PMS

Current mood: angry
Category: MySpace / MyDen/ MyZone

Penna: Lynna
Released : 270206
Mood: Roaring with flame

I was quiet, due to my tiredness yesterday I guess. Headache, temperature of my body goes up by evening, plus the heat from the weather really makes me worn. A day in Nilai to be an advisor to my cousin upcoming wedding in May really ties me down. The chance to meet my aunt and the rest of the cousins was overwhelming at first. But eventually worn off by the heat of the sunny weather and sticky feeling as we browse along one to another shop looking for the right materials and concept. Whenever question asked it was like the "donno" answer likely to be heard, by few hours later I was really pissed and walk back to my car to get some refreshment and catch hold of a conversation.

When the sweat is gone I join them back and decision was made later without much noise. Ani, Nurul, Tuty and me keep on teasing and joking while aunt was just intercepting whenever needed. The long haul of me not being with them never creates and iceberg in our relations amongst us. We are still as naughty as we are before. We still can enjoy a joke, laughter, story and whatever. By the time everything finalized it was already like 6.30pm when my dad called to ask what time I can reach home because he wanted to use the car.

With that I don't have much time to wait longer not coming with them to hang around. I cant stand the sticky feeling and the humid weather anymore. All I need was a long bath under the cold shower to freshen up my body and mind. Solely…

Ita said her mother was sick. I was just listening… without saying anything…

My mind is thinking of so many thing… My stubbornness have not allowed me to be back in Tg Dahan just as yet. As hard as they can be to me and that's what they are getting… As much as they can be softer to me, as much of the kindness and passionate I would be in return…

Yeah, I was never cruel to anyone, but you have already challenging me to the utmost ultimate level that I cant stand it anymore… where I just have to be myself and think whats the best for me and my children and eventually they learn their lesson. And so do i……

A time will come where all will be laid out one by one… Like it or not everyone has to take it and swallow it… yes, thorn, poisonous, or be it sweet or gentle, ill leave it to the time when it comes…

Now, especially morning I was very moody… damned this feeling. PMS I should say besides after the blood sample taken last Friday I was always feeling dizzy and tired easily… Sign of old age I would say … J

I had an interesting chat with a new friend last weekwhich makes me connected to Andrew somehow… Should he left me because he wanted to, he wont be coming back lazily to my den asking and pacing. But I never hold any grudge on him because of him many things happen too. I only remember the essence of the sweet memories of a relationship. May you have done many things to hurt or indirectly without you wanting it. I still keep you fresh in my memory as one of my friend who need an attention. But let me remind you, with me you don't have to create lies to be connected to me. Life are such, be it good or bad we don't have to tell about what she does or not. To be connected as it is, was so easy actually. Its just a gut that you needed most!

Well not everyone will buy your story raw like some people saying. They are still worry, jealous and lots of bloody awful things was said but then for people who really knows who you are will always weigh it. But then again its individual… Andrew was not the only one lie, I do, they do, she does, he did but always for reason. If he thinks I need him to be tagged along in his life, no that's not something you need to worry about… I have my own time to appreciate between a relations and commitment…

How do you define love N was saying… Erk… touch, feel, expressing, showing, indulging but alas the point is one to give and take… but what if only one willing to give and the other was pulling. I learn my good lesson since..

I have no more regrets… I believe in what I believe before… If it is meant for me it will come back to me… It does and now is time to execute, and fight all the battle in life to reach the destination over the journey of life….

When we are given time to explore, trail every lil bit of it along with the bumps and humps, tho it is tiring but it will surely leading to a destination even it was not the end of the story… sometime love are not meant to be shared together in a marriage but carries along in life which is better I guess… THINKING about relations can be tiring. How about BUILDING relations? Never mind the bumps along the way, the result could be well worth it. As the confused Confucius said: It's not the destination; it's the journey. (cutting frm beej comments abt relations)

Desperate I am?? Not as some people does… I have got everything better than anyone does… for at least I still can breath and striving for tomorrow…

Have faith, for "yang haq pasti mengatasi yang bathil"…. If I was tricked and fall into the lying part it doesn't make me cant come back to a starting point where I begin and im glad I did not pulled together in the path shit of lies…

Baby, thank you for giving me a chance but hey you got a big role to prove me wrong babe…

Cleaning my Closet

Current mood: Love, Journey & Destiny

Penna: Lynna
Released: 240206 (18.13)
Mood: Thankful

The past has been brought up to present where I was sitting and he is standing. The way he is telling all the things that he does before brings back all the jolly good memories to him without fail. What was I thinking that moment? He was mesmerizing all the good moments for him to capture and tells me what he feels.

But when the moments each and individual was told about current situation, the happiness subsides and he is back in deep thoughts. Hesitating to say anything and when he made the assumption about me and the situation I am facing I have to intersect him and tell the whole truth.

Yes I was wrong, no we was wrong. We never thought, yeah we never thought we should be doing something to mend. But no there is no point to brood about it. The subject followed by things that we want to do next. Yeah both is picturing, expressing, viewing the sense of toughness. We are going to stir up as much pain, as much sorrow but both of us need to stand straight and wave all the problem in unison.

And for the first time while my hand is held, while his eyes stared deep in me the magical moment and words was blurted out by him. I was silent, quiet and drifted apart in me. Not hallucinating but enjoying the moment of truth I been waiting for.

Was he the one I've been waiting and longing. But he has said it from his heart, 'live' for me to hear it, sensed it and gathered it.

Thank you

Illusional or Dellusional

Current mood: Life & Options

Penna : Lynn
Released: 220206
Mood: Contented

The affection came again… I cant sleep now…

The weight on top of my body still felt, the hand waving the hair away from my face still soft, the salty tears that tickle on his chest still tasted good, the soft moans on my ears like a rhythm when the wave comes and go, and the voice whom not letting me go from his top still heard till today.

How much affection that he really left on me was still in my sweet lil memory although it was long ago and he is not here anymore.

He was still good as remembered last. His smile, still reserved but he knows how to cracked a joke nowadays. How I still wish… argh I am being delusional?

Why does he left that affection felt still. Was I thinking this of a same person….He came back and I was reminded by him…

Impossible…its impossible to let it through but at the same time…

Hahaha I really made that felt among my loyal readers. I should be a writer or novelist Sham said. I just followed my instinct, my emotions, my intuition. I make people laugh at me, I make people fond of me, I make people judge me, I make people envy me, I make people curious about me, last but not least I make people hated and cursed me.

I do what I feel like doing without even much care of what she/ he need to say. For those compliments, millions thanks to you, for those smirking and hatred of me, well the choice is always yours. Eat while you can chew, swallow those you can bite.

Now I have been researching something from women view. Why men need extra care, tender loving from outside. While many women said, I have done nothing wrong at home but infact they knew only they know what is the real cause. Most of them live in state of denial.

Quota of a women now are far more higher than men. Standard of living going high. Some women love to live in luxury life without being have to work on more to get what they want. I heard many, seen many and admit and agreed by many. KL has stated so many cases on those as low as from the higher institution students to those highly respectable family.

There are many reasons why they look for married man to be around. We know what is it all about. But we tend to ignore it. Why. Sometimes it is not about what they wanted to be, what they wanted to do, sometimes it is just fated. They may have been living in good family life but suddenly they are infected with love virus which they cant handle it alone. It takes two to tango. Yup that's right.

I take long time to understand this too. Three years doing my research, being talked with many single and married man, from the lowest class to the higher ranking, they have their own reason. They are proud of their life now but at the same time proud of the kind of excitement and attention given to them by this new comer in their life. Not to mention those whom they have left once ago and suddenly came back without being prompted.

Life circle are always unexpected and nothing that we can planned. Sure yes there is but its depend on what HE says at the end of the day.

Next chapter are going to be "why women let their man look around for substitute…."

Sayang

Penna: Lynna
Released: 210206 (10.09am)
Mood: Quizzical

Sayang....

Itukah yang aku rindukan sejak dahulu...
Apakah itu yang aku mimpikan sedari dahulu...
Masa mengajar kita untuk menjadi dewasa...

Apakah kedewasaan mengajar kita erti kematangan...
Apakah kematangan dapat memperbetulkan keadaan...
Apakah keadaan tidak akan lagi meninggalkan kita...

Kehadiranmu umpama mimpi disiang hari...
Pada bila masa ia bakal akan pergi...
Pastikan dikau tidak lagi kan pergi...

Sayang....

Semalam umpama mimpi...
Hari ini pasti dilalui....
Esok kita ragui...

Apakah ini suatu yang pasti....

Freedom of Speech, Blogging and Living

Penna : Farmie

Released: 150206

Mood: Blurrrrrrrr

Its really strange how I feel now. Having to read few fellow bloggers makes me feels excited, upheaval, wonderful, sad etc. It was a mixture of feelings. Me and my 1001 emotions and colours.

What really amused me is the Datins diary blogs. The colours of her, the way of her life, the kind of hearts shes having…. 3 different sets is enough for me to sum up how is she, what is she and how adorable she is in my eyes. No matter how she gets that Datin title, at the end of the day she is still a human who craved for love who in return love the man she marries.

Judge and to be judge was also part of her life like we do. That reminds me of Ariff who was vigorously talking to me of his spying notion. About a girlfriend he is eyeing and about my other friend surviving.

There was a lot of things in the diary which really amused me. Part of it was this piece when she talk about men generally:

“Although that’s not to say they wont stray or treat you less than nice, be chauvinistics or anything else unpleasant. But then again, men come in all shapes and sizes, even in the niches. There are men who are good and kind and true, and those who philander, abuse and cheat. There are also the in-betweens. Datuk or no, Tunku or common man, they all come with the same chromosomes. The only difference is what kind of shoes you can afford when you pool your joint resources together.

So ladies she said: unless you’re into gadgets, choose carefully. My advice, try him out for size. He needs to be big enough so you can both take cover under his coat when it rains. Small enough for you to wrap your arms almost around. Strong enough to restrain you from leaving too easily. Gentle enough to know when to leave you alone. And man enough to know when to give you his hand.”

She was smart, wise and I bet she must be beautiful at heart. For whoever she is, she is still a woman that yes I should say this, I do adore all the woman in the world be it my frenz, foes, family and siblings or kids, yes everyone! For they are special creature that was created by god.

Another series of talking to my dear gf when she pm me about tonning me down on how I shout nowadays. Since I know her, I know theres something that she wants to say out to me. But I let the nature takes it calls till today where she was referring to my last blog written. Was I am what I wear or what I wear inside is the shade of being me. English woman who is dainty and snobbish would fit my personality she said. I was really smiling when she talks about it. So I really makes her speaks when the topic was right. Thank you fren. I like your honesty which outshine through your words. Perhaps I should think of what you said. Really, honestly that would give me big time change. Insyaallah, god willing and yeah your pray is one of the blessing my friend.

I was once in the same wardrobe you mentioning, I don’t want to be judge nor judging. I just want to be who I am now. I will find ease of being the real me. I wont be wearing what I’m wearing now for way too long anyway. Im testing some cards that I have. As soon as I discovered my colour pallete, I’ll changed again. Im breathing the fresh air that offered to me. Yeah, while im saying it out loud there some reserved values yet to be portray…

Good nite my dear blogs… as I find you are my real friend who derive me from being tight lips to someone who can just talk about anything in life…

Plans, Goals and Hope-2006

Penna: Farmie

Released: 14^th February 06 (my sis bday!!)

Mood : Colourful

Today’s quote:

Don’t think I wont turn around and bite you head off just because I’m nice… and don’t mistake my niceness for stupidity.. J

Love letter awaits me as I arrive in the office last Wednesday. Penalizing on something that was not done by me and leads to many things. It happens every year when she needs to pay out for bonus and increment. The hell im going to take it easy this year. You want to eat me up? Wait till I bite your ass.

Mind is tested and jeorpadising my emotions. While best friend is facing the same facet of scenario I once went through few years back, the most I can do was just be there to listen. I’ve said enough, I don’t want to be blamed for another time. She may throw me out of her life for giving a view but at the end of the day the decision was hers fully. To listen or not, it was not my goddam problem.

The example was there for everyone to see, to learn and just to get the best out of it. Bidding my last word to her before Maghrib after a series of yelling on my ears.

I still can hear it till now…”stop nagging and stop telling me what to do”. “Well then just stay there even if you’re beaten to death. If you can’t live without him then just listen to him”. And so I was quite since then. I’ve told you a year ago. I’ve asked your guts whether would you have a patience to be seconder. I’ve asked you whether would you be ok to accept him only when he is there with you and when he is with her would you focused your mind to be only to you and your kids. Failed!! You failed!! But again it was your choice, when you yell at me, when you throw me out as friend, I just smile and walked away. Eventually I said you will realize and come back. If it is not to say sorry but for the essence of the friendship. Finally, yes you did and you admit it. Well I never speak for you, I speak for myself. By putting myself in your shoe and feel what I should be in when I was there and then makes me said what I’ve said. Best example when I give the advice of the courage to be a second hand. And when another friend of mine said it was over, I just shrugged my shoulder off. Told her too and well she took the challenge. Patience and respect plays a good role in life to be in a good relationship.

Now back to my love letter. I was called by her to voice out what’s my next plan in achieving my goals and keeping the company at the same wavelength of mine. Enclosing myself to me when I sat down telling her about progress of work and my plans and goals.

I was in a mess, but nothing jeorpadising my work to be specific. She is running away from paying. That I noted from year to year. I called Ida from Jabatan Tenaga Rakyat for advice. Sat down with her to hear her on what should I do next. To my relieve that I was actually backup by labour law. The only thing now is whether I should do it. Yes, with my health condition and benefit for hospitalization was not set accordingly. My appointment with my doctor is soon to be finalize should I do it in Melaka or KL.

Was money my problem? No, its more on my children. Should I be bedded for few days, who is going to look for them. Although I have found someone to look after them but would I be ok when I’m away from them that long.

I need to learn to be away from their smells, their nottiness, the yellings, the biting session and all the good time around them. One day they will go away, to further study, to be on their own, to be with their love ones.

Its hurting to see how the people in the office work, where they put aside the family values just to be encapsulate with their work. Neglecting the feelings of the kids and those closed to them. How the passion of work embrace them within the office itself not noting the time they should be resting and to be with their family. No, I cant be like them. I was once neglected, I was once have ceilings, walls and floor as my talking mate. I won’t let my kids go through the same scenario.

I know how hard parents are to make sure we have everything in life. From there I learn how to set aside the 24 hours for each and everyone. Learning process will never fade from individual who is willing to learn.

Now I’m setting my mind to be firm with my workplace. I’m not going to say yes while I have to say no. No more giving in while I shouldn’t. I should change myself and shouldn’t change others. Never expect anything in life but strive for what I want. God will, it will come, insyallah. Now I know why I’m being betrayed, because I allow them too. How? Too kind to be cruel? Or was it the vows that I make. No, be nice all the time, payback time is not in my hand. Eventually it will come, if it is not from me, surely good is for it kindness, pain for cruelty. He knows better than me.

“Live Goes On says Lee Ann Rimes”

Something to Think and Ponder

Penna: Farmie

Released: 150206
Mood: Curious

I’m not sure why I’m pondering around in this topic so much… was it because of what happenings around me, or I soon to be or I want to be… I find it so significant to daily lives in KL. No body can run away from being a second wife nowadays??

Looking at my status and lifestyle being the only wife does not amuse me. To be there for him all the time, waiting for him to comeback all the time is not in my head anymore. I have angels to be with while he is not around. Best for me i guess now is for him to be back only as and when he likes it, to love and be loved, to nurture and care vice versa and most of all for me to respect him as my leader, husband and also a man in my life... I dont want more than that. Money that can feed him, me and angels and perhaps another saint or angel of his n mine... Yes ... another seeking solace moment required for me to be with my creator again

Petikan Datin’s Blog:

In KL, it appears that the all-important first marriage (which everyone pretends will be the only one) has to be thought through carefully, with consideration given to all factors except one - whether the two people getting married actually love each other. "Oh, they'll learn. Budak lagi, mana dia orang tau? Love doesn't last anyway."

Don't snicker. It's true. People say these things.

Three years later, one of two things happen. Either wife from influential family leaves, or they continue with the marriage, each probably having their own, individual love interests.

In the first case, often times the wife joins the burgeoning upper-middle class cache of career-minded women who are hunting for recycled richer men in KL's hot spots. Just as an aside, things happen in reverse one rung down the social ladder. For the middle and upper middle class, the first marriage is all about starry-eyed love. The second, is the more calculated, economically-inclined variety.

Anyway, so wife joins these women in the hunt for something good. Only between her and her new friends, they are probably looking out for each other's husbands. The rich girl wants someone to love, and the not-so-rich girl wants someone to love her. Faham?

Meanwhile, back at the newly-acquired bachelor pad, the husband of rich wife goes on a born again single spree, accosted by and endless stream of twenty-something year olds who will eventually cost him lots of money. Odds are pretty high he ends up either marrying one of those or someone-just-as-respectable-as first-wife, which causes the whole rigmarole to begin again.

In scenario number two of first marriages, the husband has multiple affairs or a mistress, while wife, if she doesn't do the same, throws herself into the world of salsa, jual kain batik, some high-browed Amway style sell and tell network that peddles caviar facial creams, or God.

Comment from anonymous whos father who had few wives:

alah semua ni memang betul.. Even if you say it to our children or not.. I know my father is one of these men you're talking about and my mum has to suffer.

But after 3 wives, my father refuses to divorce my mum and keeps torchuring her and in turn they torture us..

Some Malay men are really good for nothing Muslims. How do they expect their sons to be good husbands when they treat their wives like shit.

First wives often have to stick with these "poor" men to climb up the steep ladder of life in the beginning, kalau tidak derhaka. But when the husband has reached the top of the ladder, he goes and looks for another lady to satisfy his needs sebab the first wife, dia dah boring dengar all her advise which he calls nagging by now.

I wish these men who are successful will put themselves into the 1st wife's shoes before reacting. After all in the Muslim religion, the husband is suppose to "didik" the wife..

In other anon thoughts:

At 9:55 AM, Anonymous said…

It is very enjoyable reading your blog. It is so down to earth and what you have written shows your experience in life where money cannot buy.

At 10:41 PM, swan said…

It is sooo true, rich girl wants someone to love while the not so poor girl wants someone to love HER!!!...

marriage is nothing more than having someone to 'witness' your existent.

But I am marrying my husband simply because I am soo in love with him and the comfort that he provides. His whole assets is a bonus

my late mother always said, 'look after yourself and live like a queen, after all the queen could never live like you'

At 8:17 AM, Anonymous said…

I agree with Anonymous 8.00 pm...initially, your blog entries were insightful thoughts (with some depth) and an interesting peek into your Datin life.

Lately, all you've been writing is drivel which has now spiralled into shallow, stereotyped, thoughtless, self-glorifying crap that I wonder whether you wrote the earlier posts yourself.

Unlike others, I find the "oh, you're scaring me" posts refreshing (or anything else than the gushing, simpering adorations you are feeding on day to day). I hope that the Samy Vellu's gang make a return soon to inject some reality into your self-created hallucinations.

Carrie Bradshaw you're not! And that self-pitying stance is SO stale.

Expectancy...

Expectancy...
Current mood: grateful

Penna: Farmie
Released: 13th February 06
Mood: Calm

You cant swallow everything yet you may be choke...
Chew only what you can bite...
Life has high expectancy but can you maintained be calm and cool all the time...
Yet it derives us to a journey of a destiny...

How good communication can make one feels so peaceful and refresh and eventually not to be so hard and brutal...

To you,
Day in and out is a learning process. Never taken aback with some unexpected series of situation... He is watching and keeping you aside all the time...

I am for what I am

Penna : farmie

Released: 120206

Mood: Defensive (:-)))

A friend said i was actually taking advantage on people. Well i always ask myself fm time to time whether i am like what they say. For now it does not really matters anymore. Ill just do what i have to do.
The rest of it let them talk, think or judge as for whatever they feel. "I was defensive" i was told too hahhahaha. Again sometime it takes me to think of how or what people see in others. I care less now, im back to work, im back to focus and im back in track of galivanting my life as i once did. Sharing every bit of it fairly with my family, friends, kids and sibling accordingly.
Well now i will be defensive of what i said, i do and i will take charge of all actions.
Insyaallah if i cant excell in my career this year, im looking forward for next steps which ive put aside long ago. Its time to catch up with friends again. Few sets of friends which are good in each sets of industry, level, and that always willing to share and participate.

Up, Close and Personal

Penna: Farmie
Released: 100206 : 12.23pm
Mood: Happy and full of Joy

Had a chance to meet new people last Wednesday where accidently my college fren and my chatfrenz was actually her schoolmate. Here goes all the exciting and fun people that i met. Before reaching there i was having fear i cant get the feel being with extremely new faces but it turns out to be very exciting n full of laughter and fun.

Here are all the people attending that nite at Awan Besar. My special thanks goes to Neeza and Widi for keeping me in very comfortable zone with their schoolmates frenz.

As they are patching up with life and families since may be 20 years ago i keep on teasing Widi, how excited he could be to meet the long long long lost fren. I guess he keep on imagining how all of them looks like, how succesful are they and so forth. I was late which he has to wait at least like half an hour for me to drive me there.
Neeza was the one who called and ask whether im free to accompany her. Never expected that she has many in mind, I said yes. It was not long since I met her for the AJL in PWTC recently.
As he drove by reaching the place my eyes browsing the area to spot her from the back with 2 frenz. Which i thought she says she is going to meet an old boyfriend. Only to my surprise i saw Anum was there with Neeza and Hakim.


We introduce each other to everyone and i was actually taken aback with Widi new attitude to be so quiet from the usual. Anyway later that nite came Khairul and his wife JC.
To all the poeple i met, thank you for sharing the loads of laughter and joy. To Hakim my personal thanks for contributing this lovely picture to be incorporated in this silly blog. (Just checkin whether have you got any post in mind to fit me there. ;-))
Hopefully we will meet again for another gatherings perhaps with more people. To Neeza, i miss your Rendang Kicap, so i guess you can contribute that when we decide to have lunch may be in my place someday... To Anum it is good to see you smiling and enjoy your nite. To Kay n JC nice meeting you guys. To Hakim thank you so much for the promptness of sending the photo to us. To Widi, simply love to have you around as fren and driver hahahahaha... To Mono the ratz who is not here happy browsing and reading..... I like to see the surprise and will see that it will be coming thru.....

Meaningless or Sacrifice

Penna: Farmie

Released: 050206 (12.27am)

Mood: Crazy

It is strange how a woman could strive for her happiness where she can denies her feeling just to keep the husband and family in order. How she can be in meaningless marriage just to sacrifice her own emotions to make sure the kids have father figure in their life.

Could that be wrong and difficult for a man to understand why she is still there for him and the kids after all the hard work and the struggles over the bumpiness along the journey of marriage? Where do they throw all the feelings, emotions, rational, values and sacrifices? Is that as easy as closing the eyes and the next morning there’s sun shining overhead?

How easy can one man say the words of letting his woman go in a split second? How easy can one man go through all the hard times over the first few years of marriage trying to make end meets?

There’s a lot of strong woman out there who can live in the hard way, the difficulties and be patience till slowly the pace became even. Many women nowadays refuse to remarry in due course knowing the needs of a man. How can one man accept other mans children openly without even thinking of what his new bride gone through together before.

Only those has gone through it would know and understand. Being a friend to my girl friend and seeing her sadness her of all that said and happen in front of me, I feel the contentment of being with my kids are for more better to try out for second marriage. How humiliated she could be when he asked her to dump her kids out of the house, while he shared all the things she paid all for herself. He just have to rub off his feet and come in to the house without paying anything and share all the joy and happiness. But refuse to share her troubles. What kind of male or species he is?

Can’t he think of that before he marry her? She was promised a moon and a star before she said yes to him but in the end she feel so downgraded, humiliated and most of all treated without any respect at all.

Respect plays a good role in one life. How did you gain respect? I believe respect is gain by respecting yourself in the first place. If you can’t respect yourself how can anyone respect you?

Yeah I’ve done a mistake in my life and that has really make me see and open my eyes to what had happen to me.

Trust? How do you gain a trust? Can it come to you easily if you don’t trust yourself? What happen if you trust yourself and you still can’t gain it from others? It doesn’t matter… To me if you believe in you what others can offer does not matter anymore. Strive for what you can win or what you can achieve, insyaallah god will hear you.

Again I’m thankful to all the confidante who had given me opportunity to learn and give me the courage to move on and motivate me to be the person who understood who I am today. I know what I want, I know what I believe and I know what I’m expecting tomorrow.

A fren of mine call me today to ask about my relations with a girlfriend. I told him we are ok so long she takes me as friend accordingly. It is all up to one individual to take me, respect me and understand me. I don’t impose enforcement, I don’t impose condition and I believe if I take you as what you are, you are what you are. You wouldn’t be what you are as what I want. That is wrong conception of a friendship.

Friendship should not be based on what you lay out. Friendship should be based on trust and honesty. If you can’t be honest ant trust what you can give to her/ him then it is not friendship.

If you come to her/ him for a reason then it will not work because, love/ relationship/ friendship comes unconditionally.

God send us to this world without any condition. He lay out the rules, we as his follower read his law and should practice it because he has reason why he is having such rules. Why woman must abide her husband beside him? So that woman just don’t go to anything/ anywhere to make them as their leader or the important person.

Why such things happen accordingly in life? Look back deep in you. Bring your thoughts or mind to tackle the problem. Should it happen if you don’t do this and practice that, should you do that and don’t practice this would this problem arise? Look at one problem in depth. Find the root. God has its way of managing things in this world. We are given the precious thing while the animal don’t. So with that brain we are suppose to use in, practice it, rationalize it and be smarter as human being. Because he has granted us more than one thing that animal shouldn’t have. That’s the only thing makes us human different from them.

But nowadays human tends to be similar like animal. Why? When has it gone wrong? What has it takes to be like them? We refuse to think more but take the shortcut and do the final way. Was it worth. Ask this question before you do it. Good nite folks, think, reflect and be objective…

Contempelative moods…2.17am

Touch

Penna : Farmie

Released : Friday, 04 Jan 06 (1100pm)

Mood: Blurr

The massage was good but I don’t fancy the way he did it. I usually opt for female reflexologist. But yesterday it was arranged by my colleague at the blind’s spot in Brickfield. It was terribly painful and well its done and it is done. I will not go again, I prefer my makcik Midah and my female reflexologist.

Anyway it always a reason why I never want a male reflexologist to do it. I always avoid being touch because of my sensitivity is very high. I once remember I was laughed by a fren last time when I said that to him and he said that’s very dangerous. I laughed and keep that in my thoughts.

Only me would know how I would hold all the urges. And I know he meant well and at the same time to be very careful. I keep his reminder carefully. Even way back, I avoid being near to anyone. I adore nice smells, some body odors, parfums, the looks, sexiness, body language etc.

Human nature has lots of secrets in enticing individuals. Taken my time sitting alone in a forest, waterfall or beaches it always gives me amusement of how nature smell attracts me. Its just a way to measure oneself passion and being passionate about everything. I love just the way it intrigues me naturally. It takes all my imaginations to appreciate what god creations had offered me.

I love my body, my skin, everything that god has given me. I appreciate the way its created, the sensed, the sensitivity, the smoothness. I may not have the best but I do love it. I must look after it the way god look after me. I will try my best to… things happens naturally so I let nature takes it own calls.

It reminds me of someone who has tried his best in touching and he did triggered the button and I don't know how did the barrier falls. Kudos to him…

Grateful Or Fair???

Penna: Farmie
Released: 030205 (6.33pm)
Mood: Grateful

A friend strike me with a question last night over dinner at nasi lemak Ampang. What is the point of marrying if you can do things happily without being bond into the law of marriage…
Clueless with his statement in the beginning. As soon as I reach home after meeting him, I have to cook for my kids as tomorrow im already working. Those thought ponders me. He give me a point there. One can have everything when they are not married. Companion, lover, friends, sex partner, share the jokes, sadness, happy moments as well as heartache but without even sacrificing one soul out.
Although one has gf or bf but they can still have another person around without feeling guilty of having an affair with another.
Which I think its fair, very fair. But again to me as individual my thoughts, my personal thoughts, it is how you look up to marriage bondage, a relationship to your love ones, the honesty, the passion, the sincerity of sharing with her/ him.
When one are already into marriage why should one be tempted to another, why cant one hold the urge, hold the temptation, avoid looking although undeniable that he/ she could just come without one wanted to have it.
God has many ways to test us. Its only "iman" who could hold us from straying, or being unfaithful.
It is all about what you want. If you did that (straying, having affair/ relationship), and expect your love one not to do it, I think that’s wrong perception.
Looking back at what I have before, what I did before, when I don’t want my beloved husband to look at other woman, I prepare the best of me at the first degree. To be at his best whenever he needs me. To some people I may be stupid but to me that’s the greatest thing I could do to be part of him. No matter what people look at him, I would give the best because at the end of the day my satisfaction matters not them. But to the extent that he love his addiction better than I am or a woman, there and then I made my own decision to be who I am now.
Yes, woman would never be less than a woman without a man while they have the children to pour more love or if it is not the children, there is nature, pets and lots of other things. Im glad Ive opened up my eyes, not only outer it is also my inner eyes to accept everything happen to me as the impact of what I have done, what I’ve accepted to be, and "redha dengan ketentuan allah diatas taqdir yang diaturkannya". Im thankful.
Today my best fren scolded me for not wanting to accept her empathy for my children. My second boss offered me with some money which I disregard here accordingly on that matter. Im still striving for life, I still can stand tall, I still can urge myself to work, how can I just accept those without working hard for it.
Dear girlfriend thank you, I do adore you, I have never asked but you observed, you notice and you sensed it. But yeah I know, as you said I don’t want to take it due to my pride. Was it true? Only me hold the reason for what I do, for what I feel, for why not taking the offer that given. You were nice all this while, but im sure god has the best for me. Ill just have to be more patient. Thank you…

Pretty in Place

Penna: Farmie
Released: 1st Feb 2006
Mood: Thankful to have all this Beautiful Nature

Had a chance going to PutraJaya during the long week of holidays with my kids. Browsing thru all the government offices along the way make my hearts pounding with bless and joy. Where i got fascinated with all the beautiful design and architectures of all the buildings made by Malaysian with very much help and motivations by our ex PM, Tun Dr Mahathir.
From the green lands he has turn it to full blocks of designs and architecture. How does one varies into one another? while driving and browsing doesnt give much for me to see. I would love to go inside the bulding itself to see for myself how much it can affect my passion towards the making of the building in beautiful arching buldings along the many. It has many shapes and curves along with their own sculpture. I was very fond to go on details but i have not had a chance. My mind was raging on who would bring me there while i observe and if possible gather as many pictures.
More to see when i was driving the lamp post, the bridge, the jaywalk, the botanical garden.
Would i find a partner who share the same interest, who would walk my way thru the night enjoying the scene while listening to the nite creatures singing. We head home about 9pm after visiting Alamanda. After taking my breathtaking rest watching the fountains and drifting myself in the nature.
Kids were happy, i was feeling calm and peace after all the amusement i had from the nature. How could i not admire the creator of those i love so much... I'll wait for him to send me the companion to walk along the way...