I heard about May Leong death today thru email sent by my fren. Its hurting while life are focus just to one thing. Money are not everything. It has to be balanced.
To think of that I just had an argument about it last night. I was nearly asleep when the phone call came. Its past midnight. I am too sensitive lately? Or was I thinking about it so much?
I am confused still. For him to prove and for me to evaluate the whole situation. The more i think of it the more its hurting me inside out and im not ready to face the truth. Although i want it happen but i cannot bear to think that i caused the whole situation into such action.
I dont have much time and i still cant decide what i want.
'N' words this morning hurt my head hard. Hammering is not my style and getting it naturally is what i want. Fate is what he said. Another testament before we could make it happen. But when?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Value of Relationship
She has taken so much $$$$ from him and now he has to bear the cost of installment to the bank owed. Thats the price of his relationship with third woman. She used him to get all she wants. Personal, families, future, share, investments, business and then washed HER hand and left the dirt to be washed by his wife.
"Mummy tolong papa ye..." Almost choke she just nodded. In her mind when the action take place, when she asked for shopping spree, holidays, and merenggek manja wanting all that she needs, he dont even think of her at all. But now she has to bear the cost together of what she has left...
Is that fair... When he asked her permission to marry her, she was devastated, she sulk, she feel likes world is turning into war, falling apart and spin like twister. She listen to his ramblings daily about HER. About HER beauty, about HER needs, about HER future plans.
Now she still hears him ramblings about how bad SHE is, how he would killed HER, how SHE tricked him into the trap. Now only he realising it is all soap opera that has ruinned every trust he has from his dear wife.
But sebagai isteri yang pemaaf, she needs time to recover, time to heal, although she forgive but still hard just to forget and not thinking it would happen again. She has paid so much of price for the mistake happen in herself that cause the infidelity but to trust him again 100% is really a no, no...
I wonder why so many people around me come and throw out and get the advice from me. After my fall, after my reflection, after my recovery, I have replenish the amount of sadness to joy and happiness with those who love me, who care for me, who treasure me near the heart. I am very happy and blessed to have them around.
The wonderful things that i really like to share was the advice was then reflected on individual side, deep thougths taken, and action took place to patch things in daily life things are back to normal again. Alhamdullillah, after fair share are taken both recover from the black shadow, or bad dreams that cause the whole scenario.
"Time and advice does not match the price of time taken to sit, to hear, to execute, to mend, to replenish..."
One has to do it himself/ herself. Individual has to know the mistake of their own.
Kita hanya manusia yang lemah, yang tidak pernah lari dari melakukan kesilapan. Menuding mengambil masa yang lama untuk menjadikan kebaikan adalah milik kita semula. Maka menelaah kesilapan diri adalah harga yang paling cepat untuk menebus segala kesilapan yang telah berlaku. Keadilan allah menangani apa yang terjadi didunia adalah terletak ditangan individu itu sendiri.
Cintailah DIA dalam dirimu kerana dia tidak akan pernah meninggalkan kamu walau apa jua keadaan....
"Mummy tolong papa ye..." Almost choke she just nodded. In her mind when the action take place, when she asked for shopping spree, holidays, and merenggek manja wanting all that she needs, he dont even think of her at all. But now she has to bear the cost together of what she has left...
Is that fair... When he asked her permission to marry her, she was devastated, she sulk, she feel likes world is turning into war, falling apart and spin like twister. She listen to his ramblings daily about HER. About HER beauty, about HER needs, about HER future plans.
Now she still hears him ramblings about how bad SHE is, how he would killed HER, how SHE tricked him into the trap. Now only he realising it is all soap opera that has ruinned every trust he has from his dear wife.
But sebagai isteri yang pemaaf, she needs time to recover, time to heal, although she forgive but still hard just to forget and not thinking it would happen again. She has paid so much of price for the mistake happen in herself that cause the infidelity but to trust him again 100% is really a no, no...
I wonder why so many people around me come and throw out and get the advice from me. After my fall, after my reflection, after my recovery, I have replenish the amount of sadness to joy and happiness with those who love me, who care for me, who treasure me near the heart. I am very happy and blessed to have them around.
The wonderful things that i really like to share was the advice was then reflected on individual side, deep thougths taken, and action took place to patch things in daily life things are back to normal again. Alhamdullillah, after fair share are taken both recover from the black shadow, or bad dreams that cause the whole scenario.
"Time and advice does not match the price of time taken to sit, to hear, to execute, to mend, to replenish..."
One has to do it himself/ herself. Individual has to know the mistake of their own.
Kita hanya manusia yang lemah, yang tidak pernah lari dari melakukan kesilapan. Menuding mengambil masa yang lama untuk menjadikan kebaikan adalah milik kita semula. Maka menelaah kesilapan diri adalah harga yang paling cepat untuk menebus segala kesilapan yang telah berlaku. Keadilan allah menangani apa yang terjadi didunia adalah terletak ditangan individu itu sendiri.
Cintailah DIA dalam dirimu kerana dia tidak akan pernah meninggalkan kamu walau apa jua keadaan....
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Silap
I found this statement in my bloggers page.
"...in this life, we are trying to do our best to overcome the hurdle that cross our path, to outdo the adversity which complicating our ways. little we know about what others plan and actions install for us. still we trying to reassure ourselve that everything will be ok. and once we have done our best, still we meet with failure, but at least we can smile coz we know we have put all our efforts at best..."
"... selalunya kawan lebih mengerti situasi dan keadaan yang dilalui tanpa perlu bertanya selalunya mereka telah menyediakan apa yang aku perlukan. Nak diambil serbasalah nak ditolak takut di kata tak pandai nak berterimakasih. Tersepit antara persoalan 'adakah kawan lebih baik dari kamu'.
Dimana kesilapan aku yang tidak dapat aku putuskan. Salah aku bila aku merasakan dia juga pasti melebihkan aku. Silap lagi. Tapi itulah kelemahanku. Sayang pada siapa juga tanpa membatasi pada siapa yang harus kudahulukan dan ditolong. Seharusnya diriku dulu bukan orang lain. Tapi aku mahu DIA sentiasa menolong ku dalam apa jua waktu. Maka dengan itu aku tidak segan-segan melakukan apa seharusnya ku lakukan bila seseorang memerlukan.
Dan aku tahu DIA sentiasa ada disisiku walau kau tiada untukku....
"...in this life, we are trying to do our best to overcome the hurdle that cross our path, to outdo the adversity which complicating our ways. little we know about what others plan and actions install for us. still we trying to reassure ourselve that everything will be ok. and once we have done our best, still we meet with failure, but at least we can smile coz we know we have put all our efforts at best..."
"... selalunya kawan lebih mengerti situasi dan keadaan yang dilalui tanpa perlu bertanya selalunya mereka telah menyediakan apa yang aku perlukan. Nak diambil serbasalah nak ditolak takut di kata tak pandai nak berterimakasih. Tersepit antara persoalan 'adakah kawan lebih baik dari kamu'.
Dimana kesilapan aku yang tidak dapat aku putuskan. Salah aku bila aku merasakan dia juga pasti melebihkan aku. Silap lagi. Tapi itulah kelemahanku. Sayang pada siapa juga tanpa membatasi pada siapa yang harus kudahulukan dan ditolong. Seharusnya diriku dulu bukan orang lain. Tapi aku mahu DIA sentiasa menolong ku dalam apa jua waktu. Maka dengan itu aku tidak segan-segan melakukan apa seharusnya ku lakukan bila seseorang memerlukan.
Dan aku tahu DIA sentiasa ada disisiku walau kau tiada untukku....
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Rahsia
Everyone has their own set of secret that can be shared and not.
Just like the colour contrast on my last blog update. The secret was yellow or the hidden colour that combines those two, to become the background. No matter how different the colour are but the secret is to make those two beautiful and outstanding. Hence the hidden are the beauty and the secret of the recipe to both.
UPSR results are out last week. The secret of being tough and strong mother is the kids. Although my first daughter did not make the outstanding marks but her sister has made me proud of all the hardworks and heartache I went through.
She has been remarkable outstanding in her performance for life, school and herself. Although she can only get 4As but still I think she has done so much. She has finished quran 3 times, she is the athelete for 3 years, has made her way to MSWP, MSSM being obedient girl to me and has given me the best. No one can give me the best gift except my children and for that I am the proudest mother as for now.
Just like the colour contrast on my last blog update. The secret was yellow or the hidden colour that combines those two, to become the background. No matter how different the colour are but the secret is to make those two beautiful and outstanding. Hence the hidden are the beauty and the secret of the recipe to both.
UPSR results are out last week. The secret of being tough and strong mother is the kids. Although my first daughter did not make the outstanding marks but her sister has made me proud of all the hardworks and heartache I went through.
She has been remarkable outstanding in her performance for life, school and herself. Although she can only get 4As but still I think she has done so much. She has finished quran 3 times, she is the athelete for 3 years, has made her way to MSWP, MSSM being obedient girl to me and has given me the best. No one can give me the best gift except my children and for that I am the proudest mother as for now.
My Klang girlfriend called me and blurted her wonder, her dissapointment of her son achievement over his 4As. At the end of the conversation she accused me that i dont understand her situation, her question, her amazement towards what she wants from god was just to grant her son achievement in the UPSR and not her life, her happiness and wellbeing.
I am upset for not being able to convinced her that is still a small testament HE is giving before she gave her TOTAL happiness, achievement and also fulfilling life later. At the end we both cry together.
It is hard to advice when one has already has her set of mind a failure in life all along. I was sad for she cant except the way to look at her own future, her own goal and set of life. She keep on looking at her past as a path to look for tomorrow.
Once, I was there who not able to see lights in the future because I set it to be gloomy, cloudy and hazy. But I beat the feeling by asking question after question to myself, over my performance, over what have I done to myself, community, life or HIM. Once I get the answer, once I know it was not in my hand, once I know I have not had an answer for it, I pass it back to HIM. Let HIM organise, let HIM lead, let HIM decide for me. If it is not for now, it may be for tomorrow or even maybe it was not destine for me.
Now I have things more clearly and I lead my life one at the time. Thanks to friends who have not given up to be there, who has been nice and always had the strong motivation words to give everytime I need it. Now I am more focus of what I want, where I go, whom I should be with, which one I shoud prioritise with and why am I still here for everything.
Alhamdullillah thank god for the lights and patience to make me understand the predicament is only temporary.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Lovely Piece
Look at this piece which amaze me. It was take by our Malaysian astronaut. The uniqueness of HIS creation which add the reason to believe that HE is the ALMIGHTY and the creator of all. The beauty lies not just int he piece of land its also in the piece of mind and its undescribeable.
Blue and white entice me so much on top of the world while Green n brown bring me down to earth. Two separate tonnation, two separate kinds unseparable. Day and nights it bring its own beauty n life.
Keeping this picture will always remind me of HIM. Somewhere that i never go, never even comes to mind how does it looks. With our astronaut the miracle was delivered in a form of picture which can be seen by everyone of us.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Nikmat Illahi
Semakin meningkat umur semakin membuatkan aku cekal dan tabah. Jika dulu aku sering memikirkan sesuatu terlalu mendalam dengan mengambil kira semua angle sekarang aku masih tetapi tidak lagi kalut jika ianya tidak hadir pada waktu itu. Aku hanya akan mengendalikannya jika waktu itu perlu ditangani ketika itu.
Hari-hari yang kulalui lebih mudah bila aku tahu apa yang aku mahu dan apa yang patut kudahului. Jika dulu aku berada diantara celahan teman, kerja dan anak-anak dengan penuh kekalutan. Kini anak-anak menjadi priority, kemudian kerja dan akhirnya mereka yang memerlukanku.
Seberapa pentingnya mereka dalam hidup tapi penting lagi mendahulukan diriku dalam apa jua. Aku tidak mahu diganggu oleh fikiran yang tak menentu. Kesannya kedalam hidupku akan menjejaskan emosi harianku. Kini semua berjalan lancar. Mereka yang masih tidak lagi memahami aku, kubiarkan mereka mengambil masa untuk menyelesaikan andaian mereka dan biarlah ianya berlalu.
Jika mereka datang semula dan memerlukan aku atas dasar tertentu maka begitu juga layananku. Setiap orang ada harga diri, maruah dan keinginan. Yang selama ini aku ketepi kan hanya kerana satu hubungan. Tapi kini aku ingin menilai sebuah hubungan itu atas dasar keikhlasan diriku. Aku tidak ingin lagi melakukannya kerana aku terpaksa ataupun aku terhutang budi atau untuk apa alasan sekalipun.
Aku ingin tiap sesuatu itu terdorong dari niat yang ikhlas dari hati dan jiwa ku. Aku ingin tuhan juga menolongku dalam setiap waktu aku memerlukannya. Mungkin pada seseorang atau individu aku terlalu mementingkan harga diri dan maruah, tetapi bukankan itu yang harus aku pertahankan.
Ikhlas juga mempunyai erti dan makna yang cukup luas untuk ditelusi. Buat ketika ini biarlah hanya aku saja yang tahu apakah yang ingin ku harapkan, ketelusuri dan aku insafi.
Detik-detik yang berlalu kukutip lagi malam tadi dan cuba untuk ku halusi dan analisi secara terperinci. Namun aku tak jumpa dimana kunci atau pun nodanya. Selama ini aku cuma memberi dan tidak ingin meminta kerana keikhlasan pemberian itu bukan untuk ku raih semula faedahnya dari seseorang maupun individu. Aku ingin merasakan nikmatnya dan kepuasan pada diriku sendiri.
Perjalanan harian banyak memberiku pengalaman yang amat bermakna untuk meneliti kehidupan dan mengapa ianya terjadi sebegitu rupa. Kini aku pasrah, aku tidak lagi mengejar awan nan tinggi, menanti pelangi nan indah kerana ia pasti hadir dalam mimpi jikaku inginkan kehadirannya menemaniku
Aku tidak memerlukan mimpi yang indah kerana hari yang indah sentiasa menemaniku. Aku tidak mahu menunggu sepi kerana keriangan berada didalam diri. Aku hanya perlu mengikhlaskan diri pada setiap situasi maupun dugaan yang diberi kerana mensyukuri nikmatnya menjadikan ianya lebih asyik dan manis untuk dikecapi.
Malam kau hadir mendinginkan hatiku yang lara, marah dan tercela. Namun ia umpama tisian embun dipagi hari merona pagi yang disinar mentari. Biar hawanya panas namun redupnya pagi tetap dinanti. Setiap hari satu rona pergi memberi berbagai tinggalan kemanisan hidup ini.
Aku tidak lagi rindukan sesiapa hanya kurindukan syahdunya rasa bila sujud kehadratnya. Meminta pada yang sudi memberi, bersyukur pada yang sentiasa mendengar, menghiba pada yang sentiasa ada memerhatikan, ketawa padanya membukakan mata hatiku menerima anugerahnya.
Hari-hari yang kulalui lebih mudah bila aku tahu apa yang aku mahu dan apa yang patut kudahului. Jika dulu aku berada diantara celahan teman, kerja dan anak-anak dengan penuh kekalutan. Kini anak-anak menjadi priority, kemudian kerja dan akhirnya mereka yang memerlukanku.
Seberapa pentingnya mereka dalam hidup tapi penting lagi mendahulukan diriku dalam apa jua. Aku tidak mahu diganggu oleh fikiran yang tak menentu. Kesannya kedalam hidupku akan menjejaskan emosi harianku. Kini semua berjalan lancar. Mereka yang masih tidak lagi memahami aku, kubiarkan mereka mengambil masa untuk menyelesaikan andaian mereka dan biarlah ianya berlalu.
Jika mereka datang semula dan memerlukan aku atas dasar tertentu maka begitu juga layananku. Setiap orang ada harga diri, maruah dan keinginan. Yang selama ini aku ketepi kan hanya kerana satu hubungan. Tapi kini aku ingin menilai sebuah hubungan itu atas dasar keikhlasan diriku. Aku tidak ingin lagi melakukannya kerana aku terpaksa ataupun aku terhutang budi atau untuk apa alasan sekalipun.
Aku ingin tiap sesuatu itu terdorong dari niat yang ikhlas dari hati dan jiwa ku. Aku ingin tuhan juga menolongku dalam setiap waktu aku memerlukannya. Mungkin pada seseorang atau individu aku terlalu mementingkan harga diri dan maruah, tetapi bukankan itu yang harus aku pertahankan.
Ikhlas juga mempunyai erti dan makna yang cukup luas untuk ditelusi. Buat ketika ini biarlah hanya aku saja yang tahu apakah yang ingin ku harapkan, ketelusuri dan aku insafi.
Detik-detik yang berlalu kukutip lagi malam tadi dan cuba untuk ku halusi dan analisi secara terperinci. Namun aku tak jumpa dimana kunci atau pun nodanya. Selama ini aku cuma memberi dan tidak ingin meminta kerana keikhlasan pemberian itu bukan untuk ku raih semula faedahnya dari seseorang maupun individu. Aku ingin merasakan nikmatnya dan kepuasan pada diriku sendiri.
Perjalanan harian banyak memberiku pengalaman yang amat bermakna untuk meneliti kehidupan dan mengapa ianya terjadi sebegitu rupa. Kini aku pasrah, aku tidak lagi mengejar awan nan tinggi, menanti pelangi nan indah kerana ia pasti hadir dalam mimpi jikaku inginkan kehadirannya menemaniku
Aku tidak memerlukan mimpi yang indah kerana hari yang indah sentiasa menemaniku. Aku tidak mahu menunggu sepi kerana keriangan berada didalam diri. Aku hanya perlu mengikhlaskan diri pada setiap situasi maupun dugaan yang diberi kerana mensyukuri nikmatnya menjadikan ianya lebih asyik dan manis untuk dikecapi.
Malam kau hadir mendinginkan hatiku yang lara, marah dan tercela. Namun ia umpama tisian embun dipagi hari merona pagi yang disinar mentari. Biar hawanya panas namun redupnya pagi tetap dinanti. Setiap hari satu rona pergi memberi berbagai tinggalan kemanisan hidup ini.
Aku tidak lagi rindukan sesiapa hanya kurindukan syahdunya rasa bila sujud kehadratnya. Meminta pada yang sudi memberi, bersyukur pada yang sentiasa mendengar, menghiba pada yang sentiasa ada memerhatikan, ketawa padanya membukakan mata hatiku menerima anugerahnya.
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