Rule my Court

Friday – 090606
Penna: Lynna
Released: 300606

Mood: Quizzical

Not only women having difficulties in making big decisions, man are worst. Its scaring their ballz out actually. For many reasons that will make their future unseen, shattered, trashed, painstakingly costing them the whole life to some.

First of all they will think of themselves. Average or I could say most of them would just go ahead with their decision leaving the kids, wife and responsibilities behind and go ahead with new plans or on going lifestyle. Some would follow the rules of syariah where they are responsible for paying Mutaah, Hadanah, Assets & Liabilities that are shared in the marriage to be given fairly or most of them just get away from it somehow.

They are many cases of men who would just close their eyes on those matters and continue having good life with whatever they have ventured during the hard and good time together without even looking back or feeling guilty for taking it with them in the next life.

Some men who are family bonded will take longer time to decide or to leave it to the wife to decide. They would just follow. He would take his time to consider between his needs, her and the kids. He would be very much hurt if he is forced to do it should his women decided to follow a new person in her life be it with or without the children.

While we know most man are not able to manage kids along in their life but there are some who are family oriented would love to have them with in restructuring new life ahead. I would love to see this man who really knows how to lead his life accordingly throughout the wreckage of the marriage. He has his ballz rolling in his own court, managing and maintaining his emotions and rational thinking at the same time.

Some after having few scandals, after discussing or rather being counsel by appropriate department and family members, they suddenly remember yes they do love the other half, the children and the relations they have for many years ago. Even along the way they don’t feel the warmth of the love anymore but they think they should learn to live in the situation for as long as they can sacrificing their needs and wants plus the emotional failure.

In point of time they will just hang around, till the tension build up again, till they can feel the heat to crave for attention again, till the needs of wanting to be pampered like those courting years came back to them again. Some would just grab the opportunity to gallivant the time without being wasted by being smart. Wise men roll the ballz their way. Separating in between responsibilities, needs, wants, purpose and know the consequences that may come ahead.

Leaders will know how, when, what is he suppose to do. Not everymen will wait for the other half to decide. They will do the decision by thinking of what best for them, families and their future. This men have their courage, wit and carry their respect of being themselves as it is. But how many of them is around you.

I’ve seen many, been with many and they remain as good friend. They know best for their family, best for themselves, best for their future. They are successful making their own decision and take the consequences themselves. For this man who has great kind of leadership measure on their own I am glad to listen, to understand and to share their views and opinion.

Some does took what the other half would say or rather sulk or be in the meaningless marriage and again searching for the lost soul and get caught again in between the affairs and having another tornado in their so called set up life.

Why some man don’t speak their mind up just because of the sake having to live in a same roof just to make sure the children are safe to have mom and dad. Sad but it is true. Phenomenon that happens around us today.

It does happen before but then way back most of our parents nurture, cherish the love they had till now. Being adorable within the big family of theirs and making their grandchild proud of their roots. Can our generation today continues the traditions of our heritage before to love, to care to be passionate about life.

1209am

140606

SG in MEMORIES

Penna: Lynna

Released: 280606

Mood: Great Encounter

Currently Listening: Tak Tahu (Adam AF3)

The sweet memories while I was in SG now kept beautifully in the box of mind with a smile. Thanks to R, Iz, Y, E, Mr Wonderful, NT and the rest of the people there.

I had a great time with a great warmth and hospitality by those people around. For those I did not met yet, I’m sorry I’m running out of time actually, but I have been promising myself that I will come again (Y *wink wink* safe yea with you ;-))

It was all arranged by her without letting me to speak for my own. She gets the ticket for me, paid it and send it to home and not willing to take when I want to pay her back. My first day was arranged to be out for dinner with some friends who are waiting since last week. Thousand apologies to them and thank you so much. Dinner was good with lots of question and answer about food and places. Nasib baik tak choke. Poor E…

(The laughter that shared)

It was the enjoyable dinner we have and loads of laughter. Prawns are so yummylicious. I don’t really enjoy seafood but then it was damn sweet and I have to admit I really love it and that’s why I took more than two (unusual for me).

(mata tutup pulak, macam orang buta)

My second day started when I was left alone in the room with a programme set to meet someone I know few years ago but never had chance to meet yet. I was thrilled and at the same time looking forward to it. Before that, I was hit by an emotion by someone who I am thankful not to be associate with by being “madu“ to her (thank god). My take is “rupa yang cantik, belum pasti mencantikkan budi pekerti manusia yang tidak mengenal diri ataupun penciptanya”.

I walk out the door after talking to my kids who was crying asking when im coming back. Chessss… I miss them yeah but then I wipe my tears with full of hope and expectations I walk out of the door with motivational quote “today is a new day and would be better than yesterday”.

I was thinking to walk around by the river of Clark Quay while waiting for him. From the balcony the scene was beautiful. It was raining early in the morning and later the sun start shining and beaming brightly. My heart blooms happily for no reason. As I pass by the front door I heard “Hi farmie!” I turn right to the voice and saw him there smiling and mine become wider, hand shaken and start walking to the direction ahead.

While talking and walking, I then stop him to ask where were we heading to. I had to alert my consciousness, people around me, especially R who thought I would be wandering around alone or with Y.

I was taken to Esplanade where Merlion is. My luck is not there, the lion is being cage for renovation and preservation purpose I was told. Then I was taken to a shopping complex to get the parfum that I wanted badly since last night. My eyes nearly pop’s out where there’s so many that I want to bring home. He was saying “nak mandi minyak wangi ke?” I smiled… with my lips sealed.

Lunch took place and I was taken for a glass cable car ride to Sentosa Island. The breeze, the green ocean, the green scenery, the beach, the ride on the 4D Cinema to add the effect of the thrilling feeling on the cable car he said. I fell in love with Sentosa Island immediately. Despite the heat, the wind that slap my face, the tide that steal my attention, the feeling uphill, the company that matter most. It was warmth, comfortable and it wasn’t like it was the first time I am beside him, I feel like knowing him ages already. I was served like a queen. It was an enjoyable outing which ended with dinner in Arab Street where lots of fabric and handycraft things could be found .

Time to part as I reach my hotel lobby. We shake hand, warm gesture exchanged and out of nowhere I did something out of mind. Anyway, less than an hour 3 messages came. I’m glad and thankful that I did open my mind for the meeting, the idea of coming to SG and being open to relationship after few bitterness.

Third day in SG while standing on the balcony overlooking Sommerset, Clark Quay river and the tall building with the sun shining glaringly, I feel good about yesterday, now and perhaps tomorrow if I may have it again. I have fulfilled one of the needs to get out of the same familiar space, den, zone and faces. The raging needs to be with the company of friends that welcome warmth friendship and relations was fulfilled too.

To Y, E, NT and Mr Wonderful J thank you so much for making my stay and holiday such a great one. I promise I visit you guys again and this time not to forget Elle.

My next trip is going to be India and with that I am getting ready to meet peoples at the other end.

Retaliation, Rebellation Or Objection!!

Penna: Lynna
Released: 190606
Mood: Unknown

Category: Blogging

Was out last friday nite for teh tarik after hell of mouth argument with my boss. Freaking out of my patience at last i spit out whatever i have kept for 6 years being in that damn company. Why am i stil here still thats the big question? As usual i was home composed not letting anyone knows what the feel i have and serving everyone dinner after a hard day was just on the tips of the hand.

Knowing thats what my kids wants from me, i spare that short but quality time just to feed them with my own hand and see the smile makes me cool down. Not much then later R call and asking me to organise with the other friend of mine. If her husband is here i really rather have myself on my own without adding her into the picture.

She was trying hard to entertain, and rather selling me to a male friend to make him liking me, instead my feelings towards the idea... suck. I hated that. I know what i want, the direction and what i am getting from my male encounter. I just want to be friend to him, not being someone who can get a supporter mentally or financial like what she thought i could be.
Yes, he was nice as friend, enjoyable company, fun, full of laughter, serious when he is suppose tobe. But it doesn't means that he can mix and match me with who ever she likes. Afterall he was my fren connection. While Syed being quiet, he is more aggressive on us.

But thats about all. When her hb call and she was caught in the situation and was telling all the bad things infront of my friend i was really taken aback and tell her to stop. That is when she slap me again on the situation that i was not being understandable and snapping me in front of my friend. I almost break down, if only the car was with me, i would just walk away and not coming back.

Poker, konat and pam was on the next table. They were having so much fun and laughter. I made and excuse to the bathroom and then move on to their table and share bit of their fun.

Life is so unpredictable. That was what i take on Friday for so much reason being a staff, friend to a best friend and to others. But at the end of the day i was blame again!

Saturday, 170606
Lai Meng School - Report card collection

Was so dissapointed by my daughter results. I really sulk and was quiet. Later i lock myself and write him sms. Out of three long message i only get "kesian abg". It was later when after 3 trial of dialing not answered and he called back. Just dont want to miss a day saying "i love you" i said and later telling me he was not well. Again i fall back for the feeling of having sympathy and wanting to be given the same attention.

I shouldn't be! later when i told myself. Crying until i was asleep when i hear the phone call from T that she is on the way picking me up. I wake up clearing my tears, hug my kids, and off i went to work again now with a wedding planner. After 3 hours "pelamin", arch and the main table is set beautifully. Dinner in Kg Baru and home. Was so tired with all the emotional attack, after showering i still cant get myself to sleep.

Widi call to ask for teh tarik, without hesitation i said yes. 10pm we were at Shira in ampang and later we were at Bora Ombak. As i was sitting down, i heard "sexynya nak kemana ni". I was like huh, "tshirt and jeans was just the normalities right" i said. Hmmm and then my parfum was the next comments. I challenge Denk of the definition sexy and teruja. I was just laughing and answer them the way it should be without being said anything else. We move on to Bora merely because we need some music while talking. We were bored later when it was close they asked me to go for snooker. Sorry guys, thats not my bread and i excuse myself from them only to know later Brewball is closed. Still my eyes cant shut for the day despite the tiredness and the pain of anger of my daughter had caused.

Sunday, 180606
Very early R called for morning walk which i ignored. I wake up making nasi lemak for my kids and have him in mind. After serving i go back to my room thinking again. What should be next. Tried calling same thing 3 times no answer i give up and later he call me back asking why did i not pick up. I did not bring the phone. I was out meeting R to take the thumbdrive. Why did i always put aside my feelings while people always take me for an advantage?

5pm i was there thinking whether i should just pass over to him and go for that wont make him feel guilty to his family. Yes, i thought of that again my manner dont allow me to hurt his feelings that way. I drove down to the park while my first intention was to be in Jusco, Klang. It was just not my week, i was telling myself. While he enjoy the food my sensitive feelings came back after sharing with him the discussion with my daughter teacher in school yesterday. Everything was poured with my tears dripping. He stop eating and put it off and told me past, is past. Easy said than done but yeah i know life goes on. I will not share my tears again with you abang. If i can always remember that and make my tears swallowed deep in me, i shall do that again.

Pain are not to be shared but laughter yes. I will remember this always. I was actually craving for the warm hug, like i hear that earlier "cry when im around, so that i can hug you" was i purposely crying that day. I was trying hard not to cry infront of anyone, and i am successful but that day. One day has passed i have not released all of it yet. My tears is still full in my heart, wet, gloomy and shady.

Perhaps Yus was right, while other people take it and pour and divert it into something else like having fun, retaliate, rebel and being objective but i dont. Part of me wanted to get out of there but part of me still remember i am a girl who was taught with religion, adat, and i was granted a brain to choose between good and bad. Let me just stay as i am, too kind to hurt, too good to retaliate. perhaps i should think of the stage 3 option and also changing lane procedure. But when i launch that would i be able the same person as i am 38 years ago or i will be someone new with sinful attachement.

TEXT THAT I LIKE TO KEEP …

Be it who I am, what I am, where I am, I just want to STRESS it again that I do what I believe it is right for me not for anyone. If they cross my path and the path doesn’t suit them, please go ahead where the next path is so much better to offer you. What ever life that ive gone through was the life that I choose. With my own principal, dignity, price and pride. One can only say, but one don’t go through what I went through, and I don’t go through what you’ve gone through. Those what I like to pick in a day, ill pick just to have what I feel best for you. And the rare gems will be discovered as and when I need it with HIS blessing of course.

If you want to comments about my life, please do but don’t change me the facts that you can’t for when I come into your life, I will not change anything because when I like you, it means what I discover. Change means wont do good for me nor for you for I can find in another person who suit best in individu’s.

A comment from my old chatter who tried to take me out in a private place which i turn down.

And you have to stop the philosophical dribble...other people know and have lived life's lessons as well...just be straight with what you want and say it. Don't beat around the bush and leave nebulous statements. You know what some of the chatters think of you....some of them write to make comments on some people on they...and they've said that your messages are so depressing...they don't want to be reminded that they are alone as well...they are having fun, you are not. And i'm not saying this to get into your pants. I'm not interested in what you don't want to give...and that goes with anybody.

AGAIN>>>>>what you say and how you say it...will put off people who may be sincerely interested in you

You are too sensitive....you really have to look very hard at yourself and be honest with yourself...understand your limitations, communicate with honesty and integrity. My words are not harsh, they painfully straight.

________________________________________________________________

more to ur personality. Ur boobs and long legs comes 2nd. Ur dress contribute not much....cos no matter what u wear, ur boobs always becomes an attention. Then comes with on how you carry urself....

Terus terang kat u as a friend....kalau u kat rumah bermasak or berkemas...i tengok cam a common mak cik jer.....tapi kat luar u lain, u look and how u carry urself macam sweet 18 hahahaha....

________________________________________________________________

Friend: cobaaaaaannnnn

Friend: u ketawa pasal u sengsara sembunyikan kepedehan

Friend: u r one of those type play hard to get or

Friend: learned ur lesson after what had happened to u

_________________________________________________________

Was i being hard to myself. Was i creating a split personality. I was hurt, yes, the fact the the acknowledgement i had from people was not the way i wanted it to be. I dont want to be addressed as sex symbol for my appearance, i wasnt like to be taken advantage for the fact i like to help whenever i can. Testament is always there for me... thank god, im blessed.............

15.53pm

Personality Traits

Penna: Lynna
Released: 140606:17.13pm
Mood: Curious

Every indivuduals are granted with own beauty. Be it in the image, look, way of talking, walking, smiling, eyeing, looking etc. How does personality affects looks, how does look affect personality and what they wear affect them and comes in a personality traits.

Why people associates personality when it comes to carrying oneself to the public. Warm, vivid, precious, cold, pleasant, calm and etc. Human are created with so many character and size. How they use all those to form their credibility of being a person lies in them.

Virtual World

Penna: Lynna
Released: 140606
Mood: Accomplished

We are talking about universal language that is surrounding our community nowadays. We are far apart from one another but communication made easy with telecomunicating one another by phone, emails, blogs, space and chat.

I come to know chat world from my executive whom making me venturing this new ideas. ICQ, MSN and the most popular and friendly to me was Yahoo. I wasn’t into talking much on who I am when I first used to chat. But I be frank about my age, status, position and location. The only thing is I hide is my name and phone number. I don’t meet any of them but enjoy talking or chating with them be it male or female.

North, South, East and West to me are just next to each other. Those people that I know some are still best buddies and we do meet once a while if they do visit Kuala Lumpur or I am visiting their state. Some of them ive never met yet. It is all depends on situation, reasons and why.

Many people use chat as an escapism to distress, to divert, to make friends or networking purpose. And not to forget lots of them use for a wrong purpose too. Some are real, truly and not to forget liars and corn people around. But they are there with reasons.

Some for networking purpose, some for money reasons, some for companion, some for fun, some are there for getting laid. The choice that they choose to have in their life was actually the reason why they are here.

From the nick one are able to gather whom, what, why, where, when they are there. I believe some has good reputable image of being who they are and some use their nick to portray who they want to be but in real life they arent what they are in the chat world. Creating a split personality of what they want to become and whom they are in real.

Many of them enjoy meeting and creating new circle of friends and not to forget they are few categories of people in life. Human created as such to complete the colours of natures in order to make life beautiful and fun.

They are funny people to make those quiet person enjoy being entertainted with their jokes and laughter, they are informative people for those who need to gather some action for some purpose and the list will go on.

They are lies laying around somehow in order to create better character profiling and some do work as they want it to be. They add the colours for those who are they to observe and watch what can they achieve from being one. One conversation on screne can lead to many things in real world. Meetings, business, affairs, scandals, movies, bitching, teasing, weddings, many other things that I can’t recall.

Chat world are not just created for those from low income level but those in higher ranking position are there too enjoying what technology brings in modern world. If last time people send telex, or telegram to over or even make a phone calls when telecommunication are better but now, emails, sms, mms, chat and latest voice over chat can pull people from the other end to meet in the other corner.

Technology brings human together, technology connects people in order to make life interesting. But most people nowadays use it for wrong purpose. Most people get it wrong when certain things are introduced for a good purpose. Again that’s is human, when error are found accidently, technically or purposely.

But all in all chat has broaden my mind to understand, to learn, to achieve, to venture certain level of understanding, curiosity, networking, learning, connecting and so on. For those who have found the purpose of using chat to connect people, communicate, enhancing networking and for those who found their true love, true enemy, true passion, true interest in here congratulations for you have discover a way and reason of why are you here. For some people who has lost certain level of trust, interest, friends and etc perhaps you may think of it again why those things happen to you along the way of finding the destination or position or perhaps a reason to be here.

Dear readers,

I know some of you from chat too, or perhaps through introduction of some people. But I have treasured a lot of good things and have thrown all the bad that wasn’t suppose to be carried along together in my search of my destiny. To those people who are still there with a highest degree of respect you are adored for carrying your trueself as one individu that I know.

Thank you for accepting me as one of your friend, subordinate, and anything that suit best in your vocabs. Loving to know who you are, what you are, where you are, why you are here, when you are here was a tremendous experience in my life.

1239am

Biarlah Bulan Bicara Sendiri dan Bintang Menjadi Saksi

Penna: Lynna
Released: 030606
Mood: Crappy

Dari jendela mata ini ada anganan yang ku panjatkan, tersimpul indah di sanubari, tersandar sepi dalam isi hati. Tak punya sesiapa untuk dikongsi, hanya tertelan bersemadi. Betapa teguh tembok jiwa, betapa kukuh rahsia hati belum lagi roboh terisi. Walau sudah di ketuk tapi belum pasti akan dihuni. Kerana penghuni itu masih belum punya kekuatan untuk meroboh dan meruak putih murni sucinya hati yang merah itu. Atau mungkin dia masti belum tahu apa yang diingini.

Wahai penghuni hati, terus lah kau disitu membelai mimpi, menjalin sepi. Walau meluap-luap kasihku meronta ingin dicerobohi tapi utuh lah engkau disitu, sehingga salamnya kudengari, sehingga permintaannya aku timbangi. Sehingga maunya aku penuhi.

Disinilah ingin ku duduki bersebelahan dengan yang memeliki. Disinilah akan kusudahi segala rona kehidupanku ini dengan seorang kekasih hati. Disebalik kelembutan sutera putih yang membalut tubuhku dan diri mu, disamping mutiara yang menghiasi dada ini, tersimpan manikam yang tertanam untuk jauhari kenali. Setiap detik kupohon doa, kupinta dengan harapan, kuinggini belas kasihan, kuimpi bahgia, kujalin kasih sayang dan rindumu padaNYA. Moga ia maha mendengarkan, maha mengampunkan, maha memberi buat aku yang terlalu mengingini impian itu satu kenyataan.

Muga aku tabah dan sabar. Walau seganas mana ombak membelah pantai, walau tanpa henti air mencurah kebatu, walau sepanas mentari membakar bumi aku tetap kan menanti satu hukuman kehidupan ini. Pasrah dan redhalah aku dalam ketentuan mu YA RABBI.

Sweet Flashback

Current mood: happy
Category: Friends

Penna: Lynna
Released: 120606

Long, long time chat friend suddenly write back to me addressing farmgirl as someone who always hide behind an identity. Next his emails entail, sms and lastly we speak over the phone to catch old good time.

I smile wide and broadly upon hearing whatever remarks he is making about me. Questions and answers continues. Friend comes and go in everyway fading and resurface again. Not knowing reasons why they left and why they came back. Most of the time i leave it to them to tell and if they dont its up to them too. Well, it has been good to keep the memories fresh again about who they are and where they are coming from and why they left and what makes they came back again. All in all i have the smile for remembering it and that was the best for me today.

Weekends was good for me as the maid was on leave and children are taken with their dad to his place. My programme to be in Sg was cancelled due to last minute plan. Anyway theres still tomorrow or pehaps the date are similar to last year if i go this week. I just leave it open. Need to confirm with few friends and ticket will be booked immediately hopefully by tomorrow.

While i was left all alone to myself last weekend, i took the opportunity to be in Shah Alam having lunch with Dr and then visiting my Klang friends. Away in the morning till the wee hours having loads of funs and laughter with friends was the most enjoyable part in my life. Throwing myself on the bed about 3am in the morning and wake up early to be supossedly sending R sons to school. Luckily he called said cancelled. I continue sleeping till next few hours and then off again i go to meet him for lunch.

Gotten some answer that makes me feel elated and from now on im going to be quiet as requested by him. The answer is not within the timeline but within the faith and patience. Insyaallah... The prove the answers is all in his hand.

15.13pm

Compassion

Penna: Lynna
Released: 090606
Mood: Cheerful

Category: Panas

"Is is not about the about the size of her, not that she no longer beautiful, it is not the love has gone. I still do love her. Yes, she has been there for me very long since and still tho. But whats lacking now is attention. Togetherness"

"I love to do things together with her. But she is always busy and had not have time for me. When she reach home, she reach for the kids and her passion showed more towards them"

1st scenario of working wife.

"Im tired and hungry, but there isnt a sign of her waiting for me to eat together or at least just to pour a cool water for me to drink, to ease my thirst or tiredness."

Slowly he make his way upstairs finding her sleeping soundly next to her kid tight in her arms. He walk to the bathroom, washing his face, doing his routine and come out. The sound of his stomach that urge to be fed just now no longer playing the same sound. He went down on the TV and watch, while his eye scrutinizing the area.

It is well kept, tidy but empty without any feel. The clock shows 10.30pm. She manage the kids well by then all of them have slept soundly leaving the place quiet.

In his mind.... "should i go out and eat or just have teh tarik? Should i call my friend accompanying me or...." He thinks and think till he slept on the sofa.

2nd scenario...

Where does it goes wrong? Where does the passion go? Where is the excitement of two people waiting and meeting each other? There is so many question left unattended. So many things that fail to achieved and reason being, they communicate less now. Very much lesser.

There is no phone calls, no sms, no tickle, no notes on the fridge should she need to sleep early for early morning meetings or too tired with house chores and managing kids.

Do we blame this husband when he found someone out there to amused him somehow with conversation over coffee or teh tarik. Was he wrong to just have a company to talk, to indulge something that he cant have at home.

The situation was never the same years back when they are still courting or few years in the marriage.

Why woman change?? Was it because of the man failed to look at the woman's need or understand what she want. Was there communication to understand both needs and then shared amongst each other?.

"Now i come into terms, she do what she likes, i do what, i like as long as both know each other roles".

Is that what a marriage is? Is that how two way communication reached?

On the other hand....

Those housewife which continue with their attitude now see him lesser in a day or may be did not at all and he works 7 days a week too. Not accounting outstations and overseas.

On another account...
Him keep it stays in his heart and mind and sulking and regretting why he married her in the first place. He tried talk her out, take her to places they love to frequent before, helping her in everything at home, give his time for the children while she took her nap. But at the end of the day she is still cold, rigid and timid.

Whom to be blame when this case happen? Never ask anyone? Ask yourself!

Blogging

Penna: Lynna
Released: 070606
Mood: Cant describe..

Category : Blogging

I have so much to write but i cant put into words. Too many topics but failed to choose something would please me hence it ends something boring to read.

Tiara - nice name, pretty face, long auburn hair, big eyes, pouty lips. I can say she is very beautiful. Personafication that's what i can say when i look at her picture in the blog. In every blog theres new intresting picture or her being a model. Slim and slender. Sexy, i dont rate her sexy. To me she is pretty and beautiful.

See dont you see what i mean she is pure beauty. She represent herself, her country, her talent, just by being her and she pour her writes up as she pleased. See tiaralestari.blogspot.com.

ON the other hand this piece really give me a good laugh after an emotional periods last few weeks:

jika pegi meeting dengan local, banyak sangat penggunaan perkataan "butuh' yang aku dengar. banyak benda yang mereka "butuh" kan ketika ini. tidak dapat tidak, aku jd semacam bila dengar. ergh.

beberapa hari lepas, aku pegi beli makanan di restoran nasi padang. someone from team memberitahu, orang2 di sini gemar makan nasi pepet. huh? aku ckp dlm hati. dia dah gelak2. dia tanya, "puteri tau apa nasi pepet?" aku wat muka serius, "tak tau". dia cakap, nasi pepet tu nasi takde kuah, kering aje. aku ckp dlm ati, "so, pepet kering la?"

She was in Indon and they used lots of 'butuh' and others we thinks its not right to use here.

Ill continue again. My sis is here.

Mungkin Nanti

Penna: Lynna
Released: 070606
Mood: Chirpy

Category: Pouring in MySpace MyDen MyZone


Despite the tantrum and anger, my busy schedule, ups and down, i do feel missing him. His face was all over the place teasing my mind, lingering in my thoughts. His smell, his tickling eyes, naughty lips is every where.

Every where I go people stop me to get my attention. Im running out of time. People crave for me while I crave for him. I'm trying to run away from thinking of him, remembering him.

In the morning i rushed to queue on the submission of the application, unfortunately there is so many people. My mood change but i just go on like usual. Cant let personal matters take away my professionalism. After lunch time i rushed again and to my horror the queue is even worst. I got my sis to line upfor the SAKE of him and the family.

When i call later, he said ask her (my sis) to get the number and he will come later. My take was, my ups and down having all the trouble early in the morning and when i make the call he told me to leave it be if it is so much fuss!

His concern is more on my sister than me of all the trouble i take??? OR was i just assuming??? OR was i getting it wrongly from him??? Am i doing this for myself???

When would i learn? When would i learn to appreciate myself more than anyone else? Until when i should put love and passion on top of my priority?? Z has succeed on top being an assistant manager and being loved by undivided soul leaving me as i am.

God never stop giving me all the needs i wanted, food on the table, love of my kids so i wont be questioning him. I will only question myself. When would i put myself on top of anything? Z has taken so much from my bank account in order to form his stability without me realising it. Yes on monetary side i was far more poorer now but love was so overwhelmed from every corner. Its just me, who try to run away from them.

I hated to go home early not getting my privacy alone. I hated being on the road while i can have the time to think of my own self. I hated being a loner when theres so many around me.

I'm washing my hand soon. I hate to be and old broom. You know what i mean. Take it or i have to leave it. No matter how much u love me you have not fulfil the needs to prove me. Im sorry. I love you and it stays there forever, 15 years ago, now and forever.

17.21pm

Painting...

Penna: Lynna
Released:010606
Mood: Chirpy

Category: Pouring

Im wishing this is me and that is him. That god send to me in my dreams, in my heart, in my desire, in my lust. Just to share, to gather thoughts, to experience, to patched everything that we want to do all this while.

Embarking life with every joy and pain, painting the world with our laughter, portraying life with our smile, shining daylight with sunshine, lighting the space with sparkling stars at night.

Suckling and nibling every bits of tears, eating all the sorrow and vomit all the happiness to be shared upon with everyone around us. There is so much to feel, so much to find in between.

God hear me please, god look at me, god, you are always besides me, god i am pleading you to grant me strength and courage to pour, to love and to share with those whole love me dearly.

19.58pm

Sealed...

Category: Feeding and Splurting/ Spitting

Penna:Lynna
Released:240506
Mood: Normal

Noted my readers this week hit 113. What a number!!!

Flashing back...

I was just smiling and laughing this morning pada hakikat nya dia merasakan terbakar hangus. Entah aku tak merasa apa-apa kerana tiada yang terkecuali dalam kehidupan kita ini. Pasti merasa dan terasa. Been there, done that, feel it and be good about it. DIA MAHA MENGETAHUI dan KEPADANYA ku berserah

Flashing back on my tantrum last nite:

Last night I cried again after showing my temper to him. I drove without looking back and did not return the peek. I was too engrossed with myself. Yes, very much. Hated that situation but then I cant look down about what I want anymore. I know because of his quietness, I am being dominant. Yes, his quietness has made him what I am and he is now.

Next time cry when I am with you, dont cry like this because I cant hold you in my arms, I was quiet and sulking upon hearing his word. I can't anymore talk, so shock to listen what Ive just heard.

Dont hold me in your mind, soul and heart. Dont do this to me. Not anymore. On the other hand, his love that bonds me to him since the last day I walked away from him, it is in his eyes, gesture and heart. No I dont want to let him go, but I want him to go away from me. So complicating, yes I know.

Tidak semua peminta sedekah itu mendapatkan sedekahnya pada hari itu

Apa maksudmu??? Bukan dari ku tempat kau meminta, mintalah PADANYA, sepertimana aku meminta dirimu dikembalikan dalam kehidupanku hari ini. DIA maha mendengar malah mengasihani.

His surprise sealed my lips again.

Hai Honey. Abg tau apa yang u rasakan. Sebenarnya abang yang tak pandai atau bodoh untuk menunjukkan kasih sayang abang pada u. Kasih yang u berikan sesungguhnya sangat sampai kedalam hati abang dan amat abang hargai. Kenapa seorang suami menidakkan kasih sayang yang u beri. Berilah abang seorang isteri yang mempunyai kasih sayang yang serupa seperti mana yang ditunjukkan oleh u kepada i. Maka beruntung lah si suami mempunyai isteri yang melayan suaminya seperti yang u tunjukkan. Semakin hari semakin sayang pada u . Lebih dari 15 tahun dulu.............Love u honey. Sorry about anything that i done wrong to u .

Love comes in everyway and direction not just from one woman to a man. Natures love thats what i called it. As much as i can smell the breath each day is where i know love reach me from HIM, and from there i should know how to distribute it amongst all around me especially kids and u n my families.

Suami, dia pernah merasakan dan mungkin masih merasai dan mungkin merinduinya, tapi sebagai manusia, yang lalu telah berlalu tak mungkin dapat dikembalikan. Walau pahit baginya adalah getir bagiku jua untuk menerima neraka dunia ini. Not easy being single, mother, woman and kekasih. Tapi hakikatnya itulah anugerah untukku. Aku terima seadanya hingga kini.

Untukmu, itu saja yang i ada dan dapat i beri, walau mungkin ada yang tersurat dan tersirat masih jua ia didalam kitab kehidupan kita.
Sesungguhnya i ini cuma dipinjamkan, dan untuk itu sesiapa yang menginginkan haruslah tidak lokek untuk meminta DARINYA setiap hari. I tau, walau i ingin lari jauh dari apa yg i hadapi hari ini, sesungguhnya i lah yg menjerat diri sendiri sehingga saat ini.
Tapi DIALAH yang menyimpan "KUN FA YA KUN" tanpanya tidak adalah goresan, dan airmata yang gugur. Kerana i juga yang membenarkan ia berlaku, seharusnya i biarkan ia berlalu tetapi sayang setiap malam ia mendatangi hatiku dan juga mimpiku.

Mungkinkah impian menjadi kenyataan?

18.06pm

Comfort Zone

Current mood: calm
Category: Friends

Penna: Lynna
Written: 17^th May 2006
Released: 23 May 2006
Mood: Calm
Currently listening: Where is the LOVE

Hatred, jealousy, envious is part of women attitude and behaviour that is undetachable of one woman. No matter how successful they lead their life she at least must have one of those. Be it used in good manner or bad ways.

It is all up to individuals.

In career wise to be envious or jealous over a promotion or to succeed on achieving over a good position is a must. But in daily lives to be jealous of envious over something you have to think it over wisely.

To use those on good deed is a go, go but to use it for a wrong way, its always a no, no. Naturally a thinker would always well measured those accordingly.

On the other hand, I get tired easily nowadays due to age factor and the treatment. Ill have to get used to it. Managing all my children doing homework after working hours sometime can be very taxing. Monitoring my work and focusing on what Im doing is very hard now while having all other things lingering in my thoughts.

It does better on some and got worst on certain things too. Praying everyday may HE leads me to a better path each and everyday. Insyaallah.

Office is going to be shifted soon. There is a lot of things to be done on my part. Checklist on the filing system and also the file in the network. Changing work may be nice but I love the field very much besides giving me lots of knowledge and the challenge in knowing lots of things before it made known to the public or consumers.

Looking forward to my company trip soon and something that I can make up from there. Now I have to work hard and extra hours to get some extra money for that project.

Everyday I am being provoked, tensed and stress. Testing my patience level is good. Playing my role right and safe has always been on top of my mind. Think of it this way, let it hurt me to the maximum, let me sulk but never ever hurt anyone. Friend cut me deep in the morning of her statement "what is past is past. All i know is that we must change towards the best n be wise in all respects". No matter how hurt i am, she/ he is but with her/ him i found a rare gem amongst those i have in my circle. No matter how much people talk about her/ him or me, we take it as a test from above. To someone far away and beautiful, thank you for being there to listen, to boost, to motivate and dont forget to hug mum for me yeah!

Let go lynna, let the wind swept it over far away from you. Let the comfort zone lingers in your mind leaving the cottony soft feeling embracing your day in day out. Let the waves whisper the sounds of music, let the birds sings out the rhythm of nature and let the melody tame me in the peace and calming place.

1810pm

Patience or Passion

Penna: Lynna
Released: 18 May 06
Mood: Contented
Currently Listening: Berhenti Berharap

Patience and passionate are two different things which hold different emotion and notion. Why am I so much in love with this two. Both has different criteria on each set.

Patience…

Something that I hold on to it very long since I am a kid. Upbringing and daily route are not as smooth as others having to enjoy their life as kids. I take all the hardship as a lesson to grow to walk upon the journey of life. Most of those are kept as sweet memories although it was pain when I was first facing it. Now I tend to appreciate it my way as if I don’t have that, it wont be making me as hard as steel today to face difficulties.

So every testament today was just taken as another lesson to live and reason to believe why it is such and such. Life has so many path and level that I choose to live in this way. Although was offered a good life but I have to sacrifice my pride and principle, I choose to stop and take a break for a while and think.

Was it worth to explore because at the very end of the day it may tax my life, my future and also my destiny. Along the way when I left that behind and move on, the thoughts that linger the moment which past do make think again why did I not take it at least just to make my life better than yesterday and get justified.

Was I am that bad before, now or next. What I have left was just a luxury of which can be gotten if I work hard and focused on it. Nothing comes easy and nothing is impossible if one willing to explore and maneuver more on what they want. Faith is something that everyone should have but I know not many believe in it. Well everyone has their own choice and decision are always in their hand.

Passionate…

Everyone has passion and it depends on what they love to have and do. Passionate are often relate with intimacy where intimacy needs a lots tenderness.

Why passionate is related to intimacy? A closeness, tendency, hotsie etc. It depends.

Passionate in career, hobby, life or things that affecting individuals in anything their in love with.

How would one knows what kind of passions that they have in themselves. Only they would know. Their passions will outshine in everyway without being asked to show off. It happens naturally.

An artist will spend hours in completing a portrait without noticing how much time they took to finish it. A trekker will go as deep as they can in the forest just to breath the nature smells and being able to see what earth can offer in the jungle. A geologist will take years to find gems and stones and only to discover new thing that can be introduce to others.

A passionate lover will never give up so fast in finding true love along the way of life. Despite the obstacle and bumpy road they find the beauty in searching their companion/ partner and destiny.

Passionate individuals will swallow everything slowly without having to look back and taking every hiccups as a way to finish the exploration.

Passionately twirling over each and every fingers, trailing up and down along the curve without failing to explore every inch and nerve on the nape. Not forgetting the lobe of the ears, the contour of the eyes, the texture of the skin, the smells of the hair, the softness of the thigh and to feel the goosebumps standing next to your skin.

Passion, not many of us have that continuously in their life which often forgotten after sometime and they need to spice it up with new partner, new hobby, new career, path and so forth.

Passionate need passion and passion need compassion. To achieve those one has to be patient and to build that is all within you.

Dear readers, everything felt in everyway and manner has got lesson to be learned and it gave us way to understand thing that happen.

To love nature and understand why it is there is the best way to be passionate and being patient to adhere things that happen to ourself. Up to here, I have achieved something that I can’t tell what it is within me and by just telling you what it is. But I feel great by writing this I have explore my passion to write since a fren told this is the best way to beat my urge to drive to nowhere in the middle of the night and by doing this I know that I have gone deep inside me to know what I want and what I can achieve and what I crave for.

To Aznin and Rais, Noelle and the rest, you have made me someone that loved, hates, envied, and jealous by anyone and everyone. It only made me know way to appreciate myself, to go into me, to address my need, to find the true path of what I can do next should the be any changes. Life span could be hard, gentle, so so and rigid at times but to understand it accordingly to situation and time made the smile lingers and appreciated why is it happen there and then.

Till then the beauty in a person lies in what they found in them not what they seen ugly on others. I may not be perfect but I know there’s others are better or be it worst than me. I am blessed, happy and contented with what I have achieved so far and destined to…

Good night folks.

12.23am

One Love One Life

Category: Needs, Wants & Desire

Penna: Lynna
Released: 11^th May 2006
Mood: Sad

I was confused when I think of what had make me becoming like this. Me with the colourful life is so conflicting now. My mood swing changed every now and then. After 38 years of life only did I realized I am a very pampered lady. Like a small girl who whine and craved for attention at times. I would do anything to make sure I am attended in my own way. I always had a way. But the way of showing it now is wrong, I whine, I am being aggressive, I am being bitter, I am being hard, why am I turning to the other side of me.

I have lost that before once and now after so many years when I think about who has make me feels this way and when I found him again after that many years being silent in my way. Yes, he never did change in his way. He is still the quiet, unexpressive person that I know before. Now I know why I sulk and marry a wrong guy because of his silence.

Of my manner and demeanor, being happy go lucky, being bubbly, being smiley clown all the time now I know why I become those characters. I was hiding my real self in that personality. I am the one who always wanted to be sitting there overlooking at the horizon for a spot that connects between heaven and earth, between earth n sky, between reality and fantasy.

I am creating a space for myself to be somewhere that I don’t belong to. The space creation are just to fulfill my crave, my needs, my intention to be who I want to be. Although I have come to a phase that I am a survivor to an extend I have gotten just about anything.

Money, career, kids, family, love, pride, dignity, passion, compassion, lust, desire, fantasy and reality are all in a package of my life.

It has been so colourful and beautiful with rains and rainbow in between. Although sunshine sometimes was accompanied with thunderstorm but I am blessed and thankful that I am chosen to have experienced it all.

Perhaps its not time for me yet to reside and be happy ever after. My patience over my ex has paid when he now no longer come and harassed but realize that he has missed those part in life that irreplaceable. Neither do mine, I wont be able to be back in that situation and place, even if I could insyaallah I will never want to be there again. Even he has changed. Do changed for someone else but not me.

Today Stone came back with his lovey dovey words and his idea of getting near me to take me to be his wife. Lan keep on pestering me to come to Kuantan with him to start building a new path of relationship. Those stuff has been build within me but my heart can’t except you since the beginning. Reason being was just purely lust even with Mohd. Being second wife is one thing but coming to me for one reason was a bad idea.

Your package isn’t matching mine at all. Although all of you has solid financial background but your mental and solidity is not enough to convinced me that a leader are what you are made for.

I just want to be somebody who I can be with clean fun and no emotional bondage tied. I am emotionally bonded with someone I met, years ago, whom I was in love with before and still overwhelmed with his affection. Although I tried to erased that many times, waving him away from me but I know somehow I never did had a chance to show him I was in love with him, I was affected by his quietness, by his eyes, by his feelings in his silentness.

I made him feel guilty today by accusing and blaming him for picking the wrong path of life with his silentness once ago but then after I think about it again I was being selfish and never took ‘takdir’ that makes life such way and HE has made us meet again to renew the vow. I am somehow are the greedy, selfish and selfcentred idiot that makes his life miserable.

But I still love him though, still missing him and still wanting and needing him till this very moment. Although I can’t be there for him most of the time but I thought of him every now and then and think why HE meant it such way. In between difficulties, happiness, sorrow, joy and pain but my contentment is still there holding and enveloping him in my desire to own, to love and to nurture even I know the future is unpredictable. It is always in HIS hand to decide. Have faith lynna!!!

1.05am

Do or Don't

Penna: Lynna
Released: 18 May 2006
Mood: Edgy...

Love comes with PAIN
Dreams come with NIGHTMARES
Journey come with DESTINY
Life comes with FANTASY


Luxury comes with PRICE
Pride comes with PRINCIPLE
Dignity comes with HONOUR

Im in dilemma of which will be my next destiny
Love, pride, honour and principle...

*sigh*

18.03pm

Blogging...

Penna: Lynna
Released: 170506
Mood: Awake and Aware

16^th May 2006 – 17^th May 2006

Petikan dari pm box at 13.09pm

It just got into my senses that segarang garang wanita, dia akan berlembut jika merasai yg dia tidak dianiaya selama husband dia ada org lain

so dear....2 choices for u....(1) hv both of them to go for counseling and see what happens (2) discreet marriage

Now I know why he is saying “I’m actually taking advantage over you”. I was quiet hearing that statement and thinking at the same time. While he is in his deep thoughts along the journey back to KL.

It is very clear to me now why he said that. It was long planned. But again it happen because I allow it along the way. Without me knowing the real status, problem and situation. Yeah, it was confirmed that to me that he is actually playing with everyone with the game. But then it has got nothing to do with me because im just taking him as a passers by just like others, a fren indeed. Leave my den and don’t come peeping or lurking, isn’t that would be better for you without having pain.

My confidante called me this morning and keep telling me to be strong and don’t think too much of what im facing. Its just a changing lane for me of having old age… kekekkekeke I am old but not senile just as yet.

On the other hand
Two days was quiet without him to make me emotionally sensitive. Perhaps its much better to go on with life without special bondage attachment. 7 months without anyone around was so peaceful but when it come back lingering in my heart and thoughts it is too much to hold.

Anyway when im contented this way he became aggressively calling, and commanding me. Errkkkk. Commitment makes me pissed, so monogamous was really out of myself. Now I have to do my next plan how and manage myself with or without. What I don’t need was just don’t tell me what to do, tell me just tell me would do and I would think about it.

A boyfriend was pissed with me because he thought I could be a mediator but too bad for some reason it does not come out like what he thinks. I cant make other people to think like I do and wont be able to change myself to be others. All in all he said it was over and he doesn’t know what was said to her and the situation at that time. I can be at any place level and situation but to make me be them, that’s impossible. Everyone in this world has their own attitude and behaviour. For many times I was beaten by their words and make me swallowed and gulp for the poisonous words. Even my best fren did that only it was realized when it comes to her senses and she thinks rationally n not emotionally like when she shout at me there and then. At the end of the day, sorry was just what she can say. Forgiven yes but forgeting it is difficult. Though it is bitter but life has to go on and with that I make my move slowly and accordingly.

Im a fren who can listen and give my piece of mind accordingly to who I am and understand with my view. I respect every views and opinion. Whatever I can take I take, what every I don’t want, I just put aside. Same goes to others take what you want and put aside what you don’t need. I lead a simple life although its hard but I take it naturally. For those who still not satisfied, I couldn’t care less. Why? I don’t come to you in the first place, secondly verification made before meeting took place thirdly it is all up to you to decide for the choice is in you hand. Play your card well. Whatever it is now, I shall take mute action till im provoked.

Friends, i am still so in love with you with the treasure that i carried knowing you is the best and precious gift i had from HIM.

14.03pm

Hakikat Insan

15^th may 2006 – 12.30pm

Penna: Lynna
Released: 15th May 2006
Mood: Cranky

Semakin hari aku menjadi semakin tamak. Kata setengah orang nak berjaya terpaksa ada sifat itu dimana sifat yang berlawanan dari aku. Pemurah dan tamak adalah satu sifat yang berlawanan. 7 sifat yang dilaknat yang boleh membawa kepada kehancuran jiwa adalah, amarah, tamak, hasad dengki, khianat, nafsu, riak, (sorry tak ingat satu lagi).

Kerana pengalaman semalam mengajar aku supaya tidak menjadi seperti lembu yang dicucuk hidung. Tanpa diminta aku sentiasa menghulur, berfikir bahawa kebaikan akan sentiasa menjurus kepada kebahagian. Tapi tidak semua mereka berfikir seperti apa yang kufikir.

Jika aku fikir kesempitan mereka harus ku lebarkan, kekusutan mereka harusku huraikan dengan harapan mereka tahu apa yang sepatutnya dilakukan oleh mereka padaku adalah sesuatu yang salah.

Mereka tidak boleh menjadi aku dan aku tidak mungkin menjadi mereka. Tidak semua mereka mampu sentiasa memberi, tidak semua mereka mampu sentiasa mendengar, tidak semua mereka berbesar hati. Hanya SATU yang bisa melakukan untukku. HANYA DIA.

Aku berperang dengan sifat sebenar. Aku masih lagi menyimpan segala sifat yang dulu. Sukar untuk aku menukarnya. Apabila aku tersedar yang aku semakin tamak, aku terpukul olehnya. Aku jadi amat sensitif. Aku menjadi amat terpenjara dengan keinginan dan harapan.

Semakin ku usir sifat itu semakin ia hampir padaku. Semakin ku jauhkan diri darinya semakin kusengsara. YA ALLAH kenapa aku diuji lagi. Apa yang ingin kau beri padaku lagi selain dari fitnah, nista dan caci maki mereka.

Jauhkan dirinya dari ku YA ALLAH. Tidak aku tak mahu hanyut dilautan nafsu, tidak mahu tergoda oleh amarah, tidak mahu terbuai dek riak, tidak mahu, tidak mahu…Sempurnakanlah pekertiku seperti kau sempurnakan rupa parasku YA ALLAH.

“You got to changed in order to be perfect, after all you are only human”… my confidante told me once… “Just be yourself” another said… “Just do what you want to do farm”… my third confidante told me… In complete words” Its only me who knows what, who, where, what, why, when I want, need in my life”…

Mereka yang berada disekelilingku tak pernah meninggalkan aku tanpa sebab kecuali satu, dua atas sebab yang tidak dapat mereka elakkan atau dengan disengajakan… Setelah membaca Ten Rules of Life aku memikirkan dengan mendalam. Hanya aku yang tahu apa yang terjadi, mengapa ianya terjadi dan yang pasti kerana keputusan dan pilihan adalah milikku maka dengan itu ianya terjadi..

Redha menerimanya adalah satu kemudahan untuk meneruskan hidup… Disamping menjadi rasional dan emosi yang dikendong aku menjadi pemikir yang fanatik sekarang.

Mengapa aku memilih menjadi yang kedua, mengapa aku tidak mahu menerima lamaran dia, bukan satu tapi dua, bujang maupun yang beristeri. Apa mauku memang diketahui tetapi melaksanakannya perlu ketabahan, ketaqwaan dan niat yang betul.

Aku cuma ingin sedikit waktu kerana tanggungjawabku keatas empat amanah tuhan itu amat besar diatas bahuku. Ya benar bukan aku tak boleh berdiri atas kaki ku tetapi sebagai insan dan sebagai manusia aku memerlukan teman yang boleh berkongsi minda dan hati, jiwa dan raga. Bukan semua atas dasar nafsu, kerana amanah tuhan itu perlukan seseorang

Untuk membimbing mereka. Bukan mengatakan walinya tidak mampu tetapi sebagai seorang perempuan yang muhrim bagiku adalah sesuatu yang perlu ku kukuhkan disini.

Benar, kawan banyak disekelilingku. Aku boleh bergurau, aku boleh bertanya, meminta tolong tetapi ada beberapa perkara aku tidak boleh berkongsi dengan mereka dan aku perlukan seseorang yang dekat denganku. Memang banyak andaian yang mereka boleh pertikaikan tetapi hakikatnya pilihan ku ini adalah kerana aku yang menginginkannya begitu.

Aku tahu ia nya adalah satu situasi yang amat sukar untuk keduanya kerana pilihanku itu bukanlah yang akan menyenangkan aku dari segi wang ringgit, status, stabiliti tetapi seseorang yang mengerti dan yang pentingnya menyayangi aku seadanya. Mungkinkah itu terpenuhi? Hanya allah saja yang akan memberi jawapannya.

Adakah aku meminta lebih dari seorang lelaki, suami, kawan, khalifah? Itu semua adalah sifat lelaki yang perlu mereka sendiri dalami. Mungkin kini mereka akan berkata seorang perempuan itu cukup untukku tetapi DIA dan DZATNYA lebih mengetahui mengapa yang tersurat dan tersirat mengatakan lelaki boleh mengambil empat perempuan untuk dijadikan isteri dalam satu masa. Sejauh mana lelaki maupun seorang perempuan itu menghindarinya, tiada siapa yang dapat melarikan diri dari taqdirnya.

Aku memberi diriku satu jangka masa untuk dia dan aku belajar, mengerti, merasa, mengimbangi antara satu sama lain. Ia tak mungkin tercapai jika hanya seorang saja yang mau memahami dan mengambil inisiatif yang diperlukan. Apabila waktu itu tiba di waktu itu juga akan ku tanyakan semula, kusuarakan lagi, dan soalan yang bakal menentukan layakkah kau memimpin aku adalah dimana letaknya DIA didalam DIRIMU dan dimanakah letaknya AKU disisimu…

Setiap yang berada disekelilingku adalah cermin yang bakal membalikkan siapakah aku itu. Dengan itu aku harus belajar mencari siapa AKU dan dimanakah DIA dalam diriku. Ilmu insan dan ilmu ikhlas yang perluku dalami untuk menjadi insan yang redha menerima diri ku seadanya….

19.56pm