Scent of LOVE

Current mood: cheerful
Category: Romance and Relationships

Released : 250806
Mood: Cheerio

Its pretty obvious to address a need in you while having relations be it friendship or an affair. Look would play a very good role in attracting individual appeal. Daily life is teaching us many things if we think and realise what happens.

Keanu Reeves look so cool, Richard Gere look so damn sexy, Jon Claude Van Damme look so masculine. But behind what they have we cant have what we want in a MAN. Sexy look dont provide passion, Cool dont mean we are going to be comfortable, Masculine wont provide security. If you think about it one by one, you would find the answer why I said this.

I am going to speak thru experience of being with these 3, I should say. Big masculine guy cant really stand for you when you need them to be firm with some situation which needs emotions, while sexy guy can only be passionate but cant provide you the masculinity or security that you want and cool guy needs to be hold in doing many things. Gosh! it's so difficult to get all in one.

I never expect anything all in one should I choose to be in one person. What ever they can be when they are with me that makes them very special on their very own way. If I need other than what they can provide I will turn to someone who has that quality and not jeorpadising nor making them look ugly in their way. I deal it my way, and so it will be fair to me, him or anybody.

Coming back to the look as I said, it will never promise you anything. It's always coming back of what YOU want rather than what he can provide. You got the look, theres no money nor security. You got the security but he looks like a mafia bombers. Which is more scary?

To me, looks may fade but being whom he is and be honest of what he can give and what not, are far safer and soothing than anything else. Beside never expect something that is not in you and he will understand that what is in him that he can offer so far. Be fair to yourself in order to be fair to your partner.

Lesson that I take after so many friendship and relations has made me wiser n more understanding of what human being are. To love him is by loving yourself more than anything else.

August has thought me a very good lesson and be kinder in life of understanding what love is. LOVE come from every direction and form.

I can still love him no matter how hurtful it is when he stabbed me from behind or thru anything else. For the fact I dont impose rules but rationality that make him think at the very end of day, I let him go because I love him and want him to be happier than he is with me. And with that GOD will send me someone better than he is. Im blessed and always thankful HE made me open up my eyes and made me WIDE awake even when I have to cry somehow.

I will only make my decision when the junction is only rather this or that. For now I will pour my love to whom needing without any condition and boundaries. And I am taking what they are offering for a good intention and openness.

And here I am to offer so much love to whom who would want to share with me be it in the form of friendship or ................

Scent of Friendship and Trust

Current mood: cheerful
Category: Friends

Released: 210806
Mood: Gotcha!!!

There has been two testament came today which turns out to be so sweetly than I think off.

A friend is still a fren and will not change to be a monster like we used to think. As for me the truths will always be a truth that can't be easily denied. And it proves me right again.

I had a very pressured weekend last week with a lot of stress and heavy workload and at the end turns out very well by the end of Friday nite. We were having loads of fun right through the wee hours.

Next day, breakfast in Mandarin Oriental with a friend for a meeting and lunch in Klang for a change of menu and kg recipe. Talking about it making me smiling. Tempoyak!! Say that again yeah Tempoyak for lunch and coffee to perk up after the good meal was good.

Two hours entertainment after coffee and then to Bandar Tasik Selatan to collect some document and pick my kids then we are off to watch a movie.

I had a full day with laughter, learnings, and sadness covered all in one. Drifting off around midnite n woke up at almost 4am. Am thinking again of all the things happen lately which passing by like a screen one after another. On my phone and start replying few messages ignored during the daytime.
Some who is still up keep on smsing till i gave up n wave goodbye.

There is still people who stands by you at time you dont think they would. Never ever think you are always alone. No you are not, not at all. By 10 next day Widi sms thought i had missed the jogging session which he does without me. Later than we met for breakfast and had my car serviced. Off i took my kids for the routine outings and this time to Sg Wang. What a mistake!

Resting for few hours and off again to do my chores and got myself a movie ticket for the Lake House movie. He was there keeping me company since Friday nite, whole Saturday, Sunday morning and break daytime and again with the movie. I was starting to ask myself, what kind of friend who stand by you at anytime you need it most. For every question i'd asked, i've always had an answer.

And the question I'd asked to myself last two days answered today about the next step. A new beginning has just begun when she called me at 11.40am and the new Ramlah from Segambut appears in the picture.

As adviced if I want to make a decisiom than I have to go through the hardest stage. And I will have an answer and decide later.

"Tak guna jika aku berwasangka buruk dan tak mengapa kalau aku dikatakan bodoh jika tidak mengesyaki sesuatu". Determination and trust on the instinct was the best deal I've always had. God has been helping all this while with the answers and question I had for HIM.

To my dearest fren who had a newborn baby few days ago, CONGRATULATIONS. May the joy and happiness filled in their life with the arrival of the baby of tomorrow. May the couple and the sibblings shared the laughter and joy and be blessed.

Signing of...

Do or Not to Do IT

Category: Bitching

Released: 160806
Mood: OK

I have this thoughts in the back of my mind everytime I went out with my girl friend.

Women indeed love to shop, splashing herself with nice parfum, walking tall with branded shoes, stylishly holding expensive handbags, winking behind gorgeous tinted sunglasses, swaying left and right with her glittering outfit.

Yes indeed, she looks so cool, outrageous and beautiful. Behind all those there is someone who has to pay for all she wears. Its either she wore for him or for potential victims who are not stingy to pay.

Im not talking specifically about single women but generally all. Wife, mistress, girlfriends, sisters, moms anybody namely women. But for those who spend it with her own money excuse me for being obnoxious here.

Her statement to me was (a wife to a man of course) "if i dont spend his money, who do you think he will spend it off". She was speaking with her jealousy over a woman who is trying to fish her husband despite her being 10% times more good looking than that particular girl.

It was always a women who was the one to spend the hard earn money of a man. Namely father, husband, boyfriend, brother or etc. But for a jerk of course not he will take rather than give. For this kind of bastards then you know what you should do.

She was trying to approach me and wooing me to people which was to me is just another passing time hallucination. Anyway just smiling I went along so that I wont be pestered all the time with my own barriers and limitation.

Has been always giving example to another fren whom always on the go everynite meeting, clubbing and having jolly good time spending and having fun doesn’t really excite me.

At the end of the day I had to ask her again “put yourself in the husband’s wife, would you like your husband money to be spent on other people?”. I know with this question, I always make my frenz throw me out for a while and later when it comes to sense they came back like nothing happen.

Who doesn’t like to spend, who doesn’t want to have all the luxuries in life. At least if one work on it hard or smart and use it for the right purpose I’m sure every one doesn’t have to cry over the situation of using nor being used.

Again the question is always back to you. You want to do it, then go for it.

Self Respect

CATEGORY: BLOGGING

Released: 150806

Mood : Contented

Currently listening: Bertakhta Dihati-Farahdiya

Respecting individual for their ownself are not an easy task. Every each one has their own characteristic and charm. Understanding ourself are hard, what more to expect on others.

Often we heard men complaining difficulties to understand a woman but do we women understand men.

Time change people, trend and style. It flies accordingly without us noting it where and when. Nobody knows what tomorrow could bring and to expect.

Respect… how do we gain it? How do we respect ourself? By understanding our needs and wants. Do we know what we want and what we need in our life? In order to find it out, one has to ask ownself and do a checklist on what are the things have been achieved so far ever since we set our foot in this world. Goal, aim and ambition are what we look forward to achieve in life. But how do we get it in the end?

Respecting what we like and dislikes are next point should be think of. Why we like certain things and why don’t we like certain point of life. Addressing it one by one isn’t easy though but at least we know, what should be taken carefor reason to improve it.

How far can respect be achieved in daily life? What is the right things to do in order to gain the respect from others.

First of all respecting the needs of our innerself and achieve it will make us happy and go through next step of life. If we cant achieve our own needs, how are we going to grant a respect to others.

Lets the thoughts ponder and mingle.

1.17am

Scent of Understanding

Released: 140506
Mood: Calm

Not that I have lost the passion to write but time is too limited and as soon as I reached home theres another figure waiting for my attention besides freinds who need to be attended to.

Weeks past so fast without leaving any moment without doing nothing. A drive down to Mahkota Hotel, Melaka for the Maggi Roadshow was good. I wasn't feeling that good when I left KL hence that makes me taking the offer to go, otherwise I stay put beside my body condition and tiredness not allowing anyform of travelling. But then I'm happy I took the risk of going and be with people around me besides having her for the Maggi project.

While she give her speech I make a walk to Mahkota Parade as usual trying to amuse me with the people around and things surround me are so happening upbeat. While walking tried calling an acquaintance whom I'd love to see since I guess quite long too since my last visit which i cant remember at all now. Darn!!!

While sipping my hot chocolate and having my doughnut, I kept thinking what are the next move that should be taken. Mom called while I was drifting with an ideas and suggestion. It wasnt my real mother though but at least I can talk to her and pour my heart out.

With that advice, I'm keeping everything just like I had 15 years ago and let it roam with the time and let him decide. Patience is all I need beside giving my full attention to my kids and also current situation that need to be addressed and taken care of.

Not regreting of what happen but taking it with all my open heart and mind. It may be a blessing in disguise besides giving him the time, space and chance to look at what he is planning and doing.

May all of us are still intact in his guidance and my pray and dreams will come true at the end of the day.

Looking forward for tomorrow never fail to spark a smile...

Thank you mak.

Brighter

Released: 040806
Mood: Kicking
Listening to: Jiwa Gelora

CATEGORY: BLOGGING

My little pretty corner was spacious and cool. I got to do my own things, choose what i want, and few other things that need to be done for the new place. Now im located in one of the prestige commercial building.

The new office look so cozy , warm and welcoming outside and very cool inside with the office layout. It has two feelings as you enter the reception and the waiting area. The conference room was handsomely furnish with two sofa's and big conference table with a warm inviting colour.

Pantry are located just outside the confreence room for serving purpose when we have Focus Group Discussion. Client observation room are painted with red and black and white tiles. Now that it has sofa and a cofee table for them to have debriefing before and after the group.

There is four rooms at the back for the Senior Executie, Operation Manager, Freelance Associates and MD's. The Associate Director room was located just behind the reception area.

MD and I had a discussion yesterday about my appraisal and improvement that was noted by both parties. Addressing areas which need to be improved and amending the weakness and praising improvement made since back then.

CATWOMAN

After watching this movie I was so thrilled to write about this blog. Of how I feel towards it screenplay and associating it to me. It really drive me crazy and there is kind of different feeling when I relates it to me. It started from here something like dreams and supernatural psycho impact rushing to adrenaline.

“Come on lick me baby! Make me feel different. Away from the norms, away from kindness, away from softkind of feelings. Make me sleeky, wittier, sleazy and wicker. Im ready to roam in the heat and squirm in the ice.”

Next I feel ditch by the way she sway her ass, by the way she walk confidently, by the way her tounge lashing, by the way her eyes lurking, by the way her voice growl, god I feel she is so sexy, bitchy and notty.

She has a rival. One and only. And we can see the difference. Like heaven and earth. But she don’t care for she knows who she is, what she wants.

Im wishing someday I would have part of her courage to turn wild, witty and courages enough to explore myself, life and the world. Can’t wait to change farmgirl to be CATWOMAN. Meoowwww………

Awaited Birth

Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Mood: Puzzled!!!

Released: 020806

Strange but true!!!

She came to me three days ago saying her great grandmother want to take her away but she refused and the refusal makes her acted strangely by not talking to mom for that particular three days. Yesterday morning she wake up and prompted mom of her blood stain. She was rushed to hospital when mom said "its time for labor"

Normal check-up was made and every test was done. Every one was shocked when the doctor burst a statement ...

"You are not pregnant!!! There is no baby, theres no sound of heart beat, there is nothing in your womb. Its clean!!!"

She was devastated, hurt, sad and she feel pain urging to her veins, stomach, feelings!!! She was quiet, consoling herself. Everyone around was so frantic asking all sorts of questions and sometime unthinkable but that was the facts. It is the first in my family.

Later I heard from her father "kami dari keturunan Puteri Saadong". So then one story after another and I make my own slow move with so many thoughts in mind relating to the dreams and also the reason why she came to me three days ago.

"Hanya ALLAH yang mengetahui HAQnya dan hanya DIA yang menentukan apa yang ingin di berikanNYA"

11.09am

The Blinking Thoughts

Category: Blogging

Released: 280706
Mood: Quizicall

Can we change you???
Can we change ourself???

I take the easiest one, which is changing me. No point in asking them, him or you to change. If it does not derive from oneself it will never work. Not yesterday, now, today, tomorrow or never. It comes from ownself. Thats for sure!!

Boosting, motivating and urging!! That's about all you can do to make it up being supporting to everyone around you. To expect the better?? You never know... To be safe expect for the worst. It will guide you with more options and take the opportunity arise as a challenge that come by.

And be blessed if it is what you expect if not find another way. Never give up for tomorrow will surely brings sunshine unless HE says otherwise....

11.01am

Insan

Category Blogging

Released:280706
Mood: Contented

Tidak semestinya cinta ada penghujung, tak semua kehidupan berakhir dengan kebahagian atau kedukaan. Yang penting adalah perjalanan kehidupan itu sendiri. Bagaimana kita menangani dan menghindari yang mendatang dan didatangkan dalam bentuk dugaan atau juga penghargaan.

Manis pahit kehidupan adalah intisari yang amat indah bagi setiap makhluk rasakan. Tapi tak semua insan dapat mentafsirkan apakah itu sehingga mata dicelikkan oleh rasa ketaqwaan dan keimanan mengharungi sesuatu dugaan ciptaan tuhan.

Apakah menang jutaan wang loteri sebagai satu persembahan atau penghargaan? Sesuatu yang akan membuat hidup kita berubah dalam sekelip mata. Dan dikala itu datang pula Jabatan Hasil Dalam Negeri, saudara mara yang tak pernah kita kenal, handai taulan, rakan dan sekutu. Dari rumah kecil berubah ke singgahsana istana.

Dapatkah kita melihat itu satu penghargaan atau percubaan maupun dugaan??? Hanya mata hati kita yang akan nampak dan melihat keseluruhan ruang yang tercipta dari situ. (Bukalah matamu melihat keindahan ku maupun celakaku)

Allah maha pemurah dalam memberi. "Mintalah padaku tanpa rasa ragu, akan ku perkenankan" cuma kita lupa apa yang diminta hanyalah solat lima waktu, menghindar yang mungkar, melakukan kebaikan. Amat kecil permintaan nya dibandingkan permintaan kita umatnya.

Aku telah lari dari tajuk sebenar. Pencarian mengenali, menghargai erti cinta, kasih dan sayang sangat besar. Datang dari segala sudut, waktu dan ruang. Hanya mereka yang mengenali diri, hati dan keinginan akan menemui apa yang dicari.

Telah kutemui kini dan hanya DIA yang akan menentukan ketentuan akhiran cerita manusia, dunia dan akhirahnya.

Amin...
10.33am

The Unmistaken Love

Current mood: contemplative

Released: 260706

Men are a HUNTER. They are good at that. They have style, way and goal how to achieve it.

I'm not looking, but they will look for me. Enjoying it at every corner now and putting myself into mute mode. All the angles brings a lot of colours and joy altho pain is not forgotten, but all in all it is sweet in a way. To know, to object, to follow, to let go altho some are not indespensable.

The answer gotten yesterday and my next action follows. Taken and not owned thats what I am.

Legend and history 20 years ago hunting and keep on pacing the beat I'm beating. Being irresistible and pushing till one short note given, I want to be who I am now, ALONE but my heart is taken.

I know he is sad but I better be honest to myself. I know you love me since way back, I know your mom object our relations hence you married another girl. Tho you are not happy but then I was not meant for you.

I reserve myself for my kids and him that was now on silent mode due to some circumstances. Which is better for me and him.

As for Zul, I'm sorry may be when god says yes, when he says I should turn to you, I'll be there for you. As for now please mend things with her. Kids needs you.

Me??? I will be safe in HIS hand. HE knows better what for me and I know better what I want. Definitely it is not you. Im sorry....

11.35am

Yes, I did it AGAIN!!!!

Current mood: excited

Penna: :Lynna
Released:130706
Mood: Intoxicated

Am laughing my ass out and happy for " errrr " is so bengang with me... You want to know who???? "errrr" has been reading and peeping and smirking but still tak puashati. TAPI KENAPA yea... and someone else will say ... (benda yang tulis yang hidup ke mati ke tak de kene mengena langsung at allll. Terasa???? ada makan pengat??? sendiri ingat... aku dah penat diam ;-))

No, no babeh you are wrong. First of all welcome to my obnoxious den and space. I spit, i rant to my ease my mind, the pleasure to talk to myself is by writing. Where, why and what for ??? It is up to me. Sapa suruh you datang and tengok??? Baca buat sakit hati lagi...

Aku tulis untuk engkau ke??? Hello banyak lagi orang nak baca!! Kalau tak bacapun I write for my own purpose. Kalau pun semua orang nak menipu i ke, you ke, dia ke, mereka ke, itu mereka punya pasal. Yang penting i kena, u pun kena, dia pun kena, mereka pun kena, lepas ni mesti ada lagi yang banyak kena tempias. Nak tau sebab??? Sebab dia tak puashati!!!!

You have trigger the evil me, you have always wanted me to react and here i am. Liars are everywhere. I can be one but what for??? What makes you special while ----------- can't differentiate the specialities in her, you, me and them. Greedy chauvinist pig!!!

"My apologies to all ugly looking bitches who cannot stop praising themselves...all they do is say how pretty or sexy they are...It makes my stomach turn..."

Her anger shown in her words - AND I WANT TO BLAME TATA YOUNG FOR MAKING THE SONGS SOOOOOOOOO HAPPENING AND ENJOYABLE TO MY EARS

This is what i found in my blogspot comments when someone without a guts and ballz commenting about my stats remarks. You want me to be sad over it??? You want me to whining about it? Kkekekekekeke after this you can tell or burst the volcanic mountain of my temper or anger??? WRong!!!!! im going to giggle, laugh, and smile... YOuve made my day sweetie, with your beautiful eyes, and muka cembrut, you obsolutely looks so funny and pretty. You are pretty and beautiful. But you dont know what you are good at. Telling what ever pleased you??? Go on hon... make yourself and day beautiful.... She cant come here and read i guess but peeping into my private den!!! Llaaaaaaaaaaa tak malunya (eh aku keee??? mungkin kot aku yang perasan... tak pe at least aku sedar diri and tau diri)

Colours of HER

Colours of Her
Current mood: calm

Penna: Lynna
Released: 110706
Mood: Unsure

How raunchy can farm be? How wild can she goes? How adventurous she can be? How evil she is towards people around her? How kind is she when she is only a farmgirl who barely have everything except the angel of god?

For the love HE grant for her. She seek for HIS mercy and blessing. Although she is given all the hardest testament in life, she took it with smile although her heart cried in pain, soul cried in vain but she knows at the end of the day when she carry her FAITH close within her and believe this is only a small testament in her path, she would then smile again with the morning glory, with the sun shining, with the rainbows piercing colours, with the sparkling stars blinking and with the moon brimming bright.

This is what she loves most. In her there is greens, water, wind, earth, horizon, rainbows, sun, stars. thunderstorm and moonlight. The nature characteristics is captured in her soul and mind for reason to believe and understand why it is created such way.
The water element sooth her mind and soul whenever she is raptured with emotions or disturb by people surround her. She finds her passion by secluding herself at the beach or being in the forest where greens resides all her volcanic emotions or sadness. She soaked herself in the coldness and recite as many of his calming word of wisdom to soothe herself in the beauty life and nature.

Her willingness to accept any kind of obstacles and consequences after the fall or her marriage and the opennes of advice and word of tomorrow. Her past is her benchmark of living now and day after. Being positive and cautious all the time doesn't make her less than a person who does make mistakes from time to time.
With full of smile she started her status being a wife after choosing her man of her life. Hoping and praying it will be everafter. But she believe HE set her path the way it is in 'Tajul Muluk" her book of faith and fate.

She is aiming to have beautiful life with him till the end but she is holding her faith, she will again meet her soulmate or rather end her life with her beautiful angel of heart till a day they are taken by their soul partner.

Till next she is blessed somehow she still can smile, have a shelter for her beloved daughter, home that filled of love and joy, love from her friends and admirers, prays from the above who decides of her life tomorrow.

3.20pm

Angels Among Us, Angels Within Us
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Penna: Lynna
Released: 060706
Mood: Cheerfull

Category: Sharing

Terpanggil dengan rasa kecintaan terhadap seluruh umat didunia. Yang kaya tetap kaya, yang miskin tetap hina, yang gah tetap diatas sana, yang susah tetap mencari dirinnya.

Semasa pelayaranku mencari dan tercari hati terpanggil dengan frasa yang sangat menarik ini maka kuteruskan pelayaran sehingga menusuk jauh kesudut hati. Walau aku susah hari ini, ada lagi yang lebih susah. Mungkin kita tak menyedari kerana kealpaan dalam pencarian duniawi dan diri namu ukhuwah kemudian hari sering dilupakan.

Bagi yang ingin mengerti apakah pencarian hidup dan ketajaman mata hati inilah yang ingin ku kongsi hari ini. Frasa yang akan menyatakan seribu keindahan terhadap ciptaan illahi. Untuk Ida terimakasih kerana pengongsianmu...

"Angels Among Us, Angels Within Us"

(http://www.ummikusayang.com/)

Rumah Titian Ashraful Rohaniah
C/O Tamjis Hj Rakim and Rohana Saidin
53-B Kg Selabak Luar Batu 3
Jalan Changkat Jong
36000 Teluk Intan, Perak, Malaysia

Rumah Titian Ashraful Rohaniah Teluk Intan:

"To Live, To Learn, To Love, To Leave A Legacy"

Kita semakin lupa apabila kita senang, kita diduga sedikit tapi amat berkeluh kesah, namun mereka yang disana lebih derita namun senyum tetap tersungging jua. Doaku untuk mereka agar terus tersenyum kerana senyum mereka merupakan mentari bagi mereka yang tahu erti hidup yang sebenarnya...

Ameen

10.12am

New Born

New Born
Current mood: cheerful

Penna: Lynna
Released: 060706
Mood: Happy

Category: Family

To add more joy of the day, i just had another nephew. Born at about 3.30pm, 05 July 06. Cute, fair, round and beautiful. It's another Cancerian in the family besides my brother and me. So now we have 4 persons born in July beside my cousin brother in Melaka.

It has been eight years since my baby was born, now i get to smell the aura from heaven they said on newborn baby. So i did last night, and my comments was :

"Euwwww, he smells egg"
Hahahahah alll of us laugh because that very morning i did some omellete with toast for all of us (breakfast) and my sister couldn't wait to taste it. Hence thats how the egg's smell comes from. But the rest of his body smell's so beautiful, I can't wait for him to be brought home so i can cuddle him, kiss him and lullaby him.

It has been long since, but im glad i had the chance again to do it even it is not mine. Alhamdullillah.....

9.45am

Understanding...

Penna: lynna
Released: 050706
Mood: Calm

Category: Blogging

"I thought you are nice person!"

Was i creating an impression i am one???

One of my chatter said that this morning on what said about life and how i take people as they are. When he hit me with some a subject of my SG trip. I didnt know that i have to explain to people on certain things i do in life of why things should be taken its way. Strange and at last he has to say sorry for making the statement of hurting me. I dont do things to please anyone but merely on work basis and things should be done has to be done.

What was the impression i gave to people when people seek for me? And how do people define NICE in the first place.

First of all i dont come to people to ask neither to get their attention. If they offer and i dont want to take it, again it is my decision for not taking it up after considering lots of things in the measurement. Perhaps i always take people wrongly on why they come to me offering help while i know very well i can manage it somehow. Insyaallah. I'll have my way hopefully.

Ill go in details of what i have gone through a bit here and there. While the generous and sincere people remain those with intentions are gone.


On the other hand, i had this regular chatter who sent reminder always n broadcast throughout. Most of the time i ignore but sometime when i feel like broadcasting it again, i did this morning. Out of hundreth's i receive three beautiful statement which is this

female: Bgus lah kalau dah sedar, tapi jgn hanya cakap aja. Hati busuk kena buang lah semua nya bermula dari hati.

male 1: wondering sejak bila cik farm jadi ahli ulamak

Male 2:yup.. kiamat tak penah jauh..

I laugh and do some reflections on this statements. I do or you do??? YOu know, i know, you knew....

Well this is how positive and negative people could be in judging and be judge. I rest my case somehow.


Im glad today my first dotter has make me proud despite the rest when they doing bad in their first term. My twins are not well. Ive been out of sleep for almost three days and due to my treatment i am really not me.

1.54pm

Single...

Penna: Lynna
Released: 030706
Mood: Funny(12.31pm)

Some men thinks it is strange for a person like me who have experienced life of living together sharing lots of things in life and now being alone to handle the difficult part of being alone and lonely. When sex was brought up I always smiled and then laugh at their ideas and opinion.

There is many reasons why sex is enjoyed by many and always reason why they arent too. I have my own reason and I think it is not difficult just to drift my mind away from it or simply think of other things or just call friend for a coffee. Theres so many way.

Yes indeed it was hard when I was alone on the bed and the feel of having a warmth of a person does strikes once a while when I was too tired to be away or to do something else. That is when reciting as many surah as I can or drift into a deep sleep. Most of the time I succeed but at times I failed.

Thinking of it the failure of my marriage which was caused by many things that comes from me who choose to keep things in my own self without sharing. Why I don’t like it neither enjoy it. I just give because it was my responsibilities to abide the needs of a man. Giving the best pleasure I can was an added task for me to earn what I need in the later life. But was I sincere and honest to myself that was another story.

Many of them would laugh at me but then I guess sometimes it is not about what im getting but what I can give most to make him happy. Despite the tiredness, the awfull feeling of not getting it right accordingly， I still think that’s the best I could do to make him fully satisfied, not being angry and remain calm. Stupid some may say but then it is just me who will fulfill every needs of his and wants. The rest are given to HIM to decide.

Yes only now I talk, I share, I voice it out but to a different people just to get an idea, simplicity should I shared my dreams and bed again in a form of marriage. But to make me able to agreed to the term of being in a commitment ermmm I need time, perhaps long till they get fedup like Zahar did last time.

But I believe if ‘he’ is really honest and sincere no matter how long I took to say yes he will be able to accept me as I am. The colours that I offer in my life, the dark, the bright, shady, hazy, striking or pale im sure they will enjoy it just the way I took them. Whoever he is, once I accepted you and tie you deep in my emotional bondage will be cherrished and nurture like the greens around me, like the wind breezing, like the sun shinning, like the rain pouring, like the moon brimming, like the warmth you offered will be treasured deep in my thoughts, deep in my soul, sealed in my heart. But to make me open to it ‘he’ has to find a way, time, place, shot which triggers my softness to an oppening. The bitterness of yesterday has thought me a lot to be cautious yet I was still hurt. But then again it was just another lesson to learned, another moment to be kept in the box of memories.

While he is being quiet thinking of next step taken, I took the space to understand what I want, what I need or rather laying my path to the way I wanted to be. Friends has been filling me with their views and opinion to the extend taking a step of looking at the situation and place he residing just to make sure I was not fooled again by men.

One has asked me to move on, another said to get discreet and the other asks to be patience. Dear friends, my time frame is still wide open and clear. I shouldn’t take any neither actions nor getting any result now. I should remain calm and patient. Every action taken will surely comes with package of consequences and so I have to get ready for any of the results should I make a conclusion.

Time to rest again now. I need my brain again for Maggi Report… till then pal. And for you who is trying to understand me, here I am, this is me, the soft, the hard, the cranky, the silly, the cute?, the naughty (hehehe I am), sometime absurd, straight forward, romantic (when u get the right button bukan biten). Take your time to read and think while you are being hard there is a way to make u soft…beside proving you not all female are the same and not every male are comparatively same like you…

6.19pm

Individual....

Penna: Lynna

Released: 020606

Mood: Tired

By now that I know that being an individualistic is not easy. Everywhere I go there is people trying to get my attention and even I don’t addressed them at times they are still there lingering till the attentions are granted and they are listened, shared and being understand. And I realised it doesn’t take much time nor much emotions needed if it is straight forward. But most of the time once they feel the warmth and the friendliness, then its hard for me to get away again.

Why I am being hard for the first time meet? May be cecause I don’t know I don’t have reason to reject them again or may be I do feel the warmth of their company and that makes me out of time for myself. I hardly have time writing now what I feel here and compressed everything in my heart till it burst in a form of tears when I am being alone in my bed and when I start to read back all the smses from those concerned friend, from secret admirers, from attention seekers and from those I enjoyed the company too.

Building a relationship is already hard and what more to maintain. Sometime torn in between 3 of my best friends who needs my presence, my ideas and opinion. I need more time to be with my children especially when work pressured most of my time to be in the office. The love that I have for them still there but the time spent are so crucial. By the time I reached home the two honey bunch are curling in a deep sleep already for morning school. And the 2 elder one will wait for me to have dinner no matter how late it is. My heart crack at times, because food never amused me but in order to look after their feeling I sit down, listen to them despite the tiredness and sleepy mode.

Im not being fair, I told myself but then I still have to lead my life as it is. Pacing and racing with time. Socialising, working, attending to friends, family and attentively with what ever pops up there and then. Mood swings every minute but am able to manage it calmly.

I was smiling wide one minute reading ‘fool’ sms, and later cried in the lake of sadness but the other minute I was laughing over my stupidity and silliness. They said it all added in the spice of life. While we sulk we do need laughter and while we at the peak we do need to remember time of difficulties.

My third mission is still on the the KIV mode. Have not even start neither thought to launched it. Should I have the 3^rd stage mission or option of changing lane started? I’ve yet to decide.

6 months passed with me letting myself open with relations to almost everyone but has never thought of being serious in any. It’s not in my hand. Knowing that my ex has no longer bugging me with his emotional bondage now makes me feels so released. The next step was freeing myself from the debts, next to arrange for a new home for all of us and letting ONLY ME to rule my own life. Sounds simple but I do take future into consideration. While people say put your priorities first in hand but all those around me are still in the consideration. Without them who am I, what would I be, where would I ended. I think it’s fair if it is not much to consider and take into account. It is just a rough idea to think of the wiser part being away, alone and secluded or the simplest term being ‘INDEPENDENT’. Isn’t that what I am since I was born?

Rule my Court

Friday – 090606
Penna: Lynna
Released: 300606

Mood: Quizzical

Not only women having difficulties in making big decisions, man are worst. Its scaring their ballz out actually. For many reasons that will make their future unseen, shattered, trashed, painstakingly costing them the whole life to some.

First of all they will think of themselves. Average or I could say most of them would just go ahead with their decision leaving the kids, wife and responsibilities behind and go ahead with new plans or on going lifestyle. Some would follow the rules of syariah where they are responsible for paying Mutaah, Hadanah, Assets & Liabilities that are shared in the marriage to be given fairly or most of them just get away from it somehow.

They are many cases of men who would just close their eyes on those matters and continue having good life with whatever they have ventured during the hard and good time together without even looking back or feeling guilty for taking it with them in the next life.

Some men who are family bonded will take longer time to decide or to leave it to the wife to decide. They would just follow. He would take his time to consider between his needs, her and the kids. He would be very much hurt if he is forced to do it should his women decided to follow a new person in her life be it with or without the children.

While we know most man are not able to manage kids along in their life but there are some who are family oriented would love to have them with in restructuring new life ahead. I would love to see this man who really knows how to lead his life accordingly throughout the wreckage of the marriage. He has his ballz rolling in his own court, managing and maintaining his emotions and rational thinking at the same time.

Some after having few scandals, after discussing or rather being counsel by appropriate department and family members, they suddenly remember yes they do love the other half, the children and the relations they have for many years ago. Even along the way they don’t feel the warmth of the love anymore but they think they should learn to live in the situation for as long as they can sacrificing their needs and wants plus the emotional failure.

In point of time they will just hang around, till the tension build up again, till they can feel the heat to crave for attention again, till the needs of wanting to be pampered like those courting years came back to them again. Some would just grab the opportunity to gallivant the time without being wasted by being smart. Wise men roll the ballz their way. Separating in between responsibilities, needs, wants, purpose and know the consequences that may come ahead.

Leaders will know how, when, what is he suppose to do. Not everymen will wait for the other half to decide. They will do the decision by thinking of what best for them, families and their future. This men have their courage, wit and carry their respect of being themselves as it is. But how many of them is around you.

I’ve seen many, been with many and they remain as good friend. They know best for their family, best for themselves, best for their future. They are successful making their own decision and take the consequences themselves. For this man who has great kind of leadership measure on their own I am glad to listen, to understand and to share their views and opinion.

Some does took what the other half would say or rather sulk or be in the meaningless marriage and again searching for the lost soul and get caught again in between the affairs and having another tornado in their so called set up life.

Why some man don’t speak their mind up just because of the sake having to live in a same roof just to make sure the children are safe to have mom and dad. Sad but it is true. Phenomenon that happens around us today.

It does happen before but then way back most of our parents nurture, cherish the love they had till now. Being adorable within the big family of theirs and making their grandchild proud of their roots. Can our generation today continues the traditions of our heritage before to love, to care to be passionate about life.

1209am

140606

SG in MEMORIES

Penna: Lynna

Released: 280606

Mood: Great Encounter

Currently Listening: Tak Tahu (Adam AF3)

The sweet memories while I was in SG now kept beautifully in the box of mind with a smile. Thanks to R, Iz, Y, E, Mr Wonderful, NT and the rest of the people there.

I had a great time with a great warmth and hospitality by those people around. For those I did not met yet, I’m sorry I’m running out of time actually, but I have been promising myself that I will come again (Y *wink wink* safe yea with you ;-))

It was all arranged by her without letting me to speak for my own. She gets the ticket for me, paid it and send it to home and not willing to take when I want to pay her back. My first day was arranged to be out for dinner with some friends who are waiting since last week. Thousand apologies to them and thank you so much. Dinner was good with lots of question and answer about food and places. Nasib baik tak choke. Poor E…

(The laughter that shared)

It was the enjoyable dinner we have and loads of laughter. Prawns are so yummylicious. I don’t really enjoy seafood but then it was damn sweet and I have to admit I really love it and that’s why I took more than two (unusual for me).

(mata tutup pulak, macam orang buta)

My second day started when I was left alone in the room with a programme set to meet someone I know few years ago but never had chance to meet yet. I was thrilled and at the same time looking forward to it. Before that, I was hit by an emotion by someone who I am thankful not to be associate with by being “madu“ to her (thank god). My take is “rupa yang cantik, belum pasti mencantikkan budi pekerti manusia yang tidak mengenal diri ataupun penciptanya”.

I walk out the door after talking to my kids who was crying asking when im coming back. Chessss… I miss them yeah but then I wipe my tears with full of hope and expectations I walk out of the door with motivational quote “today is a new day and would be better than yesterday”.

I was thinking to walk around by the river of Clark Quay while waiting for him. From the balcony the scene was beautiful. It was raining early in the morning and later the sun start shining and beaming brightly. My heart blooms happily for no reason. As I pass by the front door I heard “Hi farmie!” I turn right to the voice and saw him there smiling and mine become wider, hand shaken and start walking to the direction ahead.

While talking and walking, I then stop him to ask where were we heading to. I had to alert my consciousness, people around me, especially R who thought I would be wandering around alone or with Y.

I was taken to Esplanade where Merlion is. My luck is not there, the lion is being cage for renovation and preservation purpose I was told. Then I was taken to a shopping complex to get the parfum that I wanted badly since last night. My eyes nearly pop’s out where there’s so many that I want to bring home. He was saying “nak mandi minyak wangi ke?” I smiled… with my lips sealed.

Lunch took place and I was taken for a glass cable car ride to Sentosa Island. The breeze, the green ocean, the green scenery, the beach, the ride on the 4D Cinema to add the effect of the thrilling feeling on the cable car he said. I fell in love with Sentosa Island immediately. Despite the heat, the wind that slap my face, the tide that steal my attention, the feeling uphill, the company that matter most. It was warmth, comfortable and it wasn’t like it was the first time I am beside him, I feel like knowing him ages already. I was served like a queen. It was an enjoyable outing which ended with dinner in Arab Street where lots of fabric and handycraft things could be found .

Time to part as I reach my hotel lobby. We shake hand, warm gesture exchanged and out of nowhere I did something out of mind. Anyway, less than an hour 3 messages came. I’m glad and thankful that I did open my mind for the meeting, the idea of coming to SG and being open to relationship after few bitterness.

Third day in SG while standing on the balcony overlooking Sommerset, Clark Quay river and the tall building with the sun shining glaringly, I feel good about yesterday, now and perhaps tomorrow if I may have it again. I have fulfilled one of the needs to get out of the same familiar space, den, zone and faces. The raging needs to be with the company of friends that welcome warmth friendship and relations was fulfilled too.

To Y, E, NT and Mr Wonderful J thank you so much for making my stay and holiday such a great one. I promise I visit you guys again and this time not to forget Elle.

My next trip is going to be India and with that I am getting ready to meet peoples at the other end.