The Blinking Thoughts

Category: Blogging

Released: 280706
Mood: Quizicall

Can we change you???
Can we change ourself???

I take the easiest one, which is changing me. No point in asking them, him or you to change. If it does not derive from oneself it will never work. Not yesterday, now, today, tomorrow or never. It comes from ownself. Thats for sure!!

Boosting, motivating and urging!! That's about all you can do to make it up being supporting to everyone around you. To expect the better?? You never know... To be safe expect for the worst. It will guide you with more options and take the opportunity arise as a challenge that come by.

And be blessed if it is what you expect if not find another way. Never give up for tomorrow will surely brings sunshine unless HE says otherwise....

11.01am

Insan

Category Blogging

Released:280706
Mood: Contented

Tidak semestinya cinta ada penghujung, tak semua kehidupan berakhir dengan kebahagian atau kedukaan. Yang penting adalah perjalanan kehidupan itu sendiri. Bagaimana kita menangani dan menghindari yang mendatang dan didatangkan dalam bentuk dugaan atau juga penghargaan.

Manis pahit kehidupan adalah intisari yang amat indah bagi setiap makhluk rasakan. Tapi tak semua insan dapat mentafsirkan apakah itu sehingga mata dicelikkan oleh rasa ketaqwaan dan keimanan mengharungi sesuatu dugaan ciptaan tuhan.

Apakah menang jutaan wang loteri sebagai satu persembahan atau penghargaan? Sesuatu yang akan membuat hidup kita berubah dalam sekelip mata. Dan dikala itu datang pula Jabatan Hasil Dalam Negeri, saudara mara yang tak pernah kita kenal, handai taulan, rakan dan sekutu. Dari rumah kecil berubah ke singgahsana istana.

Dapatkah kita melihat itu satu penghargaan atau percubaan maupun dugaan??? Hanya mata hati kita yang akan nampak dan melihat keseluruhan ruang yang tercipta dari situ. (Bukalah matamu melihat keindahan ku maupun celakaku)

Allah maha pemurah dalam memberi. "Mintalah padaku tanpa rasa ragu, akan ku perkenankan" cuma kita lupa apa yang diminta hanyalah solat lima waktu, menghindar yang mungkar, melakukan kebaikan. Amat kecil permintaan nya dibandingkan permintaan kita umatnya.

Aku telah lari dari tajuk sebenar. Pencarian mengenali, menghargai erti cinta, kasih dan sayang sangat besar. Datang dari segala sudut, waktu dan ruang. Hanya mereka yang mengenali diri, hati dan keinginan akan menemui apa yang dicari.

Telah kutemui kini dan hanya DIA yang akan menentukan ketentuan akhiran cerita manusia, dunia dan akhirahnya.

Amin...
10.33am

The Unmistaken Love

Current mood: contemplative

Released: 260706

Men are a HUNTER. They are good at that. They have style, way and goal how to achieve it.

I'm not looking, but they will look for me. Enjoying it at every corner now and putting myself into mute mode. All the angles brings a lot of colours and joy altho pain is not forgotten, but all in all it is sweet in a way. To know, to object, to follow, to let go altho some are not indespensable.

The answer gotten yesterday and my next action follows. Taken and not owned thats what I am.

Legend and history 20 years ago hunting and keep on pacing the beat I'm beating. Being irresistible and pushing till one short note given, I want to be who I am now, ALONE but my heart is taken.

I know he is sad but I better be honest to myself. I know you love me since way back, I know your mom object our relations hence you married another girl. Tho you are not happy but then I was not meant for you.

I reserve myself for my kids and him that was now on silent mode due to some circumstances. Which is better for me and him.

As for Zul, I'm sorry may be when god says yes, when he says I should turn to you, I'll be there for you. As for now please mend things with her. Kids needs you.

Me??? I will be safe in HIS hand. HE knows better what for me and I know better what I want. Definitely it is not you. Im sorry....

11.35am

Yes, I did it AGAIN!!!!

Current mood: excited

Penna: :Lynna
Released:130706
Mood: Intoxicated

Am laughing my ass out and happy for " errrr " is so bengang with me... You want to know who???? "errrr" has been reading and peeping and smirking but still tak puashati. TAPI KENAPA yea... and someone else will say ... (benda yang tulis yang hidup ke mati ke tak de kene mengena langsung at allll. Terasa???? ada makan pengat??? sendiri ingat... aku dah penat diam ;-))

No, no babeh you are wrong. First of all welcome to my obnoxious den and space. I spit, i rant to my ease my mind, the pleasure to talk to myself is by writing. Where, why and what for ??? It is up to me. Sapa suruh you datang and tengok??? Baca buat sakit hati lagi...

Aku tulis untuk engkau ke??? Hello banyak lagi orang nak baca!! Kalau tak bacapun I write for my own purpose. Kalau pun semua orang nak menipu i ke, you ke, dia ke, mereka ke, itu mereka punya pasal. Yang penting i kena, u pun kena, dia pun kena, mereka pun kena, lepas ni mesti ada lagi yang banyak kena tempias. Nak tau sebab??? Sebab dia tak puashati!!!!

You have trigger the evil me, you have always wanted me to react and here i am. Liars are everywhere. I can be one but what for??? What makes you special while ----------- can't differentiate the specialities in her, you, me and them. Greedy chauvinist pig!!!

"My apologies to all ugly looking bitches who cannot stop praising themselves...all they do is say how pretty or sexy they are...It makes my stomach turn..."

Her anger shown in her words - AND I WANT TO BLAME TATA YOUNG FOR MAKING THE SONGS SOOOOOOOOO HAPPENING AND ENJOYABLE TO MY EARS

This is what i found in my blogspot comments when someone without a guts and ballz commenting about my stats remarks. You want me to be sad over it??? You want me to whining about it? Kkekekekekeke after this you can tell or burst the volcanic mountain of my temper or anger??? WRong!!!!! im going to giggle, laugh, and smile... YOuve made my day sweetie, with your beautiful eyes, and muka cembrut, you obsolutely looks so funny and pretty. You are pretty and beautiful. But you dont know what you are good at. Telling what ever pleased you??? Go on hon... make yourself and day beautiful.... She cant come here and read i guess but peeping into my private den!!! Llaaaaaaaaaaa tak malunya (eh aku keee??? mungkin kot aku yang perasan... tak pe at least aku sedar diri and tau diri)

Colours of HER

Colours of Her
Current mood: calm

Penna: Lynna
Released: 110706
Mood: Unsure

How raunchy can farm be? How wild can she goes? How adventurous she can be? How evil she is towards people around her? How kind is she when she is only a farmgirl who barely have everything except the angel of god?

For the love HE grant for her. She seek for HIS mercy and blessing. Although she is given all the hardest testament in life, she took it with smile although her heart cried in pain, soul cried in vain but she knows at the end of the day when she carry her FAITH close within her and believe this is only a small testament in her path, she would then smile again with the morning glory, with the sun shining, with the rainbows piercing colours, with the sparkling stars blinking and with the moon brimming bright.

This is what she loves most. In her there is greens, water, wind, earth, horizon, rainbows, sun, stars. thunderstorm and moonlight. The nature characteristics is captured in her soul and mind for reason to believe and understand why it is created such way.
The water element sooth her mind and soul whenever she is raptured with emotions or disturb by people surround her. She finds her passion by secluding herself at the beach or being in the forest where greens resides all her volcanic emotions or sadness. She soaked herself in the coldness and recite as many of his calming word of wisdom to soothe herself in the beauty life and nature.

Her willingness to accept any kind of obstacles and consequences after the fall or her marriage and the opennes of advice and word of tomorrow. Her past is her benchmark of living now and day after. Being positive and cautious all the time doesn't make her less than a person who does make mistakes from time to time.
With full of smile she started her status being a wife after choosing her man of her life. Hoping and praying it will be everafter. But she believe HE set her path the way it is in 'Tajul Muluk" her book of faith and fate.

She is aiming to have beautiful life with him till the end but she is holding her faith, she will again meet her soulmate or rather end her life with her beautiful angel of heart till a day they are taken by their soul partner.

Till next she is blessed somehow she still can smile, have a shelter for her beloved daughter, home that filled of love and joy, love from her friends and admirers, prays from the above who decides of her life tomorrow.

3.20pm

Angels Among Us, Angels Within Us
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Penna: Lynna
Released: 060706
Mood: Cheerfull

Category: Sharing

Terpanggil dengan rasa kecintaan terhadap seluruh umat didunia. Yang kaya tetap kaya, yang miskin tetap hina, yang gah tetap diatas sana, yang susah tetap mencari dirinnya.

Semasa pelayaranku mencari dan tercari hati terpanggil dengan frasa yang sangat menarik ini maka kuteruskan pelayaran sehingga menusuk jauh kesudut hati. Walau aku susah hari ini, ada lagi yang lebih susah. Mungkin kita tak menyedari kerana kealpaan dalam pencarian duniawi dan diri namu ukhuwah kemudian hari sering dilupakan.

Bagi yang ingin mengerti apakah pencarian hidup dan ketajaman mata hati inilah yang ingin ku kongsi hari ini. Frasa yang akan menyatakan seribu keindahan terhadap ciptaan illahi. Untuk Ida terimakasih kerana pengongsianmu...

"Angels Among Us, Angels Within Us"

(http://www.ummikusayang.com/)

Rumah Titian Ashraful Rohaniah
C/O Tamjis Hj Rakim and Rohana Saidin
53-B Kg Selabak Luar Batu 3
Jalan Changkat Jong
36000 Teluk Intan, Perak, Malaysia

Rumah Titian Ashraful Rohaniah Teluk Intan:

"To Live, To Learn, To Love, To Leave A Legacy"

Kita semakin lupa apabila kita senang, kita diduga sedikit tapi amat berkeluh kesah, namun mereka yang disana lebih derita namun senyum tetap tersungging jua. Doaku untuk mereka agar terus tersenyum kerana senyum mereka merupakan mentari bagi mereka yang tahu erti hidup yang sebenarnya...

Ameen

10.12am

New Born

New Born
Current mood: cheerful

Penna: Lynna
Released: 060706
Mood: Happy

Category: Family

To add more joy of the day, i just had another nephew. Born at about 3.30pm, 05 July 06. Cute, fair, round and beautiful. It's another Cancerian in the family besides my brother and me. So now we have 4 persons born in July beside my cousin brother in Melaka.

It has been eight years since my baby was born, now i get to smell the aura from heaven they said on newborn baby. So i did last night, and my comments was :

"Euwwww, he smells egg"
Hahahahah alll of us laugh because that very morning i did some omellete with toast for all of us (breakfast) and my sister couldn't wait to taste it. Hence thats how the egg's smell comes from. But the rest of his body smell's so beautiful, I can't wait for him to be brought home so i can cuddle him, kiss him and lullaby him.

It has been long since, but im glad i had the chance again to do it even it is not mine. Alhamdullillah.....

9.45am

Understanding...

Penna: lynna
Released: 050706
Mood: Calm

Category: Blogging

"I thought you are nice person!"

Was i creating an impression i am one???

One of my chatter said that this morning on what said about life and how i take people as they are. When he hit me with some a subject of my SG trip. I didnt know that i have to explain to people on certain things i do in life of why things should be taken its way. Strange and at last he has to say sorry for making the statement of hurting me. I dont do things to please anyone but merely on work basis and things should be done has to be done.

What was the impression i gave to people when people seek for me? And how do people define NICE in the first place.

First of all i dont come to people to ask neither to get their attention. If they offer and i dont want to take it, again it is my decision for not taking it up after considering lots of things in the measurement. Perhaps i always take people wrongly on why they come to me offering help while i know very well i can manage it somehow. Insyaallah. I'll have my way hopefully.

Ill go in details of what i have gone through a bit here and there. While the generous and sincere people remain those with intentions are gone.


On the other hand, i had this regular chatter who sent reminder always n broadcast throughout. Most of the time i ignore but sometime when i feel like broadcasting it again, i did this morning. Out of hundreth's i receive three beautiful statement which is this

female: Bgus lah kalau dah sedar, tapi jgn hanya cakap aja. Hati busuk kena buang lah semua nya bermula dari hati.

male 1: wondering sejak bila cik farm jadi ahli ulamak

Male 2:yup.. kiamat tak penah jauh..

I laugh and do some reflections on this statements. I do or you do??? YOu know, i know, you knew....

Well this is how positive and negative people could be in judging and be judge. I rest my case somehow.


Im glad today my first dotter has make me proud despite the rest when they doing bad in their first term. My twins are not well. Ive been out of sleep for almost three days and due to my treatment i am really not me.

1.54pm

Single...

Penna: Lynna
Released: 030706
Mood: Funny(12.31pm)

Some men thinks it is strange for a person like me who have experienced life of living together sharing lots of things in life and now being alone to handle the difficult part of being alone and lonely. When sex was brought up I always smiled and then laugh at their ideas and opinion.

There is many reasons why sex is enjoyed by many and always reason why they arent too. I have my own reason and I think it is not difficult just to drift my mind away from it or simply think of other things or just call friend for a coffee. Theres so many way.

Yes indeed it was hard when I was alone on the bed and the feel of having a warmth of a person does strikes once a while when I was too tired to be away or to do something else. That is when reciting as many surah as I can or drift into a deep sleep. Most of the time I succeed but at times I failed.

Thinking of it the failure of my marriage which was caused by many things that comes from me who choose to keep things in my own self without sharing. Why I don’t like it neither enjoy it. I just give because it was my responsibilities to abide the needs of a man. Giving the best pleasure I can was an added task for me to earn what I need in the later life. But was I sincere and honest to myself that was another story.

Many of them would laugh at me but then I guess sometimes it is not about what im getting but what I can give most to make him happy. Despite the tiredness, the awfull feeling of not getting it right accordingly， I still think that’s the best I could do to make him fully satisfied, not being angry and remain calm. Stupid some may say but then it is just me who will fulfill every needs of his and wants. The rest are given to HIM to decide.

Yes only now I talk, I share, I voice it out but to a different people just to get an idea, simplicity should I shared my dreams and bed again in a form of marriage. But to make me able to agreed to the term of being in a commitment ermmm I need time, perhaps long till they get fedup like Zahar did last time.

But I believe if ‘he’ is really honest and sincere no matter how long I took to say yes he will be able to accept me as I am. The colours that I offer in my life, the dark, the bright, shady, hazy, striking or pale im sure they will enjoy it just the way I took them. Whoever he is, once I accepted you and tie you deep in my emotional bondage will be cherrished and nurture like the greens around me, like the wind breezing, like the sun shinning, like the rain pouring, like the moon brimming, like the warmth you offered will be treasured deep in my thoughts, deep in my soul, sealed in my heart. But to make me open to it ‘he’ has to find a way, time, place, shot which triggers my softness to an oppening. The bitterness of yesterday has thought me a lot to be cautious yet I was still hurt. But then again it was just another lesson to learned, another moment to be kept in the box of memories.

While he is being quiet thinking of next step taken, I took the space to understand what I want, what I need or rather laying my path to the way I wanted to be. Friends has been filling me with their views and opinion to the extend taking a step of looking at the situation and place he residing just to make sure I was not fooled again by men.

One has asked me to move on, another said to get discreet and the other asks to be patience. Dear friends, my time frame is still wide open and clear. I shouldn’t take any neither actions nor getting any result now. I should remain calm and patient. Every action taken will surely comes with package of consequences and so I have to get ready for any of the results should I make a conclusion.

Time to rest again now. I need my brain again for Maggi Report… till then pal. And for you who is trying to understand me, here I am, this is me, the soft, the hard, the cranky, the silly, the cute?, the naughty (hehehe I am), sometime absurd, straight forward, romantic (when u get the right button bukan biten). Take your time to read and think while you are being hard there is a way to make u soft…beside proving you not all female are the same and not every male are comparatively same like you…

6.19pm

Individual....

Penna: Lynna

Released: 020606

Mood: Tired

By now that I know that being an individualistic is not easy. Everywhere I go there is people trying to get my attention and even I don’t addressed them at times they are still there lingering till the attentions are granted and they are listened, shared and being understand. And I realised it doesn’t take much time nor much emotions needed if it is straight forward. But most of the time once they feel the warmth and the friendliness, then its hard for me to get away again.

Why I am being hard for the first time meet? May be cecause I don’t know I don’t have reason to reject them again or may be I do feel the warmth of their company and that makes me out of time for myself. I hardly have time writing now what I feel here and compressed everything in my heart till it burst in a form of tears when I am being alone in my bed and when I start to read back all the smses from those concerned friend, from secret admirers, from attention seekers and from those I enjoyed the company too.

Building a relationship is already hard and what more to maintain. Sometime torn in between 3 of my best friends who needs my presence, my ideas and opinion. I need more time to be with my children especially when work pressured most of my time to be in the office. The love that I have for them still there but the time spent are so crucial. By the time I reached home the two honey bunch are curling in a deep sleep already for morning school. And the 2 elder one will wait for me to have dinner no matter how late it is. My heart crack at times, because food never amused me but in order to look after their feeling I sit down, listen to them despite the tiredness and sleepy mode.

Im not being fair, I told myself but then I still have to lead my life as it is. Pacing and racing with time. Socialising, working, attending to friends, family and attentively with what ever pops up there and then. Mood swings every minute but am able to manage it calmly.

I was smiling wide one minute reading ‘fool’ sms, and later cried in the lake of sadness but the other minute I was laughing over my stupidity and silliness. They said it all added in the spice of life. While we sulk we do need laughter and while we at the peak we do need to remember time of difficulties.

My third mission is still on the the KIV mode. Have not even start neither thought to launched it. Should I have the 3^rd stage mission or option of changing lane started? I’ve yet to decide.

6 months passed with me letting myself open with relations to almost everyone but has never thought of being serious in any. It’s not in my hand. Knowing that my ex has no longer bugging me with his emotional bondage now makes me feels so released. The next step was freeing myself from the debts, next to arrange for a new home for all of us and letting ONLY ME to rule my own life. Sounds simple but I do take future into consideration. While people say put your priorities first in hand but all those around me are still in the consideration. Without them who am I, what would I be, where would I ended. I think it’s fair if it is not much to consider and take into account. It is just a rough idea to think of the wiser part being away, alone and secluded or the simplest term being ‘INDEPENDENT’. Isn’t that what I am since I was born?