The Lingering Eyes

I had him in my dreams yesterday. Trying to explain what had happen. Before everything could end off it was cut short by awakening to reality.

Sign of letting go. I have found the sincerity and the new humility of life. He will remains in the precious moment profile.

He may come to my dreams again but no need to explains as its not needed. Let the manipulations works on everywhere but not me. Let alone who i want to be, what i am going to do.

You have been a good fren, listener, advisor. I'll keep em in the box of memories now

Melody of Life Drama

I feel lost and numb ever since it hit me. I never want to do this but at force I am taking an action of what I wanted. Now I have a junction of what some people love and hate. I am taking a risk, yes, undeniably.

If once I had just refused myself but then now I am not willing to. Perhaps, I will fall, perhaps I will get the peace of mind, or perhaps I will be left alone again.

But then I have the chance, the opportunity to be love, desired and crave for. Was it wrong? I don’t want to think about it.

Triangle love?? No, it was not. Its many and I keep it flowing. How do I manage it? I don’t know. Let it be as it is. I am not going to rush anyone but if they take the bait and act on it that will be a bonus.

From what I see it wont be in the near future. It may take years again. But then I am the one who initiate it, the consequences will be mine then.

I can see how frustrated one can be when shelter are shared but they are like not knowing each other, not addressing each other neither being appreciated. Somehow the fierce me had made him talked and shared what had happened.

Finally the hearts are not made of stone. Time will tell and time will tame the symphony according to the melody of life drama.

Would I be getting what I want? Answers that could only be answered by me…
16th June 2009
12.09

The other half

There’ s three but none at least come with expectation.

Expectation would make one look highly on others but can we come up to it if we are there. Do not ask for anyone to change but look at yourself.

If the change is needed then start it with yourself first. What I am doing now is changing the lane and the path that I had once upon a time.

Being loyal as friend, as lover and the obliging partner was never doing good to me. I was taken a ride and advantage for sort of it. I was just listening, hardly taking any point and also just pass if there is something not right.

I never dealt with it the way I want it. I was just merely following suits. Now I am slowly taking the courage of speaking whom I want to be and I know I would loose certain people somehow. But then if its worth it shouldn't matters any longer.

Do as I may, follow if I should. I am better now...

19th June 2009
12.20

Complicate, Complement and Complete

Indeed what I am thru now is difficult but if I don't so it I will not have the answer why it should be that way.

At the same time on changing lane , I am trying the whole new experience of being in a junction. As much as I know I don't answer to any of them as they can’t make their own decision. Why should i???

In order to get an answer I have to drift into another path which leads me to honesty, sincerity and a gentleman. Yes, he cant fulfill, yes he wants me but its better to tell me rather to give me a hope in which he can’t grant it.

Yes, perhaps being in denial always make us make a wrong choice. We take the flow but alerting each other that direction was not a destination to where we suppose to be. We in short enjoying the companion but hate to accept whats next.

I am not going to loose another friend again. I will be putting the feelings aside not wanting to loose what I have experienced once before. Even this time without a second or third party.

In short I will be separating my mental needs and my feeling to total separation of needing a best companion for a very very long time. I know I complicate to complement in order to complete the imperfections of life needs.

No one will dictate what you want in life except you. So life is always about a choice in order to achieve your own destinations.

28th June 2009
1.11am

Life Goes On

Shame on you if you fooled me once,
Shame on me if you fooled me twice
Youve been a pretty hard case to crack
I shouldve known better but I didnt and I cant go back

Oooh, life goes on, and its only gonna make me strong
Its a fact, once you get on board say goodbye cuz you cant go back
Oooh, its a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where Im at, is my life before me, got this feeling that I cant go back

Reunion 2 -30th May 2009

Finally reunion 2 successfully done on Saturday 30th May.
Participants consisting Nona, Teh, Aniza, Suraya, Azlita, Radiah, Noorin, Azura, Azlinda, Lili Norsharira, Noranita, Zaililah, Azah, Roslina, Azizah and me.

Later, after i left Nani, Lin, Suria and the rest come till nite.

I have to leave by 5.30pm as i had 730pm flite to catch to Singapore.

All in all every one was happy. It was a pickup point centre in Petronas, Tesco Ampang where 5 cars following to 36, Jalan Wangsa Murni 3,Wangsa Melawati.

I am glad that i had make this event a yearly event for myself to keep up.

Im sure loads to come. Im enthralled by it.

See you again soon.