, the ground usually and always at the bottom
Whatever you do, the results is always an experience and challenge that you can treasure...
Beside this piece written in someone page as a comments im thinking of a statement given by my fren this morning which bugging me till now. Anyway as I always thought everyone is free to say, judge or even making conclusion based on what they see but again its always held within of a person why certain decision or measure taken on each action.
I am still searching and also researching of some analysis and hyphotesis. God has reason why he send things his way for us to think, reflect and be objective on everything happen or done. The question should be ask within ourselves and not him because HE has got all the answers since we born but Us was the reason why we should think and rethink why ALL this happen to us.
Farmies work desk
11.45am
Have a nice day...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Commitment
Current mood: 
Category: Blogging
Release:131106
Mood: Chirrpy
Mood: Chirrpy
I need a peacefull mind and thoughts when it comes to life commitment. Its not an easy task to perform nor to understand what commitment is. I was asked many time for my commitment in partnering issue. Most of the time I ignore it because time has never arise and I always have doubts for that.
It worries me a lot shall I not able to deliver or theres so high expectation over me. I am just a normal human being who seem to make mistakes there and then. Even most of the time I avoid it but no I am not able to anymore.
There is a space in me needed attention to be addressed. I was avoiding my needs and want in terms of partnership because I think I won't be able to deliver and accept the hicups should there be again. I know it is wrong to think that way but I cant help it.
Things that happen infront of me are so clear and does not make me comfortable with it. My current situation soothe me in my comfy zone but people keep on came knocking and giving. Taking is one thing but to be asked to be considered and reasonably can fit into my space and zone within my kids, families and frens are rare. So I have to give it a thought.
One or twice trying to avoid it but it lingers round and round. With the constant pace and the way of showing it, I cant be denying and resisting it. I'm trying hard to pleased me and never let anyone do it.
But I guess its about time I want to be pleased. Sensing its coming and having it felt over me was the whole new experience whereby this time I dont have to do much. I show off my uneasiness, my anger, my temper, my jovial part, my moodiness and everything without having problems but to accept the pampering, the mannering and so forth. It tasted good but I always reminded myself. He is on heels over me now, wait till the feel is gone or wait till well... assumption, assumption, assumption he said...
Well if the assumption is going to make me thind million times before commiting, I love to do that then. First of all when I commit myself to consider and have that thought shared, it took few weeks for him to adapt it and come back to me with a statement "give me sometime to resolve this problems". Whereby beforehand I challenged him with so many questions and consequences and conquest him on certain situation which needs tough answers to be addressed.
"The answer is yes, easy and it can be tackled... so long you give me your commitment" he said...
All those said are bullshit!!! Testing me are you??? U'll end up freaking out.
After that I just take what comes. Testing me with so many surprise and he was surprised when whatever he presented was then turnaround by me. He manage it well. Infact he has his way. Somehow he pass some test and fail some but then again it is fair to say that he is trying to prove me that relationship is worth to think again.
As for now I will keep eyeing on certain things that I need to and make sure I have the precaution measure 'ON' everytime. Enjoying his company while I have R to refer and other friends to juggle with was a good experience. Meantime, he and me deserve a chance to try. And if it is not working, at least, I'd try and have the experience and fond memories of it to treasure for being his friend, lover and female companion.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Kisah si Tukang Kayu (A Mirror to Reflect)
Release:111106
Mood: Calm
Mood: Calm
Terpanggil untuk membaca junk email yang di cc oleh seorang teman dari negara jiran. Pendahuluan amat simple seperti tidak mahu meneruskan pembacaan. Seperti biasa aku melangkaui batas pemerhatian terus kepada isi tengah dan terus membaca.
Isinya amat ringkas tetapi semakin dibaca amat mengesankan. Satu cerita ringkas yang memberi imbasan keatas diri sendiri tentang tujuan kehidupan, arah/ erti dan pencarian dan juga noktah kehidupan.
Begini Ceritanya :
Seorang tukang kayu tua bermaksud pensiun dari pekerjaannya di sebuah perusahaan konstruksi real estate. Ia menyampaikan keinginannya tersebut pada
pemilik perusahaan.
Ia ingin beristirahat dan menikmati sisa hari tuanya dengan penuh Kedamaian bersama istri dan keluarganya. Pemilik perusahaan merasa sedih kehilangan salah seorang pekerja terbaiknya.
Ia lalu memohon pada tukang kayu tersebut untuk membuatkan sebuah rumah untuk dirinya. Tukang kayu mengangguk menyetujui permohonan pribadi pemilik perusahaan itu.
Tapi, sebenarnya ia merasa terpaksa. Ia ingin segera berhenti. Hatinya tidak sepenuhnya dicurahkan. Dengan ogah-ogahan ia mengerjakan proyek itu. Ia cuma menggunakan bahan-bahan sekedarnya. Akhirnya selesailah rumah yang diminta oleh tuannya.
Hasilnya bukanlah sebuah rumah baik. Sungguh sayang ia harus mengakhiri kariernya dengan prestasi yang tidak begitu mengagumkan.
Ketika pemilik perusahaan itu datang melihat rumah yang dimintanya, ia menyerahkan sebuah kunci rumah pada si tukang kayu. "Ini adalah rumahmu, " katanya, "hadiah dari kami." Betapa terkejutnya si tukang kayu. Betapa malu dan menyesalnya.
Seandainya saja ia mengetahui bahwa ia sesungguhnya mengerjakan rumah untuk dirinya sendiri, ia tentu akan mengerjakannya dengan cara yang lain sama sekali. Kini
ia harus tinggal di sebuah rumah yang tak terlalu bagus hasil karyanya sendiri.
Itulah yang terjadi pada kehidupan kita. Kadangkala, banyak dari kita yang membangun kehidupan dengan cara yang membingungkan dan kurang bertanggung
jawab.
Lebih memilih berusaha ala kadarnya ketimbang mengupayakan yang baik. Bahkan, pada bagian-bagian terpenting dalam hidup kita tidak memberikan yang terbaik.
Pada akhir perjalanan kita terkejut saat melihat apa yang telah kita lakukan dan menemukan diri kita hidup di dalam sebuah rumah yang kita ciptakan sendiri. Seandainya kita menyadarinya sejak semula kita akan menjalani hidup ini dengan cara yang jauh berbeda.
Renungkan bahwa kita adalah si tukang kayu. Renungkan 'rumah' yang sedang kita bangun.
Setiap hari kita memukul paku, memasang papan, mendirikan dinding dan atap.
Mari kita selesaikan 'rumah' kita dengan sebaik-baiknya seolah-olah hanya mengerjakannya sekali saja dalam seumur hidup.
Cheers,
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Back in Peace
Released: 09 Nov 06
Mood: Calm
After a week break for Raya and a week off for company trip in Vietnam im back to office. My last Lucrin jab last 1st week November. Now my back ache and moods unstable. Eating habit not regular and consistent. Dad admitted yesterday and will be operated today. Have a chat with my brother yesterday with current situation after heated sms's two days in a row.
Ida broke a news of her visit to Mecca this year. Im glad she prompted me and reminded me of something that I always put on hold. Thank you dear friend. Sarah and Rozie called after so long break of not meeting each other while Lina keep on reminding me on Hari Raya gathering on Sunday. Planned to cook on Saturday nite but unfortunately not many people can turn up. Suddenly R shocked me with a question on her ex hb told her friend that Im getting married in December. I laughed and at the same time wondering who the hell of the story teller.
All in all Lebaran has just given me a new colours and beginning. The renewal was so good as I am enjoying every minute of it. Of course with some hicups but certainly the book of life change page each day.
Here are some picts that i can upload for all of you. All this beautifull pictures are treasured in my mind and soul as each corner in the world captured the beauty of the maker itself to make us fond of what we found along the way.
Mood: Calm
After a week break for Raya and a week off for company trip in Vietnam im back to office. My last Lucrin jab last 1st week November. Now my back ache and moods unstable. Eating habit not regular and consistent. Dad admitted yesterday and will be operated today. Have a chat with my brother yesterday with current situation after heated sms's two days in a row.
Ida broke a news of her visit to Mecca this year. Im glad she prompted me and reminded me of something that I always put on hold. Thank you dear friend. Sarah and Rozie called after so long break of not meeting each other while Lina keep on reminding me on Hari Raya gathering on Sunday. Planned to cook on Saturday nite but unfortunately not many people can turn up. Suddenly R shocked me with a question on her ex hb told her friend that Im getting married in December. I laughed and at the same time wondering who the hell of the story teller.
All in all Lebaran has just given me a new colours and beginning. The renewal was so good as I am enjoying every minute of it. Of course with some hicups but certainly the book of life change page each day.
Here are some picts that i can upload for all of you. All this beautifull pictures are treasured in my mind and soul as each corner in the world captured the beauty of the maker itself to make us fond of what we found along the way.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Changes
Category: Blogging
It has to be constant change or other wise you won't be changing at all. Courage is what I dont have now. Ask me to do the toughest job, insyaallah I'll find a mechanism to work it out, ask me to fix things in the house insyaallah I'll find a right tools to fix it, ask me to jump from one place to another insyaallah I will find ways to be there, ask me anything but not a marriage proposal.
"What's wrong with you"
"I dont know..."
"He is certain....
"But im not..."
"What else do you want?"
"I dont know"
"What else he dont have?"
"He got it everything..."
"Then what is not right then?"
"Me..... I cant convince myself I will make him happy as he think I would, although I think he would make me happy, he prove me before, he prove me now and still trying to convinced me tomorrow. Do you think he ever give up"
"Im not sure Na...its depending on what you want"
Was I needing a partner badly? Was I so lonely? Was I bad financially? Was I not having company as in family or kids? Was I not supported enough by friends? Was I not having enough love around me be it from girlfriends, siblings, boyfriends, relatives and etc? Was I stingy to pour my love to anyone? Was I not doing what I wanted to do?
He understand it all of what I have left, what I'm pacing around now and what I am looking forward next. He knows it all because he has been there hearing me punching or pouring the words and he was there to nurture and cherish all the pain that I pour for him to listen, for him to lend his shoulder to lean.
Day by day I was leaning closer, mingling around like a kitten getting his full attention and love. He is pouring it unconditionally without saying anything more nor less. He know I dont like to be pushed, nor being posses, he knows I will turn to him as and when I need him and will say no when he cant.
Thats what has started as friends and slowly changed as close for the emotional feel to bond us together. I was split into two in between friends and turning it into a lover but HOW?
Those comfortable zone I created for him was actually reversed now. Just like what I wanted. Would I let it ruined just because Im confused?
"I leave it to you to decide dear.... I dont know how else I can prove you... You stop me from seeing your parents, you stop me from sending my people to your house...Think.... Take your time..."
"How long can you wait?"
"I hope not long"
"Why?" still testing him to the max which I know the answer within
... He keep quiet, turning his face away hiding his feelings. I know I hurt him but to convince me of tomorrow that I wasnt sure, is really hard. He knows many is coming to the way waiting for my opening at anytime it strikes my mood to say yes. He knows that my moods and colours always varies at times but he knows if Im treated right the bright colours was never failed to capture peoples mind and attention. With that I reserve the possibility of them to come in nearer, closer.
There is few in mind which I have already make my thinking of opening, or just tickling or rather make em feel more comfortable but not looking for possibility of being a lover. *sigh* Difficult indeed because once im in it I wont be able to turn back but to accept.
And with that I remember the chat with an Australian guy last week of my believe in our faith and god. He was so certain that god is within us only if we really know how to find the real us and accepting HIM in the daily life and believe of what happen to ourself are actually derive by what we do.
I know the answer is already there it is just the time for my opening to embark the new life. Life is a game and the ten rules applies. And if Love is a game too then the adventure is within us who is willing to accept the challenge to go through it.
I will have to consider many quest and options which may come within sooner or later.
Insyaallah....
7.35pm
Released: 190906
Mood: Alert
Mood: Alert
It has to be constant change or other wise you won't be changing at all. Courage is what I dont have now. Ask me to do the toughest job, insyaallah I'll find a mechanism to work it out, ask me to fix things in the house insyaallah I'll find a right tools to fix it, ask me to jump from one place to another insyaallah I will find ways to be there, ask me anything but not a marriage proposal.
"What's wrong with you"
"I dont know..."
"He is certain....
"But im not..."
"What else do you want?"
"I dont know"
"What else he dont have?"
"He got it everything..."
"Then what is not right then?"
"Me..... I cant convince myself I will make him happy as he think I would, although I think he would make me happy, he prove me before, he prove me now and still trying to convinced me tomorrow. Do you think he ever give up"
"Im not sure Na...its depending on what you want"
Was I needing a partner badly? Was I so lonely? Was I bad financially? Was I not having company as in family or kids? Was I not supported enough by friends? Was I not having enough love around me be it from girlfriends, siblings, boyfriends, relatives and etc? Was I stingy to pour my love to anyone? Was I not doing what I wanted to do?
He understand it all of what I have left, what I'm pacing around now and what I am looking forward next. He knows it all because he has been there hearing me punching or pouring the words and he was there to nurture and cherish all the pain that I pour for him to listen, for him to lend his shoulder to lean.
Day by day I was leaning closer, mingling around like a kitten getting his full attention and love. He is pouring it unconditionally without saying anything more nor less. He know I dont like to be pushed, nor being posses, he knows I will turn to him as and when I need him and will say no when he cant.
Thats what has started as friends and slowly changed as close for the emotional feel to bond us together. I was split into two in between friends and turning it into a lover but HOW?
Those comfortable zone I created for him was actually reversed now. Just like what I wanted. Would I let it ruined just because Im confused?
"I leave it to you to decide dear.... I dont know how else I can prove you... You stop me from seeing your parents, you stop me from sending my people to your house...Think.... Take your time..."
"How long can you wait?"
"I hope not long"
"Why?" still testing him to the max which I know the answer within
... He keep quiet, turning his face away hiding his feelings. I know I hurt him but to convince me of tomorrow that I wasnt sure, is really hard. He knows many is coming to the way waiting for my opening at anytime it strikes my mood to say yes. He knows that my moods and colours always varies at times but he knows if Im treated right the bright colours was never failed to capture peoples mind and attention. With that I reserve the possibility of them to come in nearer, closer.
There is few in mind which I have already make my thinking of opening, or just tickling or rather make em feel more comfortable but not looking for possibility of being a lover. *sigh* Difficult indeed because once im in it I wont be able to turn back but to accept.
And with that I remember the chat with an Australian guy last week of my believe in our faith and god. He was so certain that god is within us only if we really know how to find the real us and accepting HIM in the daily life and believe of what happen to ourself are actually derive by what we do.
I know the answer is already there it is just the time for my opening to embark the new life. Life is a game and the ten rules applies. And if Love is a game too then the adventure is within us who is willing to accept the challenge to go through it.
I will have to consider many quest and options which may come within sooner or later.
Insyaallah....
7.35pm
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Pride & Prejudice OR Proud & without Prejudice
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Blogging
Released:140906
Mood: Proud
Category: Blogging
Released:140906
Mood: Proud
People always relate looks with attitude and behaviour.
The skin, the look, the way they carry themselves always been observe and judge. Be it male or female. Why people are so judgemental?
Even close friend. My take is, human have got their strengths and weaknesses. Individuals comes in a package of what they are. I have no say on that but to take them as it is.
This came from a short question "what do you think of him being my future husband?". My daughter, as a close example said this "not suitable lah ibu". I smiled and already had that answer within my mind. I probe her further…
"Why darling?"….
"He is dark mom, and you are fair…."
"So?? You father was dark too and so do all of you…."
She smiled, unable to answered further and I hugged her and explained. The outer skin is not what matter in a person. It is where your attitude and behaviour is much more important than the colour that you seen in a person. Your heart is what matter most.
One marriage and three times lover with charisma, looks and own integrity failed to prove me looks are what they are. Pleasant to see, nice to be with aren't giving you definite happiness and suitability as a partner. They are fragile yet as vulnerable as women are.
Women are tougher than them. Proven and endorsed by many superb mom in the world. Although they have to raised the kids alone they are still survivor and looking forward for tomorrow. That's what I call "Proud & without Prejudice".
Back to "Pride & Prejudice" it came with a price. The walk with the look full of pride and people look and being prejudice. By showing good look, it portrays good behaviour, attitude and charisma. How true it is?? Look up and ask yourself.
Even my best friend commented this "3 months for him to get fairer?" Yes, it hurts me but that's her personal views. They are even school mates during their school days. When I probe her further she did not answer me. Noted her sincerity and honesty and I moved on. While the other says not suitable comparing my personality and his, before knowing the real him. She just know him from the surface.
I was interrogated and asked many questions but I answer to the best I know. And he keep on pestering for my decision. I need time to find out the honesty and sincerity. Today I was shut up again by things that he wants to do. I just need a prove not anymore talk over things which has wasted my time.
If this is a tough testament to you, yes indeed it is. I trust guys no more. Prove me, tell me I'm wrong with reasons to believe. I'll give you my hand. Lets walk together along the path of life. If you like to talked it over, share with me and aim the goal to come nearer. Ill hold your hand, lets cherish it, lets nurture and and if it doesn't happen after we tried, I don't mind afterall, I have given me myself a chance and you have taste the bitterness of the path that we walk through.
A chance indeed is what I am giving me and you.
Prove me, that's all.
7.02pm
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Essence of Patience
Essence of Patience
Released: 060906
Mood: Cheerful
Mood: Cheerful
Relations, relations, relations!!! My zodiac says in one of the page I browsed early this year. I dont trust those but then now im recalling one after another are related to each other.
The key words to me are "open up". Lucky or not it depends on me. So one by one come and go releasing the past that haunting me. Now im taking it easily and lightly.
Everything falls into place. I pick them and go on flowing with the nature. They cant wait they run ahead, they can't patch up they are left behind and those who walk together are still there hand in hand holding the essence of relationship.
How? I dont know. They came around and I make frens. They love my style and presence they stay, they dont they leave. I never stop them nor guiding them. I dont rule them, nor want them to change for me. I am enjoying them as what they are.
I am not anymore romancing the stone. I am breaking the ice and the great wall I created has become a frenly boundaries that I can lean on when I fall. It is sweet I could say. Despite the hurt I have because of the remarks or emotional feelings, all in all I am ok.
Anticipation is sweet.
From my work desk,
9.02pm
hESItaTING...
Category: Romance and Relationships
Not sure.... thats the words for my feelings.
Question posted was left unanswered, just as yet.
I need to do ground checked and lots of digging work to do.
1. Sense of Responsibility
2. Sense of Humour
3. Sense of Loving
4. Sense of Labourship
5. Sense of Freindship
6. Sense of Respect
7. Sense of Honour
8. Sense of Logic
9. Sense of Maturity
10. Sense of Commitment
And my list can go on forever. You will feel bored but its amused me somehow. The more I take it, the more it blends in me softly, lovingly and caressing my life.
People said I made things so complex, like seing horror movie. The difficulties are made to make a simple life once everything is sorted when you are made to be mine. Past is lesson, learnings makes one matured and wise. The complexity makes me whom I am today and no matter how hard the case is, I am able to stand strong and walk through my destiny.
Im coming to the end soon? Yes, when I have made the decision.
Marry or not to marry? :-)
5.26pm
Released: 080906
Mood: Quizicall
Mood: Quizicall
Not sure.... thats the words for my feelings.
Question posted was left unanswered, just as yet.
I need to do ground checked and lots of digging work to do.
1. Sense of Responsibility
2. Sense of Humour
3. Sense of Loving
4. Sense of Labourship
5. Sense of Freindship
6. Sense of Respect
7. Sense of Honour
8. Sense of Logic
9. Sense of Maturity
10. Sense of Commitment
And my list can go on forever. You will feel bored but its amused me somehow. The more I take it, the more it blends in me softly, lovingly and caressing my life.
People said I made things so complex, like seing horror movie. The difficulties are made to make a simple life once everything is sorted when you are made to be mine. Past is lesson, learnings makes one matured and wise. The complexity makes me whom I am today and no matter how hard the case is, I am able to stand strong and walk through my destiny.
Im coming to the end soon? Yes, when I have made the decision.
Marry or not to marry? :-)
5.26pm
Scent of Trusting
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Ive been quiet for the past 2 weeks...
Why??? Consoling, encapsulating, invigorating my mind into a new path again. A change of lane. Why be in a same path which offers nothing. I have to move on. Time is getting shorter. For me, my kids and future.
Alhamdullillah I took it simpler and not harder like the last. Give a notion, signal and waited for the light to change but they aint any colours strikes. So I move on.
My best fren wedding was the most glamourous after Datuk K and CT. She was beautiful, astonishing and sweet. To "Tee and Roslee" CONGRATULATIONs, semoga berkekalan keanak cucu.
While the other was officially divorced for the second time. Perhaps theres a blessing besides the separation. She is now more happy and focused and not to mentioned enjoying the name of freedom and happy life with people around her. To "R", redhalah dalam menerima setiap percubaan dan dugaan yang dianugerahinya.
While me? Many things happens. Yup. Managing my children most importantly who look forward to Auntie Glamour's wedding of the year. Family bondage getting better and friends who has been there always to boost support and motivate.
Love life... I have to put it a stop. Its too pain for him to go through the difficulties. No, not that I dont love him. Because I do I have to let him go back to his wife and family. Hearing her voice, hearing her mumbling. I know theres something wrong in their marriage, in her and him. Not just one party. Marriage is sharing, both has to share emotional bondage, difficulties, happiness, consequences, anything that comes up there and then along the journey of life.
Hurt, sad, or happy, am I not feeling that when I have to let go? I do, yes, but I have to be sincere to myself. In order for me to be happy I cant live in another person misery. If he cant stand for me, behind me or being a supporter to me, can I be his shadow behind all the plan and fantasies we have in future. Obsolutely not. Go on stabilise your life. I will be fine. Insyaallah god willing.
And when comes to that, a fren who has been there always swept me from the downfall by listening, encouraging, boosting, motivating and advising suddenly tickle me with a statement "Farm, I symphatize with you". I was stunned then was laughing. "Hoi, since when you know how to talk like this?" Being me, we talk, we argue, we laugh, we shared a good time karaokeing, teh tariking, gathering, kenduri's and etc. Never that I thought he would say things like that. In a row of the week he has been there pacifying, talking, rambling, scolding and yet pouring how he feels when he saw these people making use of me while I'm there.
It was like a slap and also dreaming in a day light when he asked me "what do you actually want and what do you want in a man?"... Eh mamat tak de kene mengenanya soklan kamu tu dengan apa yang aku hadapilah. Apasal you ni?"...
He has been trying to fix date for me despite my ignorance, but with his presence I agree to meet his fren few times. It doesnt give me any feel altho we can be frens, I can say good frens but I dont and cant take them as closer and he wants me to be. At last he, himself after being with me almost everyday, he broke the silence "I never feel in love like I do with you". My eyes almost pop out, my heart stop beating, I feel shallow and I thought I am going to vomit or faint.
He is falling for me? Hello did I hear it correctly? Yes, sms, call, meeting make us very close just like Im having my gfs with me. I feel safe, I feel good, I feel everything. I like to tease, not just him. Natural flirt, some would say, it was just for stimulation of brains and mind. Not that I think it would be taken seriously and it does mean something for him.
And 2 days ago I was proposed again and that makes me so confused. Commitment scares me?? I want to be love and loved but yet im scared I would failed again. To give is nothing, to expect is something. Would I deliver, would I be getting the right things Ive asked for. I leave it to him. A fren of mine suggesting "Istikharah" and give myself a chance until June next year.
I will have to settle my case with Naz and Im moving. To accept or not I will have to let time decide for me beside seeking solace in HIM to guide me. I hope he is the right one for me as Ive seen the quality and prove which is not just coincidence.
Restui aku....
1.44pm
Released: 060906
Mood: shaky
Mood: shaky
Ive been quiet for the past 2 weeks...
Why??? Consoling, encapsulating, invigorating my mind into a new path again. A change of lane. Why be in a same path which offers nothing. I have to move on. Time is getting shorter. For me, my kids and future.
Alhamdullillah I took it simpler and not harder like the last. Give a notion, signal and waited for the light to change but they aint any colours strikes. So I move on.
My best fren wedding was the most glamourous after Datuk K and CT. She was beautiful, astonishing and sweet. To "Tee and Roslee" CONGRATULATIONs, semoga berkekalan keanak cucu.
While the other was officially divorced for the second time. Perhaps theres a blessing besides the separation. She is now more happy and focused and not to mentioned enjoying the name of freedom and happy life with people around her. To "R", redhalah dalam menerima setiap percubaan dan dugaan yang dianugerahinya.
While me? Many things happens. Yup. Managing my children most importantly who look forward to Auntie Glamour's wedding of the year. Family bondage getting better and friends who has been there always to boost support and motivate.
Love life... I have to put it a stop. Its too pain for him to go through the difficulties. No, not that I dont love him. Because I do I have to let him go back to his wife and family. Hearing her voice, hearing her mumbling. I know theres something wrong in their marriage, in her and him. Not just one party. Marriage is sharing, both has to share emotional bondage, difficulties, happiness, consequences, anything that comes up there and then along the journey of life.
Hurt, sad, or happy, am I not feeling that when I have to let go? I do, yes, but I have to be sincere to myself. In order for me to be happy I cant live in another person misery. If he cant stand for me, behind me or being a supporter to me, can I be his shadow behind all the plan and fantasies we have in future. Obsolutely not. Go on stabilise your life. I will be fine. Insyaallah god willing.
And when comes to that, a fren who has been there always swept me from the downfall by listening, encouraging, boosting, motivating and advising suddenly tickle me with a statement "Farm, I symphatize with you". I was stunned then was laughing. "Hoi, since when you know how to talk like this?" Being me, we talk, we argue, we laugh, we shared a good time karaokeing, teh tariking, gathering, kenduri's and etc. Never that I thought he would say things like that. In a row of the week he has been there pacifying, talking, rambling, scolding and yet pouring how he feels when he saw these people making use of me while I'm there.
It was like a slap and also dreaming in a day light when he asked me "what do you actually want and what do you want in a man?"... Eh mamat tak de kene mengenanya soklan kamu tu dengan apa yang aku hadapilah. Apasal you ni?"...
He has been trying to fix date for me despite my ignorance, but with his presence I agree to meet his fren few times. It doesnt give me any feel altho we can be frens, I can say good frens but I dont and cant take them as closer and he wants me to be. At last he, himself after being with me almost everyday, he broke the silence "I never feel in love like I do with you". My eyes almost pop out, my heart stop beating, I feel shallow and I thought I am going to vomit or faint.
He is falling for me? Hello did I hear it correctly? Yes, sms, call, meeting make us very close just like Im having my gfs with me. I feel safe, I feel good, I feel everything. I like to tease, not just him. Natural flirt, some would say, it was just for stimulation of brains and mind. Not that I think it would be taken seriously and it does mean something for him.
And 2 days ago I was proposed again and that makes me so confused. Commitment scares me?? I want to be love and loved but yet im scared I would failed again. To give is nothing, to expect is something. Would I deliver, would I be getting the right things Ive asked for. I leave it to him. A fren of mine suggesting "Istikharah" and give myself a chance until June next year.
I will have to settle my case with Naz and Im moving. To accept or not I will have to let time decide for me beside seeking solace in HIM to guide me. I hope he is the right one for me as Ive seen the quality and prove which is not just coincidence.
Restui aku....
1.44pm
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