When a guy is missing from your life can that change your life???
Courage and patient is the best key!!!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Morning Thoughts
Our senior research executive tendered her resignation early this month. The research executive planning to do her master in the next one two months.
We will be short of people again. But then since the management are not looking into the staff benefits how could the staff look into the management views.
Thats on careerwise. Next year ill be back to square one managing everything. But one thing clear I will not any longer nodded my head all the time should i want better justification.
Lets just see
We will be short of people again. But then since the management are not looking into the staff benefits how could the staff look into the management views.
Thats on careerwise. Next year ill be back to square one managing everything. But one thing clear I will not any longer nodded my head all the time should i want better justification.
Lets just see
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Knowing your Personality
"The key quality of this scientific assessment is that it is objective.
Friends, and we ourselves, often have a wrong perception of our own personality - our perception is confused by the roles we have to play and expectations we need to meet.
Friends, and we ourselves, often have a wrong perception of our own personality - our perception is confused by the roles we have to play and expectations we need to meet.
Controlling birth
Health Sunday September 16, 2007
By Dr NOR ASHIKIN MOKHTAR
The Pill: what you need to know.
THE conception of a new life is a wonderful blessing. And thanks to scientific advances, women are now in control of when they conceive, so that the arrival of a baby comes at the right time in their lives.
I always stress the importance of using proper birth control methods to prevent unplanned pregnancies. One of the most common and easy-to-use methods of contraception is the birth control pill.
Although it is usually referred to as the Pill, there are actually many different types to suit women’s different needs.
What’s in the Pill?
If you have never taken birth control pills before, you may be unsure about what it is or how it works.
It is actually very simple: the Pill contains synthetic hormones that prevent the release of eggs from your ovaries. As sperm is unable to meet with the egg to fertilise it, you will not conceive.
There are two types of birth control pills: combination and progestin-only pills.There are two types of birth control pills: combination and progestin-only pills. Combination pills contain two types of hormones, which are oestrogen and progestin. Different brands of combination pills usually contain different types of progestin, but the same type of oestrogen.
Different brands also contain varying doses of the hormones. Discuss with your doctor or gynaecologist as to which is the most suitable pill for your cycle or needs.
There are some side-effects of taking birth control pills, but they are not serious and will go away on their own. They include mood changes, breast tenderness, sickness or vomiting, headaches, occasional water retention, and irregular vaginal bleeding.
Taking the Pill
You need to take the Pill every day for a cycle of 21 days. Then, there is a seven-day break in between cycles where you do not take the pill and you experience normal menstruation. Some pills are taken for 28 days straight, but during seven of those days, you take placebo pills instead.
It is important to take the pills at the same time every day, and without skipping any day in between. Ask your doctor what to do if you accidentally miss a day, as you are bound to forget once or twice!
Even though the Pill acts as birth control, it does not protect against HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). You can only prevent against these STDs by using condoms during intercourse.
When you should not take the Pill
Birth control pills are perfectly safe for most women. However, under rare circumstances, some women may have pre-existing conditions that make the Pill unsafe for them.
If you have a family history of venous thrombosis or pulmonary embolism, you may be at risk of developing blood clots. You should not take birth control pills because the hormones in the pill further increase your risk of getting blood clots in your legs or in your lungs.
However, if you do not have a family history of developing blood clots, then you do not need to worry.
Another concern is for women who smoke. As it is, smoking already increases your risk of having a stroke; but if you are over 35 and a smoker, then taking the Pill at the same time will lead to an even greater chance of a stroke.
I urge all women to stop smoking, of course, but particularly if you intend to start taking birth control pills.
This is why it’s important to get medical advice before starting on birth control pills, so that your gynaecologist can check out your medical history and health status.
Myths about the Pill
Some women are worried about the safety of birth control pills because they contain hormones. There are a few myths out there about the dangers of the Pill – but here are the real facts:
The Pill makes you gain weight
A lot of women worry about this, and I don’t blame them! But there is no scientific evidence to show that birth control pills cause weight gain. What may happen is that the hormones in the Pill cause water retention in your breasts, hips and thighs, causing a feeling of bloatedness. However, you are not gaining fat.
The Pill causes cancer
This is not true. But you’re probably worried about taking any form of hormones because some people say that oestrogen replacement treatment for post-menopause is linked to breast cancer. That’s a topic for another day, but for now, rest assured that the oestrogen in birth control pills are not linked to breast cancer.
In fact, combination birth control pills may even prevent cancers of the ovary and uterus. For instance, the Pill can reduce your lifetime risk of ovarian cancer by about 50%.
The Pill causes birth defects
Lots of women have accidentally taken birth control pills during the early part of their pregnancy because they were unaware that they were pregnant. However, this has not been shown to cause birth defects. But we still advise women not to take the Pill if they are, or suspect that they are pregnant.
You should take a break from the Pill every once in a while
No, you don’t have to. A woman can be on the Pill for more than 15 straight years without any known increased risk. There is no extra benefit in stopping the Pill for a “break” – in fact, there is only the risk of an unplanned pregnancy.
You shouldn’t take birth control pills if you’re over 40
You can continue to take birth control pills until you reach menopause. However, there are some conditions: you should be healthy, have normal blood pressure, not be at increased risk of heart attack or stroke, and be on the low-dose pills.
The Pill causes infertility
This is untrue. In fact, you will find that you can conceive as soon as you stop taking the Pill.
The final myth is that the Pill is bad for your health in general. But why would your gynaecologist prescribe you a pill that is harmful for you? Birth control pills are a smart and safe way to practise family planning.
They also have some added health benefits, such as reducing the risk of ovarian and uterine cancers, ovarian cysts, acne, excess facial and body hair, regulating menstrual flow and reducing menstrual cramps.
Datuk Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar is a consultant obstetrician & gynaecologist (FRCOG, UK). She is co chairman of Nur Sejahtera, Women & Family Healthcare Program, Ministry of Women, Family and Development. For further information, e-mail starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
By Dr NOR ASHIKIN MOKHTAR
The Pill: what you need to know.
THE conception of a new life is a wonderful blessing. And thanks to scientific advances, women are now in control of when they conceive, so that the arrival of a baby comes at the right time in their lives.
I always stress the importance of using proper birth control methods to prevent unplanned pregnancies. One of the most common and easy-to-use methods of contraception is the birth control pill.
Although it is usually referred to as the Pill, there are actually many different types to suit women’s different needs.
What’s in the Pill?
If you have never taken birth control pills before, you may be unsure about what it is or how it works.
It is actually very simple: the Pill contains synthetic hormones that prevent the release of eggs from your ovaries. As sperm is unable to meet with the egg to fertilise it, you will not conceive.
There are two types of birth control pills: combination and progestin-only pills.There are two types of birth control pills: combination and progestin-only pills. Combination pills contain two types of hormones, which are oestrogen and progestin. Different brands of combination pills usually contain different types of progestin, but the same type of oestrogen.
Different brands also contain varying doses of the hormones. Discuss with your doctor or gynaecologist as to which is the most suitable pill for your cycle or needs.
There are some side-effects of taking birth control pills, but they are not serious and will go away on their own. They include mood changes, breast tenderness, sickness or vomiting, headaches, occasional water retention, and irregular vaginal bleeding.
Taking the Pill
You need to take the Pill every day for a cycle of 21 days. Then, there is a seven-day break in between cycles where you do not take the pill and you experience normal menstruation. Some pills are taken for 28 days straight, but during seven of those days, you take placebo pills instead.
It is important to take the pills at the same time every day, and without skipping any day in between. Ask your doctor what to do if you accidentally miss a day, as you are bound to forget once or twice!
Even though the Pill acts as birth control, it does not protect against HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). You can only prevent against these STDs by using condoms during intercourse.
When you should not take the Pill
Birth control pills are perfectly safe for most women. However, under rare circumstances, some women may have pre-existing conditions that make the Pill unsafe for them.
If you have a family history of venous thrombosis or pulmonary embolism, you may be at risk of developing blood clots. You should not take birth control pills because the hormones in the pill further increase your risk of getting blood clots in your legs or in your lungs.
However, if you do not have a family history of developing blood clots, then you do not need to worry.
Another concern is for women who smoke. As it is, smoking already increases your risk of having a stroke; but if you are over 35 and a smoker, then taking the Pill at the same time will lead to an even greater chance of a stroke.
I urge all women to stop smoking, of course, but particularly if you intend to start taking birth control pills.
This is why it’s important to get medical advice before starting on birth control pills, so that your gynaecologist can check out your medical history and health status.
Myths about the Pill
Some women are worried about the safety of birth control pills because they contain hormones. There are a few myths out there about the dangers of the Pill – but here are the real facts:
The Pill makes you gain weight
A lot of women worry about this, and I don’t blame them! But there is no scientific evidence to show that birth control pills cause weight gain. What may happen is that the hormones in the Pill cause water retention in your breasts, hips and thighs, causing a feeling of bloatedness. However, you are not gaining fat.
The Pill causes cancer
This is not true. But you’re probably worried about taking any form of hormones because some people say that oestrogen replacement treatment for post-menopause is linked to breast cancer. That’s a topic for another day, but for now, rest assured that the oestrogen in birth control pills are not linked to breast cancer.
In fact, combination birth control pills may even prevent cancers of the ovary and uterus. For instance, the Pill can reduce your lifetime risk of ovarian cancer by about 50%.
The Pill causes birth defects
Lots of women have accidentally taken birth control pills during the early part of their pregnancy because they were unaware that they were pregnant. However, this has not been shown to cause birth defects. But we still advise women not to take the Pill if they are, or suspect that they are pregnant.
You should take a break from the Pill every once in a while
No, you don’t have to. A woman can be on the Pill for more than 15 straight years without any known increased risk. There is no extra benefit in stopping the Pill for a “break” – in fact, there is only the risk of an unplanned pregnancy.
You shouldn’t take birth control pills if you’re over 40
You can continue to take birth control pills until you reach menopause. However, there are some conditions: you should be healthy, have normal blood pressure, not be at increased risk of heart attack or stroke, and be on the low-dose pills.
The Pill causes infertility
This is untrue. In fact, you will find that you can conceive as soon as you stop taking the Pill.
The final myth is that the Pill is bad for your health in general. But why would your gynaecologist prescribe you a pill that is harmful for you? Birth control pills are a smart and safe way to practise family planning.
They also have some added health benefits, such as reducing the risk of ovarian and uterine cancers, ovarian cysts, acne, excess facial and body hair, regulating menstrual flow and reducing menstrual cramps.
Datuk Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar is a consultant obstetrician & gynaecologist (FRCOG, UK). She is co chairman of Nur Sejahtera, Women & Family Healthcare Program, Ministry of Women, Family and Development. For further information, e-mail starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
Sex and Menopause
Sex and menopause
About post-menopausal sexual dysfunction.
EVEN the most sexual of women may find their thoughts turning away from intimate relations with their husbands when they have to deal with some of the symptoms of menopause.
Take Rita, 51, a woman who enjoyed a healthy sex life with her husband and liked what she saw when she looked into the mirror until she started experiencing the hot flushes, night sweats and mood swings that are symptomatic of menopause.
“How can you expect me to feel sexy and want to have sex when I’m uncomfortable all the time?” she complained constantly.
Rita is typical of many post-menopausal women in that her symptoms have had an effect on her quality of life as well as interest in sex.
Australian sex therapist and relationship counsellor Dr Rosie King said: “You can’t blame women for not feeling sexy at that point as they are likely to suffer from pain-in-the-neck symptoms such as mood swings, night sweats, hot flushes as well as insomnia.
“The drop in oestrogen levels can also affect the genitals as women experience a thinning of the lining of the vagina. As a result of this, the vagina may become dry and fragile, making sex painful,” she said.
Menopause does not have to translate to the end of a healthy sex life. “Women who take hormonal replacement therapy (HRT) can enjoy a better sex life. HRT is very effective in improving the health of the vagina and it increases lubrication as well,” said Dr King.
Sensitivity to your partner’s needs would increase a interest in sex. “Women need an average of 15 to 20 minutes to become aroused and older women need even more time. Her sexual responses slow down and her orgasm is less intense, but a man can help to increase her urge to merge.
“He should attempt to learn what turns her on. He should spend more time talking to her or hugging her. Buy her flowers and spend quality time with her. These are typical female sexual enhancers and may increase a woman’s interest in sex,” Dr King said.
Dr King added that other factors could affect an interest in sex in post-menopausal women.
“There is an association between depression and menopause, for instance. This could be related to the ‘‘empty nest’’ syndrome. This is usually the period in her life when the children have left home. All she has left is her husband.
“Many women become depressed as a result of the children growing up and going away and there is no doubt that depression is an inhibitor of sexual response,’’ she said, adding that treatment for depression also tends to inhibit sexual desire and arousal.
Ignorance can also be a factor in female sexual dysfunction in menopausal women, Dr King said. “Some women don’t understand what’s happening to their bodies and that it is a natural part of ageing. They blame themselves or their partners for what is happening. This, of course, tends to affect sexual function,” she said.
To prevent this from happening, Dr King recommends that women seek treatment. “Menopause is a time of great transition for women and it is crucial that they seek treatment if they exhibit symptoms. Be aware that help is available,” she said.
She added: “Husbands need to be patient and understanding even if their wives are irritable and forgetful. While he may never understand what his wife is going through, he should realise that these are the effects of the hormonal transition that his wife is experiencing.’’
Worrying about one’s sexual performance tends to be a factor for pre-menopausal and menopausal women.
The Pfizer Global Better Sex Survey (GBSS) indicates that 48% of Malaysian women aged between 45 and 54 and 22% of women aged between 55 and 64 worry about losing their ability to perform sexually as they and their partners grow older.
While their fears may be justified, Dr King is quick to point out that menopause doesn’t necessarily have to be a traumatic experience.
“For some women, it’s a liberating experience as they have said goodbye to period pain and worries about contraception. The good news is that some women actually enjoy sex more because they feel totally free of these worries,” she said.
This article is courtesy of Pfizer. For more information, log on to www.menshealth.com.my
About post-menopausal sexual dysfunction.
EVEN the most sexual of women may find their thoughts turning away from intimate relations with their husbands when they have to deal with some of the symptoms of menopause.
Take Rita, 51, a woman who enjoyed a healthy sex life with her husband and liked what she saw when she looked into the mirror until she started experiencing the hot flushes, night sweats and mood swings that are symptomatic of menopause.
“How can you expect me to feel sexy and want to have sex when I’m uncomfortable all the time?” she complained constantly.
Rita is typical of many post-menopausal women in that her symptoms have had an effect on her quality of life as well as interest in sex.
Australian sex therapist and relationship counsellor Dr Rosie King said: “You can’t blame women for not feeling sexy at that point as they are likely to suffer from pain-in-the-neck symptoms such as mood swings, night sweats, hot flushes as well as insomnia.
“The drop in oestrogen levels can also affect the genitals as women experience a thinning of the lining of the vagina. As a result of this, the vagina may become dry and fragile, making sex painful,” she said.
Menopause does not have to translate to the end of a healthy sex life. “Women who take hormonal replacement therapy (HRT) can enjoy a better sex life. HRT is very effective in improving the health of the vagina and it increases lubrication as well,” said Dr King.
Sensitivity to your partner’s needs would increase a interest in sex. “Women need an average of 15 to 20 minutes to become aroused and older women need even more time. Her sexual responses slow down and her orgasm is less intense, but a man can help to increase her urge to merge.
“He should attempt to learn what turns her on. He should spend more time talking to her or hugging her. Buy her flowers and spend quality time with her. These are typical female sexual enhancers and may increase a woman’s interest in sex,” Dr King said.
Dr King added that other factors could affect an interest in sex in post-menopausal women.
“There is an association between depression and menopause, for instance. This could be related to the ‘‘empty nest’’ syndrome. This is usually the period in her life when the children have left home. All she has left is her husband.
“Many women become depressed as a result of the children growing up and going away and there is no doubt that depression is an inhibitor of sexual response,’’ she said, adding that treatment for depression also tends to inhibit sexual desire and arousal.
Ignorance can also be a factor in female sexual dysfunction in menopausal women, Dr King said. “Some women don’t understand what’s happening to their bodies and that it is a natural part of ageing. They blame themselves or their partners for what is happening. This, of course, tends to affect sexual function,” she said.
To prevent this from happening, Dr King recommends that women seek treatment. “Menopause is a time of great transition for women and it is crucial that they seek treatment if they exhibit symptoms. Be aware that help is available,” she said.
She added: “Husbands need to be patient and understanding even if their wives are irritable and forgetful. While he may never understand what his wife is going through, he should realise that these are the effects of the hormonal transition that his wife is experiencing.’’
Worrying about one’s sexual performance tends to be a factor for pre-menopausal and menopausal women.
The Pfizer Global Better Sex Survey (GBSS) indicates that 48% of Malaysian women aged between 45 and 54 and 22% of women aged between 55 and 64 worry about losing their ability to perform sexually as they and their partners grow older.
While their fears may be justified, Dr King is quick to point out that menopause doesn’t necessarily have to be a traumatic experience.
“For some women, it’s a liberating experience as they have said goodbye to period pain and worries about contraception. The good news is that some women actually enjoy sex more because they feel totally free of these worries,” she said.
This article is courtesy of Pfizer. For more information, log on to www.menshealth.com.my
Golden Relationships
Very nice article found while looking for another article online ;)
Health
Sunday September 30, 2007
WOMEN'S WORLDBy Dr NOR ASHIKIN MOKHTAR
Getting older does not mean that you lose interest in sex.
CAN you believe that in the 18th and 19th century, people only lived to their 20s or 30s? Today, people in Malaysia can expect to live up to at least 70, and many even live up to the ripe old age of 80 or 90!
Now that we are living longer, there are many aspects of our lives that we want to maintain in the golden years.
We want to continue to be healthy, fit, independent and alert so that we can look forward to the years ahead, rather than dread them.
First, let’s get rid of the myth that older people can’t have a sex life. Whoever said that only younger people enjoy sex? You can lose your hair and some parts of your body may start drooping, but you will never lose the need for affection, intimacy and emotional closeness.
For some people, sex in the golden years is far better than what they experienced when they were younger. For one, you and your partner have gone through a lot together, and you know each other in ways that younger couples have not achieved. – AP
It’s not easy for the older generation to accept this. If you’re a baby boomer, you would have grown up in an era where female sexual desire was never discussed. And to talk about sex in your old age?why, that’s just scandalous!
In this article, I hope to overcome these taboos and help women realise that sex can be just as good, if not better, in the golden years.
Where have all the hormones gone?
If you feel that growing older has made you lose interest in sex, you’re not alone. About 40% of women report a drop in desire during menopause, and say that they have fewer sexual fantasies, thoughts, and desires, and are not as receptive to sexual activity.
There’s no denying that a woman’s body changes as she ages. After menopause, the female sex hormones, oestrogen and progesterone, will drop and cause some physical changes that affect sexual intercourse.
It will take longer for your vagina to swell and lubricate when you’re sexually aroused. This can make intercourse less comfortable or even painful.
You might also feel a burning sensation during vaginal penetration or discover vaginal bleeding afterward.
The reduction in sex hormones will also cause less blood to flow to the clitoris and the genitals to become less sensitive.
After menopause, your body will also produce less testosterone (yes, women have some testosterone in their bodies too), and this leads to a lower sex drive. Sometimes, it’s the menopausal symptoms like hot flushes, insomnia and mood swings that interfere with the sex drive.
But it’s not just about the hormones. For most women, sexual desire doesn’t necessarily begin with a desire for sex. What women want is intimacy and closeness with the person they love, which then leads to sexual desire.
At this age, you may also be facing some medical problems like a chronic disease, chronic pain, surgery or an illness that causes fatigue. All these, while not affecting your sex drive directly, can make you feel like sex is the last thing on your mind.
You may also be taking medications that interfere with sexual function.
Some high blood pressure medications reduce desire and vaginal lubrication in women, while some antihistamines, antidepressants and acid-blocking drugs can affect sexual function.
These medications are very important for you, but you can talk to your doctor about how they are affecting your sexual function, and how you can minimise those effects.
But I’m wrinkly and saggy ...
The biggest stumbling block to regaining your sexual desire is your mind. You’re probably thinking about how much less attractive or energetic you are, or how you may not be as good in bed anymore. All this worrying can trigger a lack of desire and make it a lot harder for you to become aroused.
Instead of focusing on the negative aspects, think about the fact that your partner is just as grey, wrinkly and saggy as you are (or will be one day)! What’s more important than the physical aspects is the life experiences that you have both shared over the years.
And don’t forget that men can be just as insecure as women – your partner may be having these fears about himself as well, so you have to reassure him that you still find him sexually attractive.
What can be done to treat it?
Does medical science have any answers to improve sexual desire for older women? There are some therapies available, for instance water-based lubricants (such as K-Y jelly) can make sex less painful or uncomfortable.
Hormone therapy for menopause may help to improve symptoms of hot flushes and vaginal dryness, thus improving sexual desire.
Sometimes, all it takes is some longer foreplay to stimulate your natural lubrication – and you have all the time in the world now without kids or work to worry about!
Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about this problem. Your family doctor or a sex therapist can offer advice about your relationship as well as new sexual techniques to try.
Most importantly, you and your partner need to talk to each other. He needs to understand the physical and psychological changes that you’re going through, and you need to understand him as well.
Together, you can decide how to regain your sex live without causing each other pain or discomfort.
The best time to be together
For some people, sex in the golden years is far better than what they experienced when they were younger. For one, you and your partner have gone through a lot together, and you know each other in ways that younger couples have not achieved.
As you get older, there’s no longer the need to worry about careers, children, household duties and contraception! And even if you do not have intercourse, you can still be intimate with each other by hugging, holding hands, giving massages, and foot rubs.
Sex shouldn’t be taboo for older people – it is a gift to be enjoyed between you and your loved one.
Datuk Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar is a consultant obstetrician & gynaecologist (FRCOG, UK). She is co chairman of Nur Sejahtera, Women & Family Healthcare Program, Ministry of Women, Family and Development. For further information, e-mail starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
Datuk Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar is a consultant obstetrician & gynaecologist (FRCOG, UK). She is co chairman of Nur Sejahtera, Women & Family Healthcare Program, Ministry of Women, Family and Development. For further information, e-mail starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
Health
Sunday September 30, 2007
WOMEN'S WORLDBy Dr NOR ASHIKIN MOKHTAR
Getting older does not mean that you lose interest in sex.
CAN you believe that in the 18th and 19th century, people only lived to their 20s or 30s? Today, people in Malaysia can expect to live up to at least 70, and many even live up to the ripe old age of 80 or 90!
Now that we are living longer, there are many aspects of our lives that we want to maintain in the golden years.
We want to continue to be healthy, fit, independent and alert so that we can look forward to the years ahead, rather than dread them.
First, let’s get rid of the myth that older people can’t have a sex life. Whoever said that only younger people enjoy sex? You can lose your hair and some parts of your body may start drooping, but you will never lose the need for affection, intimacy and emotional closeness.
For some people, sex in the golden years is far better than what they experienced when they were younger. For one, you and your partner have gone through a lot together, and you know each other in ways that younger couples have not achieved. – AP
It’s not easy for the older generation to accept this. If you’re a baby boomer, you would have grown up in an era where female sexual desire was never discussed. And to talk about sex in your old age?why, that’s just scandalous!
In this article, I hope to overcome these taboos and help women realise that sex can be just as good, if not better, in the golden years.
Where have all the hormones gone?
If you feel that growing older has made you lose interest in sex, you’re not alone. About 40% of women report a drop in desire during menopause, and say that they have fewer sexual fantasies, thoughts, and desires, and are not as receptive to sexual activity.
There’s no denying that a woman’s body changes as she ages. After menopause, the female sex hormones, oestrogen and progesterone, will drop and cause some physical changes that affect sexual intercourse.
It will take longer for your vagina to swell and lubricate when you’re sexually aroused. This can make intercourse less comfortable or even painful.
You might also feel a burning sensation during vaginal penetration or discover vaginal bleeding afterward.
The reduction in sex hormones will also cause less blood to flow to the clitoris and the genitals to become less sensitive.
After menopause, your body will also produce less testosterone (yes, women have some testosterone in their bodies too), and this leads to a lower sex drive. Sometimes, it’s the menopausal symptoms like hot flushes, insomnia and mood swings that interfere with the sex drive.
But it’s not just about the hormones. For most women, sexual desire doesn’t necessarily begin with a desire for sex. What women want is intimacy and closeness with the person they love, which then leads to sexual desire.
At this age, you may also be facing some medical problems like a chronic disease, chronic pain, surgery or an illness that causes fatigue. All these, while not affecting your sex drive directly, can make you feel like sex is the last thing on your mind.
You may also be taking medications that interfere with sexual function.
Some high blood pressure medications reduce desire and vaginal lubrication in women, while some antihistamines, antidepressants and acid-blocking drugs can affect sexual function.
These medications are very important for you, but you can talk to your doctor about how they are affecting your sexual function, and how you can minimise those effects.
But I’m wrinkly and saggy ...
The biggest stumbling block to regaining your sexual desire is your mind. You’re probably thinking about how much less attractive or energetic you are, or how you may not be as good in bed anymore. All this worrying can trigger a lack of desire and make it a lot harder for you to become aroused.
Instead of focusing on the negative aspects, think about the fact that your partner is just as grey, wrinkly and saggy as you are (or will be one day)! What’s more important than the physical aspects is the life experiences that you have both shared over the years.
And don’t forget that men can be just as insecure as women – your partner may be having these fears about himself as well, so you have to reassure him that you still find him sexually attractive.
What can be done to treat it?
Does medical science have any answers to improve sexual desire for older women? There are some therapies available, for instance water-based lubricants (such as K-Y jelly) can make sex less painful or uncomfortable.
Hormone therapy for menopause may help to improve symptoms of hot flushes and vaginal dryness, thus improving sexual desire.
Sometimes, all it takes is some longer foreplay to stimulate your natural lubrication – and you have all the time in the world now without kids or work to worry about!
Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about this problem. Your family doctor or a sex therapist can offer advice about your relationship as well as new sexual techniques to try.
Most importantly, you and your partner need to talk to each other. He needs to understand the physical and psychological changes that you’re going through, and you need to understand him as well.
Together, you can decide how to regain your sex live without causing each other pain or discomfort.
The best time to be together
For some people, sex in the golden years is far better than what they experienced when they were younger. For one, you and your partner have gone through a lot together, and you know each other in ways that younger couples have not achieved.
As you get older, there’s no longer the need to worry about careers, children, household duties and contraception! And even if you do not have intercourse, you can still be intimate with each other by hugging, holding hands, giving massages, and foot rubs.
Sex shouldn’t be taboo for older people – it is a gift to be enjoyed between you and your loved one.
Datuk Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar is a consultant obstetrician & gynaecologist (FRCOG, UK). She is co chairman of Nur Sejahtera, Women & Family Healthcare Program, Ministry of Women, Family and Development. For further information, e-mail starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
Datuk Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar is a consultant obstetrician & gynaecologist (FRCOG, UK). She is co chairman of Nur Sejahtera, Women & Family Healthcare Program, Ministry of Women, Family and Development. For further information, e-mail starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
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